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„Good afternoon, Mr. San. How are we feeling today?"
Hidan scowled at the man sitting opposite of him; he looked like the type he would have beat up in school back then, with huge glasses and a bow tie. "I don't know how you're feeling, but I'm fucking fabulous."
He made a note. Damn, Hidan hated when he did that. "So, Mr. San… this is our fifth session. We have gone over your childhood and your life after school until that incident. I would like to talk about that incident with you today."
Hidan snorted. "There's nothing to talk about, okay? It was a fucking accident – I was drunk and at the wrong place at the wrong time."
"Mr. San, even when drunk, people don't just try to jump off a bridge without a reason."
"I told you!" Hidan glared. "I'm not suicidal, seriously. You could argue with insane, but not suicidal." Denial.
"How do you feel about your current life, Mr. San? Please be honest."
He sighed, giving up. That damn psychologist only heard what he wanted to hear anyway. "My life's good. I'm 25, with one foot in the media industry and if I'm lucky, I might make it through a casting as a TV host. I just gotta drop the swearing. I'm popular with the ladies, too."
"That's a starting point, Mr. San. You say you're popular amongst women, but you have never had a relationship aside from your ex-boyfriend."
"Cause I don't want one! Urgh, you don't fucking listen, do you?!" Hidan crossed his arms over his chest. Symbol of body language – shielding oneself off, protecting oneself. "I'm fine with just sex. I don't need some girl fawning over me. Or a guy."
"Why not?"
Hidan sighed, annoyed beyond belief. And he even paid this guy. Well, actually his health insurance did because he was forced to go here. "You know that shit girls always talk about? That… that true love crap? That was Kakuzu. He was my Rushmore, okay? He was the Claire to my Bender, the Gerald to my Dinky, the… urgh, I don't fucking know! It has to be him. It makes no sense if it's not him."
"I see." The psychologist closed his notebook, finally looking up from it. "But it's not going to be him again, Mr San. You have to finally realize this – it's in the past. You can't find another shot at a working relationship if you don't try. Open yourself up."
"Open up? Hey, you must be some kind of idiot, seriously. How can I open myself up again after he crushed me? How do I know I won't get crushed again?"
"You don't. That's what you call life. You have to take risks."
"Load'a bullshit," Hidan muttered, getting up. "I'm leaving. Have a good fucking day."
--
Hidan was sitting hunched over his laptop, an empty pack of cigarettes lying on the desk beside it. His hand kept twitching towards the pack in an attempt to grab it before he remembered that it was empty. The last one had been smoked weeks ago – damn, had it really been that long?
It surely wouldn't hurt to smoke one. Just one, to settle his nerves.
He didn't know why he felt so nervous anyway; it simply wasn't in his nature to be thoughtful. He couldn't sleep either – every time he closed his eyes, he heard Kakuzu's words from almost a week ago.
In love with him? How laughable. How ridiculous. Kakuzu couldn't be in love with him. That would be too easy, right? That would mean his plan was finally coming to an end. It was too early. Yes, that must have been it – he hadn't made Kakuzu suffer enough yet. Maybe that was why he was nervous – if he already broke up with Kakuzu, he wouldn't suffer enough.
The empty page of the writing program on his laptop stared at him mercilessly. That blinking line was mocking him, he was sure. Look at me, I'm a blinking line and you're some fucker with a guilty conscience.
He clicked his tongue in an annoyed fashion and got up, grabbing his wallet and stuffing it into his jeans pocket. He sent a quick look outside – it was already dark even though it was only the late afternoon, but at least it wasn't raining or snowing at the moment. As much as he liked snow, he didn't very much like getting wet when he just wanted to get a God damn pack of cigarettes.
He left his room, grabbing his coat on the way downstairs and opening the door; he was met with a rush of cold air, but maybe that was what he needed.
"Where are you going?"
Hidan didn't turn around; he knew that Kakuzu had been preparing dinner, so he was probably wearing that baby blue apron he denied ever having bought. "Huh… For a walk."
"Dinner is going to be ready in a few minutes."
"Not hungry."
"You're going to faint if you keep on skipping meals."
"I've been eating, seriously."
Kakuzu snorted. "I haven't seen you eat in almost a week."
"What, now you're calling me a liar? Thanks, asshole."
"Go for your walk already. And don't come back before your pissy temper has cooled down."
--
Hidan's trip to get cigarettes turned into a trip to the nearest bar; it wasn't a very good one, admittedly, because the area Kakuzu lived in was full of stuck up wealthy people, but alcohol was alcohol.
He didn't really know why he was so pissed off himself – Kakuzu had been worried for him and that was good, right? It meant he really did care and the heartbreak would hurt. He just needed to make him suffer a bit more before really breaking up with him – but what could he do?
His eyes landed on the pretty blond woman behind the bar.
Kakuzu and him weren't really dating, right? They were pretending for the kids. So technically, Hidan couldn't cheat on Kakuzu, and Kakuzu knew. So if he were to sleep with someone else and told Kakuzu about it… that would make him suffer big time, right? And he wouldn't have to feel guilty because they weren't really dating.
But what if Kakuzu really broke it off with him? He couldn't risk that. Maybe instead of trampling over Kakuzu's heart before breaking up with him, he should make him really, really happy – that way the heartbreak would hurt more than…
Wait, no. No, no, no. The break up had to be sudden, just like when Kakuzu broke up with him. They'd been happy then, and just when Hidan wanted to ask Kakuzu for their first dance together…
His fingers tightened around his glass.
They were happy now. Kakuzu loved him. What if he just… forgot his plan? He could get used to falling asleep on Kakuzu instead of going back to his room, where he would remain sleepless. He could get used to playing the "cool uncle" role for Asuka and Ryou – hell, he was already used to that by now. He could learn how to cook. Try to be less lazy when it came to cleaning.
They could be really, really happy.
He downed his scotch and slammed the glass down on the bar, panting for a moment. "Give me another one."
--
When he came home – home, what the fuck? This wasn't his home. This was Kakuzu's home. – there was a light on in the living room. He had a little trouble unlocking the front door due to the alcohol blurring his vision, but eventually it worked and he stumbled inside clumsily.
Kakuzu was sitting on the couch, reading a book.
"Hi," he mumbled, closing the door behind himself and leaning against it. "Y're 'p late."
"You're drunk and you reek of cigarettes. I can smell it from here."
"Let's have sex."
Kakuzu closed his book loudly. "What the hell are you thinking, Hidan? You're acting strange lately. You're making Asuka and Ryou worry, so if you have something to say, say it."
Hidan snickered, pushing off the door and slowly walking towards the couch to learn over it. "I'm making Asuka and Ryou worry? You're the only one who is worried."
"You must be imagining that."
"Must I…" He chuckled. "'S weird, cause I could've sworn you were telling me to eat today."
"That's enough." Kakuzu got up and walked past the couch towards the stairs. "I hope you have a murder hangover tomorrow. If that doesn't kill you, I will."
Hidan watched him retreat before snorting. "As if you could pull it off."
--
His hangover the next day wasn't so bad; nothing a lot of water and some aspirin couldn't fix. He decided to skip breakfast anyway just in case he'd feel sick later.
He made a point of eating dinner with them though, even if he just ate a little. He simply hadn't been hungry lately, that was all.
Kakuzu didn't really talk to him throughout dinner. Asuka was talking merrily about what she wanted to do during Christmas break and the gifts she would be getting for her friends while Ryou ate in silence.
"So, you'll go shopping with me, right?" Asuka looked up at Hidan, a smile lighting up her face. "But I want to get you a Christmas gift too, so you'll have to leave me alone for a bit."
"I don't really do the whole 'Christmas presents' thing," he replied, taking a sip of water. "So don't get one for me."
"What? But I want to!" She pouted. "Why not?"
Hidan was just opening his mouth to explain when – "Because Christmas is all about religion and family and should not support commercial thinking." Kakuzu smirked slightly. "So you really haven't changed, Hidan. He already did that when we were teens."
Hidan glared. "What? It's not my fault that you're a Godless atheist. By the way, is there a church nearby? I want to go there on Christmas Eve."
They finished dinner with some more chatting and Hidan was secretly relieved that Kakuzu talked to him again. Ryou went to his room afterwards and Asuka left go go see a friend, leaving Kakuzu and Hidan to do the dishes, Kakuzu washing them in the sink and Hidan drying them.
"Have you reached Tayuya yet? I need to know if they'll be coming on Christmas Eve."
"Ah, yeah." Hidan watched his reflection in one of the spoons. "She's coming, but her girlfriend can't make it. Family shit."
"What about your mother?"
"I have a train ticket to Yugakure at like 5am." Hidan snorted. "It's ridiculous; so many trains were booked…"
"Everyone wants to visit their family over Christmas, it's only natural. Speaking of family, are you busy tomorrow? We still need to make photos."
Hidan quirked an eyebrow. "Photos? Why is that?"
"Christmas photos. For our friends and family." Kakuzu looked at him, and Hidan could have sworn there was a tiny, tiny smirk on his face that almost looked like a smile. "You are part of the family now, after all."
"Uh, Kakuzu, we're pretending. There's a difference."
Kakuzu sighed in response. "Are you stupid? …You need to be on the photo. Otherwise Asuka and Ryou will suspect something."
--
Hidan found it awkward. He didn't feel comfortable at all, sitting on the couch with Asuka next to him, hugging his arm happily. Kakuzu was on Asuka's other side, Ryou sitting on his lap. He did not look very pleased either.
The photographer cleared her throat. "Perhaps um… you'd like something a little more relaxed?"
--
Hidan was typing away on his laptop, responding to questions for an e-mail interview, when there was a knock on his door. He quickly hid his glass of vodka in the drawer of his bedside table before moving to unlock the door. Not surprisingly, Kakuzu was waiting in front of it.
"What do you want?"
"Can I come in?"
He stepped aside, letting Kakuzu enter, and took his laptop from the bed and to the desk so they could sit comfortably. Kakuzu handed him an oversized enveloped and Hidan sat down next to him, opening it curiously.
There was the official family portait – Hidan knew it was the official one because it came in several formats. It showed Kakuzu and Hidan sitting on the couch with Ryou on their laps in a way that made him sit half on Kakuzu's right leg and half Hidan's left one, and Asuka was standing behind the couch, leaning over it with her hands resting on one of Hidan's and one of Kakuzu's shoulders. They were all smiling and, much to Hidan's surprise, it did not look fake.
There were more photos; snapshots, mostly, of them trying to find a good way to take the picture. Hidan took the longest at a picture where Kakuzu's hand was on his leg and he was leaning over to whisper something in Hidan's ear while Asuka was bitching about something and holding her hands over Ryou's eyes.
Hidan felt odd. Warm, kind of, and a little sad at the same time. "Can I keep it?"
"They're all for you." Kakuzu's hand was warm and heavy on his back. "You okay?"
He was happy. That was why he kissed Kakuzu. That was why they had sex in the middle of the day. That was why he only left the bed afterwards to scan the photo and send it to Tayuya.
Hidan was happy, and he wasn't going to be so stupid that he'd ruin it.
--
Christmas was nice, but Hidan thought that it was always nice. He went to church on Christmas Eve and when he came back, Tayuya was already there and Kakuzu was cooking.
They had a nice dinner and afterwards opened presents. Asuka got a guitar and was very obviously thrilled, Ryou got some toys, and Hidan forgot what they had gotten for their father.
Tayuya, an expert on music, was helping Asuka tune her guitar and Hidan watched amusedly when suddenly something cold touched his neck, followed by hot breath and a whisper of "hold still". He raised an eyebrow, but did hold still until Kakuzu was finished doing whatever he was doing and then looked down.
A necklace with a tiny silver cross on it.
"It's not a Christmas gift," Kakuzu stated. "Just a help for your prayers."
"Heh." Hidan turned around and kissed him teasingly long and slow. "I guess then I don't have to say thank you."
"Oh gag me with a spoon." Tayuya rolled her eyes. "You guys are making me want to throw up!"
--
Hidan had to leave extremely early the next morning to catch the train to Yugakure. Kakuzu was about to leave later, but when he went to take some bags to the car, Tayuya was standing outside.
She threw her cigarette to the floor and stepped on it. "I forgot something."
"What would that happen to be?"
"My best friend. You seen him? Light hair, good build, kinda stupid when it comes to realising he's being used."
Kakuzu's eyes narrowed. "Get off my property."
"Or what?" She glared at him. "You going to call the fucking cops? That's cute, really."
"I have told you my purpose once before, so get off my back. Hidan isn't here anyway."
"Really? Then I'll give him a call, tell him what you're up to."
"You don't know what I'm up to."
"Like hell I don't!" She glared, whipping out her cellphone and hitting speed dial. But as soon as the dial tone started in her ear, she could hear Hidan's ringtone… from Kakuzu's pants.
Kakuzu had the nerve to smirk at her. "He forgot his phone here. He left his laptop, too." The smirk disappeared. "Now get away before I really do call the cops."
--
"Ahh, this is fun." Deidara grinned, dropping down in a seat next to Kakuzu. "I can't believe you're a married man now, Kakuzu."
"Neither can I."
Tobi snickered, elbowing him. "No need to look so miserable!"
"Actually," Itachi started calmly, "I was wondering something, if you wouldn't mind answering."
Kakuzu sighed watching his bride chat with some of her associates. "What is it?"
"You invited all of us, who were your friends in high school. But there is one person missing. Where is Hidan?"
Kakuzu's face visibly twisted at that. "I didn't invite him."
"Were you on such bad terms after your break up?"
Kakuzu looked away, staring at an empty wall for a few moments before closing his eyes. "Even if I had invited him, he would not have come, and it's good like that. He would have ruined the wedding."
"Oh yes," Deidara joked, "he might have tried to win you back."
I have a lot of the next chapter already written, I just need to flesh some parts out and type them up. I ended up dropping a lot of ideas that I had to keep the story from turning even more into a bad drama… Anyway, you can expect the last chapter of Gives You Hell in maybe 2 weeks.