"Thank you, Bombur, for letting us use the kitchens. I truly appreciate it."
The large dwarf chuckled warmly as he rubbed his hands together, watching the hobbit move around like all the others were as pleasant aromas began to arise from where she worked. Although…those delicious smells made it quite hard to focus on the conversation, he had to admit. "No…no problem." His stomach rumbled, also appreciating the smells of a hobbit-lunch being made. "I'm just glad you came to me instead of letting Nori break in here. 'Cuz that would have been…that would have been…" Sniff, sniff. Happy sigh.
But Billa merely blinked, looking over her shoulder at him curiously. "That would have been…?"
"I think what Bombur's trying to say is that it would have been bad," Nori replied with a knowing grin at Bombur's sheepish one. He leaned against a nearby wall, arms crossed over his chest as the hobbit bustled about with a calm, eased pace as if she were right at home in the kitchen.
"Oh." She smiled warmly. "Why didn't he just say so?"
"Well, in his defense," Fili spoke up, face tilted towards the ceiling as if he could let himself soak in the aromas of stewing beef and potatoes. "It is rather hard to focus when it just smells…"
"…so heavenly…" Kili finished, inhaling and exhaling deeply.
His brother hummed in agreement, nodding.
Billa just modestly laughed, even as she finished whipping together the batter for her cake and grabbed the ready and buttered stone pan nearby to begin pouring it in. "You guys. You act as if you're starving dwarflings, never having eaten a decent meal before—which is a total lie, because I know Bombur and his family. They cook very well." And it was true—the tradition of midnight snacks had continued now that the hobbit had returned to the palace, and it was through those meetings that Billa finally had the chance to meet the dwarves who were so kind as to give her their leftovers from the day every night.
But Fili shook his head. "It's just not like your cooking, Billa. Do all hobbit dishes smell so good?"
The hobbit smiled, finishing pouring the batter for three separate layers before she placed each of them in the fire-oven for cooking. Then she checked on the stew. "Well…in truth, hobbit dishes are not all that different from dwarf dishes. We're just…very…gourmet with it, I suppose you could say."
"Well—considering—like you said—that you hobbits eat four to six meals a day, that makes sense. You've had a lot more instances to practice," Ori piped up from where he stood nearby his brother.
Fili and Kili hummed once more in bliss at the remembrance of their deal. "So glad we agreed to this—this—this switch-off of information," Kili murmured, to which Fili nodded back in hearty agreement, muttering, "Who knew it would get us a free meal?"
"And a hobbit meal, at that."
Fili chuckled, to which Billa shook her head, amused. "You're both princes. Every meal you eat is free." With that, she took the pot of stew off the fire, using plenty of towels in order to safely handle it and set it down on the ground. "Now, aside from all that…who's hungry?"
A line of five dwarves quickly condensed in front of her, making her laugh.
Like all good food-fights, this one originated completely by accident.
It began when Billa had finished icing her cake, and was beginning to put her ingredients back to their rightful places with the help of Bombur, who knew where everything was supposed to go. It was all of a sudden; it was out of the blue—and no one quite knew how it happened, for weren't hobbit feet supposed to have better traction than normal feet?—but suddenly, she slipped.
Down Billa went with a soft, surprised cry, the flour bag flying out of her hands and into the air—the contents inside blanketing the audience and the floor and counters in one large fwumph.
And by the time Billa had blinked her eyes open, sputtering the white powder out of her own mouth, she hadn't known the doom she had just sealed herself into until Kili and Fili stared down at her with teasing, snow-dusted grins.
"Looks like the hobbit made a mistake," Fili murmured, nearly cooing.
"Indeed, indeed," Kili nodded. "One little slip is all it takes…"
"W-what…?" she muttered back, dazed and confused, because the entire world had turned upside-down really fast, and she still wasn't quite sure what had happened.
Nori appeared in her line of vision as well, holding something in his hands which he appeared to be stirring with a crafty grin that Billa was rather frightened of. "Piece of dwarven culture number seventeen, Miss Baggins: us dwarves don't take any challenge lightly. It will be war."
"…w-w-what will be…?" How did she challenge them? What happened again? She slipped—and then the flour—oh. Wait. The flour? But that was—that was an accident. That wasn't a challenge.
"Say your prayers, hobbit!" Fili grinned.
Ori's voice suddenly floated over to the fallen Billa from where he stood outside of her sight, crying, "Oh—you guys—wait—this is a very bad idea—"
—but it was too late.
Because the next thing Billa knew, she was squealing out of horror, since—oh my goodness, is that honey? Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh—and there it was, dripping right onto her stomach—and she couldn't even escape! Couldn't writhe or thrash or try and get away because for some reason, Fili and Kili thought it'd be a good idea to hold down her arms and legs and trap her there while Nori's evil torture continued.
"No no no no no no! It's so sticky!" she wailed, totally uncertain of how in all of Middle-Earth she was ever going to get this out of her clothes.
But the dwarves above her only laughed. "'Sticky'? Of all things to point out about this—"
"—yes, indeed, Kili, that seems rather obvious. You'd think with all her brains, she'd manage to say something at least threatening—not something we already know!"
"I know, Fili, I know."
"You're horrible! All of you!" Billa cried, despaired.
"Well. Still no new news."
But then, to her delight—finally—finally, something broke through the entourage.
(None of them just expected it to be leftover mashed potatoes from the previous night. And thrown by Ori, nonetheless.)
But when Nori raised his head to square his brother's anxious but determined gaze with his own, he uttered lowly, "Get 'im," and the battle was on.
Left and right, food flew. Cream being smeared into faces and eggs being smashed above each others' heads, syrup being smothered into clothing and oil being dished out onto shoulders. Squealing, screaming and shouting and laughing erupted in loud, obnoxious bursts, and as soon as Bombur got reluctantly involved, two clear teams evolved: Billa-Ori-Bombur versus Kili-Fili-Nori.
It was, by all accounts, the greatest food-battle Erebor had ever seen: full of fortresses and assassination plots, grand take-over's and coup-d'état's, coupled with betrayals and laughing vows of revenge and declarations of justice.
Too bad, then, that it all came to an abrupt halt the instant the kitchens door opened and in stepped a furious King Thorin Oakenshield.
All at once, the six participants froze, staring at him with wide, frightful eyes. The doom of the entire situation made itself known in their guts, and for a long time, no one moved, and no one spoke to acknowledge it. There was no need to. They merely stared. (Because really—what else could you do when you were caught by your very own king in the middle of acting like children?)
Billa could see two other dwarves behind the king standing past the doorway—Ithur and Balin, she identified they were, from a sliver of a glance at their hair—and felt her stomach sink even further, because she knew she had disrupted their meetings. Disrupted something important.
Oh…what have I done…?
She swallowed hoarsely, and from a large guilt complex, immediately stepped forward, "I can explain—"
"—Cake?"
…what?
Startled, interrupted before she could really even do anything, Billa turned and looked at Kili who had spoken, who was also holding out her finished dessert—which, by now, from their battle, was covered in all sorts of unsavory ingredients that didn't look at all appealing—as if in a peace offering. He had a meek smile on, one that was contradicted by the mischievous look in his eye, and didn't waver even as the king lifted his eyes from the horrendous thing and back to his nephew's face.
And really, the entire situation was so bizarre, so random, that all of a sudden, the guilt fled from Billa's stomach and was replaced instantly by the bubbling, light champagne of growing laughter.
She tried to stuff it at first, but her half-smothered snort sounded even more ridiculous, so by that point, all of her other five combatants violently burst into humor right along with her in hearty and boisterous "ha-ha's" and "hee-hee's."
She barely heard Ithur call out, "Sir…?" to a Thorin who must have been angry and furious with all that righteous emotion—but when next Billa looked, the king was already shaking his head and turning away, with what appeared to be…a…well, she couldn't be seeing that right. King Thorin wasn't really…smiling…was he…?
"I give up," she heard him murmur to the other two. "I give up on trying to be unsurprised, now, wherever that hobbit is concerned."
"She's just as bad as Kili and Fili," she could hear Ithur laughingly remark.
But the dwarf king only grunted. "Eh. Nearly…she's nearly there."
Strangely, that almost sounded like a compliment to Billa's ears.
"…and then my boy said what?"
Bathed, showered and changed, Billa was laughing so hard, she could hardly form the response. "He held up the cake! He actually—he actually held it out as if he wanted Thorin to take it, and then he asked, all innocently, 'Cake?'" The she-dwarf sitting across from her on the bed tilted her head up and laughed at the ceiling, pride bursting forth for her children and their humor. "And your brother knew what he was trying to do—you could see it in his face! It was priceless!"
More laughing erupted, the two unable to hold it inside.
Dis, in particular, laughed on and on, almost doubling over from where she sat. "Oh—if only I could have seen it!" she chortled finally, once it began to die.
The statement made Billa quiet curiously, staring at her attendant in surprise. That's…that's right. She was still hiding in secret, away from her family's eyes. "Why…why don't you? See them, I mean." Unable to believe that this hadn't occurred to her before, she shifted and asked, "Why don't you tell them you're here, Dis? Surely you miss them…"
But the she-dwarf smiled secretively at her, a knowing sparkle to her grey eyes as she leaned in. "Forget so easily, Halfling?" Yes, Billa supposed she did. "I have a new pup. Can't just leave her to a new attendant, now, can I? Not when I've just started to properly take care of her."
Billa flushed. "Would they really make you stop helping me if they knew you were here?"
Sobering slightly, Dis pressed her lips together and reluctantly nodded.
The hobbit shook her head, baffled. "But why? It's not like—" But with a sudden gasp, Billa's eyes widened in realization. "Oh—oh wait—we are cheating, aren't we? By you helping me? That's an unfair advantage to the other competitors—you're the king's sister—"
"—honestly? I don't give a care about the morality." Dis smirked, chuckling. "I'll keep saying it as long as I have to, but I can't allow anyone else to sit by him when he could have had you. You're the only one, Halfling. I can allow him with no other." With a grunt, the she-dwarf lay back, folding her hands behind her head as she stared at the ceiling. "So if I have to cheat to get you there, so be it."
Billa tried to squash the unease in her chest, but it didn't settle. "But that's not right; what if…" Oh dear, that wasn't a very happy thought, now, was it? Billa suddenly felt her soul sink. "…what if he doesn't…want to chose me…? I—we have no right to make him do so against his will…"
"Trust me. He wants to choose you."
The certainty behind Dis' voice was startling.
But then she continued, as if knowing immediately what the blushing hobbit was going to ask a second later. "I don't need to talk to him in order to read his body language." Dis' smirk was proud, confident as she returned Billa's gaze with stone-lined absolution. "Sister, remember? After growing up with that dwarf, I can still read his entire mind by a single glance. He's quite an open book once you get to know him, you know."
Billa then smiled tentatively, shyly, closing her parted, shocked mouth and bringing her bent knees up to her chest to wrap her arms around them. "…is he really?" she nearly whispered, reverently.
"Painfully so," came the smug response. Storm eyes gaze at her fondly. "You'll see. Tomorrow, that is."
The hobbit bit her lip in anxiety and anticipation at the reminder. A day—oh, an entire day—by the king's side. Far more than they've seen of each other in total so far these past two weeks. Seeing what he saw, hearing what he heard—being there as he made important, daily decisions. And it would just be the two of them. "Do you think he'll be mad at me…? For today…?"
"Nah." Dis rolled her eyes. "He couldn't be. It's hardly the largest mess that's been made out of Erebor's kitchens. If you had broken something, maybe…but a food-fight? He's seen worse. In fact, he's done worse, now that I think about it," she broke off into laughter as memories stirred themselves to life within her mind.
"Really?" Billa asked in disbelief.
The elder sister laughed. "Oh, yes. It was quite the disaster. And father was furious. Until he got his revenge, at least."
Billa laughed right on back, clinging on to that particular gem of information. "That sounds dreadful!"
"It was." Dis hummed in contented remembrance, staring at the ceiling as she thought, when a sudden idea struck her. "You know…you can ask me anything, if you want. Anything at all you might want to know about him. It might help you prepare for tomorrow—or for…well, you know…the future." She aimed a sly grin at her charge's direction. "And the whatever-may-be's. However those come up, surprising and unexpected as they are."
"Oh!" Billa blinked at her, and then suddenly and sheepishly bowed her head, "Oh, w-w-well, a-actually…" And it was the tone that caught the she-dwarf's curiosity immediately, eying the hobbit as the young lass fell shyly silent.
"…actually…?" she urged in the quiet.
The small mouth opened and closed several times at a loss for words, her face growing steadily redder and redder by the second until it resembled a bright, red and vibrant cherry. "W-w-well, y-y'know…" Actually, Dis didn't, but she listened anyway. "…I…I'm not…um…oh…I—I shouldn't—"
"—ask it." A daring grin spread across the she-dwarf's face.
"No—"
"—Halfling…"
The hobbit tensed, then sighed heavily and nervously, head bowed but still so scorching hot, it nearly matched her hair. "W-w-well…I'm not…I'm not…ugh…" Embarrassed, Billa covered her face with her hands. "…I'm not…dwarf-sized…as you…as you know…"
"Yes…?"
"S-s-so…sometimes…y-y'know…I catch myself wondering…if…if we…we were to get married…"
A pause. "…yes…?"
"…I…I wonder...if…it'll…f-fit."
Dis couldn't be blamed when a second later, she found herself laughing so hard she accidentally rolled off the bed and onto the floor in a loud clamor of noise and hilarity that quite frankly, startled the poor hobbit to near death. If, of course, she wasn't dying already out of pure red embarrassment and humiliation.
Crystal's Notes: 8D Told you it was more exciting...? Haha, yeah this is a bit of a change of pace for this story, which I'm finding is usually somber...but now I've added something far more light-hearted, I think, than we've seen before in this story, so. 8D;;; Enjoy! I'm trying to add more of this more-amusing fluff while I can and we have this period of respite until, well, things go down, as Esther fans can attest.
But anyway! Aside from that!
AS FOR THE COUPLES, here is what I have decided: Because I've gotten a fairly good mix of votes both for and against other pairings, I'm going to try to appeal to both. 83;;; There will be no direct couples between the other dwarves of the company, but merely interactions which, if you guys want to see it as such and take it through with a fine comb, can be taken under a "fluff" light. However, I'll keep it as platonic as possible, too, so for those who don't want to assume the other dwarves are in a relationship, there won't be anything suggesting too much.
Does that sound fair? ;A;
I'm sorry to disappoint anyone who had been hoping for some good Dwalin/Ori or Kili/Bofur or even Fili/Bofur interactions, as I had gotten some votes for. But I also must appeal to the other half of my readers who have voiced their wishes to not have romantic involvements between them. So. ;A;
Read what comes as you will. 8D
Also! (Sorry, this is YET AGAIN another long author's note! ;A; But I can't keep this piece of information out!) Also, I happened to be a very lucky girl this weekend. x333 Yesterday, I got to see an original manuscript of J.R.R. Tolkien's! AN ORIGINAL MANUSCRIPT! LIKE, WHAT? Of course, it was only about the history of the word "lozenge" but still...to see the lingering handwriting on aging paper of that amazing man! ;A; AND I GOT TO TOUCH HIS DESK! Like, the actual desk that he wrote The Hobbit on, and some drafts of Lord of the Rings. I GOT TO TOUCH IT! ;.;
I felt so connected. ;A; So needless to say, I am now VERY happy to update this story, after such an exciting and fangirling-inducing experience.
SO ENJOY! 8D And have a wonderful day! (I'll finally, really and truly, shut up, now. Sorry about all that.)