Author's note: my story mostly ignores the season so far, but there might be a few references to conversations had and so forth. Enjoy!
Chapter 14 - The Fear You Won't Fall
Thursday night, Izzie walked into Meredith's room, where her friend was absorbed with the red dress she was currently holding up to her slender frame.
"Is that what you're wearing tonight?" Izzie asked from behind her.
Meredith looked up and jumped. "Izzie! What, you don't knock first?"
Izzie ignored her, and snatched the dress from her hand. "It's pretty."
"Do you like it?"
Izzie studied the dress. "Is this what you're wearing tonight?"
"Maybe." Meredith walked over to her bed and picked up another dress, this one a dark blue. "Or this one," she said, holding it up to herself. "What do you think?"
"They're both nice," Izzie said neutrally.
"But which one's right?" Meredith asked impatiently.
Izzie tilted her head to the side and stared at the two dresses. "I don't think either one is the right one. I think you should wear the black dress."
Meredith's expression was blank. "What black dress?"
"The one you were wearing when you two met, you know which one I mean."
Meredith reached into her closet and pulled the dress out. "We're supposed to be starting fresh." She looked to Izzie for help, but Izzie just shrugged. "Plus, don't you think this dress could be a little too obvious? We're supposed to be taking it slowly."
Izzie rolled her eyes. Like that was going to last.
Meredith hadn't missed the expression on Izzie's face. "What?"
"Nothing." Izzie replied innocently.
"You think Derek and I can't move slowly?"
"I didn't say that," Izzie protested weakly.
Meredith turned back to the mirror and tossed her head haughtily. "Well, you're wrong. We're going slowly." She held up the black dress. "I'm wearing this tonight," she announced as she flounced into the bathroom.
Izzie lay down on Meredith's bed. "Slowly, sure, go for it, Mer," she muttered to herself.
"I heard that!" Meredith called from the bathroom.
Izzie grimaced slightly and decided to be quiet, at least for now.
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Derek held the door open for Meredith as they entered the restaurant. The quiet murmuring of voices filled the air, as they walked up to the maître'd and confirmed their reservations. As he led them to their table, Meredith looked around and was glad she'd worn her black dress.
"This is a nice restaurant," she said as they sat down.
"I asked Burke for a recommendation," he replied. "He hasn't been here in a while, because this isn't really Cristina's type of place, but he came here a lot before her."
Meredith smiled slightly, recalling the hot dog eating contest, where Cristina had emerged as the victor. No, this doesn't seem like it would be her type of place at all.
"What?" Derek asked her.
"Nothing," Meredith replied, a small smile still on her lips.
Derek decided to let it go and reached for his menu. Following suit, Meredith opened hers and scanned it rapidly. After the waiter came over and took their orders, Derek leaned back in his chair and stared across the table at Meredith. Feeling his gaze on her, Meredith looked up and noticed him staring. A slight blush colored her cheeks as she asked him, "What is it?"
"Nothing," he answered, echoing her reply from before. Before she could press him farther, he asked, "So, any interesting cases today?"
She shrugged self-consciously in her chair. "Not really. I got stuck in the pit, and got a girl with a broken arm and a man with second-degree burns from touching his stove."
He nodded, as she asked, "How was your day?"
He smiled at her, "Well, it would have been better if your were my intern for today, but not too bad otherwise. I had a boy with head trauma from a car accident, but we operated and he should be fine." Meredith nodded. "His mother was driving the car, and they got hit on the side from someone who ran a red light, but I think she'll be fine, too. I had to call in Addison for a consult – the woman was hysterical that something might have happened to her baby."
"Is everything okay?" Meredith asked him.
"Well, I think the baby is healthy and didn't suffer any damage from the accident. I didn't see much of Addison today."
"She's getting pretty busy with the wedding," Meredith said. "She told me she hired a wedding planner to help her. Even though they're not getting married for a while, she's doesn't want to put off making plans until the last minute."
Derek nodded in agreement. "She does seem a little crazed, though. I don't understand why. There's over a year until the wedding, and that's if they've even decided on a date yet."
Meredith threw him an affectionate glance. "You wouldn't."
"I wouldn't what?"
"Understand why she running around freaking out about this. After all, the attention at the wedding is always on the bride, not the groom. She wants everything to be perfect."
Derek watched as Meredith took a sip of water from her glass. "Are you and Izzie going to be in the wedding?"
Meredith shrugged. "If Addison wants me to be, I will. I think Izzie's already agreed also."
Derek stared intently at Meredith as he considered his next question. Just as he started to ask, the waiter brought over their food and placed it in front of them. As Meredith started eating her food, Derek watched her. Meredith looked up and caught him staring.
"Is there something wrong with your food?"
"No." Derek shook his head and hastily stabbed his fork into his food. "No, it's great."
He quickly ate a few bites, while Meredith continued to stare at him with a frown on her face. He quickly put on a neutral face and started to ask his question again. "Do you think that… I mean, do you… Could you see…"
Meredith looked at him with confusion written all over her face. "What are you trying to ask me?"
"I know we're taking this slow, for now. But I also know that I hurt you, and I wanted to know if you could ever see us getting married." He took in Meredith's stunned expression and quickly added, "Not anytime soon, I mean. But in the future. I mean, what is this? We're taking it slowly, but are we dating? If I ask you to go out to dinner every weekend, would you say yes? Is this something that is… what is this?"
"You're trying to ask me if we're in a committed relationship," Meredith said slowly, her voice becoming more detached with each word.
Derek could feel her withdrawing, and immediately tried to backpedal, to reverse the damage he thought seemed imminent. "I'm asking you if… Yes, if we're in a committed relationship, and also if we're the way… If you trust me. If you think that could see me again as the man you want to spend the rest of your life with."
Meredith flinched at those words. "Don't ask me that." Her voice wobbled. "I'm not ready to answer questions that like yet."
Derek nodded quickly. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I don't want to push you for an answer now. I wasn't trying to upset you."
"You didn't," Meredith responded.
"All right." Derek ate a few bites of his food. "But obviously I… You seem upset."
"Well I'm not," Meredith replied, her voice warning him to drop it.
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They suffered through the rest of their meal in silence. When the bill came, Derek reached for it quickly, and stopped the waiter before he could leave, handing him the bill and his credit card. As Derek helped Meredith into her jacket, all he could think of was 'Is this how it's always going to be?'
The silence continued in the car, but was broken the minute they walked into Meredith's house. Izzie and Alex were curled up on the house, watching a movie. At the sound of their arrival, Izzie looked up.
"Hey, you two!" she said, smiling. "How was dinner?"
At the question, Meredith's face crumpled, and she turned away and flew up the stairs, slipping and banging her knee in the process. Then a door slammed loudly upstairs, and Derek turned back to Meredith's friends.
"Should I go upstairs?" he asked helplessly. "What do you think I should do?"
Izzie sat frozen for a minute. "What happened? She was looking forward to tonight."
Derek sighed. "It's a long story, Izzie. Ending in us sitting in the restaurant with total silence for most of the meal. And the car," he added as an afterthought.
"Okay, well, I'll go upstairs and talk to her. Alex, you stay here with Derek," Izzie said, pulling herself up from the couch.
"No, wait," Alex replied. "I'll go upstairs and talk to her."
Derek and Izzie exchanged surprised looks. "Are you sure you want to?" Izzie asked him tentatively. "I think it would probably be easier for me to go talk to her."
Alex shook his head. "I think Shepherd needs your help right now," he told her. "Help him understand the innermost workings of the female mind because, obviously, he doesn't get it."
Izzie smiled at Alex. "All right, then," she said, leaning forward and quickly kissing him. "Good luck." Alex rose and went up the stairs, and Izzie waved Derek over to sit on the couch. "Now, tell me what happened."
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Alex pushed open the door to Meredith's room and turned on one of the bed lamps. Meredith was lying on the bed, rubbing her knee. At his entrance, she looked up, her eyes following him around the room until he sat down on the edge of her bed.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, until Meredith finally said, her voice flat and dull, "He asked me if I thought the two of us would ever get married."
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Downstairs, Derek pulled his hand through his hair in frustration, while Izzie waited patiently. Meeting her expectant gaze, Derek said, "I asked her if she would ever trust me enough to marry me someday."
Izzie fell back across the couch in shock. "Oh. Oh, no."
Derek nodded glumly. "Exactly."
As usual, reviews always appreciated, and thank you to everyone who reviewed Chapter 13!
I have finally updated!!! I'm so sorry I didn't update sooner, especially after I said I would probably post earlier. This is probably the longest I have ever gone without posting. On the plus side, 1st semester is over, and I've gotten most of my grades, although I'm still waiting for my grade in the despised writing class. Ugh. Also good news – the site has been fixed so I can view my stats and reviews, even though I still have a hard time updating from my Mac. But still, I love looking at my reviews. I was reading them as motivation for this chapter, and a sincere thank you to everyone who has written a review so far.
This chapter probably isn't what most people were expecting. It kind of wrote itself, but it isn't what I was planning to write, to tell you the truth. I do like it. I think I'm out of practice from all the school writing and none of this. But don't worry, I'm a MerDer fan all the way. I think this story is drawing to a close, though. After this, I'll have maybe three chapters at the most. I have some new story ideas that I'm anxious to start on, but if anyone has any suggestions for my next story, let me know. Grey's Anatomy is back ABC on January 11, 2007! Happy New Year!!!