Chapter 12: No Air

In just my few short months being in Forks, I never thought anything like this could happen. I never believed in vampires. I never really gave them a second thought. But then I move to a small town, the town I was born in, and they're there, nonchalantly sitting at a table in the local high school's cafeteria.

I befriended them. I fell in love with one of them. I felt like I had come home, not the place I had returned to every day to either one of my parents, but the place I felt right and like I fit in.

I can barely stand to be near them anymore. Granted, some of them I never really clicked with, like Rosalie, but isn't that what it's supposed to be like? Like that one relative that you know but never quite get along with? But you understand each other, if even just a little bit.

I'd never had this before. It makes me sad to admit feeling that when I have Charlie and Renee. I can't help it. I've become a different person since I moved here.

For the first time, I felt pure love. For the first time, I felt unadulterated fear. They came together to form what I'm feeling now: regret and sadness. It's all because of one person. He's ruined everything for me. He made me afraid of the one I love the most because his nature is the same. He showed me what's possible. He brought out the fear in me.

To say that I hate him would be an understatement. He took away the most important things in my life for no reason at all, for all that I know. It doesn't matter. No one has the right to do that.

Even if there are a few good things left, like my parents.

I don't know how I deal.

But if he does one more thing to ruin my life, I'll

I don't know what I'll do.

Bella Swan

March 18

People always say that writing things down on paper is almost as good as saying them out loud. And since I had no one to tell it to, I did that. If it's such a good idea, then why did I have as big of a tear fest writing it than I would have had if I had talked to somebody?

People are misinformed. They don't know what it's like to not even be able to approach the one they love because their stalker has made them too afraid. They don't know how much it sucks. They don't know how much it changes a person.

"Jacob, please answer the phone. I need to talk to you. Please." Message 12. I knew I should stop calling him. It wasn't my fault he refused to talk to me.

I needed him with me. He was the only one I could talk to about James. I needed his help. He was my only friend.

Angela moved a few days before. I went to help her family move out. I had fun with Angela, but then she climbed in the truck and that was it. She was gone. Ben remained sad after she left. So did I. I hoped whatever "job" James offered her dad was legitimate.

I left the lunch table indefinitely, not being able to go near Edward or face Ben's sadness. I ate lunch (or tried to) in the library and spent my rare breaks in the bathroom, hiding. From everybody, vampires especially.

I almost hyperventilated one time in Biology because Edward's arm brushed against mine. I still l loved him, but I couldn't be anywhere near him. Does that mean I'd have to . . . break up with him?

Yes. It's the only way.

When I gained enough courage, I'd do it. If I even could. I didn't want to hurt him, but I was pretty sure I was already hurting him by avoiding him. If it meant anything, I was trying to protect him. If I don't connect myself to him, James won't go after him. It would protect his whole family, really.

Then why did I feel so bad?

Charlie noticed how I'd changed. I didn't eat much anymore and I think he thought I'd developed an eating disorder. One time when he'd asked me if I was alright at the dinner table, I just nodded and scarfed we were having down my throat just to ease his mind.

If only that worked on me.

I arrived at school promptly in my old, beat up truck. It didn't take long for me to see James standing in the fringe of trees surrounding the school. He wasn't looking at me, though, which struck me as odd. His dull red eyes were looking at something else, rather someone else. I tried to follow his line of sight, but all I saw were a bunch of students. I prayed to God he wouldn't attack someone here.

He seemed to catch someone's attention and nodded, jerking his head to tell that person to go to him. Please don't let it be a defenseless girl…

It wasn't. It was Mike Newton, the one who kissed me and caused Edward to defend me then told Jessica that I kissed him then punched him. He looked quickly over his shoulder to see if anyone was watching him then made his way to James. He was good at sneaking; you could only see him if you were paying distinct attention.

Why? was the question stampeding my brain. I couldn't understand what I was seeing. Were James and Mike working together? What for?

Mike reached James unnoticed. They began talking and Mike stepped back a little, obviously affronted. I wished I knew what they were talking about. James leaned closer to him and they became obscured behind the trees. I could still see the terrified look on Mike's face.

I saw James slip him something and then disappear. Mike rearranged his face from scared out of his mind to normal teenage boy face. He didn't look surprised, though. This had happened before.

I gathered myself and got out of my truck. I was scared for Mike and whatever James would make him do. I knew that the kiss was James' doing. He's been behind it since the beginning.

My new insight made me stop dead in my tracks. It all made sense. Margot at Reynolds. Her setting fire to it probably had something to do with James. Mike, the first police officers found dead, everything bad that's happened to me since I moved to Forks was James' doing.

The cold March wind blew my hair across my face as Mike walked into the building, crumpling a piece of paper in his hands. I wanted to know if that was what James handed him. I wanted to know what it was.

Before I could do anything about it, the first bell rang. I made it to English before the tardy bell. Mike was at his desk, the crumpled paper out of sight. I'd have to confront him and ask him why he was doing this.

I tried to pay attention in my classes, but it was deemed impossible by my distracted mind. I avoided any Cullen at any cost, as always. I was putting off ending things with Edward because I knew it would hurt. But I had to protect him. It was the only way I could think to do it. If I don't link myself to him, James won't have a reason to harm him or the Cullen's.

I just didn't know if I could do it.

I was about to head to the library for lunch when I stopped to go to my locker. Mike pacing back and forth in front of it caused me to hide behind a wall and watch. He was holding the same piece of paper in his hand from earlier. He looked harried and uncomfortable as he contemplated something. He paused once in front of my locker and held the paper up to it, like he was going to slip it in there. Instead, he sighed loudly, dropped his arms, and walked away.

He didn't want to do what James told him. I hoped it wouldn't cost him his life. I turned the corner from where I was hiding and hit something. My senses told me danger. My heart told me Edward. I knew only one of them was right, but the other one was just there to haunt me.

I gasped in alarm. He caught my shoulders to steady me. The coldness felt foreign to me. My stupid fear and my sadness caused a tear to run down my face. I felt empty. Emptiness would help with what I was going to do.

"Bella." He sounded relieved. After all, we hadn't seen each other for days. He didn't know if I was okay.

"How are you?" I feel horrible and terrified. I need you but I can't have you.

"Oh, um, fine," I sniffed. "I'm fine." I covertly (or so I thought) wiped my tear away.

He looked concerned. "Are you sure? I haven't seen you lately." I'm so sorry, Edward.

"Yeah, I know." I nodded weakly. "I—" Here it goes. "I think we should break up." I whispered. Don't cry here. I had to show him I meant it.

Pain etched across his face. "Why?" he asked. He wasn't surprised. I guessed Alice told him to expect something like this. Something heartbreaking.

"I don't think our relationship is going anywhere." Liar. Shut up, heart.

I couldn't look up into his beautiful golden eyes. "I don't understand," he whispered.

"I know you don't understand this now, but I'll explain it to you one day. I promise." Before turning away, I looked into his eyes once, hoping to convey a message with mine: I'm trying to protect you, let me go. By the confused look on his face, I think he got it.

"I'm sorry." I gathered enough courage and leaned up to kiss his cheek and held on to him longer than someone should after breaking up with someone. He stared at me despairingly before I turned and left, leaving the best thing that has ever happened to me behind.

New seats were assigned in Biology, but I didn't stay long enough to sit in mine. I went to the 'nurse' because I wasn't 'feeling good'. In truth, I wasn't feeling good at all, but that was just a broken heart, something I did to myself. I should have listened at that assembly about self harm.

I sat in my truck until the end of school, not even bothering to leave. I didn't even cry, I just sat there.

The gym doors opened. School wasn't over yet, so I wondered in the back of my mind what was going on. Mike stepped out of the door and had my rapt attention. He wasn't too far away from me, so I began to get out of my car to talk to him. He looked at me sadly and shook his head. He mouthed Sorry to me before walking into the forest once again today.

He was sorry. Sorry that he did James' bidding. I hoped he would live. I crept a few yards behind him and stopped behind a blue Sentra, crouching down low enough that I could still see him but he wouldn't be able to see me.

Mike went deeper into the woods this time and stopped. James was there. I didn't know if he knew I was watching him or not.

I strained to hear what Mike was saying. "Please don't kill me," he blurted out. Oh, God, poor Mike.

James didn't say anything, just cocked his head to the side with a genteel smile on his face.

The next second Mike was in the air. His back crashed into a thick tree. He slid down a foot before James stopped him, holding him by the shoulders in front of him. Mike whimpered.

And I couldn't do anything about it.

"I told you what would happen if you failed," James said. Failed what? To give me the note?

I could see Mike fighting to stay conscious. His eyes blinked open and close slowly and his mouth hung open. But when James said that, his mouth snapped shut and his eyes alighted with fear. Whatever was about to happen was bad.

And it was over. Mike's head swiveled back and forth one time before his arms fell limp at his sides and his knees made a dull impact on the damp moss. James had snapped his neck so fast I couldn't even see it.

James grabbed his body by the collar of his shirt. He opened his mouth, aimed for his neck, ready to strike.

"No!" He may be able to kill him, but he cannot suck his blood.

James looked over to me. I turned around and pressed my back flat against the metal door. Tears that I thought I'd run out of streamed openly. I used my cast to muffle the sobs coming out of my mouth.

I heard a thud as something large hit unresponsive ground. I got on my knees and looked through the windows on the car doors to see James standing a few feet away from Mike's dead body lying face down in the dirt.

James narrowed is eyes at me. A piece of paper rustled on the ground next to me. A wrinkled piece of paper Mike had been holding all day. I shakily picked it up and opened it with my right hand. I read it once and drew in a sharp breath.

When I looked back up, James was gone.

AN: It's getting dark here. Thanks to all who are reading. I appreciate it. I may not be able to update as soon as I have been because I have finals coming up and I work on my school's newspaper. Until then, be safe and happy, unlike Bella. ;)

~Kj