Chapter 14
Lee breathes deeply but holds his silence. He's taking his queue from Kara. The last thing he wants to do is spook her, but they're going to have to talk soon. For the moment, he busies himself by drawing across her back with lazy fingers. She hums pleasantly in response and it makes him smile, but as his capacity for rational thought enhances in the diminishing afterglow, a crease forms in his brow and the smile fades away.
"Go ahead and ask." Kara lifts her head up when Lee startles beneath her. She catches a glimpse of a worried frown on his handsome face, a split second before he replaces it with a light teasing smirk.
"You're granting me permission to speak now? How gracious of you."
"Lee, you were drawing question marks along my back for the past two minutes?"
Her eyes twinkle, but the mirth within them is measured. It dries his mouth with fear, making it harder to ask, "Let's start at the beginning."
"You mean the end" she corrects knowingly. His eyes are haunted and she can almost see him reliving those final moments, frame by frame like a macabre motion picture.
"Why did you do it Kara?"
Leave it to Lee to ask the hardest question in the most deceptively simple terms. "All my life, I've been told that I was special, but I never believed it." Kara drops her eyes from his and studies the fine stubble along his jaw, brushing it with her fingers. "Since I was a child, I drew that image…those circular rings of color. I just liked the pattern." She takes a deep steadying breathe, "I never thought it was a vision of my future…the siren call of my death." She feels his jaw tense beneath her lithe fingers and she tries to soothe it away with a slow string of kisses towards his ear. "It's okay Lee." The warmth of his face along hers is wrest aside with a violent jerk as he pulls back to look at her properly.
"It's not okay." Lee threads his fingers tightly through the short strands of blonde hair at the base of her neck. The urgency of his message is undeniable, "I watched you die Kara. I posted your picture on the wall beside Kat." Fear and anger inject his words with an animalistic growl, "That is not okay."
His flare of temper sparks hers, triggering a dormant stockpile of emotional landmines. "You watched me die, Lee. I died." She fixes him with a hard gaze and slowly pins his hands at his sides, "I had to die listening to you begging me to come back. Knowing that you were going to blame yourself for my choice…and it was my choice. I don't care what Sam or any of the other Final Five say…I didn't accept or relent…I chose my destiny by making the ultimate sacrifice."
The fire burning in her eyes warms him despite the morbidity of the topic. This is the Kara Thrace he knows best; the fighter who brings the battle on her own terms…Artemis. The welcome sight of his restored goddess cannot keep the bitterness at bay for long, "What kind of destiny is death?"
Her eyes grow distant, "Mortality is the common denominator of all life. It's the destiny we all share."
There's something unnerving about the way she says it. It reminds him of the day she recited poetry by Kataris. There's a learned quality to the words but she infuses them with emotion because she believes them, even though the concept is not her own. Lee cannot argue the logic that death is a natural and inevitable event, and yet Kara Thrace is here, living. "I guess that rule doesn't apply to you? You're alive…in direct contradiction to the series of events that occurred…you're alive."
Kara chooses her words carefully, "You want to know what happened to me Lee, and I can't tell you. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that, there are no words to explain it." She runs her fingers through her hair, pushing the wayward strands back from her face. "All I can tell you is that death is a doorway, but it doesn't lead us all to the same place. As the Guardian, mine was a revolving door. It was the will of the Gods that I circle back and use what I learned to protect their children."
With his hands freed, Lee pushes up into a seated position and extends his hand to her. Kara ignores the proffered hand and makes herself comfortable straddling his lap. Her weight is a comfort, her sweet heat a dangerous invitation, but he can't afford to be distracted. "So the gods restored your life, to save humanity, and then left you in the care of the cylons?" A hint of sarcasm leaks out despite Lee's best efforts.
"The Lords work in mysterious ways…or in this case, they work through One."
A chill runs down his spine, "One? The leader of the Final Five saved you?"
"The Gods saved me" she corrects with a meaningful stare, "and they…" she trips on the words, "…they…" she tears her gaze away, unable to risk seeing the loss of his faith when she says it, "they spoke to me."
She whispers the words so softly that Lee needs to lean closer to hear properly. "Kara?" Her head snaps up sharply at his questioning tone and there's defiance etched in the lines around her mouth.
"I know you don't believe in the Gods Lee, but…" her tirade is cut short by a sound kiss that builds in intensity until she's breathless.
Lee smiles at the soft pants of breathe caressing his cheek, "There are a lot of things I never believed in before this war. The only constant in my life Kara, is that I believe in you." He strokes his thumb over her lip and kisses her chastely. "So tell me…what did they say?"
"They said, 'All of this has happened before and all of it will happen again…you are the Guardian of the instrument of change…freedom from the cycle of time. One will show you the way.' And then I woke up."
"With One?"
Her eyes are fathomless, "Yes. And I learned everything about the Final Five, the Seven Siblings, the scriptures, and what needs to be done to save us. And then it was only a matter of waiting."
"For what?"
Kara shakes her head in dismissal, "I can't get into that right now."
"Kara we've been in here for well over two hours, they're going to expect me to have some answers." Her eyes flash and she pushes back, grabbing whatever errant clothes are within reach and begins to dress.
"Well that's too damn bad." Kara pulls the tanks over her head and notes that Lee is starting to follow suit. The anger fades leaving a tormented sadness in its wake, "You don't know what you're asking for…your questions and the truths that will come out…will change everything. I have that knowledge, I know what's coming, and I'm asking you to trust me." She kneels before him and clasps their hands together, "It's important that you understand that this," she kisses him deeply, "this" she touches their foreheads and drinks in cool blue eyes, "this is what's important."
Lee's smile is terse, "My father and the President will likely disagree." Her reply is crisp and humorless and it makes the hairs on his forearm rise.
"Well I have the advantage of foresight." She rubs his arms, soothing the gooseflesh, "Reflecting on days like today will give us strength going forward. Look at me." She waits until he obeys, "I've made some horrible mistakes in the past, and I'm being given a second chance with you, but I need you to know that you are my…" Her words falter, not because she doubts her emotions, but because the proper definition is elusive.
"Love?" he prompts. Lee cannot suppress the boyish grin spreading across his face, nor the impulse to tease her continued hesitance. The prospect of a fresh start with Kara is a tantalizing gift that he never dared imagine.
"I wish that I could tell you that I love you." His face looks crestfallen and she can feel his jaw harden at her words, but she presses on, "I loved Zach. I loved Sam. With you?" she cups his face "That's not enough. Even when shouted to the skies, 'love' is inadequate." She pulls his forehead against her own, clutching the base of his neck, "Is there even a word for this?" She swallows hard, "For us?" Kara can feel the reverence in his gaze and knows that he understands.
Her lips taste of confusion, but they find their purpose against his. There's no glossary of terms in the depths of her mouth, but Lee searches just the same. When he breaks for a breath, he tries valiantly to complete the task she's set him. "Kara, you are my…" Lee releases a short puff of laughter at his failure and Kara follows suit, chuckling softly.
She draws away just enough to look in his eyes. "Not so easy is it?" His answering smile is rueful and those blue orbs are more intent then she's ever seen them.
He traces her face from temple to chin, then down to rest on her neck. Her eyes close reflexively as his lithe touch elicits a shiver. "If only."
Her eyes snap open wide with awe and her mouth curves into a soft secretive smile, "Only." She touches the side of his face, directs his eyes to hers, and gathers her courage, "You are my only."
It's exquisitely simple and yet, not at all…it's them.
Lee can feel her staccato breathe mingling with his, daring him to validate the claim. He surrenders with a feverish kiss that persists until his head grows light from lack of air. He thinks it strange how words with so few letters can contain such enormity. "Kara, you are my only."
Despite her best efforts, a tentative undertone skirts the word, "Always?"
If not for the fact that she already owns him heart and soul, Lee would classify her plea as desperate. But there's something much darker looming in that space…a reserve that doesn't suit her. Caution is a side of Kara he's rarely seen, but since her return he's felt its weight in all of their interactions. The affect of it in that single word is overpowering and instinctually he responds, "Always."
Kara watches those blue depths keenly, scouring for any hint of doubt or patronization. The knot in her chest unfurls when honesty is the only reflection she finds. "Good." She nods quickly and gives him a quick kiss, which Lee immediately deepens.
Before things get too intense they're interrupted by two quick raps on the hatch and Lee groans loudly as he pulls back. Kara is smiling smugly before him, perfectly aware and amused that he's in no condition to entertain anyone but her.
Kara doesn't even try to contain her glee as she gestures to the tent pole in Lee's slacks, "Problem?"
"Nothing you couldn't handle."
"Hmm….maybe later." She winks at him, but turns in exasperation towards the hatch when the banging continues. "I guess that means conjugal visiting hours are over."
Lee strides to the hatch and cracks it open, "Sergeant give us 5 minutes to wrap up here and then escort Starbuck back to containment. Keep a low profile. Understood?"
"Yes, sir."
Lee feels Kara's arms encircle him and push the hatch closed. He turns slowly in her loose embrace, "I don't know what to tell them."
"You could go with the truth." At his quirked eyebrow she elaborates, "Tell them that it took extensive coaxing and skill," she smiles lecherously, "but you finally were able to break through and reach me."
"I don't think I can deliver those lines with a straight face." In fact, he can feel a goofy grin spreading across his face at the mere thought.
"It's the truth minus the details, but that doesn't change the fact that now, thanks to you, I'm ready." The ballooning happiness seems to deflate as the path ahead looms. "Tell your father and the President to assemble Cain, Zarek, Dee, Sam, Athena, and Helo as soon as possible."
She takes a step back from him and Lee can see Capt. Thrace reporting for duty. "The agenda?"
"Just tell them…it's time."
Author's Note: Thank you to all my lovely reviewers...you know they call those stats 'hits' for a reason...the drug analogy is crazy accurate. Every time I see one of those review emails some neuron signals the release of endorphins that spark my muse into writing more. Okay maybe it's not that visceral...but it makes me really happy. I'm approaching the 100 reviews mark and if you guys get me there by the weekend...I promise to blow your minds come Monday...deal? Hope you're enjoying the calm before the storm because the shit is about to hit the fan.