A/N: Okay, from here on out the canon part of SNK is going to be a bit jagged. Why? Because my brain can only process so much information, an I barely remembered what I even wrote in the first chapter let alone where and what SNK started with. So don't be mad if I frget a few things, or if I change up the canon a bit.

Let's face it, this isn't even that great of a story anyway. :P

But I Hope you enjoy, leave a review if you can, and see you in the next chapter.

(Armin P.O.V)

I hadn't graduated at the top of the class, or even in the top ten, but I made it to the end. And in that end I'd liked to have thought that I became a real soldier like my father. But I honestly couldn't say for sure that that's what I was.

When the last day of our training had come, when we were allowed to roam free once more, I headed back to where my parents were staying and taking care of my sisters. Eren and Mikasa joined me since they were the ones to take them in when we lost everything in the attack. It amazed me that the two of them joined the survey corps along with me when they could have gone into the inner most wall and be protected and live life as a king in respect. But with no garrison anymore, and the survey corps needing more people now, they joined up with those who were needed most. Eren even made a big speech about how humanity needed more soldiers and how he was determined to fight for the better cause. This ended in more than enough people being proud to be part of the corps, and for others to join in along with us.

Of of the only ones not to join us was Jean, and only because he'd had plans in the beginning to become part of the military police and be more protected than anyone else. I can't say I blamed him for wanting something like that, but he didn't have to be arrogant about it.

We strode down the streets in our uniforms and gear, getting looks from the younger generation and the elder. Some were in awe while others were in anger. After the epic failure of the garrison keeping us safe, I couldn't imagine the pain most people were feeling. But it wasn't exactly our fault to begin with. We were just part of the statistic.

I suppose Eren noticed my quiet behaviour – quieter than beforehand – and put a hand on my shoulder.

"What's going on, Armin? You seem… off."

I shrugged. "I guess… nothing. We did what we set out to do and became soldiers, right? I guess I just imagined me being thrown away and forgotten. They don't exactly need me…"

"The corps need everyone willing to steak their lives for humanity." Mikasa said bluntly. "Don't doubt yourself so heavily. The strongest soldier isn't always the most muscular or the best trained. We're all equal in death, as it were."

I suppose she was right. But still, my head whirled with the thoughts of why I'd joined up in the first place. I knew it was because I'd wanted to help, but there had to be more meaning to it than that. Eren joined up because he wanted vengeance, and Mikasa did it to protect us. Why did I join though? Because I wanted to help? What help could I offer? Maybe it was because of Mihael. But he'd been gone for so long now, and yet I still believed I'd wake up and find him across the room looking into pages upon pages of his story. Or when I almost fell asleep and could swear he was reading to himself or to me. It was like he'd never died… like he was still there, still waiting for me to notice him.

Why couldn't I let it go?

We got to the once broken old home and we knocked on the door. I almost revelled in what my mother did to this place in the five years we'd been away. Like the roof had never been broken and caved in, and the door didn't swing on the hinge. The woman could make dirt into gold if you gave her enough time. And I somewhat marvelled her for this.

The door swung open and my father greeted us with a giant smile.

"My boy! LOOK AT YOU!" He greeted happily, picking me up into a hug with his only arm. "YOU'RE FINALLY A SOLDIER! How does it feel!?"

I coughed slightly. "Like my lungs are being crushed?"

He finally let me down and backed up a bit. "Ah, so sorry there, boy! Just excited to see you so grown up! I know you're mother's ben waiting for the day you would return."

I looked up at the man excitedly. "How is she, by the way? Last letter you sent you said she'd gotten sick."

"Bah, that woman will never fall to an illness. She knows too many remedies that could essentially make her immortal. Now come in! We just finished making dinner!"

The three of us gladly entered the home and followed my father to the dining room. From there we were greeted by everyone we'd left behind.

Including Matt.

Matt, though he'd had years to overcome everything, still said nothing in front of everyone. He was silent as a mouse, and twice as shy. I think he still believed that we blamed him for everything despite us taking him in when he was too broken to do anything else. How could we blame him? The man had been forthright with us since meeting the family. We believed him when he said he'd tried and we couldn't fault him for something that wasn't his choice. Mello stated on many occasions that he'd give his life for us.

And so he did.

As we sat at the table the red haired man served us the food he'd made and immediately Eren dug in. It wasn't much, but it was better than the gruel at the mess hall. And Matt proved to be a pretty good cook it would seem.

My eyes fixated on the man's hair and a shiver went down my spine.

His hair had forever been dyed red due to the blood of titans he'd been drenched in. Everyone was amazed to see such a transformation in this feature, and no one could replicate it. But there had to be more here than they were looking at. I'd seen fear and sadness change a person's features, it was almost daily while we were training. I'd seen blonde hair turn whiter, and skin turn paler. If Matt had been broken by watching Mihael give his life for him, then maybe his ruddy red hair had just turned a shade lighter due to anger and sadness.

It was just a theory though.

Once we were finished eating and things settled down more, the questions soon began.

"So how was the life of a cadet?" My father spoke.

Both Eren and I shrugged where Mikasa sat still, focussing in on something in the table. I suppose she had nothing to say about the matter.

Eren then answered with, "Harder than we imagined it'd be. Especially the three dimensional maneuvering gear. I… didn't exactly get it on my first try."

"Or second and third." I muttered, bringing my glass of water to my mouth and looking away.

"Regardless," Eren raised his voice slightly, "the commander gave me a retest and I passed. Apparently my belt was just faulty."

My father chuckled. "Don't be too hard on yourself, boy. When I was a cadet I fell flat on my face before finally getting the balance to stay upright. Even after that though, while on a hunting mission, I slammed into a tree and made my entire group laugh themselves silly! I don't think I'd ever been more embarrassed than at that point in time right there."

I smiled a bit at the story. My father, the man known to never fail a mission, was a big flop in the cadets! What Mello would have killed to hear this so he could have held it against him.

Maybe that's why he never spoke about it.

The man giggled. "The report I got from my commanding officer was 'unfit, and unqualified for even the garrison to take in!' I had to step it up a notch if I wanted to prove him wrong. Sadly, I didn't start proving him anything until my last year with him, when I met your mother."

I perked up at this. "Mother? She was in the cadets?"

"Nope, she was the commanding officer for another trainee group. She had a famed reputation for never allowing anyone into her heart. I must have been quite the catch." He said proudly.

My mother sighed. "If you're going to talk about this, at least tell them the truth. I found you practicing with the gear and pitied you for continuously falling on your overgrown head. So I trained you to be a better soldier."

"And then…?" He led on, smiling innocently at her.

Her eyes merely rolled. "Then we began something… and soon we were co-captains of a squad together. Once I became pregnant, however, I had to head into early retirement. Lord knows I wasn't leaving my child to be taught by you, dad."

"I woulda made him strong!" My grandfather replied loudly.

Again she rolled her eyes. "Once I had Mihael I became a mother first and a warrior second. Up until you came home with those blades of yours and he wanted to become a soldier himself!"

I looked up from the table in surprise. "Mello wanted to be a soldier?!"

"The boy had been hell-bent on it!" My father replied. "Even waved some sticks around and jumped off of roofs screaming battle cries. He was determined to become my successor in a line of greatness, and I always promised to train him myself when I went into retirement. But… things took a turn for the worse. You were much too young to have remembered a time when I wasn't with only one arm, but Mihael remembered. And it damn near killed him after seeing me in those bandages. He tried to look strong, and I couldn't fault him for it, but he just couldn't hide the pain in his eyes. Soon after he became the sole provider and protector of this family. It took away his childhood, his hopes and dreams, and his whole spirit just died away over time."

He then looked up towards Matt and grinned. "When you entered our lives… it was like I was seeing that same child I'd missed so much… and managed to destroy. He was happy. It was the only thing I ever wanted for him. Even if it wasn't that long… it was a god sent that you came to him when he needed someone most."

I saw Matt wipe a tear from his eye before forcing out a smile. Still no words to be said.

I looked down at the table once more. Matt really did love him more than anything. And I'm too sure Mello felt the same.

I stood up from my seat. "It's getting late for us. We should head back to camp…"

"Nonsense." My father spoke up, standing along with me. "I'll escort you all back tomorrow morning, but for now you should sleep in real beds before going off tomorrow to wherever they send you. I need to speak with the commander about something anyhow."

I nodded at this before excusing myself to another room to take off the gear. It was a lot heavier than what was expected, and I really couldn't sleep with it on – not that I always chose to.

When our gear was off, and both Eren and Mikasa excused themselves to other rooms to change, my father met up with me in the den.

"So what's on your mind, son?" He asked as he sat beside me.

I blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Don't try to dodge the question. I know my children well enough that I can see when they're troubled. So what's going on? Talk to me."

I looked away from him before sluggishly letting my lean forward and my hair hide my face. "I'm just wondering… what am I doing all this for? I mean, I want to help for the greater of humanity, of course! But… I feel like that's only a small portion of how I'm really feeling about all this. Maybe I just want to feel useful. Maybe I'm doing it for Mihael. Or maybe I just want to prove to people that I'm your son. That I'm worth something more than that. I honestly don't know."

The man sighed heavily before leaning back on the couch. "It's difficult to come to terms with, isn't it? The reason you're fighting. Some do it for glory, others for fame. I entered into cadets to prove I wasn't just some poor little orphan with no parents or reason to his name. But it didn't make me happy. It didn't help me fight or prove anything."

"So then… why did you stay?" I asked quietly, looking up at him.

He scratched his now fully grown beard and chuckled. "Because my reason for fighting changed. My whole reason to fight anymore was for my family. For my sons and my wife. So I could keep them safe."

He put a hand on my back. "You'll find your reason. Don't worry about it. It may not even be around for the moment, but it will surface. Everyone has a reason to keep fighting."

I decided to be brave and ask something a bit more personal.

"So then… why did Mihael not fight? Did he not have a reason?"

My inquisitive mind was going to get me killed one day, I just knew it. But thankfully, my father took no offence to this question.

He just grinned and replied with, "He did fight, my boy. Not all fighting looks the same though. It took a lot of strength and love for him to give his life so that we could live on. So that we could see another day. He had a reason to fight, but he'd just reached the end of his fighting days."

I looked away from him again and swallowed back the tears. "I see."

He patted my back encouragingly. "Stop thinking about it, Armin. There's nothing more to the story. Just keep moving forward, but don't forget what he meant to you."

"It's not even that." I explained, standing up from my seat. "It's like he never died to me! Like every time I wake up I'll see him there, or listen to his mumblings about his story. And at night it's like I can still hear his breathing across the way. I know he's gone, and I know there's no getting him back, but still I keep thinking he'll reappear and…"

My father immediately got up and brought me into a hug. Something about this hug made me cry though. Like he was trying help me see that I wasn't alone.

Maybe I wasn't.

He took a shallow breath. "You two had a close bond to each other. So close it hasn't left your memories. You may never forget them, and that's not a bad thing. But stop looking at them negatively and start thinking about them as warm and positive. He's gone… but your memories are still fresh. It's a blessing if anything."

I sniffled slightly before digging my face into my father's chest to cry. "It's not fair!"

The man hugged tighter. "I know, son. I know."

For fifteen straight minutes I stood crying into the man's chest, wondering why he even put up with it. After this I just trudged to my room and tried to forget the whole thing. It just wasn't worth it anymore. I didn't even know why I still held onto this guilt and sadness.

Just as I flopped into my bed, Eren entered the room to occupy the floor. My mother had given him the thickest blanket she could, and a spare pillow she'd made a while back.

"Mikasa will be sleeping on the floor in your sisters' room." He explained. "I was offered the den, but I thought you'd might like some company."

I grinned slightly and moved over on the bed. "You could sleep here if you wanted. There's enough room for two."

I watched his eyes widen slightly before he turned his head to hide the blushing. "Are you… sure?"

I moved over a bit more and flopped back down on the pillow. "It's fine by me."

The brunette grinned slightly before crawling in beside me with his own blanket. I could tell by the look on his face he was happy to be sleeping in a bed once again instead of a cot. I couldn't blame him. It was nice having some comfort for once.

The brunette looked right into my eyes. "Like sleeping on a cloud."

"Well… better than a board, definitely." I agreed.

He chuckled at this, rolling over to face me. "Remember when we were kids and we'd have sleepovers?"

"And how we had to share a bed because Mello wouldn't give up his own?" I added.

"Like sleeping beside me was so terrible!" He replied sarcastically.

I scoffed. "Your snoring kept me awake all night!"

He blinked. "It's doesn't anymore though."

"Because I squeeze your nose to stop you." I admitted, squeezing his nose now to make a point.

He jerked away. "Oh, like your hair never made it difficult for me to fall asleep!"

"What do you have against my hair!?" I asked, only half serious.

"Other than it hitting me in the face when you rolled over to another side…" he paused, getting quieter now. "Nothing. Nothing at all."

I grinned at that, pulling up the covers to hide the blush. It wasn't normal for Eren to send compliments my way, but when we were alone he was completely different. No one was there to judge him for speaking to me this way, and no one could mock him for sounding corny.

Yes, I had slight feelings for him. And I had the strangest feeling that he felt the same for me. I guess we just didn't know how to express it.

Or maybe I was just wishfully thinking again. Maybe Eren didn't like me at all.

He relaxed into the pillow and grinned at me. "Tomorrow we become soldiers."

I hummed at this before rolling over. "See you then."

And I drifted off to sleep. When I woke up the next morning I found Eren's arm wrapped around my waist but said nothing. I didn't want to startle him and make him jump away. Besides… I liked the closeness.

'Today, we become soldiers.' I thought to myself. 'But why isn't that enough for me?'