A/N:Hi guys... sorry this took so long. I actually pinched a nerve in my left hand which made it quite difficult to type so half of this was done one handed. Hopefully it will be better soon... as always thanks to my amazing reviewers: forever babe, jasamfan18, jasonandsam44, soapdemon34, palmbeach, Liz, liz324, robinscorpiofan, sexyoreo6692, greengirl82, SHAUN BUCK, MorgansGirl, and Madison. You guys rock and motivate me to type one handed!

.

.

The Emotional Journey of Feelings

"Live through feeling and you will live through love. For feeling is the language of the soul, and feeling is truth."
~ Matt Zotti

Sam turned over in bed as her eyes opened slowly before jumping up in bed, taking in her unfamiliar surroundings. For a moment she expected to see the white walls of the hospital and machines next to her monitoring her every move as her friend and nurse came bouncing in her room with a smile on her face but then she remembered; she was in Port Charles now. She was home.

Stretching languidly she realized where she was: Jason's bedroom. She'd seen it on her tour of the house but the last thing she remembered was watching a movie on the couch.

"Good morning baby girl," she said to the nudges in her stomach, rubbing her hand affectionately over her belly. "I guess Da-Jason carried us up here last night," she looked over to the other side of the bed that was perfectly made, "but apparently didn't stay."

Yawning before wiping the sleep out of her eyes she got up and made her way out of the room, pausing to look t the closed door across the hall. She wasn't sure why but something was drawing her to that room. Just as she was about to turn the knob she heard the slam of the door from downstairs and the sound of muffled voices.

Turning away from the bedroom door, Sam walked down the hall towards the stairs and the voices that were now becoming clearer.

"Sleeping," Maxie huffed as she impatiently tapped her Prada heel against the wood floor. "This is ridiculous. You have no right to keep Sam all to yourself."

"For the last time Maxie I am not keeping Sam all to myself," Jason let out an irritated sigh. "She just isn't awake yet."

"You haven't even checked," she countered before turning to the other man in the room. "Spinelli," Maxie stretched out his name, "can you just go up and check?"

"The Jackal would be most pleased to look in on Fair Samantha," Spinelli stated cheerily.

"Don't even think about it?" Jason commanded as soon as the young man took a step.

"See Spinelli," Maxie crossed her arms over her chest before sending a hard look at the enforcer. "Lucky was right about you."

"Lucky?" he furrowed his brows.

"Now Maximista," Spinelli tried to diffuse the situation, "perhaps we should just wait until The Goddess is awakened from her slumber."

"No," she shook her head adamantly. "Lucky was right; he said Jason was trying to hole her up here to brainwash her and Jason is proving it by not letting me see her. He won't even go check." She rolled her eyes. "Yesterday she would be too overwhelmed, today she's sleeping; what'll it be tomorrow?"

"Stone Cold would never try to cut those that love Fair Samantha out of her life," Spinelli replied.

"If that's true Spinelli he would have no objection is getting her," she blew out an exasperated breath as she looked up at the older man. "You didn't even tell me, her best friend, that you thought she wasn't dead and you had my poor sweet Spinelli keep that secret from me. Do you even know what it was like loosing Sam for me? Unlike you, Sam and I were actually involved in …"

"Fine," Jason waved her up even as she kept speaking.

"…each other's lives," she continued on her tirade. "Since I lost Georgie and besides Spinelli, Sam is the only person who has ever really gotten me. I miss my friend."

"I said…" Jason began but was cut off by Sam's voice.

"You don't have to miss me anymore," the brunette said from the foot of the stairs with a smile on her face as the blonde turned around. "Maxie…" she said as flashes of the two of them flowed through her mind.

"Besides, you don't need to go into the job all stressed out. I know how that feels," Sam paused. "At least you won't be falling on your face. Now, just bring them back."

"I will," Maxie said with an appreciative smile. "Wish me luck."

"Luck," Sam said as she watched the blonde walk away.

It was almost as if a light went off in her mind as the scene changed.

"I don't want to blow it," Maxie explained. "Thank you again for being so cool about this. You're the only person in town who doesn't think I'm a crazy bitch for cheating on Coop. "

"Oh, yeah; imagine that," Sam paused briefly, "me thinking you were crazy after all the stuff I pulled? No, I'd be a total hypocrite if I were to think like that. Besides, I think you deserve all of this after all the hell you've been through."

"I do," Maxie agreed, "and it's going to be great."

Sam made her way to the door. "Okay, I got to run, so…" she trailed off.

"Oh, wait," Maxie stopped her. "Wish me luck or something."

Sam smiled as she remembered their first meeting, thinking the one word had become a sort-of signature of their friendship. "Luck; I don't think you're going to need it, though."

"Luck," she pointed at the blonde with a smile.

"Luck," Maxie returned the smile before rushing towards the pregnant brunette and enveloping her in a hug. "Sam, I missed you so much."

"I'm pretty sure I missed you too," Sam replied as they separated. "My memory is still really fuzzy but I do remember that you were my best friend."

"I'm so glad to have you back," she said through happy tears. "How are you, I mean are you okay, really? You must be happy to be back even if you can't remember yet. Being held by that psycho Jerry Jax with no memory must have been insane but you look good, great actually." The blonde smiled. "I mean, look at you. You're pregnant and I promise I am going to be the best godmother ever. Your baby is going to be the best dressed baby in all of New York."

Sam watched as Jason rubbed his temples before his eyes focused back to the bubbling blonde. "I believe it. And you're right, I'm really happy to be back."

"We're happy you're back," Maxie said before turning to the meekest person in the room. "Aren't we Spinelli?"

"Goddess," he stepped forward as the blonde moved aside. "The Jackal is most relieved and filled with exuberance at Fair Samantha's reemergence." He began to choke up. "The Grasshopper and His Master feared our Courageous Heroine had been a victim of the turbulent sea after The Unhinged One took you captive and would never return to our makeshift family."

"I'm okay Spinelli," she reached out her arms to embrace, feeling an overwhelming maternal bond for the young man in front of her. "And I am so grateful for you helping Jason to find me."

"The Jackal would do anything to save Fair Samantha from eh evil doers," he replied.

"I know," she said as the separated.

"This calls for a most joyous celebration," Spinelli clapped his hands together in excitement. "We are all reunited again."

"Yes we are," Sam said with a smile as she felt her daughter kick in reminder that she was there also, "And I couldn't be happier."

"This is ridiculous!" Lucky said as he slammed the phone down.

"Hey, what did that phone do to you?" Alexis said as she walked towards him. "Are you okay?"

"No," he huffed before tossing the file on the desk and sinking into his chair. "It just I can't stand it when a perp gets to walk on a technicality."

"A perp?" she repeated with an inquiring look. "Are you sure that's all this is about?"

"What else would it be Alexis?" he asked with a sigh.

"My daughter perhaps," Alexis said with a tilt of her head before pulling an empty chair close and sitting down. "I know this must be rough for you, her being with Jason."

"I don't understand how you could let her go back there with him," he let out a frustrated breath. "She shouldn't be anywhere near him."

Alexis shook her head. "She's an adult Lucky; I couldn't exactly lock her up at The Lake House, nor would I want to. She wants to be with Jason right now and we have to accept that."

"So you don't think this is permanent?" he asked with hopeful eyes.

"I don't know Lucky," she reached over to pat his hand in comfort. "What I do know is she doesn't remember everything yet and when she does she may feel differently. I also know that of what she does remember, she remembers the two of you caring about each other and I think she's going to want to have some sort of relationship with you, a friendship at the very least and possibly more given time."

"Even if this baby turns out to be Jason's?" he questioned. "I don't see her leaving him after that."

"I can't predict the future but what I will ask you is not to turn your back on Sam," Alexis replied. "My daughter was shattered after things ended with Jason and you help her rebuild not only her life but her as a person. She needs someone like you in her life."

"I need her too," Lucky nodded. "I love her so much Alexis."

"I know you do," she said as she stood up. "I want my daughter to be happy whether it's with you or Jason but for what it's worth, I'm hoping it's you."

"Thank you," he smiled.

"I have to go check in on a case," she returned his smile. "I'll see you later Lucky."

"See you later," he watched her walk away before he picked up the jacket that was thrown across the chair and rushing out of the precinct.

Elizabeth made her way down towards the elevator with a file in her hand, pressing the button as she waited for the doors to open. She still felt nervous about elevators since being grabbed by one of Jerry's men but she was getting used to it and had now taken to carrying pepper spray in her pocket. Stepping into the elevator when it arrived and feeling relief at being alone, she was just about to press the button to close the doors when she heard a voice call out.

"Hold the elevator please," Nadine said as she ran towards it.

"Hey," Elizabeth said as she put her arm in the open space. "Going up too?"

"Yeah, I almost forgot to pick up these results up at the lab before I left," Nadine shook her head. "I don't know where my mind is at these days but I was in such a hurry; I have an appointment I'm already running late for."

"We've all had days like that," the brunette nurse shrugged.

"Yeah I guess," Nadine breathed out, "but Robin would kill me if I forgot; she wanted a rush on these paternity results. Besides I don't think Nikolas would be too happy if I let his cousin's paperwork slip through the cracks."

"Nikolas' cousin," Elizabeth's eyes lit up. "You mean Sam McCall's results?" She watched the other nurse nod. "Well if you want to take off I could always bring them up for Robin since you're in a hurry," she smiled sweetly.

"Really?" Nadine paused. "That would be great Elizabeth; thank you so much."

"No problem," Elizabeth replied. "It's the least I can do."

"Well I guess I'm going down instead," the blonde replied as she moved out of the doorway. "And there's the elevator now."

"Go," Elizabeth smiled as the other nurse rushed to the other elevator and the doors closed to the one she was in, "Thank you Nurse Crowell."

Sam stood on the balcony looking out at the view. Spinelli and Maxie had just left and she was glad that she'd gotten to spend time with them, immediately feeling a connection to both of them. She found it strange though, that she remembered Maxie so clearly yet hadn't had one memory of her mother. And then there was the memory of being pregnant before and no matter how maternal she felt for Spinelli, she knew she wasn't his mother so where was the child she'd carried before? The one she was convinced from the memory as a girl. Sighing to herself, Sam rubbed her belly affectionately as she looked out at the city that has apparently been her home. Still she felt nothing positive or negative about Port Charles, it was just a place she happened to be standing in.

"Hey," Jason said as he moved to stand behind her, "you okay?"

She nodded silently, her eyes still focused against the horizon.

"Was it too overwhelming for you?" he asked. "I know Spinelli and Maxie can be…" he trailed off, not really knowing how to describe the pair.

"No," she shook her head before turning to look up at him. "Maxie and Spinelli were great, full of energy, but great." She paused briefly. "I guess I was just thinking about why I remember certain things or people and why others are a blank but I'm not overwhelmed Jason, I promise."

"Okay," he said before stroking a stray hair back from her face, peering into her eyes curiously. "You still look like you have something on your mind."

She let out a small laugh. "Was I always so transparent?"

"Only to me," Jason replied, "But that's always gone both ways; you've always read me easily when no one else could and vice versa so, what is it?"

She smiled as she rubbed her stomach. "I remember this," she paused as she looked down at her protruding belly before her eyes met his, "being pregnant before." Sam watched as he stiffened ever so slightly. "And I saw the other room earlier and if she's not here or with my mom…"

Jason let out a shuddering breath, the pain of their first daughter's loss still an unbearable ache every time he allowed himself to think about it. "She didn't-she didn't make it Sam," his words were soft and filled with emotion. "She, Lila was stillborn."

Sam braced herself against the railing as tears began to freefall down her face. "Lila," she cried her name softly before shaking her head as she looked up to the heavens. "I felt, I somehow knew something was wrong but I-I hoped…"

"I know," Jason said as he gathered her in his arms and let a few of his own tears escape.

She sobbed against him for a moment as the forgotten grief washed over her again. "Is she… does she have a grave?"

"Yeah," he chocked out as he tried to stave off his own tears, wanting to be strong for her.

"Can you take me to her?" Sam pulled back as her tear-filled chestnut orbs looked up at him.

"I can do that," he said softly before pulling her back into his arms. "I can do that."

Robin stood at the nurse's station, signing he name oat the bottom of the chart she'd just made adjustments too before handing it off to one of the nurses.

"Can you get that down to Dr. Levine?" she asked.

"Right away Dr. Scorpio-Drake," the blonde said before going off in the direction of the pediatrics.

"Now if only Nadine and the lab would hurry it up wit those results," she said to herself just as her cousin came barreling out of the elevator.

"Robin," Maxie practically yelled. "Have you gotten Sam's paternity results?"

"I really can't discuss that with you Maxie," Robin said. "You used to work here so I'm sure you remember patient confidentiality."

"Well Sam is my best friend and you're my cousin so I think that entitles me to a little leeway here especially when I remembered Elizabeth was working today," she rolled her eyes as she hooked her arm in the brunette's and began to pull her towards the elevator.

"What does Elizabeth have to do with any of this?" she asked as she reluctantly followed behind the blonde. "And where exactly are you taking me?"

"To the lab," Maxie said as she pressed the up button. "And are you really that naïve Robin? Elizabeth would do anything to keep Jason and Sam apart, namely changed a paternity test so Lucky ends up looking like the father."

Robin shook her head. "I really don't think she would stoop to that."

"Because you're a nice person and you do that right thing and you think that the rest of the world thinks the way you do but they don't," the blonde ushered her cousin in the elevator. "In you go," she smiled before pressing the floor. "Besides, I ran into Nadine on the way up here and guess who volunteered to wait for the lab results so Nadine could make her appointment."

Robin's eyes widened in realization, "Elizabeth? Oh crap."

"Exactly," Maxie said as the bell rung to signal they'd reached their floor before the door opened. "Come on," she practically pulled the other woman behind her. "Where the hell am I going?"

"Just down the hall on the right," Robin said as they broke out into a jog. "They moved some thing around." She came to a stop about a foot away, seeing Elizabeth tapping her foot impatiently but also pursing her glossy lips at the lab tech.

"Hot off the presses," the lab technician joked as he handed the nurse a sealed envelope. "I hope it says what you want it to."

"Oh it will," Elizabeth smiled before turning to face Robin and Maxie, deadpanning with wide eyes. "Hey Robin, what are you doing down here?"

"I came to get Sam's paternity results," Robin said slowly. "Nadine mentioned you were getting them for me. Are those them Carl?" her eyes flicked to the nerdy looking man at the counter.

"I just gave them to Nurse Webber," he answered honestly, unaware of the tension between the three women.

"We'll just be taking those," Maxie said as she snatched the envelope out of the nurse's hand. "Nice try though Lizzie."

"Hey you can't handle those," Elizabeth tried to snatch them back but Maxie dodged her. "Those are confidential patient files."

"Believe me, Sam would have no problem with me handling this but she would absolutely blow a gasket if you were touching them," the blonde smirked self-assuredly. "Besides, if you had thought about tampering with these results they've been sent to two other facilities." He bluffed, feeling satisfaction at how pale the nurse seemed to become. "Let's go Robin," she turned, "I need to go call my best friend and tell her the results are in."

"I hope you weren't doing what I think you were," Robin sent her a disappointed look before following her cousin.

Jason held Sam's hand as he led her through the cemetery. On the way he'd already told her most of the story; how he'd taken in and convinced her to let him act as the father of hr baby in an effort to save Michael's family. He'd told her about how even after the truth came out about it being Sonny's baby that they'd still decided to raise the little girl together and how much they planned for the baby they were naming after his grandmother.

"We should probably stop here first," Jason said as they came to another grave, tilting his head towards the stone.

She looked down at the headstone, staring at the engraved name. "Daniel "Danny" McCall," she read softly, "Beloved brother and friend, always with us." Sam looked up at the man beside her. "Who…"

"Danny was your brother," he replied. "He was the nicest kid you'd ever want to meet and he adored you. You took great care of him."

Looking at the dates, her eyebrows furrowed in thought. "He was older than me but I took care of him?"

"Danny was mentally handicapped," he explained. "He could take care of himself though with guidance and he was really protective of his little sister but in some aspects he was still like a child." He smiled as he remembered the young man. "He was great with motorcycles and he loved baseball, The Phillies, and he really loved Hawaii."

"Hawaii," she said as a memory of the three of them flashed in her mind before disappearing as quickly as it had begun.

"Did you… are you remembering something?" he looked at her in concern.

"It was just a flash but I saw us," she smiled as she bent down to glide her hand across the smooth granite. "I saw him, my brother…" she let out a strangled sob before she felt Jason kneel behind her, his arms wrapping behind her from behind. "I loved him so much, I felt that… How-how could I forget him?"

"You didn't, not really," he said as he placed a soft kiss in her hair line. "You just needed to be reminded."

"And our daughter," she said. "If only a small flash of Danny makes m feel like this, it's no wonder I can't remember."

"I can take you home," he suggested. "We don't have to do all of this now."

"No, I want you to take me to her resting place," she said.

Jason said nothing, only giving her a small nod before he stood p and reached a hand out to help her up. They didn't have to go far; the next grave they came upon was that of their little girl's. He stepped back to allow her a moment when she released his hand, Sam immediately sinking to knell in front of the stone.

"Lila Adele Morgan McCall," she read the headstone. "Her name is beautiful."

"I changed the stone after you…" he trailed off. "It said Babygirl McCall but she had a name and with only me here left to remember her I…" he paused briefly. "We planned on naming her Lila Morgan but I thought she should still keep your last name, and Adele was Sonny's mother's name. This way her name would represent all her parents."

"It's okay," Sam nodded. "I think I would have approved." She glanced back at him. "I must've been really excited about her…"

We both were," Jason replied. "You were even excited about the birth itself."

Sam zoned out for a moment as she was assaulted with yet another memory.

Sam practically skipped down the hall. "Listen, I can't believe I'm actually this," she turned to face Jason, "but I am so excited to have this baby, and I don't mean just to have her and just have her here. I meant the actual birth itself..."

"Hmm," Jason nodded, trying to contain the amused smile that was threatening to splay across his face.

"I don't know," she continued. "Maybe it's my hormones."

"Maybe it's all the birthing classes," he countered.

"Ok, well, maybe, but you have to at least go once with me if you're going to be there in the delivery room.," she removed her ands from her hips to grasp him as he started to protest.

"Sam," Jason's voice brought her back to the present.

"I was just remembering something again," the petite brunette answered before holding out her hand so he could assist her in standing up.

"About Lila?' he asked.

She nodded. "Yes, we were talking about, or rather I was talking about how excited I was for the birth and wanting you in the delivery room." She paused briefly. "Were you there?"

"I was outside," Jason answered. "They wouldn't-they wouldn't let me in." He swallowed hard as he felt the lump in his throat from the tears he was holding back. "An hour before we were planning on a baby and then he next thing I know you were collapsing in my arms after Alexis…"

"Alexis what?" she looked up at him imploringly. "Tell me."

"She wanted you to induce your labor because Kristina was sick and they needed Lila's stem cells," he blew out a breath. "When I came in she was badgering you and you, you said my name and collapsed in pain. I-I'd never felt so helpless before…" his blue eyes burned with unshed tears. "You were rushed into a room but when they pulled that curtain, I knew-I knew I was losing you both."

"Jason," she reached up to wipe away a stray tear that rolled down his cheek as tears from her own eyes began to flow. "I'm so sorry for making you relive this."

"I made you do it one," he paused briefly, "when I couldn't remember and you stood with me, right her in this spot and relived every heartbreaking moment." Jason shook his head. "I wanted to leave Port Charles, run away from this life I really didn't want to remember but I couldn't."

"What stopped you?" Sam asked.

"You, and Lila," he answered. "I was leaving but I came here, trying to remember so I wouldn't have to leave you. Nothing else about the life everyone was telling me about made sense but you," he reached up to stroke her hair gently. "So I came here and you showed up, and I knew…" he let out a deep breath, "I knew even if I never remembered I wanted to stay with you."

"It sounds like she brought us together in more ways than one," Sam offered him a watery smile.

"She did," he agreed. "You told me that you thought of her as our guardian angel and I believe it. I believe she was watching over you after that explosion and that she led me to find you again." Jason reached down to place a hand on her protruding stomach. "It was Lila's memory that brought us together to create this baby."

"No more doubts?" Sam asked.

"Not one," Jason replied just as his cell phone rang. "I don't have to answer…"

"It's okay," she interrupted. "Go ahead."

Jason kissed her on the forehead before he answered. "Morgan."

"Jason," Robin's voice said from the other line. "Hey, I've been calling Sam and she's not answering."

"Yeah she's here with me," he replied. "Is everything okay? Did you find something after we left the hospital?"

"No, nothing like that," she paused. "We have the paternity results back whenever you're ready. Should I call Lucky?"

"Sure," Jason said. "We'll be there soon. Thanks Robin," he hung up before his eyes met those of the petite brunette in front of him. "The paternity results are back."

Sam nodded silently before turning back to the headstone. "Mommy and Daddy will be back soon baby girl but I know everything will be alright because you're looking out for your little sister." She kissed the palm of her hand before placing it on the cold, smooth surface. "I love you Lila."

"I love you too," Jason said as he ran his hand over the name before they both stepped back, and Sam grabbed his hand. "Ready?"

"For anything as long as I am with you," Sam replied before they took off in the direction of the SUV.