14

Taylor

I was scraping my name into my desk when Alyssa and Malfoy slipped quietly into Charms. Flitwick didn't seem to notice, being fully engrossed in his failed chalkboard picture of some charm that would inevitably result in Ron enlisting Hermione's help and Seamus blowing something up.

He continued doodling away as Alyssa sat on the 'Slytherin' side, on the edge so she could whisper something to me.

"What's up? Did I miss anything?"

"Nothing important…just…this." I motioned to Flitwick and rolled my eyes as he began mumbling to himself.

"Looks…exciting…" She mused, frowning. "Hey, I saw you in the Main Hall this morning…something wrong?"

My eyes nonchalantly wandered away from her gaze and I forced a quick smile. "No, nothing," I assured, "I was just a bit worked up…I didn't get much sleep last night…" That much was true; I'd tossed and turned for hours, unable to find the peace of a dream-less sleep. "…And then that kid…" I took a deep breath and sighed.

"From the library?" She asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"I…I'll tell you later."

She looked at me oddly – though understanding – and turned back towards the front, sighing and shaking her head at Flitwick's diagram.

I could definitely wait for Charms to be over.

Lunch brought not only delicious food, but also a nervousness that made me lose my appetite. Alyssa wasted no time making her way over to me when she entered, and I could hear murmuring amongst the Slytherins as she sat beside me.

"It's later." She said nonchalantly, not yet looking at me.

"Not late enough…" I sighed, turning to her. "Remember what I told you? About how he looked like my mother?"

"Uh huh…" She nodded, obviously running things over in her head already.

"Well…um…listen…can I start from the beginning?" I mumbled, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Yeah…of course." She nodded, spinning herself on the bench to face me.

"When I was four, my parents found out I was a witch. My mother…didn't take it well. She had no reason to, but she hated it. She hated the thought of magic horribly – like the Dursley's almost…but more…dramatic about it, I suppose. She was pregnant at the time, and for months she stressed about it being a wizard too. She was constantly depressed and angry and…god she was almost crazy…" I shook my eyes and licked my lip before biting it lightly.

Alyssa didn't say anything – she was taking it all in. That was how she worked; she analyzed the information, trying to piece it all together before given the answer. Her eyes were dark and hard, looking at me with all seriousness as I continued.

"She convinced herself that it was the baby making her feel these things, manipulating her emotions or...something like that…When she finally went into labor, I sat in the hospital waiting room for hours, only for her to walk out alone. We were told that the baby didn't survive the birth – that my mother's anxiety and other 'harmful' emotions had affected the fetus before it was developed; or some other bullshit.

She was never the same after that; always avoiding me, going out every night – alcohol mostly…"

I looked down the table to see Harry and Ron walk in; looking for us. I averted my eyes, and nudged Alyssa with my knee. She turned, seeing the boys as well. They caught her eye – and for a reason I could not fathom – went to sit with Seamus and Dean. It was Alyssa scary warning glare no doubt – scared away all the boys.

"Anyway…" I sighed, licking my lips again. "…it was two years afterward – I came home from school one day, my bus had broken down, I remember, and we had waited half and hour so they could get a new one when my house was ten minutes away…I walked in, dropped my stuff, and went in to the bathroom. As I was washing my hands, I saw this little white stick on the floor – a pregnancy test; a positive pregnancy test."

Alyssa's eyes widened slightly, but if she held any more surprise, she hid it well.

"I was seven; I had no idea what it was or what it meant. My Dad was outside, fitting the new window for our kitchen, so I went to look for my mom. I knew she wouldn't tell me, or look at me even, but I wanted to try. I searched everywhere – upstairs, the backyard – the only place left was the basement." My breathing was quickening as my mind flooded again – I had held myself this far, but I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself from overreacting again if it came to that.

"I found her…" I choked suddenly, feeling the tears. I had to leave – get out of the Hall – the heat, the people, it was too much. "I…ca-can we go somewhere else…?" I got up nervously, not bothering to wait for her reply before swiftly exiting. I didn't stop until I found myself in an abandoned corner in one of the less used, quiet hallways.

Alyssa found her way to me and held my shoulders in concern as I tried to catch my breathing. She looked into my eyes, and I couldn't help but hold her gaze as I shook.

"My Dad…" I whispered, "He put the old window downstairs…she broke it…sh-she…she cut herself…! There was blood…everywhere…." I nearly sobbed as she lowered her head.

"I slipped in it…pieces of glass stuck in my foot…I landed on the window…tore open my back…it almost hit my spine…but she…she wasn't dead…I think I screamed…I can't remember…but I know I saw her fingers move a little before her eyes closed…" Tears were slipping freely down my cheeks, and I knew my face was red; but I couldn't decide if telling someone made me feel better, or if recalling everything again made me feel worse. Alyssa's arms slipped from my shoulders to my back as she pulled me into a hug. I buried my face in her shoulder, embarrassed, and mumbled.

"I watched her die. And now…this kid who didn't survive the birth…my brother…"

"He's here." She whispered in understanding.

"He said I killed my mother." I heaved, bringing in a deep breath. "I made her crazy…she killed herself…because I'm a witch…!"

"But that's not your fault," Alyssa soothed. "You can't control that…nobody could have controlled that. You can't blame yourself."

"I know…" I sighed, hugging her tighter. "But his eyes…like…he believes…with all his heart…that's it my fault…everything's my fault…"

"Well I'll just have to have a chat with this kid."