A/N: Chapter 14, the only one I had had any work on. These things take a while…I'll usually go through at least 5 or 6 times to add or take out things, sigh. Thank you for waiting.

---

Mmmmm, sooo sooooft……

Sanji blinked as he felt filtered sunlight warming his face, and grimaced as he realized from the grittiness of his mouth that he hadn't brushed his teeth; as he rubbed a hand across his face, he realized he hadn't washed his face, either. Man, my hair could use a good washing, too. This climate is just—wait. I'm in Japan. I. Am. In…Japan.

Sanji sat up and blinked again as he took in the surroundings that he had been far too tired to see the morning before. He saw lacquered furniture of the finest quality, including a bed stand, table, and two chairs over gleaming wooden floor panels (Cypress, or cedar?) encompassed by clean white walls framed by ornate sandalwood carvings. The beds were set low to the ground in a manner similar to Zoro's, but with ground-set bed frames. Sanji himself was surrounded by a cloud of airy pillows and comforters that enveloped him in the most delicious way, and he hummed in pleasure as he looked out a round window and saw a picturesque scene of the hot springs and pine trees.

Looks like there's a plant inside, too, Sanji thought wryly as he turned to look at Zoro's slumbering form in the bed next to his. I'll let him sleep. Climbing out of bed silently and padding across the room, he quietly opened the door and went into the hallway. From the sound of it, everyone else was still sleeping; he explored until he found the bathroom, which was equipped with a cabinet full of all the soaps and cleaning agents he could want. The floors were tiled with charcoal-black tiles while the walls were covered with pearly white ones. A large mirror and vanity graced one side of the bathroom while a sink sat opposite; a shower and bathtub were visible through a doorway opposite the entrance. He pulled off his clothes and dropped them into a basket conveniently located by the door before grabbing a few bottles from the shelves and running the water.

"Ah, that's much better," Sanji sighed as he rinsed off the grime of traveling. Once he had cleaned up to his own standards (there was a box of toothbrushes and toothpaste, too) he wrapped a towel (This place is so convenient) around his waist and went back into the hallway, rubbing his head with a smaller towel. He found everyone else waking up and stumbling out of doorways here and there.

"Good morning, Sanji," Robin said with a smile as she came out of her room; Sanji didn't fail to notice that she looked perfectly composed and neat, and that she had probably washed up before going to bed last night. "Or, as the Japanese would say, 'ohayo gozaimasu.'"

"Good morning," Sanji said with a smile. "Hungry? Perhaps I should whip up a—" He stopped short. "We don't have a kitchen in here, do we?"

Robin shook her head. "I believe that they will cater to our needs in that area, though. Can you smell that?"

Sanji's sensitive nose had already picked up the scent of something delicious in the air. "Hm, a hint of garlic, fermented soy…I had better go wake up the Neanderthal, then."

Sanji stifled a shout of laughter when he saw Zoro in bed. "Wake up, marimo. Do you realize that you're still wearing the yukata?"

Zoro shot upright at these words as he began to claw at the yukata. It was already halfway open from his running and sleeping, and Sanji snorted as he saw traces of makeup on the pillows and on Zoro's face.

"You know, I bet there are prostitutes in the red-light district who are reacting just like you are right now," Sanji said. He darted out the door as Zoro picked up his sandal and threw it at him.

"Is Zoro awake?" Ace asked. "He told me he'd take me to this great bar…"

"At this time of day?" Sanji looked at the clock and blanched. "Oh…it's already 2 in the afternoon, huh."

Ace shrugged. "I mean, we'll do other stuff on the way. I think I'm going to skip this place's hospitality and just explore the area for something to eat. Anyone with me?" The guys all chose to go with Ace, while the girls chose to eat at the inn and plan out an agenda with Tashigi.

"I'll wait for this idiot to wake up," Sanji said as he flicked a thumb in the direction of the bathroom (Zoro had sprinted into the bathroom without anyone noticing). "I'm sure he knows of somewhere good to eat. Let's meet up again for dinner at six?"

"Sounds good. Later!"

Sanji sat in a large leather chair as he waited for Zoro to get out of the bathroom. He had donned a light blue polo shirt with cargo shorts; comfortable, yet versatile.

Zoro burst out of the bathroom with a scowl, wearing nothing but a fresh pair of boxers and dripping water everywhere.

"That devil woman!" he roared. "Where is she?"

"They went out for breakfast—er, lunch," Sanji said. "What's wrong?"

"Look! At my eyes!"

Sanji looked closely and sniggered. "Why are you still wearing eyeliner, dude?"

"She used permanent marker! On my eyes! I can't get it off!" Zoro wrung his hands as he looked around for some solution to his problem.

"Just wait it out. I'm sure it'll come out in a few days," Sanji said soothingly. "Don't rub at it too much, or your eyelashes will all fall out."

"Pfft, like I care about that. So, why are you still here if they're all gone?" Zoro asked as he trotted back into the bathroom, his shoulders slumped in defeat. Sanji followed, feeling a bit odd when he had a whiff of Zoro after he had showered; it was strange to think that after using the same soaps, they smelled the same.

"I decided to hang back in case you got lost," Sanji jibed as he leaned against the marble-topped counter. "What do you feel like eating?"

"Yakitori sounds really good right now, actually," said Zoro after he spat a mouthful of toothpaste into the sink. "Or okonomiyaki…you know, good street food."

Sanji shrugged. "I'll just follow you for now. You know what's good, right?"

"Yeah. Good and cheap." Zoro took out a small white bottle and puffed baby power over his torso, rubbing it in and grunting in satisfaction.

"Baby powder? Don't forget to powder your bottom," Sanji teased. Seriously, it's like this guy is just asking to be teased.

"Actually, I just like walking around slathered in crack," Zoro said sarcastically. "Come on, there's a little stall not too far by the subway." Satisfied with his powdering, he pulled on a white shirt and black denim pants with his usual military boots.

"Do you have any yen?" Sanji asked curiously as they walked out the door, locking it behind them. "We didn't really have time last night to exchange or anything…"

"Pah, I have more than enough yen leftover from my last trip to tide us over until we can get to a back," Zoro snorted as he pulled out his wallet and showed Sanji. "I love the currency here."

Sanji picked out a 50 yen coin. "It's quite…pretty, I guess. What's the point of the hole in the middle?"

"Something about how they used to string them along. Not all of the coins have it." Zoro stopped as they stood in front of the subway station; it was very close to their inn. "Now, how do we get there…"

Sanji groaned. "I just realized that I'm relying on your sense of direction. We might as well wait for the others to get back so we can eat dinner, at least."

"Shut up. I know where I'm going…these lines have just changed since last time," Zoro grumbled as he squinted at the map. "So take the Number Three down two stops and transfer to the Number Five…"

"We're doomed."

---

"Well, I got us somewhere."

"I don't see a yakitori stall anywhere."

"Um…"

"Actually, what I do see are high-end sushi bars, and—" Sanji gawped as he saw a made-up geisha waving from a window. Despite the fact that she was as heavily made up as Zoro had been the night before, he looked excited. "Nevermind, you're redeemed for your idiocy. Let's go there."

"Love cook, I have enough yen for a street vendor. Not a ryotei."

"Ryotei?" Sanji asked, already gravitating towards the building that exuded costliness and quality.

"No! Come on, if we keep walking we'll find something. Let's go." When Sanji refused to budge, Zoro sighed. "Fine. You can stay here, you idiotic hakujin. Without any yen."

That snapped Sanji backed to reality. He sighed. "Fine. What's a hakujin?"

"White person."

"Is it derogatory?"

"Depends on the way you use it."

"…I see…"

"Didn't you bring a book on Japanese phrases or something?" Zoro asked in exasperation. "I mean, the language is annoying to learn how to read and write, but you should at least pick up enough to survive for a week. Stuff like 'where's the toilet' or 'I'm an stupid love cook who will chase after anything with a pair of breasts—"

"That smells delicious." Sanji stopped, sniffing the air.

"You're just like Luffy. Like…a bloodhound." Zoro looked around. "Where is the smell coming from?"

Sanji began to walk in one direction, his nose telling him where to go. "Pork broth, or beef broth? Maybe even anchovy. Boiled eggs, fish cakes…noodles? Yes, noodles." He led Zoro to a small stand that said "Ramen" under the restaurant's name in Japanese. "Here we are."

"Man, miso ramen sounds really good, too," Zoro declared as they pushed aside the cloth hangings shielding the stall's occupants from the sun (and perhaps rain, if the weather called for it).

They were greeted by a cheerful "Irashaimase!" and Zoro turned to Sanji, pointing to the menu that hung from the back wall.

"What do you feel like eating?"

"I'll trust your judgment." Sanji looked at the other patrons in interest; he had honestly never really tasted or cooked ramen with fresh noodles, only the dried and instant kind.

"Miso ramen o futatsu kudasai," Zoro said as he pulled out a stool and plopped in front of the man serving them ramen. "Ano…koko wa doko desuka?"

The man chuckled as he looked between Zoro and Sanji and began to speak to Zoro in quick, fluid Japanese. Sanji had no idea what was going on, but scowled as both the cook and Zoro occasionally gave Sanji sidelong looks and laughed. Eventually, their orders came out in two enormous steaming bowls.

"Ittadakimasu!" Zoro said enthusiastically as he cracked apart the wooden chopsticks given to them and immediately dug into the bowl of hot broth and noodles. "Ai—hot, hot." He chewed and swallowed with his mouth half open to survive the heat of the noodles.

Sanji sipped the broth at a more sedate pace with a curved spoon. He hummed appreciatively. "Fairly salty, but that's to be expected of miso. Strong broth, and the noodles…" He picked up a bit of noodle and sampled it delicately. "Oh, good consistency. Are they handmade? Translator, come on."

Zoro rolled his eyes and relayed the question around a mouthful of noodles and pink fishcake. "He said they're handmade, yes."

"Fast food seems to be good everywhere except America," Sanji muttered as he began to eat with gusto. Despite the enormity of the bowls given to them, their meals disappeared quickly and Sanji soon found himself wiping his mouth with satisfaction.

"Gochisousama," Zoro said, belching magnificently. "Phew, it's hard to get good ramen in the States."

Sanji waved his hand at him in disgust. "Don't burp like that, you cretin. What does the bill come out to? I'll pay my half to you in dollars."

Zoro shook his head. "Don't worry about it." He paid the man and nodded at him before leaving.

"You sure?" Sanji scrambled to follow Zoro.

"Yeah. You can cover when we go to a ryotei. One of those nice expensive restaurants."

"Oh, thanks. Where are we going, by the way?"

Zoro pointed in the direction that the man had told him to go. "He said that this street will take us back to the subway, and that we just need to take the Six to get back to Gora Station."

"What were you guys saying, anyways?" Sanji asked. "You were acting pretty suspicious."

Zoro chuckled. "He asked if the hakujin sitting next to me had gotten us lost, and I said of course, these tourists don't know what they're doing."

"You suck, did you know that?"

"Not as much as you'd think," Zoro said cheekily. He had somehow managed to take them to the subway entrance and to the correct route. "Yes! Told you I'd bring us here."

Sanji continued to be surprised as Zoro navigated through the busy crowds—much busier than it had been last night, and he had a feeling that it would only get more crowded as the day went on—and took them back to the Oyster Shell.

"Say, you don't think that your internal compass corrects itself in your homeland, do you?" Sanji asked idly. Zoro scowled.

"It's just as good as it ever was."

"But we came to the right place."

"…so?"

Sanji threw his arms apart. "So something must be wrong!"

Zoro stormed out of the subway station all the way to the inn, where they found the others lounging around and relaxing.

"Hey, Zoro," Ace called as he looked up from where he was viciously tickling his little brother. "Want to go for a dip in the hot springs?"

Zoro shrugged. "After tramping around all afternoon, sure. Right now?"

"Yep."

Zoro went to his room to change, with Sanji close behind. "Man, that hot water sounds really good right now," he sighed. "O-oi, what the hell are you doing?" Zoro was already stripping down to his skin in front of Sanji.

"Um, getting undressed?"

"Why?!"

"Because in Japan, you bathe in your birthday suit…"

Sanji stared helplessly at his luggage, where his swimming trunks were safely stored. When he turned back to Zoro, the green-haired man had already divested himself of every scrap of clothing and was now tying the belt of a soft gray robe around his waist.

"I'll see you outside, then," Zoro said, waving as he left. Sanji stared awkwardly the pile of clothing that Zoro had left all over the floor and bed and sighed, pulling off his shirt and folding it neatly; his pants soon followed.

Before leaving, he couldn't help but gingerly pick up Zoro's shirt and sniff it. It smells like…baby powder, and a bit of aftershave, with a bit of…whatever it is that makes him smell like 'Zoro.'

Sanji quickly dropped the shirt when he heard footsteps outside in the hall. "Sanji?" Tashigi stood in the doorway, hands tucked into the pockets of her own robe. "Did Zoro already tell you about the hot springs?"

"About the no-clothes policy?"

"That's the one. Actually, when we want to mingle the sexes we'll be wearing bathing suits, so don't worry," she said kindly.

"I don't think Zoro brought a bathing suit."

"Me neither. Don't worry, we can get him one here. Anyways, there was something I've been meaning to ask you…"

Sanji coughed slightly; usually when people said that, it never boded well. "Yes, darling?"

"What do you think of Zoro?"

Sanji stared. "In what way do you mean?"

"Any way. Platonically, romantically, whether as a rival or a friend…"

"Woah woah romantically?" Sanji blurted out. "I don't think of him like that." He shifted uncomfortably, suddenly thinking about the texture of Zoro's hands against his on the airplane. They had been callused along his palms and fingers, and Sanji couldn't help but remember running one finger over the top of his hands and feeling the small scars from mistakes in the dojo. They had been warm, and extremely comforting, which was why he had squeezed so hard; it wouldn't do to let Zoro know that he had been exploring his hands like that.

Tashigi smiled gently as she pulled Sanji down to sit on the bed and took a seat next to him. "You know, when I went out with him I had all these glorified ideals of how I was going to heal his wounds and help him out of his slump. Obviously, you saw how that went…"

"What happened between you two?" Sanji asked, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.

Tashigi rubbed the cloth of her belt between two contemplative fingers. "One morning, I woke up earlier than him—not a big surprise, obviously—and as I was changing, with my back to him…"

Tashigi hummed in pleasure as she smelled the coffee she had put to brew wafting up the stairs. "Should I wear the blue or the purple chemise?" she wondered softly to herself. She searched for her hair pins to pull her hair back with little success and decided to just let her long black hair—she had been growing it out lately—fall down her back.

She heard Zoro mumbling something behind her—a sort of notification to let her know that he was awake.

The words "Good morning!" were on the tip of her tongue as Zoro said in pure shock and disbelief,

"Robin?"

He realized his mistake when she turned around, and they both knew that it would never work between them.

"That's a little creepy," Sanji admitted. "So you both just ended it right there and then?"

"Pretty much," Tashigi said. "I thought that if any problems came up with him confusing me for another girl, it would be for the late Princess…but this was just a complete surprise."

"So what do you want me to do, then?" Sanji asked.

Tashigi patted his hand. "I want you to try and help him when I failed. Don't think of it as a romantic venture—he has been far happier lately with you as his friend than he ever was with me as his lover."

"I-I don't know if I can…not after hearing this…"

"Please, Sanji?" She looked up at him, her long black eyelashes fluttering innocently as she drew her hand to her mouth in a coy gesture. "I don't want him to be unhappy forever…"

It didn't escape Sanji's notice that her robe had slipped down to give him a fantastic view of the dip between her breasts, or that this was obviously a ploy to get him to agree.

"Mellorine~! Of course!"

---

"I could've sworn that the hot springs were this way…" Zoro stepped out of Usopp's room, looking thoroughly confused. "Why am I still here?"

"Zoro?" Nami stepped out of her room, tying a belt around her robe. "What are you doing still in here?"

"I, uh…" Zoro searched around for an answer.

"Got sidetracked?" Nami provided as she pulled him in the right direction. "Hey, Zoro…" She stopped at the two doorways that separated the men and women's bathing areas. "What do you think of Sanji?" The question was unusually blunt for the sly woman.

"I think he's a pretentious prick."

"Is that all?" Nami sounded slightly disappointed. "He thinks the world of you, you know."

"Sure," Zoro said sarcastically. "If he thinks the world of me, then his world must be hell."

"No, really!" Nami said confidently. "I've known him my entire life, and I've never seen anyone he's been so fond of since old man Zeff. They used to gripe at each other and beat each other up—actually, Zeff beat Sanji up—but they were very fond of one another. When Zeff died…Sanji was devastated. He used to only smoke on occasion after picking up the habit to spite Zeff and prove that he was a man, but it got much worse. But lately…he's down to a couple of smokes a day. Not a couple of packs, like he used to."

"Well, good for him. Those stupid cigs are going to kill him if I don't first."

Nami sighed patiently, although Zoro thought he saw a blood vessel pulsating at her temple. "Zoro, I need you to help him."

"Why should I do that? It seems like one of the women would be better equipped to do that," Zoro said, lifting a hand to his breast-less chest pointedly.

"He's never been very successful at dating, you know," Nami said in an off-hand voice. "Maybe you can teach him a little about it. Killing two birds with one stone, as the saying goes. He stays happy because he's with you, and he gets a girlfriend to boot. How does that sound?"

"What's in it for me?" Zoro said bluntly.

"Aren't you his friend?"

"Yes, but I still remember how you yelled at me at the hospital when Sanji banged his head."

Nami thought carefully. "If you can get him to start dating again—successfully—then I'll pay for everyone's dinner one night at any restaurant you choose. Drinks, too."

"That's pretty tempting, but I need something a bit … well, I need a bit more incentive than that. Do you have any dirt on him from his childhood?"

Nami grinned evilly. "If that's all you want, then I'll give you plenty. Agreed?"

They shook hands.

---

"Wooo! This water is hot!" Luffy exclaimed.

"Didn't you already realize that the last time you jumped in?" Ace asked as he stepped into the water. "My, it is hot, though…just how I like it."

Sanji hung back in the room where they had all left their towels and robes. Okay, Sanji. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You're a virulent man in his prime, who can…okay, let's not think about what I can do as a man in my prime. Images flashed in his mind against his own will: women he had seen and wooed, pornographic clips he had watched and Playboy magazines he had filched from Zeff, a strong tanned body stiff with frustration as a pair of hands held a pair of cards in a game of strip poker…

Sanji decided that he had best wait a few minutes to 'calm down' before joining the others.

"Oi, cook!"

Shit.

Sanji quickly refastened the robe around his waist. "What, marimo?" There was Zoro, with a towel wrapped around his waist and an impatient look on his face.

"You're taking too long. Luffy's already almost drowned once, and Usopp has already told a handful of lies about how he built the first hot spring," Zoro said. "You're missing out. C'mon."

"I'll be out in a second," Sanji said uncomfortably. "Cover yourself up, would you?"

"Why? You're going to see me in all my glory anyways," Zoro snorted. "What's keeping you?"

The two of them stared at one another for a moment, remembering their missions. Sanji bit back a biting response as Zoro mentally yelled at himself to Be nice! Damn.

"Let's go in."

"Er, yeah."

Sanji walked outside and found that the springs were steaming and wide, and deeper further in the pool. A tall bamboo fence separated them from the women's springs with thorny bushes at the base to deter any peepers; the ground was lined with broad stones, which were a little slippery when wet. This fact had been discovered when Luffy had been running and tripped, skidding until he collided with the water. Now, they were all doing it.

"So much for a peaceful soak," Zoro muttered as he threw his towel into a basket and slipped into the water. Sanji looked away and, after a moment's hesitation, left his robe in the same basket and quickly entered the hot water.

"Ah," Sanji grimaced as the water washed over him without giving him a chance to acclimate to the change in heat. "Why are we sitting in this scalding water in the heat of summer, Zoro?"

"Because it's refreshing?"

Sanji sighed as his muscles began to unwind in the water. "Mmm, this actually feels pretty good once you get used to it."

Zoro winced at the sound. "Don't do that, cook."

"Don't do what?"

"Don't make that sound."

"Why not?"

"You sound like a woman."

"…"

"Hey, look! Sanji and Zoro are fighting in the water!" Luffy crowed as Sanji surged after Zoro, who quickly dodged and began to swim towards the middle of the pool with sure, swift strokes. "Go, go!"

"That can't be easy," Ace noted as he watched the two men circling one another. "I mean, the heat must drain all the energy out of them." He lounged with his back against the wall next to Franky, who was drinking a bottle of Cola in the hot spring.

"Ouch, that must have hurt," said Franky as Sanji managed to kick Zoro in the ribs. "C'mon, Zoro. You're not just going to take that, are—damn, he just karate-chopped Sanji in the windpipe! Harsh!"

Sanji stumbled backwards, clutching his throat; Zoro leaned forward, grabbing at his ribs. When Sanji's head hit the water, he felt a sudden rush of light-headedness and vaguely wondered whether he should try to breath. It sounded like a good idea. The water rushing into his lungs did not. Maybe if I keep breathing in and out it'll get better?

"Get up," Zoro snorted as Sanji turned to float face-first in the water. When Sanji didn't move, Zoro looked more closely. "Cook!" Zoro leapt and pulled Sanji's head up by the hair before supporting him more firmly by the waist. "Oi!" Sanji gurgled, the hot water still in his throat and lungs. "Shit, how did you inhale that much water already?"

"Doctor! Someone get a doctor!" Chopper bellowed.

"That's you," Usopp said with the air of one who is tired of repeating this scene. "Remember?"

"Oh. Bring him over here and I'll try to resuscitate him!" Chopper cried. Zoro picked Sanji up and slung him over his shoulder before setting him down gently on the paved stones. They all watched in silence as Chopper pressed firmly on Sanji's chest.

"No mouth to mouth?" Zoro asked.

Chopper shook his head, shaking heads of sweat out of his shaggy hair. "Studies have shown that doing that only increases the chance of brain damage. Damnit, breathe!"

Zoro pushed Chopper aside. "You're getting tired. Let me try." He pounded on Sanji's chest with enough force to make everyone wince. "You idiot cook! How could you get like this from such a small injury?!"

"Small?" Franky muttered. "You hit him square in the throat, dumbass."

"Shut up, Franky! Sanji!"

Sanji suddenly coughed, spewing forth a flood of hot water. "Shit," Sanji groaned between coughs. When he had coughed out all the fluid in his lungs, he looked around in disbelief. "What the hell happened?"

"You guys were fighting and you went under. I'm assuming you breathed in for some reason, and by the time we realized that you were kind of drowning…" Chopper's voice carried on. "The hot water coupled with a loss of air from the windpipe strike must have muddled your senses."

"Bastard," Sanji coughed, glaring at Zoro. "What did you do that for?"

"You attacked me first."

"You verbally attacked me first."

"Fair enough," Zoro said, standing. Only then did Sanji realize that he was surrounded by stark-naked men, and that he was on his back on the ground. He quickly scrambled back with the air of a cornered rat, quickly pulling his legs up as though to defend himself and with eyes wide open.

"What's wrong, Sanji?" Luffy asked, coming closer.

"I think our little friend here is uncomfortable with the arrangements," Ace said with a wicked smile. "You're not used to being naked with other men?"

"Ah, that's it, huh?" Franky's smile matched Ace's. "We'll have to rectify that if we want Sanji to be comfortable for the next few weeks. This isn't the only time we're going to be dropping our pants."

Zoro saw that Sanji was nearly frothing at the mouth and stepped in front of Sanji. "Okay, guys, play nice. Just because he's a bit of a homophobe to the point where he can't even be naked in front of other guys—"

"He seems to be glad that you're in front of him though," Ace teased, winking to Luffy. Luffy got the hint and quickly swept his foot against the back of Zoro's knees, making him wobble precariously.

"Damnit Luffy, what the—" Zoro managed to yelp before both Franky and Ace pushed Zoro over. In a collision of water, sweat, and skin, Zoro fell onto Sanji and they both rolled several feet. "Shit!"

Sanji squirmed rigorously to escape the tangle of limbs—Seriously, why does this always happen to me?—and stiffened as he realized that his body was pressed between hard stones and hard muscles. God damn, is this man made of muscle? It's a wonder he doesn't just sink in the water. He looked up and saw, as though in slow motion, the other guys running over and leaping into what was going to be a very uncomfortable dogpile. Fuck.

---

Nami looked up and glanced at the fence that divided the two springs. "They're being awful noisy today," she said. "Do you think it's because of our plan?" She reclined against the rocks, the bottom of her torso immersed in the water.

"I think it's a lost cause," Tashigi said as she braided her hair to keep it out of the water. "Robin, you don't really think—" She was interrupted as they clearly heard Zoro shouting obscenities over the wall. "Oh, dear."

Vivi sighed. "They can't even relax in a hot spring…what did they say when you proposed the ideas to them?"

Nami shrugged. "Zoro was all for it once we agreed on a price. What about Sanji?"

"It took…some persuasion," Tashigi admitted. "He came around though."

Robin smiled. "This might work out, then."

"What makes you think that they're going lavender for each other?" Nami asked as she soaped her arms lavishly. [1]

Robin shook her head, running a soft cloth across her belly. "I don't think that they're homosexual, exactly. It's perhaps…well, they're very similar, it seems. It would be good for them to continue bonding, especially on this trip.

"And if they do end up in a relationship, then any trouble that they make will most likely be self-contained." Robin smiled sweetly. "Wouldn't that make things much more peaceful?"

On the other side of the wall, they heard two people sneeze.

---

Zoro growled as he felt his body pressed between Sanji and whoever was on top of him; he couldn't tell, with his face squished between someone's arm and someone else's leg. He relaxed his muscles, forcing himself to become attuned to something he really did not want to be attuned with. Breathe in…

"AAARRGGHHH!" Zoro roared as he suddenly rose, sending the others flying. Sanji was still in his original position, looking slightly dazed as he stared at the sky. "You bastards!"

That was the cue for the men to start scrambling away, laughing gleefully.

"Hey, master swordsman."

Zoro looked down and saw Sanji glaring up at him.

"Yeah?"

"Get your 'sword' out of my face," Sanji hissed. "I think I'm going to hurl." He sat upright and stood unsteadily before trotting off as quickly as he could on the wet tiles. Zoro stood there in disbelief. That ungrateful bastard!

Sanji walked as quickly as he could, grabbing his robe blindly and wrapping it around himself as he ran out of the hot springs. I need to get to my room, fast. The sight of a bed with blankets was comforting, and he flung his wet body onto the sheets and curled up onto a blanket, hoping that he could dispel everything that had just happened from his memory forever. Think soft blankets, smooth skin and curves…and Nami…and Robin…and Tashigi and Vivi… Fantasizing usually cheered him up, but today it couldn't do anything but make him even more miserable as he thought about what had happened. He was pretty damned sure that his hand had brushed against something that he had never wanted to touch on another man, and that the rest of his body had been similarly violated somehow. How the hell are those guys not uncomfortable?! They're Americans too, aren't they?...but they're all pretty familiar with each other, though…

Sanji recalled the way that Zoro had felt right before tossing everyone off. The swordsman had tried to brace himself on all fours to keep a shell of space over Sanji, but the cannonballing other men had made that rather ineffective.

Zoro stood outside of the door to the room he was to share with Sanji, one hand on the handle and the other on the belt of his robe. Okay, Zoro. You're supposed to be nice. Think of the potential blackmail.

"Cook?"

Sanji froze. "What do you want?"

"You okay?" Zoro sank into one of the chairs and scooted over to the side of the bed. "I mean, that was probably pretty traumatizing back there. With the nakedness and all."

"Please don't talk to me right now."

"Okay, this is going to sound harsh, but you're going to have to get over it. It's not like any of us is gay."

"Hey, marimo. What happened between you and Usopp?"

Zoro groaned. "You just had to bring that up now, didn't you?"

"I'm in bed, and I'm wet, and this is not comfortable in this heat. I need something to make me feel better."

"You're going to have to tell me what went down between you and that guy, then."

"…fine. Now, go on."

Zoro sat down on the bed awkwardly, fiddling with the soft robe's material. "Okay, so after Vivi and I split I was acting pretty stupid. You know, being aggressive and just mad at the world because nothing was working, and I was more angry at myself for letting another relationship fail rather than because I had split with Vivi and Tashigi and Robin and—" Sanji coughed slightly and Zoro paused. "—okay I get the point. But the guys decided to try and get me smashed, because they'd never seen me anything but angry and sober and thought that if I was drunk then maybe I'd be a happy drunk. So they convinced Chopper to mix together something that would override my high alcohol tolerance."

"Is that…legal?" Sanji asked uncertainly. "I mean, I can't even imagine Chopper doing something like that."

"They bribed him with a year's worth of cotton candy and sweets whenever he wanted."

"…ah. Has he got a big sweet tooth?"

"You have no idea. That guy will chomp through a block of chocolate the size of your head as quickly as Luffy can." Zoro smiled a bit fondly. "Anyways, he mixed something up in the labs at the University and they put a little into every cup that they were going to give me. I thought they were acting a bit weird that night…"

"Hey Zoro, I bet I can drink more than you can." Ace grinned at Zoro as they sat in the apartment shared by the two brothers; all the guys were there to try and cheer Zoro up after his latest romantic fiasco. "I mean, after being chased out of the Nefertari estate by Igaram, you probably need something to cheer you up."

"Shut up," Zoro grumbled as he sat with his arms crossed and face twisted in negative emotions. "Can't I go home?"

"No. Not until we fix you."

"…I'm not some dog…"

Franky pulled out a clear bottle full of a bright verdant liquid. "Hey, I got my hands on some Absinthe. You interested?"

Zoro immediately sat up. "Give it here." Something tingled in the back of his neck as Chopper handed Franky an opaque glass, but he took the cup and downed it in one gulp. He had never had Absinthe before, and it had an odd flavor to it. "What is this stuff?"

"It's good, trust me," Franky reassured him as he poured him another.

"Why aren't you guys drinking?" Zoro asked suspiciously.

"We're drinking beer. You're the only one who can handle that stuff," Usopp said offhandedly as he took a seat next to Zoro and plied him with more alcohol.

A few cups later, Zoro was feeling decidedly odd. "Man, that must be really good because I've neeever felt thiiis…" Zoro slurred as he swayed slightly.

"It should be working right about now," Chopper whispered to Ace. The older man nodded.

"How're you feeling?"

"Great! Just great," Zoro said with a wide grin. "I feel like nothing could go wrong. Hey man…"

"Yeah?" Ace looked a bit nervously at Zoro. The swordsman was acting extremely strange; none of them had ever seen Zoro with such a wide smile on his face before.

"I love you, man!" Zoro surged forward, spilling his cup and embracing Ace in a tight and awkward hug. "You're sho nice, giving me this shtuff." The guys looked uneasily at one another, realizing that Zoro was slurring even more.

"Uh, Zoro, maybe you should take it easy," Franky said cautiously, thinking that they would stop giving him any more alcohol.

Zoro released a wheezing Ace and grabbed Franky by the hand, pumping it up and down. "Man, you're a basht'rd but you're not shuch a bad guy either, Franky…even if you and Robin…"

"What?" Franky exclaimed in alarm. But Zoro was already moving on.

"Luf! Cap'n Luffy!" Zoro put Luffy in an affectionate headlock. "You little rascal!"

"Okay, this is really weirding me out," Chopper cried as Zoro picked him up and swung him around. "Zoro is really, really strong." They were all amazed to see Zoro handling the enormous doctor-in-training like a little doll.

Usopp began backing away, realizing that he was the last one left.

"Hey, Ushopp…" Zoro put Chopper gently down on the couch and held Usopp by the shoulders. "You might be a goddamned liar…but I love you too, man. You guysh mean sho much to me…"

"Zoro, put the man down and back away slowly," Ace urged Zoro, trying to pull him away.

"Why? We're all best friendsh, aren't we?" Zoro asked with a silly grin. "Aren't we?"

"Zoro—"

Zoro leaned forward and firmly planted a kiss on Usopp's lips.

"Oh, shit!"

"Someone pull him off!"

"No, screw that, someone get a camera!"

"Hahah!"

"Mmrrph!"

Zoro deepened the kiss and held Usopp like one might hold a princess—supporting him in the back as he bent forward. Usopp face was becoming increasingly crimson, and his hands stuck out awkwardly in the air as though at a loss for what to do. Suddenly, Zoro's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell forward, lips still stuck to Usopp's. A guttural snoring sound could be heard emanating from the back of Zoro's throat, and a thin whine from Usopp's as he struggled to breathe; eventually, he passed out from a lack of oxygen.

Zoro woke up the next morning and nearly screamed in shock to see himself in a bed next to Usopp. Apparently, they had been unable to pry his arms off of the poor long-nosed man, although they had managed to remove his lips.

Zoro closed his eyes, waiting for the peals of laughter that would inevitably come.

When he heard nothing, he looked over and saw Sanji staring at him with mouth open and eyes twitching slightly. "Cook?"

"What the hell did Chopper give you?" Sanji finally sputtered.

"Some kind of depressant," Zoro said offhandedly. "He said they had tested it beforehand to try and wean alcoholics off of actual alcohol. Anyways, I woke up to a hospital room and an envelope full of embarrassing pictures. I burned the pictures, hunted down the film, and beat the crap out of them for that little stunt."

"Wow, that's…wow," Sanji chuckled weakly. "…you really don't have any pictures of that?"

Zoro socked him in the arm and scowled. "Just tell me your story, you ass."

Sanji grinned as he squirmed out from beneath the covers until he was sitting on his stomach, the covers sloping up his arched back and covering his legs while his arms were wrapped around an airy pillow. "My story isn't nearly as interesting as that. There was this girl I met while in cooking school. Her name was Carmen…"

"What did she do?" Zoro asked curiously, trying not to stare at that seemingly endless expanse of creamy skin and rippling bones under lean muscles.

"She said that if I wanted her to accept my endless fountain of undying love—"

"—that you seem to profess for any woman—"

"—then I would have to kiss her assistants, Leo and Jose."

Zoro did a double take. "Wait, you said you kissed a guy. One. Singular. Not two."

"Well, I only got around to kissing one of them before she dissolved into laughter and I realized I was the laughing stock of the whole school at that point. Then, I just left."

"What happened?"

"She was later expelled for cheating and lying to a teacher, and I eventually took down all the posters of me kissing Jose. It was not fun."

"See, at least I wasn't sober…" Zoro muttered, just loudly enough for Sanji to hear.

"Hey! She was gorgeous! Anything for a beautiful woman! Her soft skin, grace, and flaming red hair brighter than a well-executed flambé…" Sanji stared dreamily at the wall. "Her cooking was excellent. Not as good as mine, of course, but it was very good."

"You're an idiot. My friends tricked me into doing what I did, but you did it of your own free will. How sad."

"Shut up."

They sat in silence, and Sanji sighed as he attempted to push Zoro off the bed.

"Get off, I need to dry myself off."

"You're not wearing anything under that?"

"Well, I have a towel and robe. But I need to undress to dry myself. And if I undress myself, you must get out," Sanji said stubbornly. "Now. Get out."

Zoro stood grumpily as he walked towards the door.

"Hey, cook."

"What?" Sanji snapped irritably as Zoro turned to look over his shoulder.

"What did it feel like?"

"Huh?"

"To kiss a man…"

Sanji felt something squirm in the bottom of his stomach. It had bothered him sometimes when he brought this memory up, but he usually squashed it as quickly as he could. While Carmen's assistants were not attractive by anyone's standards, feeling lips that weren't soft and luscious touching his lips had made him feel something strange. He had been entirely disgusted by the fact that he had kissed Jose, but that was as far as his revulsion spread. He had no physical qualms to touching another man.

Which was why he refused to touch other men.

It simply isn't natural, Sanji thought grimly.

"It feels like shit, marimo. Now get out."

---

[1] Lavender is a color used to denote gay people, sometimes.