Jealousy

23:13 | Tuesday | Home

Arthur eventually managed to get Merlin onto his own bed and grabbing the duvet hanging over the end of the bed, he covered the unconscious body without hesitation. Looking down at Merlin, he hoped that he would be okay, his head injury hadn't looked too serious. Either way, he wouldn't be leaving this room tonight. Just incase Merlin woke up in the middle of the night and got confused.

Walking away from the bed, his eyes took in the room and noticed there were a few changes since he last came in here. There was a large pile of books in the corner and as he used the moonlight to read the titles, he saw they were all about legends and myths. Things someone might use if they were searching for answers for the unexplained.

Just as he was going to pull out the mattress, there was a quiet sound from the direction of the desk and he looked over his shoulder to see Merlin's laptop had turned on. Curiosity getting the best of him, Arthur took a seat and tilted the screen so he could take a look. What he found was an entire page dedicated to blog entries that Merlin had clearly made and the small sound had been someone commenting on the latest entry.

He knew he shouldn't read it. That he should respect Merlin's privacy, but the boy was a closed book, the only way he was going to find out what was going through his head was if he did this or ask him. He couldn't exactly imagine Merlin replying honestly if he asked him upfront.

Clicking on the latest entry, he saw that it was written a few days ago, just as the weekend was coming to a close.

"The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present."

A quote I found whilst on the internet and it made me think, what if that is the case? What if my anger towards what happened to me, to my Mother, is stopping me from seeing what's right in front of me?

Gwaine keeps asking me to take a chance on him, that he could make me happy, so why do I find myself turning him down again and again? I don't want to hurt him. He's one of my closest friends. Except something's holding me back.

Maybe I'll never get over my past. I think maybe I might be destined to end up alone and always protecting that prat who doesn't even like me. I can kid myself that he likes being in my company but it's just the guilt.

I'll be his shadow until the end of time. I should just learn to accept that.

Comments:

xoxrizoxox; maybe it's not something holding you back but someone Tuesday 23:15

Glancing over his shoulder at Merlin, he wondered if that was true. Was someone stopping him from being with Gwaine? Shaking his head to rid himself of thoughts that it could be him, he shut the laptop and got on with making himself up a bed. Someone had to take care of the idiot when he woke up.

07:00 | Friday | College

"Thank you all for getting here on time," Ms Jacobs said as she checked off the last name on the list and Merlin looked towards the front of the bus to see her smiling at them all. After everything that had been going on, Merlin had completely forgotten about the trip he'd signed up for a few months ago when he'd saved up enough money, now that it was here, he wasn't so sure he should go. However Will and Gwen had used their own magic of persuasion to get him to go. Now they were off to Austria to ski for a week.

"Hey Merlin," Gwen said from the seat behind him and he turned to see her pointing out the window. "Isn't that Gwaine?"

Looking himself, he saw she was right and got to his feet. "I'll go see what he wants," he was walking down the bus when the teacher stepped in the way. Asking him where he was going. "To say goodbye to someone, I'll only be a few seconds." He brushed past her without much trouble and jogged up to meet Gwaine. "What are you doing here? You normally don't surface from your home until at least eleven in the morning."

"I wanted to see you off before you left," Gwaine said and glanced up at the bus. Before Merlin could question, he started to talk again. "I know that I've been bugging you for the past few weeks about us being together," Merlin shifted awkwardly on the spot. This wasn't exactly what he wanted to be talking about. "I just wanted to say that I understand why you're so hesitant but don't … forget about me whilst you're away."

"Forget about you? Gwaine how-"

"You'd be surprised how easily distracted you get Merlin," he came forward and did up a button on Merlin's coat like it was an everyday occurrence. "I'll call you whilst you're out there, that way you can't use the excuse of it costing money."

"I wouldn't make an excuse not to talk to you."

"You might use that excuse to avoid me though. Never know what could happen during a holiday abroad," Gwaine once again glanced at the bus and suddenly his fingers curled around the material of Merlin's jacket. He was then pulled forward and Gwaine pressed his lips gently to Merlin's, only pulling away a few seconds later when the horn went off from the bus. "Just something to think about during those cold nights."

Gwaine left him standing there speechless and his heart racing in his chest. He'd just been kissed. For the first time in his life. Lifting his fingertips to press against his lips, he wondered how it had passed by so quickly. Whenever he saw someone being kissed in the movies, time seemed to slow down. This had been over in the blink of an eye.

A ramming on the window made him turn and look up to see Will summoning him onto the bus, smiling in return, he nodded to show he understood. His gaze drifted to the back of the bus where he saw the back of Arthur's head as he talked to his mates, obviously being the popular kids they got to sit at the back. What would he say if he knew Gwaine had kissed him? He would no doubt tease him, he'd done it enough when Gwaine had tried to kiss him.

"Merlin, get on the bus!" Ms Jacobs called and Merlin went back to his seat, ignoring the smiles he was getting from Will and Gwen.

02:03 | Saturday | Bus

It was just past two in the morning when Merlin heard someone heading towards his end of the bus and he looked up from his book to see it was Arthur. Feeling his body tense up, he tried to concentrate on what he was reading and found that words suddenly made no sense to him.

"What you reading?" Arthur asked as he took the seat beside him. Will had taken a couple of seats near the front so he could lie down whilst he slept. Most of the people on the bus were asleep too and they still had 3 hours until they reached their destination.

"A book," Merlin responded. Apparently he'd also forgotten what he was reading.

"Never would have guessed," Arthur snatched the book off him and scanned the back. Leaving Merlin to sit there awkwardly in silence. "Any shadows turned up recently?" He randomly asked.

"Not since you fought them off," Merlin replied quietly and glanced back at Gwen who was sound asleep on the seat behind. "Which you have yet to explain to me by the way."

"I don't have to tell you everything," Arthur commented and handed back his book. "Just like you don't tell me everything."

"What does-"

"I better head back to my seat, I told Lancelot I'd be back." Arthur left him sat there with a closed book in his hand and he sat back in his seat in confusion. Had he literally just come to the front to ask a question he already knew the answer too? Sighing in frustration, he stuffed his book into a bag and sunk further into his seat, trying to get comfortable enough to sleep. However no matter how much he tried, sleep didn't come to him.

New Time Zone | 09:14 | Saturday | Hotel

Falling face first onto his bed, Merlin moaned that his entire body ached from being stuck inside a bus for so long and then shivered when Will opened the balcony doors. Luckily for them they had gotten an amazing hotel with a view of the mountains, unfortunately the weather was freezing and Merlin wasn't good with being cold. Question was, why did he even sign up for this holiday to begin with?

"Come look at the view Merlin! It's stunning!" Will exclaimed and suddenly the main door flew open, Gwen now entering the room with a smile on her face. "How's your room?"

"Beautiful, I'm on the other side though so I don't get the view included. Morgana's taking a nap though so I thought I'd come say hey," she joined Will out on the balcony and Merlin turned onto his side. Noticing that someone was stood at the door as it began to close.

Jumping to his feet, he walked over and pulled open the door. Only to find no-one there. Poking his head out, he saw a door down the hall close, obviously where the person had gone too. Just as he went to go back into his room, the door next to his opened and none other than Arthur stumbled out with various items being thrown at him. "Alright I'm going! No need to get violent."

As Arthur turned to walk down the hall, he noticed Merlin watching and smirked. "Like what you see?"

"Don't flatter yourself, I was just seeing who was making all the noise." Shutting the door swiftly, Merlin leant back against it and watched as his two closest friends laughed on the balcony. Maybe this holiday would give him the chance to relax. Forget about the shadows and responsibilities. They couldn't have followed Arthur here, right?

22:03 | Saturday | Hotel

Merlin left the group of people sat around the fire inside and stepped through the opened glass doors, which were shut behind him so to keep the warmth in. Making his way across the path, he found himself in a circular cushioned area where there was an unlit fireplace in the center. Taking a seat, Merlin put out his hand and said the spell to create fire. As soon as that was done, he lay back on the cushions and stared up at the stars.

When he was little, he had often wondered whether he was from another planet. There was no one out there like him and after watching loads of TV shows about aliens, it had made him consider the possibility he wasn't human. However when his Mother had see some of his drawings, she had questioned him and then put his mind at ease. Saying that he was human but special at the same time.

Truth be told, he'd rather be an alien. That way, he knew there was a chance there were people like him out there. It would mean he wasn't alone.

"You're going to freeze out here," Arthur said from nearby and Merlin tilted his head back to see him stood there with his arms crossed.

"Thank you for your concern but I'm fine," Merlin replied and looked back up at the stars. The dip in the cushions by his head told him that Arthur hadn't left him to it. "Why aren't you inside with your friends?"

"Why aren't you?"

"I asked you first," Merlin rightfully claimed and Arthur smirked.

"There's only so many horror stories you can hear before they get boring," Arthur commented and turned where he sat. Lying down, the top of his head went against Merlin's and they both stared up at the sky. "Your turn."

"Just wanted to come look up at the stars, take in the atmosphere. It's not everyday I get to be in another country without my Mother around," he said.

"Have you not been abroad before?" he questioned.

"There was never a chance and Mum could never afford it. I only have enough money for this because I had some money saved up from all my jobs. I just wanted one chance to get away from it all, you know? Where I didn't have to go home and face my Mum, tell her how great life was and then hide away in my room so she doesn't realise I'm lying. At least here I can … relax a little."

"You don't have to pretend to be okay you know? Your home is meant to be somewhere that you can be yourself in."

"Not for me it isn't," he muttered and raised his hand into the sky. "Blícan," Merlin whispered and small lights began to appear around them. Sparkling in the moonlight. He smiled as they brushed against his body and then flew into the air, as if telling him that it was possible to fly away from this place.

"I'll never get used to you doing that," Arthur said quietly as he reached out to touch one. Merlin closed his eyes and let the atmosphere speak for itself, words weren't needed right now. However Arthur seemed to have other ideas in mind. "Why did Gwaine come see you off?"

Merlin hadn't thought Arthur had seen that. "Don't know, I told him he didn't have to see me off, it's quite early in the morning for him."

"You know his sleeping habits?" Arthur asked back quickly.

"Oh believe me, you have to know them if you ever want to meet up with him." When he felt Arthur moving, he opened his eyes to find Arthur had rolled onto his stomach and moved closer, meaning his face was hovering over his. Very close as a matter of fact. "Why do you ask?"

"I didn't realise you two had gotten so close," Arthur remarked and gently brushed the hair across Merlin's forehead. The mere touch made butterflies appear in his stomach and unconsciously the spell he'd previously cast began to brighten, the balls of light growing in size. "Do you let anyone just kiss you?"

"No, of course not." He wasn't about to admit that what Arthur had seen had been his first kiss. "I guess Gwaine was just nervous I'd meet someone whilst on holiday and forget about him."

"So he kissed you …" Arthur repeated and a small frown appeared on his face.

"Hey, what's with the frown?" Merlin reached up without thinking and traced the lines on Arthur's forehead, "Can't deal with the fact that someone wanted to kiss me?" A small nervous laugh escaped his lips and quickly died down when Arthur didn't join in, however his face did soften the more Merlin traced his face with his fingertips.

"Did you like him kissing you?"

"What's with all the questions? It was a kiss. Nothing else to it. People kiss everyday, isn't a big deal." Merlin lied and dropped his hand back to his side, he could have sworn he saw disappointment in Arthur's eyes. It was quickly replaced with something Merlin didn't recognise.

"Then what if-"

Arthur was cut off by the sound of Merlin's phone going off and he moved away, taking his seat back on the cushions upright. Flipping his phone open, Merlin saw it was Gwaine and tried to act normal when he answered the phone. "Hello."

"Hey Merlin, hope I didn't catch you at a bad time or anything."

"Nope, was just sat here talking to Arthur." There was silence on the other end of the phone when he finished and Merlin frowned a little, "Gwaine? You still there?"

"Yeah, sorry, you must have bad recep-"

Whatever Gwaine said didn't even register to Merlin after that. Probably due to the fact that a few seconds after he'd said Gwaine's name, a firm hand had slipped around his neck and pulled him forward, bringing him into a kiss that made Gwaine's look tame in comparison. The fact that it was Arthur Pendragon kissing him was shocking. So as Arthur pulled away, keeping his hand where it was, Merlin looked at him with wide eyes. "Hang up," Arthur requested and for once, Merlin wasn't going to complain about being ordered around.

"Gwaine," Merlin interrupted whatever Gwaine was saying and the other end went quiet. "I'm afraid I've got to go. Something came up. Call me tomorrow or something yeah? Bye." He knew it was cruel. That Gwaine didn't deserve it. He'd probably pay for it at some point. However logic wasn't exactly his top priority right now. So he closed his phone, slipped it back into his pocket with ease and felt his body heat up as a smile came to Arthur's lips.

Merlin didn't waste any time. He was the one who grabbed Arthur by the scruff of the neck and pulled him back for another kiss.

Du du duuuuuuuuu. Three kisses in one chapter? I am nice. Depending how you look at it.

Thank you for the reviews! I'm loving how everyone is guessing who the mysterious person is. I'm glad that it's not too obvious at this point.

Please keep reviewing and I'll try to get another chapter out tomorrow if I find the time =)