CHAPTER 14

"That smells good!" Castle exclaimed as he walked down the stairs.

Kate had been up earlier and was making breakfast. Her specials : omelets, bacon, pancakes, french toasts... There was enough to eat for a small battalion.

"Still hungry?" Kate asked feigning surprise. Only the two of them knew the true meaning of that question. After last night, she thought he would have been sated.

"Very", he answered with a little smile. He first kissed his mother and daughter good morning before going around the kitchen counter to kiss Kate in the neck.

"Well, look at you!" Martha exclaimed. Castle was now trying to grab a slice of bacon but soon got called to order by Kate. "Aren't they a cute little couple? Jeez, it took time but it has finally happened," she paused. "Had fun last night?" she asked with a playful smile.

"Maybe I should grab something and eat it in my room so that you can keep discussing the-" Alexis said.

"I think.. we'll stop it there," Castle said trying to change subject.

Everybody helped set the table while Kate was finishing with the cooking. Their time in the Hamptons was slowly getting to an end. Just a few more days to enjoy that place before having to go back to the Big Apple. And to reality.

They had been eating and chatting for a few minutes when Kate's cellphone rang. It was still lying on the kitchen counter. She got up to check who was calling.

"Excuse me, I've got to take this," she said walking out of the dining-area.

"Can't be more important than bacon and pancakes!" Castle exclaimed, before trying to steal a piece of Alexis's pancakes. As soon as it was in his mouth, he spit it out again. "What the...?"

"Peanut butter, jelly and tiny crumbs of chips for the crispy."

"How the hell can you eat that, that's-"

"Delicious. Wait, who puts chocolate and marshmallow in his omelet? We both have very strange taste when it comes to food, Dad," she paused. "Good to know you hate it. That way you won't steal my pancakes."

Kate was still on the phone. She had walked to the living-room to pick up. She was far enough for them not hear her. They were too busy discussing food taste anyway. When she hung up, Kate looked at the three of them. Castle was laughing with Alexis, apparently trying new food combinations. Not very successfully though. Kate stepped closer but stayed out of the dining-area.

"Rick?" Kate called gently. He turned with a big smile on his face, from the laugh he was having with Alexis. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure," he said getting up. "Don't let her touch my plate... or anything that's in it for that matter," he told his mother. Castle joined Kate in the living-room, eyebrows raised, ready to listen to her. But instead of speaking, she just walked towards his office. "Wow, sure seems important. You look serious!" he said following her, throwing a last peek to make sure Alexis wasn't eating anything from his plate. Kate led the way into his office and closed the door behind him without saying a word. "What's going on?"

"You should sit down, Rick."

Castle was growing worried but he tried not to show it. He leant on the side of his desk.

"You look serious, you sound serious... this must be serious!" She kept quiet for a moment. "Kate?" he asked getting seriously worried. "You're scaring me. What's going on?" He had become dead serious.

"This was former Detective Salazar," she paused. She knew he would probably remember him and understand on his own what she was going to talk about. Or rather, who.

"Why would he call you?" he asked, already having a hunch.

"Last year, I asked him to keep me informed about... Damian's prison sentence. I knew he meant a lot to you." Castle's look moved away from Kate for a moment. He remembered how he had been the one who had told Damian the light had been shed on his father's murder. He had not seen him since the police had come to his house to arrest him. He had not visited him in prison after he had been convicted with orchestrating the murder of his father. He may have not been close to him anymore, he may had felt betrayed, but Damian still meant a lot to him. "I'm sorry to be the one who tells you this but..." Castle looked back at her again. "They found him lifeless this morning. He committed suicide in his cell."

All she could do was wait. Wait for a reaction from his part but all she got was silent and a stare of utter incomprehension. Castle was thunderstruck, he couldn't say a word. After a while, he slowly stood up and walked to the large window. His eyes started to be filled with tears. He remained silent. What could he possibly say?

"They found a letter. It was addressed to you," she said very gently as she came closer. Castle turned his head to look at her, confused. "Salazar told me he would hand it over to you when we'll be back in New York." Castle simply nodded and his look got lost through the window again. Kate softly took his hand in hers, but he looked in the opposite direction as if trying to hide his tears as much as he could. "I'm so sorry," she added.

"I know... he was responsible for... his father's murder but... I maintain that without him..." He couldn't say more. He felt his throat was constricted, his vision was all blurred.

Kate squeezed his hand a little harder to make him understand that she was there. It was her turn to be there for him.

"You'd like a few minutes on your own?" Castle nodded gently and uttered a barely audible Please. "Okay," she said very softly, almost in a murmur. "Take your time."

She stroked his back gently and squeezed his hand one more time before walking out.

Castle stood there for a while. His eyes eventually turned on the huge shelf that was filled with books. His own novels were there too, ordered chronologically, among the hundred of other books. He walked towards them and his fingers touched each of them slightly, from right to left, from the newest to the oldest, as if he was going back in time. He stopped when he got to a small booklet on the far left. It had no hard cover and was very slim. It was only a few pages long. He held it. Leafed through it. This was an original copy of the Edgewick Academy's literary magazine in which his very first story had been published. Thanks to Damian. That was where it had all started.

After a moment, he put the booklet back on the shelf and took another look at his novels. He took a deep breathe and walked out of his office.

He stopped when he got to the living room. Looking down, he didn't feel like going back to the table as if nothing happened. He needed to get some air.

"Richard?" Martha asked seeing how quiet he was.

"I'm... I'm going to take a walk," he said in a quavering voice. "You can finish my plate," he told Alexis, barely looking towards them. "I'm not hungry. It was good though," he said in a low voice, looking at Kate.

"You want me to-" Kate ventured.

"No," Castle replied gently. "Thank you," he said looking into her eyes before walking out by the terrace and slowly taking the private boardwalk.

Castle walked down the beach for a while then sat on the sand and tucked his knees to his chest. His arms lying on them. He soon broke into tears, his head almost buried in his knees. He just couldn't help it.

He startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder and quickly looked away when he saw Kate standing next to him. He tried to wipe his tears away but more were coming and he could't stop the flow.

"It's okay," she whispered. "You don't have to hide from me." He was still looking away, unable to look her in the eyes. She sat down next to him. "I know you told me not to come but... you don't have to go through this alone. You should not go through this alone. Trust me."

Castle shook his head as if he couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe Damian had taken his own life. He couldn't believe he was so affected. After all, he had been betrayed by this man, and lied to, for decades. He tried to take a deep breathe.

"You must think I'm foolish to cry over a... murderer... who lied to me..."

"It's not all black and white, you know that."

"Right, it's dark grey?" he chuckled.

"All of them are human beings, Rick. They can do good before making wrong decisions that cost lives."

They stayed silent a moment.

"I didn't invent... a character," he said, this time looking deeply into her eyes. She had told him he had invented Damian, just like he had invented Nikki Heat or Derrick Storm. "He was there for me. He was there at the Academy and he was there after. When I wrote my first novel, he was the first person to read it. I wanted him to be the first to read it. He even helped me find an editor." Castle sighed. What if? What if he had never met him? Would someone else had told him he could be a writer? Castle stayed lost in his thoughts for a moment. Kate just kept quiet, her shoulder against his so that he could feel her presence. "You think I should have visited him?" he asked unexpectedly.

"Don't do that, Rick. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault."

"What if I turned my back on him and shouldn't have?"

"Rick, stop. There was nothing you could have done..."

"He doesn't..." he started, realizing his mistake. "He didn't have siblings... no family. Did he only have any friend left?"

"He was facing life sentence. He knew he would not put a foot outside the prison anymore. Some people just can't handle this," she said before gently stroking his back again and taking his hand in hers.

"Did you tell them?" he asked after a while, turning to look back at the house.

"Yeah, they were worried seeing you like this. I advised them to leave you some space and to not mention this as soon as you'd be back. They understand."

He stared at her, fascinated by her strength. She had been there. She knew what it was like to lose someone that meant a lot. A little smile appeared on his face. She was right. He did not have to go through this alone. He was lucky to have this incredible friend by his side.

"Thank you... for being here," he told her squeezing her hand.

"Always."

To Be Continued...

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