Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything from Twilight!

The week at home had passed by way too fast for my liking. Jasper and I had trained and spent hours just doing things normal humans took for granted. I showed him the joys of watching television and tried to teach him to dance, but in the end I decided it was a lost cause. He couldn't dance and here I thought leeches were supposed to be good at everything. It had been a great week, one of the best I had had and now I am back in my cell as Jasper watched me concern, not that I could blame him considering for the last two hours all I had done was stare at the blood on my hands. I could have asked to go have a shower and yet I could not move no matter how much I may want to. Killing one of my own kind wasn't exactly a new thing for me, but killing someone I sort of considered a friend when he wasn't being a complete asshole was.

Paul Meraz was dead and it was my entire fault. I know the rational argument to this would be saying I had no other choice and yet if you thought about it I did have another choice. I could have let him kill me and not the other way around. I did not let him take my life though because I was too much of a fucking coward. I wasn't ready to die and so in my mind I had been given no other choice. Usually I would have believed it since I always told myself that after a fight, but this time I could not do it. I had killed him because I was scared of death and nothing anyone said could make me feel better.

Was he in heaven now? Is there actually a heaven for supernatural creatures and if there is no heaven does that mean there is only hell or no hell at all? Did it hurt when I broke his neck? I tried to make it quick because I couldn't stand to watch him suffer and I did not want to be the reason for his suffering. If he was in heaven and happened to be watching me then I really wanted to believe he would be able to forgive me. I would never be able to forgive myself and his ghost would be added to the pile of ones already haunting my conscious, but if he forgave me it would stop me from going crazy with guilt.

Suddenly anger turned my vision red. I screamed and stood up tipping my cot over in my rage before turning towards the bars of my cell. If the stupid fucking humans wanted a show then I would give them one. Too bad they did not have camera's back here because I was about to let all of my anger loose. Flinging my body hard against the cell bars I ignored the painful electric charge taking over my nervous system. I used the pain to fuel my anger as I continued to throw my body against the bars while screaming. "You want a fucking show then I will give you one! You think we are the monsters, but have you looked in the mirror? How can you live with yourselves each night? He was my friend and you made me kill him! We never did anything to deserve this and yet you thought it would be great to make us fight to the death. HE WAS MY FRIEND AND NOW I WILL ALWAYS HAVE HIS BLOOD ON MY HANDS! If I ever get out of here I will kill every human I can find! You want a monster well you have one!"

Out of nowhere I felt Jasper wrap his arms around me and yank me away from the bars which I did not realize I had gripped so tightly my hands started to bleed badly and the skin was burned, though quickly healing now I was no longer touching the enchanted cell bars. Tears stained my face as he spun me around and pulled me in to his arms. I could feel my body shake as I screamed, cried, and sobbed my throat raw. I am not sure exactly how long I cried, but all I knew is that my blond haired cell mate held me in his arms the entire time. Sometime in the middle of the cry-fest I had indulged in Jasper carried me to my bot before tipping it back over with one hand settling down with me in his arms.

Not once did he say any fake words of comfort or try to weasel me in to talking about my feelings. All he did was hold me and it was the best thing he could have done. Eventually I started talking and I am not sure why since I never usually opened up to anyone other than Edward and that was on rare occasion and only ever happened if he read my mind first and nagged me until I just told him what was on my mind to shut him up. He could be a really annoying fucker when he wanted to be. With Jasper I actually felt the need to open up to him. I felt as if I could trust him and while I knew it was probably a bad idea, I could not seem to help myself. I would give myself a lecture later after I had time to dwell on the dumbness of my decision.

"Do you think there is a heaven for creatures like us?" I asked and tilted my head so that I would be able to look at him better. I could see his jaw clench and immediately thought maybe I had offended him or something. For all I knew vampires could hate any mentions of death since they were supposed to be able to live forever. "Sorry I shouldn't have asked such a personal question. You do not have to answer if you don't feel like it. You know what? You should just forget that I said anything at all. It is not like it matters anyways."

The honey blond let out a breath he did not need before I heard him speak in such a low tone I needed to strain my amazing hearing to catch the words which came out of his mouth. "I believe there is a heaven for someone like you. You have no choice in anything you have been forced to do. You do what you must do to survive and nobody not even God and his angels could ever fault you for anything done in the life thrust upon you. You see I think the afterlife is complicated for someone such as me. I hope that when this body is destroyed that my soul if it isn't burning in hell is given the chance to see the pearly white gates of heaven. I don't remember everything I did when I was human since it was such a long time ago, though I do remember parts of my life and in those parts I feel as if I may have been a good man. I hope that when I meet the final death I am judged for my life as a human and not of my life as a vampire. I have done things the devil himself would cringe away from. To stay in this life and have to remember everything and everybody I have hurt, killed, tortured, and many other things is probably the worst hell I will ever know. Nothing could be worse than this. So to answer your question yes I believe there is a heaven."

I listened to his words and nodded after he had finished. My head was resting against his chest where his heart should be beating. "Did it hurt when you died? Again feel free to not answer if it makes you anything less than comfortable."

"It is what I imagined the fires of hell to feel like and yet at the same time if you could get past the pain there was a sort of calm spread over my body." He told me and rested his hand on my lower back. "I apologize for not being able to give you a better answer."

"It was good." I quickly reassured and moved my left hand behind my head to pull my hair away from my neck. "You know sometimes I wish I could feel what I think someone would feel when they see heaven or an angel."

A moment of pause where I thought for sure I would not be getting a reply and then suddenly it came out of nowhere and I was stunned. "I have to admit that I have been keeping a secret from you Leah. You know how Edward can read minds and other vampires sometimes have odd talents? Well I have one as well and if it is alright with you I would like to give you what you desire so much. I can manipulate emotions and feel what others are feeling. Think of it has projection if you will and I would like to use it on you."

He could manipulate emotions and all this time I had not known about it? How could I know he hadn't been playing me this whole time? What if he read my emotions to get close to me? Had he made me feel all the things I had felt after the kiss? I could be angry and I guess later on I would be, but for now I was more interested in what he had said about making my wish come true. "I'll be angry with you later for keeping this from me, but you said something about making my desire come true and I want to know how?"

In the blink of an eye he was up and I was flat on my back in the cot. Jasper knelt down next to me and took both of my hands in both of his. "I want you to close your eyes and picture what you imagine heaving to look like. I will do my best to match which emotions I feel should go with the imagines you will conjure. Your base emotions will give me a clue as to where to go from there. Now close your eyes and I will do the rest. This is my first time ever doing something like this and so I will do the best I can, but I cannot make promises that it will be everything you wanted. My best will have to do for now."

I closed my eyes and suddenly I could see the golden gate resting on clouds. Beings with black and white wings and no define facial features passed me as I started to walk closer. I could feel the hum of peace and tranquility with a tiny bit of curiosity as well. The angels placed their hands on my shoulders as I passed and I could feel their joy at having me finally come home. Whispers of words I could not quite make out sounded out all around me. Each step on the fluffy white clouds was as if I were flying myself.

The closer I got and the more intense my emotions and the emotions I were currently feeling became. Bliss unlike anything I would ever be able to describe and happiness, but at the same time it was more than that. I felt complete, finished, and most of all I felt as if I were where I was meant to be. My feet came to a sudden halt as I reached out to touch the golden bar's which looked so firm and soft at the same time. My fingers had barely touched the bars when I felt myself falling asleep as five little words whispered like wind brushed across my skin before darkness took over completely.

"I love you Leah Clearwater."

TBC…

AN: I hope that you all liked this chapter and I am sorry for all of those who wanted Paul to live. It had to be this way and well I think it came out pretty well. Since I am a huge Paul fan I could not write the actual death scene. In the next chapter Leah wakes up and well the rest is a surprise. Let me know if you liked this or not!

Please R&R like you always do!