14
"OK, I want to tell a story" Ianto said softly as he settled into the corner of the sofa where he liked to hide sometimes. "I will talk and you will listen, I will be as clear as I can be and you will try to keep up. OK?"
He didn't wait for the nod, simply beginning, "In the beginning there was a little boy who walked in the shadows. He was a mirror. Do you know what a mirror is? Of course you do. A mirror is something you look at that looks back at you. Like a void that echoes your own self. OK? So, anyway. I didn't know that other people were not mirrors, could not see themselves. I found this interesting, they found me terrifying because they saw themselves. I never saw myself reflected back so I was unsure if they saw me you see. Sliding along. They were all sheep, all the same cold and uncaring stare that I thought was me too. I didn't know. First time I looked into a true mirror I didn't know what I was looking at, had never seen it before. Endless. Like, a video camera recording itself on a screen, you know the same image over and over again in smaller increments. That's what I saw. Eternity."
Ianto took a drink of the tea that was cooling, the next words coming "You see, I am not a sheep. Not at all. Not a wolf either so don't worry about that, no. The sheep didn't like me became I didn't match, didn't copy the same. See? Like…like a dragon slumbering for so long moss grew, then it became dirt, then grass grew over it, then trees. A mountain. People looked at me and saw a mound of dirt. They didn't see the dragon within. I am a dragon."
Ianto looked at his friend to see if he was understood and saw that he had gone off topic, "Sorry, what I mean to say is that I see people, their true selves. I can see who they are, not who they try to be. Something that is terrifying all around sometimes. I used to think I was the only one able to but now I have found Jack. He sees me too. I look at him and see me. Crazy and very disconcerting at first. I am able to look at him now without it feeling, how do I say this… wrong? The centre of gravity sort of shifts when we look at one another. I am not explaining very well am I"
"So, your Empathic Abilities make you able to see the pain in others. Your pain you have suffered makes other's pain more obvious?" Owen asked as he contemplated.
"Yes" Ianto slumped with relief, he did get it after all or at least part of it, "I recognise me. That's right. Pain, loss, sorrow, confusion, want. I see them in people, something of it anyway. Now Jack has shown me himself and I see me as clear as day. Jack and I are in tune. We are the same. Why it works"
Owen knew he had drunk far too much and was a little confused as he watched Ianto spread the blanket over him, "Why are you telling me this shite?"
"Owen, I see you" Ianto sat on the edge of the sofa he had tucked Owen into, "I see the boy without affection. I see how terrified boarding school Owen was and how alone you are. I see you lust after her and scold yourself for even thinking you have a chance. I see you Owen. I see me. You can't con a conman. Stop this. You go after the obtainable fucks so you can pretend they matter, you matter for that moment. You come here and boast about it and watch her in the hopes that one day she will look at you with the same loathing you feel in your heart. You want her to mirror it."
"That why you warned me off Diane?"
"Diane is leaving, has probably already taken off" Ianto said as he placed the cup in its saucer with the upmost care, "I am saying that railing against the world will not matter a damn. Screaming from the rooftop is as good as pissing into the wind. You did not love Diane, she did not love you. That mirror was clear enough. You are not sad that she is gone. You are pissed that she was here. That she lied, that she could copy you so well you thought it was a reflection but really, she is just a good artist. Some do charcoal, some watercolours but gods she was good at casting that illusion of sameness. Owen. Look at me."
Owen looked up with fear and saw something that stilled his heart.
Ianto was small, alone and tired with circles under his eyes that made Owen want to hold him and make it better. Ianto was afraid, his body language that of fight or flee and his defiant stare had a hint of danger to it like he might spontaneously combust or fall to the floor with the drama of it.
"There you are" Ianto whispered, "See? I see you. I see me."
Ianto gathered Owen into his arms as Owen clutched at him and they sat for a while in the warmth of the embrace.
Owen finally got it.
Ianto was a mirror.
Owen had just met himself.