Chapter 9 June 2-June 8
Sunday June 3, 2012: A Twitter conversation between Caterina Vargas and Ludwig Beilschmidt
Caterina Vargas
+romanitup
+bschmidt they are kinda cute together, aren't they?
11:24pm – Jun 3, 2012
3 likes
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Ludwig Beilschmidt
+bschmidt
+romanitup I suppose so.
11:26pm – Jun 3, 2012
2 likes
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Caterina Vargas
+romanitup
+bschmidt it's nice to see +felilovespasta happy
11:28pm- Jun 3, 2012
2 likes
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Caterina Vargas
+romanitup
+bschmidt but we should make sure he's not slacking of. have you seen that stack of books on his desk?
11:29pm- Jun 3, 2012
1 like
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Ludwig Beilschmidt
+bschmidt
+romanitup he does need to get back to work. As do I.
11:33pm – Jun 3, 2012
2 likes
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Uploaded Monday June 4, 2012
Episode 17: Swimming with Scissors
"So once a year, our university hosts a national swimming tournament. And every year around this time, our town is covered in strong, young, attractive men. Covered. Like maple syrup on pancakes. Ants on a picnic. Alicia on a swimmer. Don't get me wrong, personally…I don't mind. You see a couple of burly bods walking down the street and you want to put on a little flirt action.
"Hey there," Maddie said in a tone that would've had Alicia and Ling cringing. "Subtle, sexy…ladylike. What I don't like is Alicia surrounded by hot, single men. Single men who are planning to leave town literally within the week!
"Cause when it comes to hot, muscular guys, Alicia's about as subtle as…Alicia. Seriously. Think about it.
"My name is Maddie Kirkland and this is the week she goes completely cra – "
Alicia sprinted into the room and put her arm around Maddie's neck. Holding scissors. Really close to her jugular. "Hey, sis! Whatcha doin'?"
"Um, ah, I – " Maddie kept her eyes fixed on those scissors, afraid for what Alicia was planning to do with them. Especially when they were so close to her face. Alicia finally removed her chokehold and took a seat next to Maddie.
"Wow, you are really starting to suck at this video blog thing. Take 5, sis! I got this."
"Uh, what are you – ?" Maddie said.
"Hey, Internet! My sister seems to be in one of her retarded phases." Alicia paused, frowning. "I can say retarded right?" Behind her, Maddie shook her head. "Is that insulting?" Maddie nodded.
"Whatever." Maddie rolled her eyes as Alicia laughed.
"Okay let's talk about Maddie's fashion sense." Alicia said, giving her sister a once over, "What is this, eww! My high school principal dressed better than that!"
"Uh, what are you actually doing here?" Maddie said.
Alicia held scissors to Maddie's face threateningly, "I think you know what you did."
Maddie leaned back, eyes fixed once more on those scissors, held a too close to her face for her comfort and stuttered out, "I – Uh, I'm – I'm really sorry. I –I'm actually just worried about – "
"JK! I was just messing with you!" Alicia begins to laugh, a little too hysterically in Maddie's opinion as she laughed nervously along.
"Okay, well then can I have the scissors?" Maddie pried them out of Alicia's hand before she can cause her any more physical or psychological harm.
"Oh great, Mom wanted you to do all the coupon cutting this week." Alicia then dumped an entire grocery bag full of coupons in Maddie's lap.
"Wow, they really need to make these digital."
"But you don't have to do them."
"Really? Cause you're going to cut them all?" Maddie asked hopefully.
"No…you can come to Carter's instead."
"How does that help with coupons?" Maddie said, confused.
"Oh my g – what is it with you and coupons?" Alicia said. "Reason number 15 as to why Maddie Kirkland is perpetually single!"
"But you –Is there actually a list?" Maddie spluttered.
"Oh my god, stop it with your nerdy lists and coupons already and come with me to Carter's! Let's get you some hot aqua man-cake action! Oh my god, SO HOT!" Alicia gushed just thinking about it. "I'll totally be your wing-woman!"
"Ohh…my gosh, I –I don't have anything to wear," Maddie said, scrambling for an excuse...any excuse.
"I'll get you something!" Alicia ran from the room. Maddie sighed, relieved of this brief respite from her sister.
"I know what you're thinking," she said to the audience. "Why is Maddie going out with her crazy little sister? Well, I'm going because if I weren't there the only people watching over Alicia would be 25 college guys with perfect abs. Recipe for…pregnancy. Oh, I'm sure it'll be amusing for about 30 seconds. Then it's 3 hours of complete and utter embarrassing misery. And unlike her, I still have to study! Write a research paper! Help out around the house! And, apparently, cut out coupons until the end of time." Maddie grabbed one of the coupons from the bag in her lap, "Canned greened beans in cranberry juice?! Who buys this? I guess that's why there's a coupon."
Maddie picked up the scissors and began cutting as Alicia re-entered the room.
"So I found something extra special for the occasion!" Alicia held up a very bright, very pink, striped bra in front of Maddie's chest, "What do you think of this?!"
"Wow…this is…so…" Repulsive.
"I know, super cute, right?" Alicia squealed.
Maddie stared at the camera hopelessly. This was going to be a long week.
Tuesday June 5, 2012
Private Diary Entry 18
We went to Carter's.
In my defense, it was really the best option. Alicia was gong to go, anyway –her car privileges got miraculously reinstated when she mentioned Swim Week to mom, who wouldn't mind an athlete aquatic son-in-law –and at least this way, I could keep and eye on her.
And it turned out to be not too bad. Heck, it might even have proved…interesting.
As you will note, we even got home at a reasonable hour (11pm! No chance of turning into a pumpkin!). The usual coterie of beer-slogging swim jocks were of course in attendance –and Alicia was in heaven. And to give her credit, she was nowhere near as crazy as last time and stayed far away from the Whac-A-Mole machine.
But wading through their drunken bro-ness might actually have been worth it, because –dare I say it? –there was possibly a diamond amidst the rough.
We had been at the bar for about half an hour (Carter the bartender had already spotted me, and we had a wordless conversation along the lines of 'You gonna keep an eye on your sister? Okay you have my permission to be here.') when the guy who had wedged his way by me to the bar and knocked my arm and caused me to spill my drink all over the bar stool I was just about to occupy.
"Hey!" came this heavily-accented voice to my right, "Not okay."
But my assailant had disappeared into the crowd. I turned to find myself staring up at this…perfect chin. Chiseled. A slight dimple. Looking up, this perfect chin was attached to a sculpted face, broad nose, violet eyes and silvery blonde locks. (Looking down, this perfect chin was attached to a gorgeous neck wrapped in a white scarf and amazing broad shoulders, and the flattest stomach I've seen in real life. And it was inches from me. But I digress.)
"I am sorry about that," he said. His accent sounded vaguely Eastern European.
"Why?" I asked. "It's not your fault."
"Still, on behalf of all guys in general…" He smiled at me. Oh, my God, that crooked smile. "Can I buy replacement?" He pointed to my nearly empty glass.
"Oh, you don't have to."
"Trust me, guys in general have lot to make up for." He nodded to the bartender, and, using some king of magic considering how crowded the place was, I had a new drink in hand in less than a minute.
"And your chair," he tsked, noticing the puddle of liquid occupying the indentation of my seat. "A moment please."
He leaned over, grabbed a handful of paper towels, and sponged the seat down. Then, after wiping away the majority of the liquid, he put his jacked down over the seat.
"Voila," he said with a flourish.
"Wow," I replied as he handed me into my chair. "You literally put your jacket over a puddle for me."
"I will let you in on secret." He leaned forward, whispering. "Most swimmer clothing is waterproof, yes?"
"Still, I don't think anyone has put clothing –waterproof or not –over puddles since Elizabethan times."
"Well, Elizabeth was a classic era," He grinned at me. "I take my social cues from those men who surrounded her."
I decided I definitely wanted to know this guy. "My name is Madeline. Everyone calls me Maddie." I held out my hand to shake. And he raised it to his lips. Yes, that actually happened.
"Ivan Braginsky. A pleasure to be meeting you, Maddie. May I join you –or is seat reserved for someone else?" With his accent, Maddie sounded more like 'Matvey'. It was kinda cute.
"Not reserved. I'm just here with my sister tonight."
I pointed to where Alicia was surrounded by a number of swimmers. She waved when she saw me, and seeing Ivan, gave me only a mildly embarrassing thumbs-up.
"I see family resemblance," Ivan replied, "Though I can tell you are more astute."
"Why, because I'm not surrounded by twenty guys?"
"No, because you are with me."
I laughed. "No, you don't think too highly of yourself."
"I am just thinking lowly of everyone else. Least when they are drunk and bump into beautiful girls, spilling drinks. Very rude, yes?"
I had to admit. Ivan Braginsky had game.
"So I take it you are among the competitors who are gracing this fair town for a week?" I asked.
He grimaced. "Oh no, do I look like college kid? I am capable of growing a full beard, you know. It takes three weeks, but still…"
I laughed –I couldn't help it. Self-depreciation is one of the more charming aspects of the incredibly handsome.
"No, I am conditioning coach –brought in when swimmers have issues with technique. In winter, I doing same with hockey." Ivan replied. Oh, man, he does hockey too? This guy just keeps getting better and better.
"So you're a teacher?"
"Kind of. Traveling, seasonal coach. Though I would love to stay in one place for little while, so if you are needing any help with butterfly or slap shots, let me know."
"Sadly no, I'm not taking any swimming or hockey classes this semester."
"A student!" He leaned into the table. "I knew you had academia look. What are you studying, Ангел?"
And maybe it had something to do with the fact that Michelle has been so gooey-eyed-happy with Feli lately, and that she, too, sees no reason that I should be 'perpetually single,' as Alicia likes to call it, but I found myself enjoying my conversation with Ivan Braginsky. There was no pressure. And no reason not to enjoy it.
We talked about my studies for a little while, and I told him all about my video project. My hopes for post-school life. He told me all about being a coach, shaping young athletes –and, while on his first visit San Francisco from Russia, that time he saw a walrus on a boat tour around Alcatraz Island.
"But the walrus did not seem to notice he has out of place," he said.
"Oh really?"
"Well, he had spent whole life behind bars already."
I snorted into my drink. But totally in a classy way. "That has to be perhaps the worst joke I have ever heard."
"Don't worry, I can think up much worse."
"Oh, no –don't strain yourself."
"Well, give my your number," he leaned forward and played with a bit of my hair, "in case I am thinking of a worse one later."
Really, how can anyone refuse the promise of future bad jokes?
After the exchange of numbers, it was pretty much time to go home. (I. Have. Classes.) Alicia was extracted from the bar with minimal whining, and Ivan walked us to our car.
"Are you sure you are okay to drive?" he asked.
"Yes," I replied. My sole drink had been finished off over an hour before –which shows you how long Ivan and I had been talking. "But thanks."
"Then –delighted to meet you, Maddie Kirkland."
I'm pretty sure at this point I was rendered speechless by his charm.
"And it was awesome to meet you Ivan B!" Alicia called after his retreating form, only a little tipsy. "Wow. A hottie and he didn't hit on me tonight but kept his eyes on you. Maddie Kirkland, you may have broken your perpetually single streak." She gasped and squealed, grabbing my arm in glee. "Can I be the one to tell Mom that the artificially inseminated Option C is off the table?"
P.S. I had put my diary away and was climbing into bed when my phone lit up with a new text.
Just wanted to make sure you and your sister got home okay. –IB
I couldn't help grinning as I typed back:
We did. Thank you for the escort to the car.
Two seconds later, my phone flashed again:
Anything for you, Ангел.
I looked up the word. Apparently it means angel. My heart picked up to double time. Anticipation made my toes wiggle.
Well played, Ivan Braginsky, well played.
Wednesday June 6, 2012
A Twitter conversation between Caterina Vargas and Feliciano Vargas
Caterian Vargas
+romanitup
Oh, Interent! you won't believe what I'm watching right now.
10:48pm –Jun 6, 2012
2 retweets, 6 likes
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Caterina Vargas
+romanitup
somehow +felilovespasta has convinced +bschmidt to play a video game with him
10:49pm –Jun 6, 2012
2 retweets, 6 likes
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Caterina Vargas
+romanitup
he's trying SO hard. it's adorable
10:50pm –Jun 6, 2012
1 comment, 3 retweets, 11 likes
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Caterina Vargas
+romanitup
unfortunately, +bschmidt has threatened me with some unnamed retribution if I post photos online
10:51pm –Jun 6, 2012
1 comment, 1 retweet, 5 likes
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Caterina Vargas
+romanitup
I think he's bluffing.
10:52pm –Jun 6, 2012
1 comment, 2 likes
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Caterina Vargas
+romanitup
But I'll be nice. No photos…today. In the future, who knows? :)
10:55pm –Jun 6, 2012
1 comment, 3 likes
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Feli Vargas
+felilovespasta
+romanitup evil ;)
10:56pm –Jun 6, 2012
1 like
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Caterina Vargas
+romanitup
+felilovespasta who, me?
10:56pm –Jun 6, 2012
1 like
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Uploaded Thursday June 7, 2012
Episode 18: 25 Douchebags and a Gentleman
"First of all, I would like to say that I love my sister Michelle. Breaking news, I know!" Maddie said. "But ever since she and Feli have been spending more time together, I'm getting this…vibe off of her. Not a bad vibe, but rather a 'I'm-so-happy-to-be-with-someone-and-I-wish-you-were-too' vibe. She's not as bad as mom, don't get me wrong, but sometimes it gets…wearing.
"And maybe a part of the reason I went out with Alicia the other night –small part, minuscule –was not unrelated to that. But Carter's during swim week? Let's just say my expectations weren't high.
"My name is Maddie Kirkland, and last night was…surprising."
"So yeah, I went to Carter's with my sister Alicia. And no, I was not wearing that top. And it's swim week, so the swim team's in town! Which team you might ask? ALL OF THEM! So, the bar was full of swimmers, all with very nice drinking habits."
The door behind Maddie opened, Michelle stuck her head in, "Maddie? Why is Alicia passed out in the living room?"
"She's not," Maddie said defensively.
"Ummm –" Michelle left the room, presumably to check on Alicia again.
"She's not passed out. I take my sisterly duties very seriously," Maddie told the audience. This was a lie.
Michelle returned, "No, she seems pretty passed out."
"Sugar crash," Maddie said, "I made her switch to energy drinks. She was bouncing off the walls. Not pretty."
"You took her to Carter's?" Michelle asked as she came in and took a seat.
"Not took, more like chaperoned. You know how Alicia is."
"That's so sweet of you, did you guys have a good time?"
"Uh, clearly you've never been to a bar during swim week. It was saintly of me, and fun is not exactly the world I would choose."
"I thought you liked swimmers."
Maddie scoffed, "Allow me to demonstrate a typical interaction of the evening." She rooted around her closet for a moment, before pulling out a pair of swim goggles and retrieved a red solo cup.
Putting on the goggles she imitated the usual Carter's Swim Week attendee, "How old are you?" Maddie slurred staring at Michelle's boobs.
"Maddie that's not proper," Michelle blushed.
"I don't care. Do you wanna drink?" Maddie!Swimmer said.
"Um, sure?" Michelle said.
"Cool, get me one too."
"Oh, okay. What do you want?" Maddie gave her an 'are you serious' look. Michelle was far too kind for this. Maddie pretended to dump her drink all over Michelle's front.
"Aw, my bad, babe. Lemme get that for you." She patted down Michelle's chest.
"Maddie can we please stop?" Michelle said, uncomfortable.
"Is coming off like an ass an elective offered in our schools, because if so, they are acing it," Maddie said, taking off the goggles.
"Maybe they were just trying to make conversation, I mean, you know how hard it is to meet people."
"Michelle," Maddie said, severly.
"Too nice?"
"Waaaay too nice. Look, I'm thrilled you've met an awesome someone, but that doesn't mean that my Mr. Right is going to fall out of the sky so we can double date! And he's certainly not going to fall off a barstool."
"Every relationship has to start somewhere," Michelle pointed out.
"I guess you did meet Feli because Mom was stalking him," Maddie said.
"Nooo, we met at the wedding."
"Regardless, I hope my next relationship doesn't start in the gutter."
"So every swimmer in that bar was a loser? Really?" Michelle asked skeptically.
"Well, there…there was one guy," Maddie said, trying hard to hide her smile.
Maddie put the goggles back on, this time adding a white scarf, while Michelle pulled on Maddie's plaid shirt. Michelle held a script Maddie had quickly put together.
"Oh, please do not sit zere. It looks like some of zese athletes do not mind being up to zere ankles in liquids," Maddie!Ivan said in a heavy Russian accent. Maddie pretended to put a coat over a puddle and Michelle's jaw dropped.
"Wow. He did that?" Maddie nodded and pointed to the script, urging Michelle to continue.
"You put your jacket over a beer puddle. I didn't know that happened except in period films," Michelle!Maddie said.
"Vell, it is making come back. Like, uh, mix tapes and tandem bicycles."
Michelle, however, was reading ahead in the script, "Aw, he seems really nice! He asked you what you're studying and he makes a joke about a walrus! Aw!"
"Well, now you've spoiled to punchline." And now there's no reason to continue Costume Theatre.
"And what was his name?" Michelle asked.
"Ivan Braginsky. I think he's one of the coaches. But don't get too excited, I'm still not sure he makes up for all the others who were staring at my chest all night."
"But you like him," Michelle said, knowing where this was headed.
"Not the point."
"It's not?"
"I'm not saying he's the guy for me! I'm not saying I'm ever going to see him again. I'm just saying he's a gentleman, a rare, rare…" Maddie broke off, smiling. "Okay fine, Ivan Braginsky is programmed into my phone and he's already texted me today, happy?"
"Yaaaaaay! Are you going to see him again?"
"Well, finals are coming up, but, hopefully later in the summer. But regardless, all this goes to show that gentlemen are an endangered species and if we aren't careful, they'll go the way of mix tapes and tandem bicycles."
"But those are making a comeback," Michelle smiled smugly.
"Not the point! The point is that there is no excuse for a guy to be rude, arrogant or stuck up."
"Oh, that reminds me. Ludwig was walking by our house the other day. A little weird don't you think?" said Michelle.
"And there's no excuse for him," Maddie continued, "Ivan proves it."
Michelle asked one last, armour-piercing question, "Is Ivan cute?"
"Smoking hot."
Sorry I haven't updated in a few weeks, life got in the way, as it does.
So, a challenger appears! How will Ludwig react when he finds out?