Computer Apocalypse

Chapter 14: Day 13

Shadow and Wave

Shadow woke up from his deep sleep. He tried to get up, but he found that he was still bound to the ground by Knuckles' rings of sodomy and fake tears.

"GOD DAMN YOU KNUCKLES! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU, AND YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE BLOODY FAMILY!" Shadow yelled with a stereotypical thick, Russian, accent, still struggling to get free. Wave walked by.

"Shadow… Why are you chained to the floor?" asked Wave.

"Fought with Knuckles… He ripped me in half with his little red man chowder powers going on... Freakin… ripped me… freakin... I WILL CLAIM THOU REVENGE ON THY HEAD!!!" Shadow said in a Julius Caesar voice.

"Darn you must suck at fighting…" Wave complimented.

"Thanks Wave… That compliment makes me feel better at the fact I lost to Knuckles. Can you help me get out now?" Shadow asked.

"Sure, I just wanna try something before then, so be right back Shadow!" Wave said excitedly. She sprinted away and 25 minutes passed by until she came back. She came back with a giant Japanese wooden ass spanker.

"Wave… Wave..? What are you going to do with that..? Wait, just hold on Wave… Wave? WAAVVVVVVVEEEEEEE!!!!" Shadow yelled nervously.

"Don't worry, I know what's best." Wave's eyes sparkled as she walked toward Shadow.

Whack!

Knuckles

"…You're beautiful, it's true. I saw your face, in a crowded place. And I don't know what to do… cause I'll never be with y-" Knuckles stopped as he was interrupted by a bloody kernelled scream.

"NOOOOOOO! AH GOD THAT HURTS! WAVE STOP! AH GEEZ! NO IT DOESN'T GO LIKE THAT! ARGH! I HATE BONDAGE! ESPECIALLY BONDAGE PORN! MY GOODNESS, HOW DOES ANYONE OTHER THAN JAPANESE PEOPLE FIND BONDAGE HOT AT ALL!? UNLESS THEY WERE COMMUNIST OR SADISTS, BUT WHAT THE FLYING FUDGE!?!?!?!?" cried Shadow.

"Crap! I left Shadow at the park since yesterday!" Knuckles yelled. He put his guitar down and flew to where Shadow was. Knuckles rushed to the park where he had left Shadow and when he got there, he saw what Wave was doing to him. Knuckles walked away, slowly and backwards, and will never get that sick image of painful romance out of his head again.

- - -

Nobody met at the apartment because it was the useless holiday Ides of March! Everybody was just hanging out and having fun.

- - -

Big

"To first become a drummer… I must look like a drummer…" Big walked into the Station Square Tattoo Parlor. After that he walked to the Station Square Hair Cutters.

Amy

"First I need to fight four characters that aren't used in Sonic games anymore… Because Sonic Team likes to make stupid new characters in every game… Like Silver and Blaze…" Amy said. She pulled out her cell phone from her bra and called somebody.

"Hello? Batman speaking." Said a weird, deep, mental voice. Kinda like Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants.

"Mighy? I just realized that I love you and I want you inside me. Do you wanna come to Station Square to love me back?" asked Amy. The phone line ended, "I guess that's a yes…" Amy put her phone back inside of her bra and walked aimlessly around Station Square.

Sonic and Cream

"Cream, are you sure this is going to help us fight? This just seems too hardcore and strangely erotic…" Sonic said.

"Yes, this just works on our stamina and we burn a lot of calories from doing this. Now just stick it in and pump me hard and fast big boy!" Cream said seductively. Sonic plugged the chord into the outlet and started pumping the machine to the max…

Hah, I bet you thought they were having sex...

Shadow

"AHAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! THIS HURTS MORE THAN THE TIME I FELL INLOVE WITH A CACTUS!!!" Shadow cried as Wave smacked him again.

"OH GOD SHADOW!!" Wave moaned.

"OH GOD WAVE! Wait, what the WTF am I doing? I could just Chaos Control myself out of here…" Shadow said as he disappeared.

- - -

Only a few of the team met at the restaurant. Sonic and Cream were still in the forest, learning to fight, Shadow was covertly hiding from the sex fiend Wave, and Knuckles was still puking by what he had seen this day. Big walked in with a million body tattoos, body piercing, and a Mohawk. He looked a lot like a sexy, but good drummer from an American pop punk band famous for the song, All the Small Things and First Date… You know, Blink 182? Everybody's favorite band back in the year 2000 unless you were born 7 years ago? You know… Blink 182? Dumb asses…

"Big! Do ya wanna join my band as the drummer?" asked Vector.

Just then Kurt Colbain ran past the restaurant with 21 people with knives chasing him. He first got stabbed in the neck by Casca, turned around and got stabbed in the shoulder, then got stabbed by everybody else who was there to kill him. Kurt turned around and saw Brutus, his best friend, a noble man, a great leader, his killer. Just then, Kurt turned his toga over his head and with his one final breath he said,

"Et…tu…Brute..?" Kurt asked. Brutus delivered the final stab. Who cares? Kurt will probably come back next chapter…

"Sure! I'll join the band!" said Big.

"Woo hoo! Our band name is called "We Touch Ourselves" and we are making a CD called "In Different Houses". I'm the singer, you're the drummer, Espio is the guitarist, and Kurt is the back up vocals and the lead guitarist... Man this'll be so hot! I'm going to go away to write a song!" Vector said excitedly as he flew off! The team left the restaurant.

- - -

Amy

Amy was walking home and then she saw Mighty standing outside her window. WITH HIS RADIO!

"Mighty… How did you find out where I live?" asked Amy.

"Mighty SMASH Amy hard in the mouth." Mighty said, completely ignoring Amy's question… wow, that reminds me of this dumb kid who used to stalk me…

"I really brought you here so I could fight you… I don't love you at all." Amy bluntly said.

"Mighty's heart is broken." Mighty said, on the verge of crying.

Just then, while Mighty was distracted from his rejection, Amy tackled Mighty down to the asphalt, but Mighty kicks her off. Mighty gets back up and pulls something out of his pants, which happens to be a flower vase. Just then Mighty throws the vase at Amy, but Amy catches it and throws it back, hitting Mighty's head, knocking him down. Mighty got back up, then blindly charged Amy with a knife, but Amy sidesteps Mighty's stab, then smashes the side of his face with the hilt of her sword. His jaw cracked, but Mighty back handed Amy to the floor. He kicked her on the stomach while she was down, and Mighty then sits on Amy, then punches her in the face wildly.

Amy placed her arms to her face, to block, and she used her feet to move her sword around and she stabbed Mighty's shoulder, who rolls off of her, writhing and screaming in pain. Amy stood up, then Mighty stands up to pull the sword out of his shoulder, and tries to horizontally slash Amy, but Amy ducks under the swing, and kicked Mighty's knee cap, causing him to fall over forward. She then elbows Mighty in the back of the neck, knocking him unconscious. Amy picks up Mighty's body and throws it into a stone wall, breaking his back. Mighty gets back up and coughed out blood, but then Amy grabs Mighty by the hair and smashes Mighty's face into the wall repeatedly. Headshot! Bomb Defused! Counter Terrorists win!

"Yay! Now I gotta fight Fang the Weasel." Amy said. She walked away, to leave Mighty out in the middle of the road. Just then a cool kid with a unicycle and sunglasses comes speeding down the road at a shocking 8 miles per hour.

"Mighty… can't…move… Mighty… is… gone…" Mighy said, barely able to breathe. The wheel and Mighty's neck collided, and there was BLOOD EVERYWHERE!!!

Ehem… I truly and utterly apologize for that sick, cruel, morbid description of someone's death, and I hope it doesn't offend you in anyway. I truly hope that you continue to let me enlighten you with this story after that first offence.

Vector

"You see me rolling… They hatin… Something something something, when you're trying to catch me ridin dirty… Tryin to catch me ridin dirty, tryin to catch me ridin dirty, tryin to catch me ridin dirty…" Was what was heard on MTV.

"ZOMG, ZOMG, ZOMG!!! That should be my inspiration for my new song I'm writing!!" Vector yelled as he got a pen and paper and started writing away with his guitar on his lap.

Big

"Next step in becoming a drummer… get a drum set…" Big said. He walked into the store, and 2 hours he walked back out.

"Freaking… $1000… Jeez, that's more than I make in an hour!" Big complained, "Wait, I have a perfect idea…"

Big walked back into the store, and came back out with a huge, misshaped bump in his pants. He reached out of his pants, and pulled out the item that made the bump into the car. It was a complete drum set.

"Wow, I didn't expect people to actually believe me when I said that I had a drum shaped tumor whenever I had an erection…" Big said as he drove off.

Shadow

"Whew… I was able to get out of those rings… Now I have to find a way to get rid of Wave's DAMN spanker." Shadow said to himself. Just then, Shadow sees Wave rush after him.

"Shadow!" Wave yelled out. She doesn't seem to have her spanker with her. Shadow starts walking towards Wave, expecting peace, love, tranquility, and nudism, but Wave pulled out the ass spanker from her pants out of nowhere.

"God damn you Julius Caesar!" Shadow cried as he ran away.

"SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHAAAAADDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!" Wave yelled playfully.

Knuckles and Rouge

Rouge opened Knuckles' door. She saw the red guy on the floor, surrounded by vomit, blood, urine, saliva, feces, and Ben Affleck, dead. Not really, because can you imagine how bad all that would smell? Yeah, so he was just surrounded by blood, dead.

"Noooooo! Knuckles!" Rouge cried. Just then Knuckles walked out of the bathroom.

"Oh, hi cutie! I don't live in this room anymore. I moved into your closet because I puked 98 times in this room, and it smells worse than a sweating fat man in a gym class in first period. Well, a sweaty fat man doesn't really smell bad IF he is wearing a good deodorant, but actually bad and good odors are opinions so tech-" Knuckles was interrupted.

"Who is that dead Knuckles laying on the floor?" asked Rouge.

"Oh, that's my evil twin brother. He saw something disgusting, taped it for me, and died seven days later. I saw the tape too. It was weird because the tape showed a bunch of rings, spinning chairs, middle aged women looking at mirrors, and a girl with long hair climbing up a well saying seven days in a creepy, macabre way..." Knuckles said.

"Oh…kay..?" Rouge said stupefied. They both walked to Rouge's room and Rouge rode Knuckle's turbulence again. After one hour of Sonic Riders…

"Knuckles." Rouge said with a sweet tone of seriousness in her face.

"Something wrong? You didn't like my turbulence this time? If you want, I can buy Four Tails and make it 14 inches next time we have hardcore animal se-" Knuckles was interrupted.

"No, it's not that…" Rouge said.

"Then what is it?" asked Knuckles.

"Is it love or just for teh hard-core butt secks?" Rouge asked. Just then the song 'Stairway to Heaven' plays on the radio and the couple instantly fell asleep.