A/N: Thanks for reading. Enjoy!
"Fuck Ana, I wish more than anything that I could go back in time and change things, but I can't. What I can do is try to make things right, starting with going out there and telling Ethan how truly sorry I am for my actions."
"He's a good friend who sacrificed one of his deepest secrets to prove you wrong. I hate that he had to come out like that."
"Me too.", Christian sighs. "I acted like a pompous ass who is completely disgusted with himself."
"You should be.", I snap. "Yet you weren't thinking about anyone but yourself. Chalk up selfishness to go along with your jealousy." He looks as if I've just kicked him in the gut, but I don't care. He deserves every single hostile word that I'm throwing his way.
"I won't disagree with you on that. I'm going to make this up to you, I promise." When he takes a step towards me, I remain in my spot, feeling the always present chemistry between us. He's soon right in front of me with his right hand moving toward the side of my face. I'm paralyzed by my attraction, but the reality of the situation wakes me up and moves me away from him. "Ana, don't walk away from this."
"I need some to think about things."
"How much time?", he asks.
"I'm not sure.", I answer. "While I'm doing my thinking, you should do the same. You should ponder if this is what you really want."
"There's nothing to ponder. I'll fully aware of what and who I want. It's you, and that won't change."
"Even so, you need to decide why it was so easy for you to not trust me. You can stand here and tell me over and over that you do, but saying it means nothing if you don't mean it." I keep my distance but hold my hand out for him. "Time."
"Fine.", he mutters, taking my hand in his. "But I'm not giving up on us, and I won't let you either." He shuffles his feet and gives a tiny smile before reluctantly releasing my hand. "I'm going to talk to Ethan and then head home."
"You look like you could use some rest.", I say.
"I'm exhausted from my flight, but I doubt that I'll be able to sleep."
Kate and Ethan are both wearing tear streaked faces when Christian and I ease out of my room. They stop in the midst of their conversation and and stare at us, more or less at Christian.
"I'm leaving.", Christian tells the pair.
"Good.", Kate scoffs. "Don't let the door hit you on the way out."
"Before I go, I want to apologize. Ethan, I'm sorry. I should have been believed Ana when she said you were just a friend. When I came in here, my eyes reacted before my brain, and I lost it."
"Christian, I don't know much about you, but I have feeling that you're a good guy deep down. Ana wouldn't be with you if you weren't. Honesty is one of her best qualities so when she tells you something, she's being truthful. In fact, she helped me see that I need to be honest with those around me."
"I'm sure that you hate me for forcing you to come out like that, and I'm sorry. You shouldn't have been put in such a precarious situation."
"I don't hate you.", Ethan sighs, making Kate raise her brow. "I don't like that my sister had to find out like she did, but I don't hate you. Ana's an amazing person who deserves someone who appreciates all that she has to give, and if you're that guy, great." Even after the way Christian acted, Ethan's still putting my feelings before his own. "But you need to step your game or you're going to lose her."
"I'm going to put all I have into being the man for her.", Christian says to reassure himself. He shifts his eyes to Kate and then to me before going back to Ethan. "I'm going to make myself worthy of all of you."
"We'll see.", Kate mumbles.
"Thank you for listening to me. I'm going to go now."
After Christian opens the door, I step into the hall with him and stare at him in silence. I'm not sure when I'll see him again so I relish the sight before me. The chemistry is present as always, but I fight the urge to kiss him.
"I hope you're able to get some rest.", I tell him.
"It's doubtful but thanks. This is not how I thought the night was going to go when I came here.", he says. "I'll see you later." His lips move closer and closer to me but they land on my cheek instead of my lips.
"Goodnight."
"Is he gone?", Kate asks when I go back into the apartment.
"Yes. I told him that I need time to think."
"Sweetie, I'm sorry."
"I'll be ok. What about you two? How are you?" I sit down in the chair across from where Kate and Ethan are sitting.
"I would have preferred to sit down with Kate and tell her my news, but I still feel a sense of relief now that she knows.", Ethan answers.
"We've still got some talking to do, but nothing has changed for me. Ethan's still the brother who I love very much. Nothing he says or does will ever change that.", Kate adds. "I just wish that he hadn't been afraid to tell me."
"Kate's going to go with me when I tell our parents." She puts her arm around his shoulder.
"No more feeling alone. Why don't you two go ahead and finish getting dressed so we can head out to dinner?" Ethan nods and stands up, but I remain in my spot.
"Why don't you two go on without me?", I suggest.
"Ana, if this is because of Christian, don't let him stop you from having a nice night out. The last thing you should do is go back to not enjoying life just because that ass couldn't trust you.", Kate says.
"Christian has nothing to do with my decision. I think it would give you guys the chance to talk some more. Besides, I've still going to some prep work to do before Saturday's book fair, and you know that I don't like waiting until the last-minute."
"We can bring you some food back.", Ethan says.
"I appreciate that, but I think I'm going to make a grilled cheese."
"If you're sure..."
"I'm sure."
Thursday, day one of my sabbatical from Christian, is chaotic. The electricity went off at some point during the night and caused the alarm clocks to not go off. If I hadn't of woken up thirsty, Kate and I would have been even later for work than we are already were. Luckily, Olivia doesn't live too far from us and also experienced an outage so she understood our tardiness.
Just when I start to think the day is going to turn a corner, I see Bryant getting out of his car as I'm returning from getting the lunch Kate sent me to pick up. I park my car in the last row and wait for him to disappear into the building before I get out of the car, but he keeps standing by his blue Civic, twirling his keys on his finger. I might as well go ahead and get out.
"Ana.", he says when I walk past him. I can hear him running to catch up with me as I ignore him. "I know you heard me."
"Damn, you're observant.", I shout over my shoulder. "My food is going to get cold so if you'll go back under the rock you crawled out from, it would be great. Thanks."
"I see that you've still got your sense of humor." This is what makes me finally stop and turn to face him.
"The sense of humor is still intact and so is your ability to piss me off."
"I didn't mean to upset you."
"If you're here once again to tell me how sorry you are for hurting me, you're wasting your time.", I snarl, crossing my arms over my chest.
"I'm here for work.", he explains. There goes my hope that he wouldn't be handling the advertising for the magazine. "You may have heard that my office is going to be working with the magazine."
"I heard a little about it. Since you're here on company time, you might want to get to going."
"I've got some time before my meeting with the senior staff. Rachel told me that she saw you and Kate last week. She didn't tell me a lot about what was said, but she did mention that you're seeing Christian Grey." Rachel probably told Bryant about Christian in an attempt to help herself feel more secure in her relationship. "I hope he treats you well." Is this guy for real?
"Now you're being the funny one. Who I date is none of your or Rachel's business. If I want to go out and have earth shattering orgies, I will. This conversation is over." I shake my head in disbelief and walk away from him.
"What took you so long?", Kate asks when I finally get back with our food.
"I saw a rat.", I shrug, handing her burger to her, but she is wary. "It was a metaphor for Bryant."
"Who is even worse than an actual rat. Does his presence here have anything to do with the advertising deal?"
"He's handling it.", I answer before taking a bite of my burger.
"The bastard. Maybe you can try and convince them to have someone else take it over. Olivia knows how big of a piece of crap he is."
"I don't have a say in the matter.", Olivia says as she comes into the break room. "I only found out about it late yesterday afternoon. The publishers are the ones who made the decision on the adverting company."
"Still, McGregor can get someone else.", Kate sighs.
"From what I was told, they offered their best ad guy."
"And Bryant is that?", I murmur.
"Ana, I'm sorry. What I can do is make sure that he stays away from you."
"Thanks. I'm not going to let this affect my work."
"I know you won't. I'm going to let you get back to your lunch while I go to my lunch date.", Olivia smiles. "Kate, don't even think about trying to find out info like you do with everyone else." She grabs one of Kate's fries and walks out of the room as Kate is left stunned.
"She knows me well. Any word from Christian today?"
"Nope. It's a good thing though. It means that he's respecting my wishes and giving me the time I asked for."
"I talked to Elliot while you were gone. He stopped by Christian's apartment this morning on the way to work and saw circles under his eyes. Christian tried to brush it off by saying that he was still tired from the trip. Elliot got him to admit there was more going on."
"How much does Elliot know?", I ask.
"Christian only told him that he messed things up by being jealous. He didn't tell Elliot about Ethan. Ana, I know that I was very vocal last night about how much I despised Christian for how he acted, but I can see how much he cares about you. There's this glimmer that he has when he looks at you. I never saw that with Bryant."
"Maybe Dad will have a work emergency and have to bail.", a nervous Ethan stammers the next evening. He and Kate are about leave for their dinner with their parents. More importantly, he's preparing to tell his parents that he's gay.
"Wishful thinking.", she tells him. "I know the conversation is going to be tense, but it's going to be ok. I'm going to be there with you the entire time."
"At least one of us is having positive thoughts."
"I'm going to transfer those positive thoughts to you. Ana, will you tell him that it's going to be all right?"
"It'll be fine. Just start thinking about tomorrow when you go and see Max.", I say as Ethan's mouth curls into a smile. "There's that smile."
"I assume you're going to be spending another night at home.", Kate says, grabbing her purse from the back of the chair.
"The book fair starts at nine tomorrow morning, and I want to be on my game so I'm going to relax and get to bed early."
"And continue to miss Christian. Ana, I know you're trying to be tough and act like this time apart is not bothering you, but you're missing him." She's right. Yesterday wasn't as bad as today. Not talking to him for the second day made the situation more real, but it has to get better.
"I miss him.", I sigh. "I don't want to but I do. Missing him is just a natural part of it, right?"
"Ana, if you want to pick up the phone and call him to talk, go for it.", Ethan says. "The guy is still on my shit list, but I can't stay mad very long at the guy who makes you happy."
"You're incredible."
"What can I say.", he laughs. "Kate, let's go before I lose my nerve." Kate and Ethan each hug me and walk to the door. "We'll see you later." When Kate opens the door, she almost trips over a medium sized box.
"What in the hell is this?", she asks while handing the box to me. "It's addressed to you. I'd love to see what's inside, but we're going to go."
Closing the door after Kate and Ethan leave, I sit down on the sofa and inspect the box before slowly peeling the tape back. Red rose petals are scattered in the box, but I notice something underneath it. It's a Seattle Magazine cover with Christian's face on it. Underneath the photo is the headline, Exclusive: Christian Grey Is An Ass Who Messed Up The Best Thing In His Life, Details Inside. A knock at the door interrupts my thoughts. I keep the cover in my hand and move to the door, opening it to reveal Christian who is standing in a dark suit. His eyes look even more tired than the other day.
"You sent this?", I ask as I hold up the cover.
"Yeah.", he answers in a low tone. "I know that I shouldn't be here, but I needed to see you. I can go if you want."
"No. Come in." He nods and steps inside the living room. "The cover is impressive, but my complaint is that there's no article."
"I guess the printer forgot to include it, but I can give you tell you what the article says, word for word."
"Sit down and tell me.", I motion at a chair.
"When I left here the other night, I went home and tried to get some sleep like you suggested, but it was useless. All I could see when I closed my eyes was you. Of course, I've been seeing you in my dreams since meeting you, but this time it was different. Your face was splashed with anguish which I caused you. I somehow managed to get about an hour of sleep. Yesterday was brutal. I felt like a zombie as I tried to concentrate. Midday, I called my therapist Flynn and scheduled an appointment. I used to see him on a regular basis, but since meeting you, I've only seen him once. It was the day before our first date, and I felt the need to tell him about the great stride I had made in my life."
"He's aware of your history with the subs?"
"Oh, Dr. Flynn is well aware of the subs. He knows everything. When I went to him the other day, I told him about the fiasco from the other night, granted I didn't tell Ethan's secret. He helped me see the real reason I was acting in such a way."
"Go on.", I direct him.
"Ana, I've always thought of myself as being a confidant guy, especially in business. I can walk into a room full of strangers and talk to them like it's nothing. You, though, intimidate me and scare the hell out of me."
"How is that possible?"
"You're this beautiful, smart, and funny woman who for some reason likes me. When you agreed to have dinner with me on our non-date, I felt like wave of excitement that I've never experienced before. I liked it very much. I also liked how that feeling grew when we went on our first date and when my lips touched yours for the first time. At the same time, that feeling worried me. I kept thinking that no matter what you said, I wasn't going to be good enough."
"You are good enough.", I tell him.
"I didn't feel like that. Seeing you with Ethan increased that theory. I wondered if you were going to realize how better off you were without me. Subconsciously, I was pushing you away to help you get free from me."
"Maybe I don't want to be free from you. Have you thought about that? Christian, I took a risk when I decided to be with you, but it wasn't a rash decision. I thought about what I wanted, and it was you. You infuriated me so much the other night, but I still want you."
"I want you too." I get up from my spot on the sofa and hold my hand out for him. He grasps my hand and pulls himself on to the floor, meeting my eyes with his. "I'm still learning and may even stumble and fall again, but I'm going to keep getting up."
"And I'll be here to help you."