Chapter 14 - The droids join the revolution
AN: I have recently had a few people asking when/if Ahsoka Tano will appear in this fic. I'm sorry to disappoint you Comrades, she will not be showing up in THIS fic. However, she will be features in its sequel, so keep an eye out for Comrade Skywalker: Episode II: Attack of the Comrades. Until then, may the means of production be with you!
Jar Jar Binks turned and walked around the corner, and when he came back he was with THE DISGUSTING CAPITALIST PADME HERSELF. She must have flown in while I was gazing lovingly at Obi Wan. Padme was wearing that dumb hedonistic outfit she wore to address the Senate with her giant hairdo that barely balanced on her FUCKING SHILL HEAD, not that I paid any attention to this.
"Anakin!" She cried, rushing forward. Her eyes gleamed with greed. "I'm so glad to see you!"
"You shouldn't be!" I replied, "I'm here to seize your private property once and for all! Didn't you realise that the last time we met?"
"You were just a little boy then." She replied in a voice of bourgeois entitlement. "You may have remembered it differently. Time changes your perspectives."
"I think it has given me much more FUCKING MATURE feelings to FUCKING ENHANCE my FUCKING PERCEPTION!" I snapped back progressively.
"But Anakin, we used to lie on the sand and let the sun dry us… don't you remember?" She pleaded.
"NO, BECAUSE YOU ARE MIXING UP YOUR FUCKING LINES GODDAMNIT!" I screamed and called on the Force so I could push Padme out of my FUCKING WAY.
She called out to me as I stormed off with my Comrade, but I ignored her. I was too busy preparing to storm the palace in the FUCKING NAME OF THE FUCKING REVOLUTION. When we arrived at the citadel we saw that it was populated with battle droids and droidekas.
Comrade Qui Gon's force ghost appeared and spoke to us in the VOICE OF KARL MARX "These droids are the real proletariat. Get them to join the FUCKING REVOLUTION." Comrade Obi Wan and I knew that we should do as Comrade Qui Gon said so we marched up to the droids socialistically.
"We are here to fight for your equality because you are OPPRESSED BY THOSE FUCKING BOURGEOIS MONARCHISTS!" I said loudly, echoing the syllables of Lenin.
The droids looked at us. "Roger, Comrade." they said all together in their proletariat voices.
My heart swelled with socialist joy, soon the liberation of Naboo would be complete, and with any luck Quinlan Vos would be successful on Tatooine. Soon the galaxy would be free from false consciousness and classist oppression. This was a great victory for the people.
"Comrade! Look!" Obi Wan pointed out across the city walls. "There is an oppressive Capitalist army massing outside the city!"
I leapt up and looked out the giant excessive window that was made of melted sand, following the direction in which Obi Wan was pointing. My progressive eyes soon alighted on the tyrannical mass of Gungans marching across the plain. They were lead by none other than Nute Gunray, Padme, Jar Jar Binks and Darth Maul, still fastened to the back of Savage Opress like a racist strap-on dildo.