Hey guys. Sorry that this is so late. Even though we might have different definitions of the word. A couple of days off my usual weekly. Crazy intense chapter, I will give it a trigger warning due to a flashback (within a flashback) being violent. Torture, abuse, and character death. Brace yourselves. And also a conversation about death occurs in this chapter.
This chapter is a weird headspace. But read and review. I seriously love hearing from you. And I try to stay on top of replying back.
Disclaimer: I do not own PLL.
A lot of thinking was done on the bus. But Spencer found none of her thoughts easy or kind. They were more dark and tortured. The kiss was real. The masked stranger had been Emily. Her costume had been a bandit, a thief in the night. It was fitting. Emily had stolen her heart a long time ago. Now there was nothing left to take, just to punish. The girl of her dreams had abandoned her to a nightmare.
If she couldn't trust Emily, who could she trust?
Paige. She had Paige. There was something solid about the woman. Something safe. She had listened to Spencer, come to her aid, had been helping her all along. And helping her still. Paige insisted on showing her understanding and compassion, when they both knew that if the roles had been reversed, Spencer would have been merciless in trying to prove that Paige was a danger, not to be trusted.
But Spencer knew she was the dangerous one. She felt it down past her skin, deep in her bones. She could only hurt. She knew how to hurt with words and actions, with silence and inertia. Her early years in prison taught her how to use her fists, to deal out damage and return the bruises and scars given her in kind. Cut her and she would bleed betrayal.
Because when Paige found about the kiss between her and Emily. She squeezed her eyes shut. She would lose everything she had begun to build. Nothing ever stayed. They didn't need A's help to destroy themselves. She did a good job of that on her own.
The bus jostled her and she opened her eyes. The pothole that needed to be filled in let Spencer know that she was almost to her apartment. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the window. Her eyes were red, and she had an intense scowl on her face, which explained why even though the bus was mostly full, no one was sitting next to her. She sighed. Even strangers could sense her offness and knew enough to stay away.
The birthday party had been happy until Hanna had cornered her. It was the third time and the final strike. Hanna had slammed the door in her face. She was used to getting rejected. Hanna called her out for not letting Emily or Aria visit her. She deserved that. Hanna brought up her appearance. The blonde could see through her attempts at trying to look nice. She had bought a new pair of jeans for the occasion and paired it with the white dress shirt from the suit Eli had lent her. Spencer had almost felt like her old self.
But being cornered by Hanna while she was trying to find a place to be alone after Teddy had said she loved the colored pencils she had given her was the last thing she could take.
Spencer was so humbled that Teddy loved her present. She didn't know why that was making her so emotional. She needed a moment to herself. She broke away from the group and went off in search of a spot to be alone in Paige and Emily's spacious apartment.
The place was huge, with high ceilings and big windows. It wasn't crowded despite the amount of people there for the party. It had gorgeous polished pinewood floors. The furniture was nice and comfortable, as well as classy and expensive looking. But it was still kid friendly. And it felt lived in. A family lived here.
There were so many photographs of Paige and Emily's lives, their history as a couple and then as a family when Teddy came into the world. The only things that marked the last fifteen years of Spencer's life were scars.
She moved down the hallway to look at more photographs, when Hanna found her.
"Do you think a present and a smile is going to make up for everything you did?" Hanna snarled. Spencer stumbled back, surprised at the anger in her mouth and at her sudden appearance. She had let her guard down after Paige had made her feel safe and Emily felt like home, but there was always a danger. Always a threat. She hated that it came in the form of an old friend.
"I just-" Spencer quivered. Everything inside her body screamed at her to fight back, to strike out. That's what raised voices meant to her. That punishment was going to follow. But the blonde woman was a friend. She could never hurt her. And she deserved this. All of this.
"I need to thank whoever ruined your face. It's a warning. It lets everyone know you're just as ugly on the inside." Hanna smirked. She knew. She knew that's how Spencer felt about her nose and the scar on her lip. The old insecurities. No one could ever be attracted to her with these brands. She was marked.
Spencer looked down, fists clenched tight. An echo sounding in her head, cold cement at her back. Being held down while a CO made sure he was looking the other way. Hands pulling at her hair. The burn of a cigarette on her right forearm, followed by another. She didn't cry out. She bit down on her lip until she tasted blood. She wouldn't give her tormentor the satisfaction of her scream. She looked the woman dead in the eye when she brought the cigarette to her skin for a third time.
She could taste blood in her mouth again. The muscle memory coming back, traveling down her shoulders, past her biceps to her fists. A current that needed an outlet. She looked back up at the woman standing in front of her, jaws clenched and heart pounding in her throat.
So close. But she remembered herself at the last second and a splash of cool liquid hitting her skin. She stalked off, needing to quarantine herself. She opened the first door she could find. It just turned out to be Emily and Paige's bedroom. She tore the hat off her head and threw it on the bed. She had lost herself and had almost hurt someone she loved and cared about. She took deep breaths, hoping each time she exhaled it would remove that shadow she couldn't shake, that squeezed her heart and lungs. Her hands tingled and her eyes stung.
That's how Emily found her.
Emily. She gritted her teeth, and dug her nails into the palm of her hands. How could she do this to her? The kiss had been real, but she had been trapped in a dreamscape of the kiss over the last nights. She thought she was losing her mind, a phantom holding her hostage when she was awake and when she was asleep. Finding out the kiss was real did not bring her relief.
It was a wave of confusion. If it meant anything Emily would have stayed. If Emily wanted her... No. Emily couldn't want her. It was punishment for fifteen years of isolation. Worse than Hanna's words. She had fooled herself into thinking that Emily wanted anything to do with her. She was with Paige, married to Paige. Perfect Paige.
She got off the bus when her stop came. The cold biting at her hands and face. When she had left after giving a short goodbye to a disappointed Teddy, a worried Paige had gotten her field jacket and tried to give her gloves and a scarf. That had made Spencer irritated. What the hell was wrong with the woman? Couldn't she tell that Spencer didn't want her kindness and definitely didn't deserve it after kissing her wife, still wanting her wife? Her everything. She was supposed to be living the life Paige had.
Spencer's head was spinning. She couldn't keep her thoughts straight. It was all up and down, and sideways. She was running now, trying to outrun the anger and jealousy so it wouldn't consume her. She threw the door to her building open and bolted up the stairs, ignoring the noise she was making. She jabbed her keys into the lock and tore into her tiny room, letting the door shut behind her. She ripped the jacket off and paused at the sweater Emily had made her. It was a golden yellow, like the dress she had worn to the masquerade ball long ago. They still had their masks to wear, she and Emily. Another lie told and secret to keep. She pulled the sweater off and threw it against the wall. She took off her tank top, red where Hanna's punch had seeped through, left bloody after Emily's revelation had ripped her open. She got undressed and into the shower, turning the water as hot as she could stand it.
She itched for a needle. A physical pain to overtake the emotional war going on in her head. The needle knew how to soothe her. That was her addiction, getting ink set under her skin. But near scalding water was all she had. She punched the tile hard a couple times. Her knuckles stung and bled. She let herself slide to the floor, the spray of water concealing angry tears.
The next day she was late to work. She promised it wouldn't happen again. Nina frowned in disappointment, but Spencer felt that the reason was not because she had been tardy. She slipped her hand into the pocket of her jeans. Her knuckles were still raw and swollen. She had chosen to try to hide them by wearing the longest sleeves she owned. It probably wasn't working. She could feel Karolina and Solomon talking about her. They knew. Nina knew as well. It was only a matter of time before they came to talk to her. She didn't want to listen.
She kept her head down and didn't smile at the customers. She was a sullen mess. Eli pulled her from behind the counter and back into the kitchen. The older ex-con didn't ask her any questions or give any advice this time for which she was grateful. She had a pile of dishes and pans to wash. She felt so useless as her hands hurt throughout her task. She worked through the pain in the joints, rubber gloves stopping her cuts and scrapes from feeling the chemical sting of the dish soap. She had been so stupid to do that to her hands, glad that they weren't broken. She knew what a fracture felt like from experience.
This only added to her irritation. She had gotten little sleep and was still raw about Emily's betrayal, something she didn't know how to deal with. She could feel it festering in her skin. She was angry. She handled the pan she was scrubbing roughly, dropping it into the deep sink basin with a splash. She leaned against the sink, gripping the edge tightly. She gritted her teeth at her hands burning.
It would just be so much easier to go back to prison. There she knew where she fit, even if it was at the bottom. There was someone that loved her there, and didn't screw with her heart and her head like Emily did. She had felt safe in her lover's arms. She had lost the feeling of protection and security the moment she had stepped outside the prison gates. The hopelessness and helplessness is what had taken root.
"Spencer?"
"What?" Spencer spat out.
Karolina raised her hands in defense. "Hey. No need to bite my head off."
"I'm sorry." Spencer looked down at her shoes.
"Before I left I just wanted to let you know that Paige is upfront asking for you. And don't worry about it." Karolina looked at her in sympathy. "I, Spencer you know I'm here for you if you ever want to talk or just hang out."
Spencer nodded, guilty for snapping at her earlier.
"I'll talk to you later." Karolina left the kitchen.
Spencer took off the gloves and went out to see what Paige wanted. Going through the door, she found her talking to Karolina. Paige frowned and said something to the younger woman before she left.
Paige was wearing a warm looking black pea coat over her suit. A paper bag was in her left hand. "I had some time to get a cup of coffee and time to drop this off."
"And to check up on me." Spencer knew the firm Paige worked for was practically on the other side of the city.
"You caught me." Paige smiled warmly, shaking her head a little.
Spencer's heart gave an involuntary flutter, reminded of a past gesture from the woman she left behind. She didn't think anyone would care that much. Paige shouldn't care that much. "You don't need to babysit me."
"You left the party suddenly. Emily said that you were upset. And that it was her fault. That she said the wrong thing?" Paige's brow furrowed and her mouth scrunched up in displeasure at the thought. The scars on her face became more pronounced with the movement. "She would have come by herself to give you this but she thinks you don't want to see her."
Spencer scowled at the mention of Emily. "She's right. I don't."
Paige looked taken aback. "I don't know what she did, but I know she's real torn up about it."
Her breath caught in her throat. Paige really had no idea what her wife had done. "Really? She's doing a good job of showing it by sending you to apologize. Make it quick and leave."
"I'm not here for her. I'm here for you." Paige frowned. She held out the paper bag, the black fake digits standing out in contrast. "These are yours."
Spencer reached out to take the bag from her, but Paige grabbed her hand gently, concern shining behind her glasses. "What happened?"
She snatched the bag and pulled her hand away from the lawyer, wincing at the movement. She had rolled up her sleeves to do the dishes and forgot to roll them back down. Her hands were on display. For someone with one eye, nothing got by Paige. "None of your business."
Paige sighed. "Spencer-"
"I'm done here." Spencer stormed off back into the kitchen, not bothering to look back at the lawyer. She tossed the bag onto a shelf without seeing what was inside. She then opened the back door and when out into the alley to sit on the back steps. She hugged herself, crouched over, shivering not because of the cold blowing through the alley but because of something nameless inside. She was so lost. Empty.
"You should get your hands taken cared of."
Spencer startled at the intrusion. Eli had joined her on the steps. She ignored the older woman.
"Now, Spencer." There was an edge to Eli now, commanding that she follow the order. Spencer didn't know much about Eli other than that the older woman had served time, but there was no doubt in her mind that Eli had been respected by inmates and COs alike, a real convict. She stood up and went inside. "Sit."
Spencer sat down on the stool, while Eli pulled out a first aid kit. She took out antibacterial ointment and some bandages. She examined her hands. "Did you do anything for these when you got them?"
"Soap and water." Spencer murmured. Her knuckles were scraped and torn up, new wounds next to old scars. She'd dealt with the injury before. "Always been good enough."
"Hmm." Eli put the ointment on and Spencer winced. The older woman moved with the practice and experience of a seasoned healer. "Hurts?"
"I've had worse."
Eli looked at Spencer's face and smirked. "I can tell."
In spite of herself, Spencer grinned, appreciating the dark humor and had the slightest feeling that Eli was paying her a compliment. The two of them had a common ground, that was never explored but it was always there to fall back on. She watched the older ex-con work on her hands. "You've done this before."
"Volunteered at the infirmary." Eli put a bandage on one of the cuts. "Taught BLS and first aid classes."
"I took those." Spencer beamed. She knew that only the most trusted inmates got to work there. One of the women she had trusted and befriended had worked in the infirmary. Mac had been a nurse before her conviction. She needed to trust Eli more. "You were at Muncy. I never saw you."
"Transferred down to minimum. Probably why." They were silent for a beat. "Funny how we crossed paths now though."
"Yeah." Spencer thought about how that was life. People she had never thought she would see again, had hoped she would never see again had crossed paths with her. She had practically ran smack into Emily, as if there were a tether in between the two of them that pulled them painfully back together. A constant collision.
She couldn't want it again. Not this time.
"There you go. And just in time for your little friend to show up too." Eli nodded, and started putting away the bandages and ointment.
"My friend?" Spencer asked confused.
"That little dog of yours." Eli smirked. "He comes round almost like clockwork these past weeks if you haven't noticed. Sometimes you're out on delivery when he drops by. He let me give him a bath. He's well behaved. And he missed you yesterday when you were at the party. When you're not around he doesn't stay as long. Hurts my feelings but I got him a bowl and treats."
Spencer looked at her with disbelief. "It's true." And as if to prove her point, there was a faint scratching at the back door. Eli opened the door, and there was the little dog, tail wagging happily. He barked once and then dropped his head to lay his front paws on the ground. She smiled. Her mood lifted instantly.
"Hey." She greeted him brightly. Eli stepped next to her a small dog bowl filled with water in hand and a box of dog treats.
"Scrawny little thing, isn't he?" Eli remarked. "But a ball of energy."
Spencer started rubbing his side, and gave him a treat. The dog didn't eat it right away. He played with it a bit. He set it on the ground, barked at happily. He jumped up in the air and wagged his tail. She laughed, amused at his antics. He pushed it with his pink nose and took it in his mouth. He tossed it up in the air and it fell to the cement.
"Oh no." She teased.
He looked up at her and then licked up the smaller pieces.
"When are you going to take him home with you?"
Nina had come over and was watching her with the dog. "You smile the most with that dog or when Teddy stops by."
"I don't know." Spencer stated hesitantly. She didn't know if her building allowed pets. Sometimes she couldn't afford to feed herself. How would she do that for a dog? Besides, was she in the right mindset to take care of him?
Nina shrugged and went back to baking with Eli. The time came for the dog to leave. He barked a goodbye. Spencer felt better about letting him leave since he would come back again tomorrow.
And he did come back. But he wasn't Spencer's only visitor.
"Spencer!" Teddy ran up to her. The little girl gave her a hug. "I missed you!"
"You just saw me on your birthday though." Spencer teased and gave her a small smile. Even though she was upset with the girl's mother, she couldn't deny that seeing Teddy made her happy.
"That was forever ago! When I was five." Teddy pouted, and it made Spencer smile harder. The little girl didn't know the effect she had, such a bright light when she was feeling lost in a storm. "I made you smile. Good." She looked pleased with herself.
Spencer looked up at Karolina, silently thanking her for bringing in Teddy. The younger woman just nodded in return, and when to talk with Solomon who was still working behind the counter. Spencer took the girl's backpack from her and led her over to their usual table. "It is good, isn't it?"
"Yeah. 'Cause when you left my party you looked really sad." Teddy frowned.
"I'm sorry." Spencer looked down at hands in her lap. They were still sporting the bandages Eli had applied the day before.
"Auntie Hanna was mean to you. I'm mad at her now. It's not nice." Teddy crossed her arms, which Spencer could barely see over the tabletop.
"I was mean to her first." Spencer explained. It shattered her to no longer have Hanna's loyalty, Aria's confidentiality and Emily's fidelity. She never could have survived A without them. She learned the hard way that no one could live alone. She needed help and should take it when it was offered. She couldn't look Paige in the eye after what she had done with Emily.
"Still. My mama says it's better to take the high road. She 'splained it like... you should be nice to people even if they're mean." Teddy struggled to say.
"Your mama is right." The corner of Spencer's mouth quirked up. Paige seemed to follow that belief, especially when it came to her. "So you should be extra nice to your Aunt Hanna."
"My mommy said she was mean to you too. Will you be nice to her? She's really sad and ate lotsa cake after. She's real, real sorry." Teddy looked up at her eagerly, with big brown eyes. Emily's eyes.
Spencer closed hers. "She probably is really sorry, but she hurt me." She knew deep down, she couldn't stay mad at Emily forever. But she could never forget what she did. "It's not that easy."
"Yes it is! When I make my mommy mad and she yells at me. Likes when I broked a lamp. We hugged after my time out and she wasn't mad no more." Teddy shouted, her frustration coming off in waves.
"I know but." Spencer rubbed her right arm. She had to explain it so a six year old would understand. She needed time. "Your mommy was upset for a little bit right? After your time out, she wasn't mad anymore. It's like that."
"She needs a timeout?" Teddy had a spark of recognition on her face.
"I need a timeout from your mommy." Spencer nodded.
"For how long?" Teddy asked.
"I don't know." Spencer answered.
"Not forever right?" Teddy leaned forward and put her chin on the table, looking up at her.
"No. Not forever." Spencer shook her head.
"Okay." Teddy accepted as if that was all she needed to hear. "My mommy saved me some Oreos. She almost eatted them all, but she didn't. Wanna share?"
"Only if you let me treat you to an apple juice." Spencer smiled. It was a weird combination, but she enjoyed the mix of tastes. It was something she had done when she was around Teddy's age before Alison had declared it gross when they had been in the same kindergarten class. So she had stopped doing something she liked because of the blonde, and it wouldn't be the last time.
It was an old comfort though; one she would indulge in when was particularly stressed in high school. And surprisingly enough it was something she would do when her mother would visit in prison. Coffee was the drink of choice, but when she had been roughed up by another prisoner or mistreated by a CO, she'd let her mother buy a pack of Oreos and apple juice from the vending machine in the visitor's room. It was a simple pleasure from simpler times. She imagined what that must have looked like from her mother's point of view, to watch her daughter with a bruise on her jaw or cheek, and eyes downcast eating cookies and drinking apple juice. It must have broken her heart. No one expects their baby to end up behind bars. The most opposite place Spencer Hastings could have ended up in.
Just another nail in her mother's coffin.
She came back to the table with a small bottle of Mott's Apple Juice and two cups to split it. She didn't like to abuse the fact that Nina let the employees eat and drink for free, so rarely used it. She had tried to pay for coffee and muffins in the past, but she quickly learned her money was no good there. "Here you go."
A wince escaped her lips as she opened the bottle, her hand still sore. She shook it out. Teddy thanked her and had a container of Oreos out on the table already. Spencer poured them each a cup of juice. She pushed the cup of juice over to the little girl.
Teddy took the cup and dipped a cookie into the juice. She chewed quietly, and Spencer could feel her eyes pondering her curiously. "How come you gots bandages on your hands?" The six year old asked.
Spencer didn't bother to correct the girl's grammar. "I hurt them while being careless."
"When I get owies, my mama puts on a bandage on it. Then kisses it better." Teddy said matter of fact, bouncing up and down in the seat.
"I'm a little too old for that." Spencer dipped a cookie in the juice as well, waiting for it to be soggy before popping the whole cookie in her mouth. Her mother had stopped the healing kisses by the time she was seven. She was expected to suck it up. She eventually learned how to take care of herself.
"But that's what mommies are for." Teddy threw her hands above her head, as if she was shocked that Spencer was suggesting that growing up meant having to forego gentle, loving touches from mothers. "My mommy even fixes owies for other kids. That's how good she is."
"My mom's-" Spencer started, unintentionally. She steadied her hands by laying them flat on the table. What did an innocent kid know about death?
"In heaven?" Teddy's voice was quiet. "I'm sorry. My Pappy is there too. With my brother. We visit them after Halloween."
Spencer recoiled at the revelation. She knew Wayne Fields was still alive. So that meant Paige's father had died. She wondered when that happened. If it had happened in recent years during Teddy's lifetime, or before. She still felt an ache at her mother's passing, after these years. For Paige it must still be raw. And to hear that there was a child before Teddy, that Paige and Emily had lost him. She couldn't imagine what that was like.
"I wish they waited. 'Cause I wanted to knowed them. And my mommies get sad sometimes. So you must be sad sometimes too. And, and I wanna hug you now. Because I made you sad." Teddy slipped out of her chair and went over to Spencer. As promised, the little girl wrapped small arms around her waist, her tiny cheek pressing into her side.
Spencer picked the girl up and with some maneuvering, sat Teddy down in her lap. "You didn't make me sad. But thank you."
"Okay." Teddy beamed up at her, pleased that balance had been restored in her universe, and then reached for an Oreo. Spencer moved the cup back over to her side. While the girl ate her snack, she ran a rough hand over her head, flattening Teddy's hair. That earned her another smile.
Spencer felt a pang in her chest, a motherly longing. You should have been mine.
She took the girl's hair, which she had obviously inherited from her mother, in her hands and started to braid it. She worked silently while Teddy finished her snack and juice. It wasn't fair to want it, but she couldn't help it. Before her arrest and trial, Spencer realized her dreams had changed. She had wanted to still attend UPenn and probably end up in law, but she wanted Emily to fit into those plans. She had wanted to spend the rest of her life with the other girl and start a family with her, a son or daughter with her ambition but Emily's warm brown eyes.
Emily and Paige had done a beautiful job of raising Teddy. Spencer probably would have been just like her parents, distant and cold, almost neglectful. Always working and never home. Maybe she wouldn't even have had the time to start a family, too busy and focused on rising up through the ranks at work. No time to appreciate the little things like hugs and a child's innocent smile, too focused on appearances and status.
Paige had her dream career, but didn't put it first. She probably made it to Teddy's school functions. She had even dressed up when taking the little girl Trick-or-Treating. She made time for her wife and daughter instead of late nights at the office and constantly being Out of Town.
Paige deserved this life more than she did. If she weren't a convict, Spencer would have been a cold, career woman. She could never turn it right either way.
She finished up braiding, and secured the end of the French braid with a hair tie from the pocket of her jeans. She had just gone on instinct and the little girl had gone with it. "Hope that's okay."
"Yeah!" Teddy nodded enthusiastically. "I like when my mama does my hair like this. It's pretty." She ran her little hands over her hair, her bracelet jangling. She was happy with the job Spencer had done. "She said she was gonna teach me. But she forgotted, I guess. Can you teach me?"
Eli was walking over to the two of them. "Maybe next time. Eli is coming over. Let's see what she needs."
"Promise?"
"I promise." Spencer nodded.
"Spencer," Eli gave a chin lift in greeting and smiled at Teddy. "And Miss Teodora. Your hair looks nice. Did Spencer do that for you?" The little girl nodded cheerfully. "Well, she did a good job."
"Do you need me to get back to work?" Spencer cast her eyes down, but only to hide her flushed face at getting a compliment from the other woman.
"No. Not just yet. It's not that busy right now and the dishes in the back aren't going anywhere. You have another visitor." Eli smirked, her blue eyes shining with mirth.
Teddy got excited, and wiggled around on her lap. "Oh. That's dope. Who is it?"
"Well, you can meet him for yourself." Spencer said as she helped the little girl off her lap and to the floor. The little dog had shown up again. To have the two things that made her smile the most meet made her actually made her giddy with anticipation. The week had started off so poorly, and it was starting to feel next to normal. Whatever normal was.
After grabbing Teddy's coat and throwing it over her shoulder, the two of them fell in step behind Eli as they all made their way to the kitchen. Teddy reached for Spencer's hand, and she held it in her own. When they got to the kitchen, they gave a hello to Nina and reached the back door.
"It's pretty cold today so put on your coat, yeah?" Spencer held the deep purple coat up. At the little girl's nod of consent, she made sure Teddy got it on okay and that she was buttoned up.
"Take your own advice." Eli had grabbed Spencer's field jacket for her and held it out. Spencer took the jacket without complaint.
"Do you have mittens or gloves? A hat?" Spencer asked Teddy, concerned for little fingers.
"Yep!" Teddy put tore open a pocket with the shriek of tearing Velcro and pulled out green mittens. With the eggplant color of her coat, Spencer thought it was an odd choice, but it worked. It made more sense than the orange knit hat that she pulled out next with earflaps and tassels. "What about you?
Spencer dug her hands into the pockets of her army green field jacket. "I'll be okay."
Teddy looked distress at Spencer's hands going without warmth. "My mama said she gaved you some gloves. Yesterday!"
Spencer was confused until she remembered the brown paper bag Paige had offered. She went to the shelves where she had tossed the bag. It was still there. She opened them. Inside was the white dress shirt, stain removed. As well as the pair of black leather gloves Paige had tried to paw off to her, and a knit scarf possibly from Emily. It was purple as well. She took out the gloves and scarf, wanting to forget about the shirt. The stain was gone, but the memory of what happened couldn't be washed out.
Teddy didn't let up until Spencer had the gloves and scarf on. Eli's grin grew wider at seeing her bossed around by a six year old. Spencer sighed. The little dog was probably waiting patiently for her to show up. Eli finally got the door open, and handed her the box of treats.
It was cold out, a contrast to the kitchen, so she shut the door to keep the heat in. Spencer was a little afraid that the dog had gotten tired and left but there he was. The dog had kept himself occupied by rolling around on his back, tongue out. His head snapped up when he heard them.
"Puppy!" Teddy cried out happily and the little dog hopped up to his feet. He approached the girl, but looked at Spencer, as if for permission. Teddy reached out to touch his head, and he bowed to her.
"Is he yours? What's his name? He's like chocolate! Is he soft? He's a good boy." Teddy shot off rapidly, as she stroked the dog's back. "Can I feed him?"
"I don't know his name." Spencer answered as she handed the girl a treat.
"How come?" Teddy took the treat. The dog slowly took it in between his teeth and began to play with it. Teddy started giggling at his clowning.
"Well. His family probably named him something."
"He's not yours?" Teddy looked disappointed.
"No. I'm sure he has a home. I just don't know where it is." Spencer shrugged sadly.
They watched him play with the treat and then watched as he ate it up. He gave them a bark. He nuzzled Teddy's hand and licked at her hand. The scene made her feel warm.
They had a service dog training program at Muncy. She would see the dogs from time to time. Not wanting to become attached, she never played with them. But Mac and Chuck had a service dog in training. It was the closest thing the couple would get to having a child. But Mac believed that dogs had this sense, this intelligence belonging to them. They could tell when you were sad and needed company. They missed you when you were gone, and cried happily when you returned.
Spencer knew this to be truth with the little dog. Looking into his amber eyes, she recognized a longing. Maybe she was wrong about him having a family. He would be just like her then. Alone in the world. He looked at Teddy and then back at her. It was like an exchange between the two of them. Is this your pup? Spencer humored herself, and gave him a nod. He barked twice. Then trotted off.
Teddy was sad to see him go. She called after him. "Come back."
"See. He's going home." Spencer watched him round the corner.
"Let's make sure."
Spencer had a split second to translate the expression on Teddy's face before the girl dashed off after the dog. She swore and dropped the box of treats as she got to her feet. She followed the girl following the dog. Her parents were going to kill her if anything happened to their daughter. She suddenly remembered the scare she had given Emily the day the two of them had their chance reunion.
"Hey!" She caught up with the little girl easily, dodging some of the pedestrians braving the cold. Her voice was raised, but more out of fear than anger. "Don't do that again."
Teddy cried. "But he's getting away. We have to save him."
Spencer saw the dog off in the distance. She was curious as well. What if she was wrong about him having a loving family or owners at all? He did look a bit thinner and it was cold. Against her better judgment she said, "Okay."
They followed the dog to a neighborhood some blocks away, where there were hardly any people. Spencer realized it was because the buildings were being torn down in favor of newer buildings. The dog went through a hole in the fence, and they managed to get around it. They found him on a stoup. It was where he had been living all this time. There was a threadbare blanket, and a long since empty bowl. He had been abandoned, left behind by owners that probably couldn't afford to keep him and take them with him.
That thought made her angry. What kind of people just left a defenseless dog out on his own? The dog was still waiting for them to come back. That anger turned in on herself. Why didn't she follow the dog sooner?
"Is this his house?" Teddy looked up at the empty building. "It looks haunted. Where's the people?"
"They're gone." Spencer frowned. The dog really was just like her. No family and left alone to fend for himself.
"Spencer! We can't leave him here. It's really cold. How bout at night time?" Teddy was frantic.
"Alright." Spencer couldn't leave the dog, not like she had been abandoned by everyone except for her mother, Aria, Emily and Paige.
The dog had nosed under his blanket, trying to get warm. Spencer shivered in response. She placed a foot on the bottom step, and reached out a hand. He eyed her curiously. "Come on. Come with us. I'm sorry." He bowed his head down, but otherwise didn't move from his spot.
Her heart fell. He was going to wait for someone that was never going to come back for him. She knew what that was like. Peter Hastings never came to visit her in prison. Melissa wrote to her once, but only to blame her for their mother's illness and death. She wasn't welcomed at the funeral. But part of her had hoped to see her family one more time, but she never got any more visitors after her mother had passed. It was her own fault for pushing everyone away.
She turned to leave. She had to take Teddy home. But a bark stopped her. The dog had stood up and jumped down the steps to her. He pressed his pink nose into her leg, and she rubbed his head. "I have you. Let's go home."
Teddy cheered. "Can we name him now?"
Spencer said the first name that came to her, a character she could relate to. "Dantes."
The little girl pondered the name. "I likes it. How bout you, Dantes?"
The newly rechristened dog barked. "Guess he does." Spencer smirked. "All right, let's go." She reached for Teddy's hand, and they set off with Dantes trotting along side them. Once they got to the other side of the fence, Spencer stopped. She looked up and down the street, unsure of where to go next. She didn't know where they had come from. "Um."
She had been so focused on following Dantes that she hadn't paid attention to where they were headed, or how to get back. She was unfamiliar with this part of the city. She was unfamiliar with most of the city, only knowing the parts she had stuck to fifteen years ago.
Her phone beeped. A text message. Thank God she still had the thing in her pocket. She could call for directions. But her face fell as she got the text from a blocked number. She pulled Teddy closer to her, hoping to shield her from any danger.
Nice job getting, Dorothy and Toto lost. If you only had a heart.