"Cosima, I would love to be your girlfriend," She said kissed "But I need to tell you something first."
Delphine sat up on the bed as the brunette moved off her lap to sit beside her. Delphine moved one of her pillows on to her lap playing with the fringing unsure how to start; Cosima brushed her thumb over the back of hand, reassuring the blonde who looked scared and lost.
"You remember when you asked if my parents were coming over from France or if I was flying over for Christmas? Well I have not spoken to parents since I was fourteen, it was my last year and I had just taken my exams, we had a party in the hall it was actually good. Chloe was my best friend and my roommate at the school; we often dreamed of flying away together, you know childish thoughts about escaping the reality and entering a magical world where everything is okay. That night Chloe woke me up in the middle of the night, when all the nuns were sleeping, dressed in my white night gown; we ran and went to the magical kingdom. It was the best night of my life. Well it was until we got caught."
"Delphine, it's okay, you don't need to tell me all this. This won't stop me from wanting you, from loving you." Cosima said pulling her closer as she her tears fell from her face.
"Please, I need to tell you. My parents found out and they screamed, my father turning red foaming at the mouth, like some sort of wild animal. I got put in isolation from all the other girls, nobody dared to even look at me, and I found Chloe in the playground. They…were kicking, spitting, throwing dirt on her…and I just stood there. I couldn't move Cosima" Delphine cried, hot tears burning down her cheeks, she was visibly shaking with the memories of her past that haunted her. Cosima enveloped the girl as she held her tightly until she was able to speak again.
"I never went outside again after that, but I would write her a note and leave it there under her pillow. I don't know if she got them. A few weeks later I went down at my usual time for my bath; a small flickering light was left on and I walked through…and…she…was…there…Cosima." Delphine cried sobbing as her breathing became faster and faster at the image of her first love in the bloody bath tub. Cosima stroked up and down her back telling her to breathe as Delphine began to panic clinging on to her skin.
They pair sat tangled in each other as Delphine's breathing returned to normal, the smaller brunette trying to comprehend what she had just told her.
"I got into medical school and I moved to Paris to stay with my aunt, she did was not religious. She was nice but not affectionate. Then at twenty when I moved here, I worked and studied for my PhD and I had just finished my shift and I was walking through the parking garage and I heard footsteps following me, and as I turned around, I felt a huge pain in my stomach. They took my bag and car and that's how I met Krystal. She found me slumped over on the bumper of her car, she never left me. A&E let her in even though they knew she wasn't my sister but I am grateful they did. So you see Cosima, I am not just Delphine your boss, but I am Delphine that has cycles of depressions, of anxiety, and nightmares. You asked if I wanted to be your girlfriend, but now I will ask you, because I understand if you say no, it is a lot to deal with, everything is ok just now but what happens when I push you away…or I scream in the middle of the night and we have work very early, you will become exhausted too…or what if-"
"Delphine. Stop, look we might have only started this physical relationship ten days ago, now. But I have been in love with you since I first saw you, yeah it took us a year to start this but this is just the start. I know we can do this, when I'm with you it just feels right. And god, Delphine, you are amazing, and so what if you scream during the night sometimes, I fart, really loud and it stinks. Like really bad" Cosima said making Delphine chuckle.
"See, I can make you smile and laugh. You can never get rid of me, you could try but I'm like a boomerang I will always come back to you. Because I love you Delphine Cormier" Cosima voiced cracked with the tears that she had tried to hold in but found it impossible now with the way that the blonde was looking at her.
"Je t'aime" Delphine whispered kissing the brunette's face as they embraced together.
The world outside the blonde's bed room was non-existent, they were both lost in each other.
New Year's Day
The girls spent the rest of New Year wrapped up in each other. Cosima woke first processing the details of Delphine's past; it scared her. She sat in silence as images of a young Delphine that she saw from the newspaper cuttings swarmed her mind; a bloody Delphine lying cold in a parking lot bleeding out, alone, made Cosima's skin crawl. She looked down at the sleeping beauty, her warm breath hitting her thigh. She lightly moved a stray curl off her face as she continued to sleep soundly. The brunette stared into the wall opposite; she knew the two girls were lying to her about how they met but she never expected that as the response, but it made sense now why Krystal was reluctant to leave her alone with Delphine. Also how guarded the blonde was, how she could easily change and adapted to situations that she found impossible to do, but Delphine had been doing it most of her life it seemed. She has never let anybody see the real her, the one that Cosima got to see in the safety of her own home. Cosima heart filled with warmth at the thoughts.
Delphine brushed a single tear away from Cosima's cheek; she fell back into the long arms around her mid-section unaware that she was even crying. Together they lay side by side. They eventually drifted off back to sleep. They just spent the rest of the afternoon, early evening wrapped in each other, holding and caressing each other. It was the perfect way to wake up, even if Cosima's mind was still trying to process.
Cosima left later that evening, to see her sister who was nursing a hangover and had set of marks around her neck, she smirked at the memory of her sister and Beth last night, god was that just last night she thought to herself as she lounged across a chair, as she listened to her sister talk about the events she missed at the party, because she was too busy shagging, if she only knew.
"Oi, are you even listening, Cos?" Sarah snapped
"Yeah, yeah, that guy Felix got everybody doing the conga" Cosima said rubbing her temples, her eyes blinking rapidly trying to keep focused on her sisters voice, as the French woman's haunted her, cracking heavily.
"Alright" Sarah sighed looking pointedly at her sister's face, trying to read her emotions.
"Well, he slipped, shit faced he was, smashed a glass when he went down, his arse bleeding red raw, Cosima, did you hear me, he got glass in his arse cheeks" Sarah said irritably as her sister was not listening to a word she had spoken since she entered her apartment.
"What has she done" Sarah asked jumping up from her hair to stand with her hands on her hips ensuring that she got her sisters full attention.
"Nothing, she hasn't done anything." Cosima said shutting her eyes tightly.
"Then why are you so moody? Did she wear you out or something" Sarah moved her sister's feet as she moved to sit on the arm rest.
"Am not, and she didn't, we didn't even have sex, if you must know" Cosima barked at her sister.
"Is that the problem?"
"No, god" Cosima pushed her glasses off her face in frustration at her sister's questions, Sarah gave her a hard stare as the silence and tension filled the small cluttered apartment.
"Last night, I asked Delphine if she wanted to be official. Like proper girlfriends…and" Cosima paused as her hands searched through the air as she bit her own lip to stop it from quivering.
"Did she say no? I'm going to kick her arse" Sarah said moving abruptly as if she was going to storm over to her apartment right now but her sister started speaking again making her slowly lean back on the arm rest.
"She told me everything Sarah, she told me about Krystal, about her past, her parents. Everything, and what if she's right, what if, I can't cope, or I trigger something, like the other day in the bath. Sarah, I have no idea what I'm doing, but god, I love her so much. But what if it's not enough, what if I can't save her from her past" Cosima rambled on as Sarah listened to every word trying to piece her inner monologue together so she could understand , but she needed more.
"In English please, Cosima" Sarah huffed.
Cosima told her everything, she needed to talk, say all her thoughts out loud or otherwise they would just consume her. Plus Sarah was her sister; she knew she could trust her with this.
"Bloody hell" Sarah spoke softly.
Cosima watched her face wondering if her sister's reaction reflected her own when Delphine told her, mouth dropping open getting wider with another detail of the story, eyes widening, becoming glossy but Sarah's tears did not fall unlike her own.
"She doesn't need saving Cosima; she's the director of a multi-national medical research company, dealing with corporate business bitches every day, she is tough. She can handle herself, yeah, just support her and love her. I mean, that's all you can do. Just remember she loves you, okay." Sarah comforted her sister.
"Yeah, yeah, you're totally right." Cosima sighed letting her anxieties free.
Sarah turned the radio on and Cosima opened a book, after a while, she heard soft snores coming from her sister's nose. She placed her book down on her lap, flicking through her phone as it was still receiving 'Happy New Year' messages, she opened them. Looking at the top of her recent message list, Delphine sat at the top, her thumb opened it. She stared at the blinking cursor as her fingers hovered over the key board. She didn't know what to say, she just wanted to talk to her, she craved her voice, she wanted Delphine to speak to her while, she drifted off into a blissful sleep. She wanted Delphine to hold her; she just wanted her presence, all the time. But instead she locked her phone, showered and went to bed.
Cosima tucked herself into her heavy duvet, as her thoughts swirled around her mind, tomorrow Sarah would be leaving, and she had two days before they started working again, two days to spend with Delphine. With her girlfriend, a smile subconsciously swept across her face.
She's my girlfriend. Mine.