Chapter 14: Some Truth, Some Shame, a Kiss
The next morning, Payson Keeler woke up with a lovely, inexplicable sense of hope. This feeling was so strong, it inspired her to get up early and greet the beautiful sunrise. She leapt out of bed, went for a long run, read the paper, and even stopped by a local bakery to pick up some fresh blueberry scones before returning to shower at the hotel room. In fact, by the time Becca had woken up, Payson had already accomplished more than most people do in an entire day.
"What on earth are you doing, Pay?" Becca asked groggily, noticing her older sister was holding a challenging yoga position on a mat across the room.
"Cool down stretches." Payson explained with her eyes closed in calm focus.
"From what?"
"I went for a run this morning." Payson responded brightly. She straightened up and smiled at Becca who was still blinking away her sleepiness.
"And what's that smell?" Becca asked as her senses returned to her.
"Isn't it divine?" Payson gushed, hurrying forward to the bed with a large scone already neatly placed on a napkin for Becca. "I got them from this cute little place off of –"
"Wait - what's wrong with you?"
Becca interrupted her sister's happy speech and squinted with suspicion.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm your sister, Payson. I know you. There are only two things that inspire you to get up this early: gymnastics and royal weddings. In that order." Becca raised an eyebrow. "So…you don't do gymnastics anymore and I know for a fact that Harry is still single, so fess up. Tell me what's going on."
"Nothing!" Payson laughed nervously and thrust the scone towards Becca.
"Then stop smiling!" Becca dared her.
"OK…" said Payson, though she was still beaming like an idiot. The expression was practically plastered on her face. She tried to turn away and hide it, but –
"Ha!" Becca cried as she pointed victoriously at Payson. "You can't, can you?"
Becca bit into her scone with vindication. It was obvious that Payson was burying some sort of emotion and, whatever it was, she was not ready to share it. After years of living with this focused, rather stoic Olympian, Becca knew better than to push the subject further. No, Becca just sat in bed and ate her scone in peace, silently trying to guess what was making her sister so happy.
As it turns out, Becca wasn't the only one to notice Payson's good mood that day. A few hours later at the SNP studio, Emily and Kaylie quickly picked up on Payson's uncharacteristically chipper behavior.
"Neutral look again?" Payson's make-up artist from SNP asked with boredom as she ushered the former gymnast to a chair between Kaylie Cruz and Emily Kmetko's mirrors.
Payson grinned. "You know what? I trust you. You can mix it up today. Go for something bold!"
The make-up artist suddenly lit up and she grabbed her bag of supplies with excitement. All week that poor SNP staffer had been rolling her eyes while Payson Keeler had insisted on simplicity and modesty. A blond with perfect bone structure wanting minimal make-up for television? What a waste!
"Uh...Pay?" Emily asked timidly as she watched the make-up artist hold shades of lipstick up to Payson's skin.
"Yeah?" Payson returned dreamily. At present, she was flipping through a women's magazine and smiling down at the airbrushed pictures. Neither Emily nor Kaylie could recall a time in their lives when they'd seen Payson Keeler read a women's magazine.
"Are you feeling OK?
"Of course!" Payson chuckled. "Why is everyone asking me that today?"
"You're just in a really good mood…" observed Kaylie diplomatically. "That's all."
Payson shrugged. "I had a nice evening yesterday." Almost against her will, Payson's smile widened. The make-up artist took this opportunity to apply pink blush to the apples of her cheeks.
"Oh I see..." Emily's tone had suddenly switched from skepticism to intrigue. She shot Kaylie a knowing look before continuing. "Aaaaand would this "lovely evening" have anything to do with a certain mysterious male from earlier this week?"
Payson tensed and placed down her magazine.
"Of course not!" she insisted. "My parents came into town yesterday with Becca. They surprised me. This has nothing to do with the opposite sex or my...my one night thing from yesterday."
"I know that face, Payson." said Kaylie smugly . "A woman doesn't glow like that unless-"
"Please!" Payson interrupted, blushing furiously underneath her new layer of make-up. "Why is everyone suddenly so interested in my sex life?" She hissed the last two words under her breath as though the three of them were in a church or kindergarten classroom.
"Because it's fascinating." Kaylie answered bluntly. "And we want answers, so spill."
Luckily, at that moment, the make-up artist applied a dark coat of lipstick to Payson's mouth, thus giving her a few silent moments to compose herself in front of Kaylie and Emily. The color might've been bolder than normal for Payson (a chapstick-only type of girl), but she embraced the experimentation without complaint and proceeded smack her lips on the tissue offered to her.
"Sorry to disappoint you two," Payson said calmly. "But my evening – though lovely – was just a normal family dinner. And afterwards – not that it's any of your business - I hung out with my little sister in my hotel room. End of story."
That was a lie, of course…at least part of it. Payson indeed had spent the last part of her evening proofing the last section of her book while Becca channel surfed. Technically speaking, her evening had been average: dinner with the family, typical wind-down, and bedtime at a decent hour. Still, there had been that special ingredient to last night that Payson was not telling them about…a special ingredient that had uplifted her after an insanely confusing day, followed her into her blissful dreams, and inspired her to wake up the next morning with a silly grin that she still couldn't seem to shake.
That ingredient, otherwise known as Sasha Belov, would remain her little secret.
Still, as Payson made eye contact with Emily and Kaylie, it became apparent that her explanation hadn't quenched their thirst. So, just for good measure, Payson tacked on a sentence to her speech that she knew with scare these curious ex-teammates of hers into silence.
"My goodness…you two are as bad as Lauren, did you know that?"
Kaylie and Emily both shifted uncomfortably in their seats after this comparison and wisely said no more.
"Speaking of Lauren…where is she?" Payson added, suddenly realizing that they were missing their fourth Rock Rebel.
"She texted me and said she was running late." Kaylie explained. "But she said something about wanting to talk to us as soon as she got in. I don't know, that girl abbreviates so many words in her texts. I had a hard time decoding the message."
"And…Sasha's not here either?" Payson asked, keeping her voice as casual as possible as she mentioned the one name that she'd been dying to say all morning.
"I guess not." Emily shrugged, leaning toward her mirror and brushing a stray hair back in place.
Suddenly, Emily paused. In the background of her mirror she saw someone stumble into the studio.
"Oh lord...what happened to him?"
Payson turned around and followed her friend's line of sight to find out what who was looking at.
It was Sasha.
At first, Payson's heart leapt in her chest excitedly. Just seeing him again inspired an internal reaction.
Then, she looked closer and suddenly realized why Emily's face and tone dripped with alarm.
To put it bluntly, Sasha Belov looked like hell. He walked into the studio like a zombie - eyes unfocused, shirt untucked, and stubble more pronounced than usual. He looked around the room wildly, obviously eager to get to someone or something. His gaze finally landed on Kaylie, Emily and Payson Keeler. With a look of determination that could only be described as Olympic, Sasha strode forward toward their make-up chairs.
"He looks..." Emily stared.
"...crazy." Kaylie finished for her.
Payson had to agree. Almost against her will she locked eyes with Sasha and felt her stomach sink. Why did she have a horrible feeling that this was about her?
Once in front of the girls, Sasha heaved a heavy sigh and finally spoke. His voice came out hoarse and gruff.
"Payson, I need to speak with - "
"Is everyone ready for interviews?"
Ben Pierce's impeccable timing was a thing of wonder. He waltzed in right in the middle of Sasha's sentence. Sasha Belov looked like he wanted to kill him, but Ben did not notice this.
"It's a beautiful day for filming, isn't it?" Ben said with his anchorman smile. "Now, where's Lauren?"
"Running." Kaylie said. "She overslept, but should be here any minute."
"Good! Well, I think we should -"
"Ben, I need to speak with Payson." Sasha said. The combination of this expression and British accent increased his authority ten fold. "It can't wait."
"Of course!" Ben said pausing awkwardly to stare at him.
Sasha sighed impatiently. "In private..." he clarified.
"Oh! Well, why didn't you say so?" Ben asked with a chuckle. "Feel free to duck into any of the back rooms. I'll prep Kaylie and Emily while you two talk."
Sasha nodded blindly. Without speaking he took hold of Payson's arm and led her out of her chair and down the hallway.
His grip was firm, but not painful.
Payson's heart rate climbed as Sasha led her down the hallway. She wondered if he could tell…his hand was so close to her pulse point.
"What's going on, Sasha?" Payson asked.
Her question was pointless. Sasha wouldn't speak to her until after they were far from prying eyes and ears. He quickly ducked into a backroom and shut the door behind them.
Payson stared at Sasha as he slowly turned to face her. She noted the dark circles under his eyes and the tension that was filling the room as if it was invisibly pouring out of his body and filling up all the free space between them.
"Sasha, you don't look so good. Are you - ?"
"Why didn't you tell me Payson?"
His words cut through her like a knife. She paused and let them sink in.
"Payson." He repeated her name with purpose – almost begging. He locked their blue eyes together in an uncomfortable confrontation that Payson knew she couldn't avoid now. All of the optimism from last night and that morning suddenly left her body and, once again, Payson felt like a sixteen-year-old who had just done something unspeakably stupid.
"How did you -?" she started, her voice barely above a whisper.
"I saw the pills in your purse last night."
Payson closed her eyes. The elevator…she remembered now.
"Sasha, I can explain…" she started desperately, wondering if she could formulate some magic excuse or lie to once again dodge the inevitable. "See, what you saw was-"
"I know what I saw." Sasha insisted, now sounding on the edge of insanity. "Why didn't you tell me Payson? Geeze...why did you keep this to yourself? What exactly was the logic behind that decision?"
"I-I'm sorry." She said, immediately averting her eyes to the ground. "Look, I know you're angry at me, but can we just talk about this calmly and rationally?"
Payson's voice cracked during her last sentence. Damn it, she thought. That's exactly how I want to sound right now. Vulnerable. Excellent.
Sasha's expression softened. He walked towards her briskly. For a second, it looked like he was going to take Payson's hand, but he abruptly stopped himself mid-gesture and winced. It was as if he couldn't bare to touch her.
Payson's heart sank as she noticed this and unwelcome déjà vu invaded her thoughts.
"I'm not angry at you." Sasha said slowly. "I'm angry at myself, Payson."
Her eyes shot up – alert and surprised by this answer. Out of all of the hundreds of horrible scenarios Payson Keeler had envisioned about this possible conversation, never had she anticipated this angle from Sasha. Never.
"Wait, what?" she asked. "You're angry at…yourself?"
"Of course I am." Sasha said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"For sleeping with me?"
That did it. The words were spoken. Sasha sharply inhaled after her blunt word choice and nodded his head.
"Payson I hate myself for what happened and I hate that you felt the need to keep it from me." Sasha said, looking down at her and interacting with her in the coach-athlete fashion he was so used to. "You know very well from our past experiences how protective I am of you girls…and the fact that I…that I…crossed a line –"
"We." Payson corrected, though Sasha didn't seem to notice.
"The fact that I crossed a line with you is just torturing me, Payson." He said. "I barely slept last night, I was so worried about you. I don't blame you for hating me."
"I don't hate you..."
"I know," Sasha said, looking sheepish. "Geeze, you invited me to your family dinner! We even danced and joked around…and all the while you didn't tell me that anything was wrong."
"Nothing was wrong." Payson said tersely. She stepped back from him and folded her arms.
Sasha was too wrapped up in his own self -loathing to notice that Payson was no longer looking vulnerable. Her eyes were no longer cast down. A surge of determination was overtaking her body. With every coach-like, self-deprecating word that Sasha uttered, her will only strengthened. Frankly, she wasn't sure how much more of this she could tolerate.
"I feel like such an idiot." Sasha continued to rant, running his hands through his hair with an unsettling expression. "I can barely look at myself in the mirror. How could I have done this to you? Was I that drunk? Did I…did I take advantage of you? Jesus! I should've never called you that night. You know, I had a bad feeling about this -" he gestured between him and Payson. " –but I didn't listen to my instincts. I make the same mistakes over and over again…."
Payson's eyes widened and something strong bubbled inside her, ready to explode.
"What kind of role model am I?" he asked in wonderment. "Payson, I don't even know how you can tolerate me right now-"
"SHUT UP, SASHA!" Payson cried, stamping her foot on the ground.
Sasha closed his mouth, wondering if Payson was finally going to express her disgust towards him and his horrific behavior. He cast his eyes down, expected the worst. Little did he know, Payson was planning something entirely different.
She stepped forward, shaking her head in disapproval.
"Screw your shame, Sasha."
And, in one connected movement, Payson Keeler stepped forward, grabbed her former coach, and brought his lips down to meet her own.
Lauren Tanner sprinted into the SNP studio with incredible speed. Lauren had originally planned to get to the studio an hour early to execute her "plan," but fate had unfortunately stepped in. Not only did her hotel wake-up call never come through, but – because of her frantic rush - her hair remained unwashed and her face was make-up free (two things normally not allowed when Lauren went out in public). Still, she didn't care. She had to get to the Rock Rebels as soon as humanly possible.
"Excuse me, excuse me!" she cried, pushing innocent assistants and PA's out of the way to get to Kaylie and Emily. They were lingering on the edge of the interview set looking bored while Ben Pierce chatted with a cameraman.
"Lauren…" Emily said, looking confused as the blond ran up panting. "Finally. We thought that you were –"
"Stop." Lauren said between breaths. Before uttering another word, she got a notepad out of her tote bag and began scribbling on a piece of paper. After a few seconds she held it up to the two girls.
I caught Ben bugging the place last night. There are cameras everywhere and I mean EVERYWHERE. Have you two said anything compromising?"
Kaylie and Emily shook their heads frantically.
"Good." Lauren said out loud, eyeing Ben out of the corner of her eye. "OK, so where are Payson and Sasha? I need to tell them too."
Kaylie and Emily's faces fell.
"Oh my God…" Kaylie whispered. "Sasha said they needed to speak in private somewhere."
Lauren's eyes bulged. "Where?" she mouthed.
Emily and Kaylie both frantically pointed down the back hallway.
Without waiting for further direction, Lauren Tanner began sprinting yet again.
a/n – This is long overdue. I. Am. So. Sorry.