Katsuki Does Not Dream of Pink Cheeks

Chapter 14: Hell

"Natto flavored? That sounds fucking disgusting." Katsuki commented as Ashido handed him the menu.

"Well, you're not the one eating it, so no judging!" snapped back Mina.

The blonde eyed the menu begrudgingly. Not only was he not one for triple dates, but we wasn't exactly fond of ice cream either. Bakugo didn't hate it, but it was far from something he'd go out of his way to eat. Which meant he had no idea what to order.

Chocolate. Vanilla. Those were pretty standard right? He'd had both before and found both boring. Katsuki had never had strawberry, but he sure as hell wasn't going to try it here and give the girls an excuse to go on about how unexpected his choice was. Strawberry was a girl's ice cream, right?

The list went on and on. He'd heard this place had the widest selection in Japan, but even so, the variety was as impressive as it was overwhelming. And for an ice cream novice like Katsuki, the overwhelming nature of the menu was what bled through most to him. Rocky road. Avalanche. Coconut Swirl. The All Might?!

They had an ice cream named after All Might?! Of course they did… place seemed to have over 100 flavors. Shouldn't have surprised Katsuki that the number one hero had made the cut. He wondered if the flavor had been named before or after Kamino Ward. Not that it made a difference either way. Bakugo just wondered if they'd named it for the active hero or in remembrance of his pro career.

Mochi. Green Tea. Dragon. Toffee. Caramel. Turtle. Wasabi. Respiro Del Diavolo. Three of these flavors had a little fireball to the side like a sort of asterisk. Did this mean spicy ice cream was a thing?! Katsuki was home free.

"Is everybody a ready to order?" Tin Can asked, practically skipping to their table.

"Yeah, I think we're all set!" Ashido replied eagerly.

"Alright a then! Let us a start with the lovely young ladies, what can I a get for you?"

"Um…" Mina started, unsure if he was indicating her or one of the other girls. "I'll have three scoops of natto, please."

"Very well! And for the lovely a lady beside a you?"

"I'll have two scoops of Jelly Jubilee." Frog Girl replied coolly.

"And for a the young a man with the a messy hair?" Tin Can continued, the pen in his hand moving like lightening as he jotted down orders.

"I'll have the All Might! Two scoops please!" said Deku enthusiastically.

Katsuki nearly vomited. Of course that fucking nerd would order the All Might. That stupid fucking fanboy.

"Ah! An excellenta choice! One of our most a popular! How about the young a man besida you?"

"I'll also have the All Might. Two scoops please." Icy Hot responded.

Well wasn't that just fucking precious. That Icy Hot bastard and fucking Deku were two peas in a fucking pod. Just who was on a date here?! Fuck it, those two deserved each other.

"See what I a mean? Popular! And how about the a loud boy?" asked the disembodied voice.

"Hey! You skipped me!" whined Invisibitch.

"Oh! I'm a sorry! I didn't see a you there!" Tin Can replied, turning to where he'd heard the complaint. "Wait a second, where are a you?! I still don't see a you!"

"You're looking right at me!"

"You don't have a face?!"

"I do too! You just can't see it! And who are you to talk?!"

"My scoops are my a face! I have my a mother's complexion!"

"What the hell's that even mean?!" Bakugo chimed in.

"Stay a patient, loud boy! I will a back to you shortly! I know a the young men want to get a their ice cream as quickly as a possible!" Tin Can said, waving a metallic hand at him dismissively. "Sorry for the a mistake, young lady! What can I a get you?"

"I'll have three scoops of caramel flavored!"

"A roger that! And last but not a least?" he said, turning to Katsuki.

"Four scoops of… Respiro Del Diavolo. Or however the hell you pronounce it." the blonde replied curtly.

"Oh you don't want a that! It's much too hot, you won't a like it, it'll burna your mouth!"

"Don't tell me what I want, damn it! I want the spiciest thing you have, got it?!"

"Al-a-right," Tin Can relented slowly, jotting it down violently, shaking his case of a head. "Don't a say I didn't warn you."

Tin Can exited into a side room efficiently. It was weird just watching him move around. Bakugo knew one of the current top ten heroes was a washing machine or something, so he tried not to be too judgmental, but it was still insane to see this clown firsthand.

"He's totally gonna spit in your food." Mina sighed.

"Then I'll kill him!" Bakugo said, an explosion instinctively crackling in his hand.

"You really shouldn't treat your waiters so poorly." Icy Hot chided.

"WHO ASKED YOU?! I'LL KILL YOU! THEN WE'LL SEE WHO I'M 'TREATING POORLY', YOU BASTARD!"

"It's okay, Kacchan! I'm sure Todoroki didn't mean anything by it!" Deku added in defensively.

"CAN IT, DEKU! LIKE I NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT ANYONE MEANS!"

Ashido kicked him from under the table. Katsuki looked to her, only to find daggers staring back at him. She wasn't as pissed as he was – that would've been hard to accomplish – but seeing as Raccoon Eyes was the only one he was here to please, he had to at least try to take a hint.

"I've got to say, I'm surprised you came, Bakugo." Frog Girl commented after a brief silence. "Never thought you'd be one for group dates. Or that anyone would ask you to one."

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

He was met with another swift kick under the table. Katsuki glared at his pink date. Yet his look of warning didn't faze her. Mina's amber eyes were as determined as the firm line on her face.

"Why do I like her stupid fucking face so much?!"

"Yeah! I was surprised too!" Invisibitch added. "You were the last person I expected Mina to bring when she brought up this triple date!"

"The feeling's mutual. You idiots were the last thing I expected to find." Katsuki replied, exercising his utmost restraint.

However, no amount of restraint he displayed seemed to satisfy Ashido's foot.

"WILL YOU STOP FUCKING KICKING ME UNDER THE TABLE?!"

"THAT DEPENDS, CAN YOU TRY BEING NICE FOR TWO SECONDS!" Mina shot back.

"SCREW YOU, I'VE BEEN A FUCKING PEACH!" replied Bakugo venomously.

"UGGHHH! GIVE IT A REST!"

"You two are a real pair." Half and Half interjected icily.

"HOW ABOUT I SHOW YOU A REAL PAIR, YOU BASTARD!" Katsuki fumed, raising his fists.

"Alright, that's it!" Mina surrendered, pinching the blonde's ear and leading him away.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, RACCOON EYES?! LET GO OF MY FUCKING EAR ALREADY!"

Katsuki's date led him far away from their terrified peers and back to the entrance of the restaurant so they were out of sight. When she finally relinquished her hold of his left ear, Mina's hands instantly found her hips as she prepared give him a full throttle lecture and/or just chew him out relentlessly.

"What's the matter with you?!"

"You didn't tell me it was gonna be a fucking triple date! How is this my fault?!"

"Look, can you just play nice with everyone for five minutes? You're embarrassing me!"

"Then I'll get the hell out of here then!" Bakugo replied eagerly.

"What do you think you're doing?! You can't just bail on me, you jerk! You're my date!"

"Then what do you want me to do, damn it?!"

"To treat this like an actual date and enjoy yourself! So stop yelling at everyone and enjoy ice cream with me, will ya?"

"It wouldn't be a fucking problem if it was just you, but you had to bring that damn nerd and Icy Hot along!"

"Look, I'm sorry, okay?" Mina replied, oddly sweetly. "How can I make it up to you?"

Alien Queen put a finger to her chin and formed a look that was equal parts apologetic and seductive. Now that they had a moment alone, he had time to take her all in. She was just wearing a tight yellow t-shirt and her UA training pants. Nothing extravagant. You could even argue it was sleepwear. But it all elicited an unwanted reaction out of Bakugo all the same.

"Stop fucking looking at me like that. For starters." Katsuki replied uneasily.

"Aww. Is it reminding someone of their huge crush on me?" Ashido replied cutely.

"It's reminding me how fucking annoying you are."

"There's that side you won't let anybody else see." she teased with a grin.

"Screw this, I'm out of here." Bakugo said, turning to leave.

"Bakugo, look at me." Mina urged impatiently.

"What the hell do you want now?" Katsuki asked with equal impatience as he turned back to her.

"Be nice to me," she said playfully, crossing her arms. "Like you were yesterday."

"Will you shut up about the beach already? It was a one-time thing!"

"If you wanted it to be a onetime thing, you wouldn't be here right now," Ashido shot back, sticking her tongue out. "So be a little nice for once. Otherwise I'll have to tell everyone what a sweet guy you can be when you really put your mind to it."

Her words were both playful and threatening.

"You wouldn't…"

"Only one way to find out." Mina replied with a wink.

"Whatever," Katsuki relented after a beat of uncomfortable silence. "Let's just go eat our stupid ice cream so I can get the hell out of here."

"That's more like it." She smirked victoriously, leading the way back.

The blonde slid his hands back in his pockets as they began to make their way back to their table. Bowls of ice cream were in front of every chair. Ashido's natto ice cream looked as gross as Katsuki had imagined it would. Smelled as gross too. They took their seats and Mina eagerly took to her spoon.

"Sorry about that guys! Had to keep the party pooper from dining and dashing."

"We were worried your scoops were going to melt by the time you got back." Frog Girl commented.

"Well I'm glad we made it back in time!" Ashido replied with a full mouth. "It's so good!"

Bakugo reluctantly picked up his spoon and stabbed into the highest scoop in the bowl. He'd never seen an ice cream so pink. If not for the peppers also inhabiting his bowl, he might have thought they'd given him strawberry by mistake. As he moved his bowl closer to him, he noticed a piece of paper underneath it, nearly fully covered in words with a long line at the bottom.

"Oh yeah! Baron Aisukurimu said to make sure you sign that waiver before you take a single bite, Kacchan!"

"A waiver?! What do you mean, you nerd?! For a bowl of fucking ice cream?!"

"The baron said it's dangerously hot." Half and Half added.

"Yeah! Something about the Scoville units or something!" said Invisibitch frantically.

"Whatever…" Katsuki relented, searching for a pen in his immediate area. "That tin can didn't leave a damn pen?!"

"Huh. I guess not." Frog Girl observed.

"Deku…" Bakugo began, his tone sounding like the calm before a storm.

"Uhhh… Yeah Kacchan?..." Deku asked shakily.

The blonde could feel Ashido readying her foot for a swift kick from under the table. It was Katsuki's sixth sense at this point.

"Give me a pen."

"…Huh?" he asked in absolute confusion.

"You're always writing shit down in your notebooks. If anyone's got a pen, it's bound to be you." Katsuki stated, eyes fixated on dissecting his bowl while he refused to look at his pitifully baffled rival.

"Oh! Sure! Of course!" he exclaimed, reaching into his pocket and retrieving a pen before offering it to Bakugo.

King Explosion Murder jerked it away and scribbled down his name on the waiver. From what he glimpsed of the wording, he wasn't technically old enough for his signature to mean anything, but if Tin Can wasn't going to question it, Katsuki wasn't going to let it get in his way. An ice cream that you had to sign for was the only dessert worth Bakugo's time. It was fitting. Nothing else would leave the same impression.

"Here." Katsuki said snappily, offering the pen back with an impatient hand.

"Oh! Right! Thanks!" replied Deku in joyful disbelief.

Bakugo could see Mina smiling at him in his peripheral. Was this what she wanted? For him to grunt through the whole thing and not look at Deku's stupid face? Easy enough, annoying as it was. Tin Can reappeared as Katsuki brought the first spoonful of ice cream to his mouth.

"Ah! I see the lovely a couple has returned a to us! I take you it you signed a the waiver, Loud Boy?"

"Yeah. It's stupid as hell to have a waiver for ice cream though." The blonde replied curtly.

"I don't disagree," laughed the disembodied voice as one of Tin Can's metal hands snatched the paper from the table. "But I don't make a the laws. What can a you do? Is everything tasting al-a-right?"

"Yeah!" Ashido responded instantly. "This natto flavor is the bomb!"

Katsuki finally tasted his first spoonful while the others relayed their praise. It definitely didn't taste like anything that warranted a waiver. It was sweet and cold. Like ice cream. What was the big deal?

"Mine's really good too! Thanks!" followed Deku.

Icy Hot offered a nod of affirmation as he took in another bite. All the colors of the American flag could be seen in him and Deku's bowls. As good a play on All Might's hero costume as Bakugo could have expected. That all these flavors existed was enough to make the teen roll his eyes, but it made sense enough.

"The jelly flavor's great!" said Frog Girl next.

"Same goes for the caramel!" Invisibitch followed up before her frog-like friend was even finished.

He felt it now in the back of his throat. Something fiery and hard to swallow. It practically made Katsuki choke, but he refrained in order to keep his struggle to himself. The heat itself wasn't the worst he'd ever had, but its suddenness caught him off guard.

"That's one hell of an aftertaste."

"Well, if everybody's satis-a-fied, I'll leave a you too it!" responded Tin Can as he began to saunter away.

"How's yours, Bakugo?" asked Ashido interestedly.

"… It's fine." He responded, digging in for another spoonful's worth.

"Really? It didn't burn out your taste buds?" she asked playfully.

"As if it even could," Katsuki spat back. "It's still ice cream."

"Let me try a bite!" she replied, moving her spoon toward his bowl.

"You better not whine about it being too hot."

"I don't see your eyes watering yet. How bad can it be?" Mina asked, bringing a spoonful to her lips.

She chewed for a bit and crooked her head as if trying to decipher what was going on with it.

"Well? How is it?!" asked Invisibitch eagerly.

Ashido's face puckered as she dropped her spoon down into her bowl.

"I need water..." she begged in a sickly fashion.

"Oh no! Quick, let's go to the girl's room, ladies!" urged Invisibitch.

"Lead the way!" Ashido choked, standing on cue with her and Frog Girl as they all made their way to the restrooms at the far end of the parlor.

In no time at all they'd made their way through the wooden double doors as Katsuki rolled his eyes.

"It must've been really hot…" commented Deku.

"That's right…" Bakugo realized with dread.

That left just the three of them. Lord Explosion Murder and the two he hated most. He looked at them with impatient eyes. With Ashido gone, he didn't have anyone else to 'play nice' for.

"It's fucking ice cream, you idiot," he replied, taking another bite in testament to his analysis. "They probably just left to gossip or whatever the hell girls do when they go off in groups like that."

"You really think so?" asked Deku genuinely.

"Are you sure Ashido didn't just burn her mouth? It seemed like Hagakure was Asui were concerned." interjected Half and Half.

"What the hell can they do for her, Icy Hot? Help her drink some water from the sink faster?"

"Maybe it's for emotional support!" offered Deku.

"No one needs emotional support for eating fucking ice cream!" snapped Katsuki.

"Have you considered she might need emotional support for dealing with her date?" retorted Icy Hot.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Bakugo asked threateningly, slamming his fists into the table as he stood up.

"Calm down, Kacchan!"

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, DAMN IT! YOU CALM DOWN!"

"I'm surprised you're the one Ashido asked." Half and Half continued.

"Oh yeah?" Katsuki dared. "And why's that?! Cause I'm surprised you're still breathing!"

"Think about it. Of all the people to ask on a group date, she picked you. That's a lot of faith for Ashido to put in the least social person in our class."

"What're you trying to say, you idiot?"

"Oh, I see what you mean, Todoroki," Deku realized. "She could've asked anyone and probably would have had an easier time… but she asked you Kacchan. So that means either Ashido really likes you or she must have really wanted to do something nice for you."

"You making me out to be some kind of charity case, Deku?!" Katsuki raged.

"Of course not!" Deku said instantly, waving his hands defensively.

"Midoriya's saying you should feel honored she chose you when anyone else wouldn't have given her near as hard a time." Inserted Icy Hot.

"Pfft," Bakugo spat violently. "Whatever! Like you two idiots know any more about girls than I do. It's just a stupid ice cream dinner."

The blonde dipped his hands into his pockets and turned to walk away toward the double at the other end of the parlor.

"Where are you going, Kacchan?"

"None of your business! Let me piss in peace!"

Bakugo made quick work of reaching the double doors, pushing them open, and looking to the signs to find his way. The red icon in the dress was to his up top and to his right, which led him to find the men's bathroom by simply turning left. However, before Katsuki made his way there, he stopped in his tracks as he overheard the familiar voices of his classmates.

"Better now?" Invisibitch's voice rang faintly.

"Yeah. I just had to get the taste off my tongue. That was hot stuff!" he registered as being Ashido's voice.

"Bakugo shouldn't have let you try it if it was so overwhelming." Frog Girl's nasally voice chided.

"Well, he did warn me!" Mina laughed.

"Out with it, Mina? Why Bakugo?" Invisibitch demanded.

"What do you mean?" she asked, feigning confusion.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but I'm kind of curious too, now that you mention it." Frog Girl layered on.

"What's with the third degree, girls? He's cute."

"So's Kaminari, but you don't see me bringing him on any dates." Invisibitch replied snappily.

"Don't let Kyoka hear you say that." Pinky warned.

"No way! Kyoka and Kaminari?!"

"I mean it's not official or anything, but she totally has the hots for him," Mina replied nonchalantly. "It's only a matter of time."

"Either way, you're missing my point!" Invisibitch continued. "Why Bakugo of all people? There are tons of other cute boys out there in our class alone!"

"I dunno," Ashido replied absently, probably fiddling with her hair or something. "I guess I just wanted to see how he'd be on a date. I was surprised he even agreed. I mean, weren't you guys curious?"

"What am I?! Some kind of fucking lab rat?!" Katsuki thought, ready to blow the whole bathroom to kingdom come.

"To be honest, it's been about exactly what I'd expect of Bakugo if someone told me he was going on a date. He seems like he's being held hostage." Frog Girl critiqued.

"Be nice! You've got to admit, it's surprising that he's done this well. The Bakugo we knew a year ago wouldn't have made it through half as much."

"That's not saying much." Invisibitch teased.

Katsuki had heard enough. He turned around, forcibly pushed the double doors back open and passed his two most hated rivals without a word. The blonde was hellbent on pissing anywhere else at this point.

"Wait, Kacchan, where are you going now?" Deku called after him.

Paying him no mind, Bakugo made his way back to the front counter, which he found to be empty.

"HEY! BARON TIN CAN!"

The metal man instantly emerged from the bead curtain behind the counter.

"How may I a help you? And that's Baron Aisukurimu!"

"Whatever! I wanna pay already! Get on with it!" Katsuki seethed, slamming a crisp bill on the countertop.

"Very a well. I'll make a you change." Tin Can said compliantly.

A thought entered the blonde's now steaming head. He wasn't the only one having a rough time tonight.

"Not that it matters, but… I'm already here. Might as well be able to say it wasn't for nothing."

"Here a you go!" Tin Can said, handing him change. "Have a nice a day! Or a night! Yes, it's a night a now, isn't it?"

"Hey," Katsuki started, looking to the change in his hand. "Can you do a to-go order?"

AN:

So perhaps I fibbed a bit we'd be getting to the Sports Festival soon more than a few chapters back haha But it's coming, slowly but surely. It's certainly a lot closer now than it was. I apologize for the uncharacteristically lengthy wait for this chapter for you regular readers out there. Thanks for continuing to follow the story! This was the hardest chapter to write for me thus far and that in tandem with finally discovering Hunter x Hunter didn't do me any favors in making the time to write out this chapter. Nevertheless, it's here now, so I hope you all enjoyed! See you all next time!

-ER