Hey everybody been a little while hasn't it? Well them are the breaks, I don't like it either. Anyway I'm back with the next chapter of this little happy story, hope you like it.

Thoughts

"Spoken"

X-X

A Past to Forget

Chapter – 14

Walking into the bustling classroom, suffering from the after effects of the class trip, Shinji was awash of gossip and general grumbling from students who didn't wish to have the vacation end. The clusters of students could easily be overheard talking about the numerous 'great things' he had missed as he protected not only the city but the whole of humanity. While the normal child would have been upset to have missed such an event, Shinji was still overwhelmed with the afterglow of his evening with Rei. "Hi guys how was Okinawa?" he asked as he sat next to Kensuke and Touji.

Puffing out his chest, Touji scratched his nose proudly, "Great man, it was perfect!" Letting a large breath, Touji deflated a trifle. Wrapping his fingers onto Shinji's shoulder, the jock pulled the timid boy in close. "I became a man. Hikari and I did it," the pride in his voice was unmistakable as he believed he was the first of the three to 'taste adulthood.'

Kensuke pushed his glasses up his nose slightly, "Don't I know it man, you were making enough noise and doing it enough." Though he tried to sound irritated by Touji's bragging, Kensuke's smile proved told the truth. "What about you, how did you waste your time in our fair city?"

"Don't switch the subject yet Ken, why don't you tell Shinji about your little fling with that native girl. You know the one with the short black hair and lisp." Touji gave his friend a few quick jabs in the side with his elbow. Kensuke's eyes widened and he sat up taller, Touji taking Kensuke's reaction as apprehension pulled Kensuke into a headlock. "Seems his royal geekiness is shy. Shin-man, out friend Kensuke was found making out with one of the natives."

Chuckling, Shinji shook his head as he watched Kensuke fighting for freedom. "Well it seems you both had fun, glad to hear it." He was happy that Touji was busy with Kensuke or the jock would have seen the small scowl on his face. Flashes of the sobbing Hikari resurging in his mind, and the other half of the story that Touji wasn't telling. The bitter reality of the one sidedness of the failed relationship between the two of them had damped Shinji's opinion of Touji to a degree. Opting to not ruin the mood just yet, "So Kensuke are you going to see this girl?"

Punching Touji in the stomach just hard enough to make the boy release him, Kensuke took a deep breath. Shaking his head no, Kensuke glared at Touji. "He was exaggerating; we were just talking is all. We didn't make out or even kiss, Touji was just suffering from the after affects of one of the many times he kicked me out of our room." He spat the last few words out making Touji shrink back.

With some of his fire taken out of him, Touji turned back to Shinji. "So you melt the ice queen then, I know something must have happened or you wouldn't be looking as happy as you are," he finished smirking and looking at Rei's empty desk. While he didn't care if Shinji really had a thing for the girl or any other girl at the moment, Touji hoped whoever Shinji ended up with made him happy.

Blushing faintly, the memory of Rei's lips against his, soft and moist, Shinji looked down at his desk. "I-I helped Rei with her cooking a little yesterday. She's never really tried to learn before and I thought I could help her." Lying wasn't something that he felt comfortable with, but Shinji wasn't ready for his possible relationship to be common knowledge. Asuka would have to punish me again.

Seeing the blush, the stuttered speech, and even the look on his insipid face brought a torrid image in Kensuke's mind. He knew Shinji was lying, that more had happened between him and Rei than the boy was letting on. He's taking her away from me. Further and further away. But no matter, his time in Okinawa gave him time to plan, to prepare. Trying his best to keep the farce of friendship, long dead and buried in his mind, Kensuke brought up the one subject guaranteed to ruin the conversation, "So where's your girlfriend Touji?"

X-X

Conflicting emotions battled in Ritsuko's mind. She was upset at Misato for blowing the interrogation, but she found it hilarious that the rough and ready Captain had been beaten so soundly by an ex-housewife. "Misato do I have to remind you that you work for Nerv and we could have simply had her disappear? It's happened before to others for less than this." While it wasn't a Nerv standard to kill those who posed a problem to them, it was an option that was exercised.

Huddled over her computer console, her head being cradled by her hands hiding her face, Misato shuddered. She hadn't left Nerv since the botched meeting with Mizuho. "I wasn't expecting it to go that way. I had her where I wanted her and just…" Misato sat up sharply and fixed Ritsuko in place with her gaze. "She was so normal. I thought she'd be a monster not some unfortunately woman." Misato's red rimmed eyes spoke of her fatigue and exhaustion.

Knowing Misato for as long as she did, Ritsuko knew now that what Misato said was going to be the closest to the truth as she could get. From past experience, Ritsuko knew that only when tired or drunk would Misato be honest not only to herself but others. What she saw was frightening, Ritsuko saw understanding in the eyes of her friend. "Misato…you don't feel sorry for her do you? That woman is a child molester and the child she scared is essential for the survival of humanity!"

How could she not feel sorry for the woman on some level? Sure she'd beat the timid teacher until the woman was nothing but broken bones and blood, but something else was there. What she had said, The only reason I know of her is because… She'd tasted the fruit that Mizuho had tended to and grown. Hiding her eyes again behind her fingers, Misato's body ached for a drink and a trip to Kaji's bed. "I don't know Ritsuko…I mean her life her story were so…I could see how…fuck this is confusing."

Warning signs were now clear in Ritsuko's opinion. Misato was thinking dangerous things. For the first time that she could remember she was glad Kaji's libido was as active as it was, it kept Misato from thinking to much about this. I'll have to ask Shinji about this, if Misato ever did try I'm sure he'd not deny her. Hell he'd not deny her anything. And for a moment that thought made Ritsuko jealous. "Go home Misato, you look like hell." Misato nodded and wordlessly got to her feet and started for her office door. "And you better thank Shinji for that meal I'm sure he has ready for you," Ritsuko's smile was bittersweet.

As Misato thanked her for the time off and left Ritsuko alone in the office, the doctor sat heavily in the small leather chair thinking. The only real information gained from Misato's blatant failure in talking to Mizuho was bad. For one Mizuho now knew Shinji was in the city and had relations with Nerv, two Misato was oddly sympathetic to the woman, and three number two scared the hell out of her. Misato was Shinji's anchor and if she in a moment of doubt or hesitation did something with him it would mean the end of everything. Misato wouldn't be allowed to care for him anymore and the separation could case a relapse in the boy's recovery.

Ritsuko looked at the 'no smoking' sign on the door and laughed as she pulled a cigarette out of her pack. Slipping the thin tube into her mouth and lighting the end, Ritsuko didn't care about breaking that rule. "Fuck was right." One thing was left unasked, something Misato hadn't know of but Ritsuko was reluctant to admit. The interrogation had been taped, and so far only she had viewed it, but what she heard made her worry all the more. "How did Misato learn about this…really?" Ritsuko remembered the talk about a dream Misato had about Shinji, but was it really a dream?

Shuddering at the thought that was brewing in her mind, Ritsuko lit up another cigarette as the first was reduced to ash. Don't think that way, it couldn't have happened, it's not possible. But why did it seem to fit so well, to be right?

X-X

"I told you didn't I Hikari, I said when you started dating him that he just wanted to have sex with you," Asuka said with crossed arms. Looking across the small patch of grass between the two of them and under the tree where they sat eating lunch, Asuka saw shame on Hikari's face. While Asuka would never say it, she believed Hikari go what she deserved for having idealistic notions about a pig. "So did you get a pregnancy test yet?"

Hikari's eyes went wide into saucers as she whipped her head away from her meal and towards Asuka's face. "P-p-pregnancy test, we only…it was just a few times without protection…why should I get a test?" Why was talking to Asuka about this so hard, the German was supposed to be supportive and caring, a friend. But where Shinji had shown compassion and help, her real friend only ridiculed her and belittled her.

Taking a large bite into the sandwich she ordered Shinji to make, she was tired of traditional Japanese boxed lunches, Asuka's gaze was level and cold. "Only takes one time Hikari, you should know that. Hell I'd be downing morning after pills like candy if I were you. You think if you are pregnant that he'll help you with it, he's already dumped you and moved on!" Really, what did Hikari expect from a perverted teenager. This was why Asuka hated kids her own age, to stupid to see the big picture.

Her own meal going uneaten, Hikari shoulders slumped over. Asuka had a point, it only took one time to get pregnant and they had done it more than once without protection. Her hopes and dreams of a future, a career, and a family didn't include a child at fifteen. "But I'd be too embarrassed to go buy pills Asuka, I can't do this. I can't even talk to him anymore." She had hoped that the experience would have hardened her, but if anything she was weaker now than before.

"Get over it then, you have few choices Hikari. You can hope you're not caring his bastard inside you as we speak, suck it up and go buy pills, or wait until you lose your figure and get it sucked out of you," Asuka's curt reply fell harshly in Hikari's ears. She didn't like being cruel to Hikari, she was a friend, but friendship only counted for so much. She'd warned her about Touji's intent, tried to help her see past her narrow world view, and listened to her prattle on, but she was done with that now. "Hikari you made your choice now you have to live with it." Standing up, Asuka threw her lunch away into the nearest trash bin and walked back to class, something was irritating her about the looks being passed between her toy and the doll.

Sitting cross-legged, Hikari leaned back against the tree, a warm breeze caressed her cheek blowing her hair, now no longer in pig-tails, about randomly. Her childhood had ended, taken from her by a boy who wanted to be a man but didn't know how. Kodama had been disappointed in her and was currently not speaking to her while Nozomi was more sympathetic. Thinking of the whole mess caused her eyes to sting, she could feel the urge to cry again building inside her, and she fought it for all she was worth. She'd cried enough over this, she had to be strong. Stroking her stomach lightly she wondered if she was pregnant, it was possible. What do I do if I am?

"Hikari, are you ok?" a definite male voice asked shaking her out of her daze. She opened her eyes unsure of when she had actually closed them or had drifted off to sleep. "You never came back to class after lunch. We were worried about you." Hikari could see the worry on Shinji's face, but doubted anybody else had even thought of her.

Propping herself up higher against the tree, an ache in her side forming from the poor choice in sleeping areas, Hikari winced as she smiled. "Fine, just stress I guess. I must have fallen asleep without realizing it." She fought a yawn and lost, rubbing her eyes to hopefully adjust her focus, she saw Shinji still looking concerned, "Did I miss anything?" She'd deal with the disciplinary results of her tardiness later.

"Asuka and Touji got in a fight and got sent to the principle's office. I think they're still there. Other than that just more talk about life before second impact," Shinji shrugged at the end. Knowing the truth of second impact lessened his attentiveness to the lessons. "I'm sure you know what those two were fighting about so I won't go into details," he offered his hand to the seated girl.

Accepting the help, Hikari pulled herself up and dusted herself off, "Thanks Shinji-kun. Thanks for a lot of things," she said softly. The two looked at each other as an awkward silence feel into place. Both had wanted to say something, Shinji to ask how she was feeling, Hikari to ask for help but neither could speak.

An unexpected third joined the two and broke the silence for them, "S-Shinji you were going to assist me in cleaning my apartment today, correct?" Rei asked with an uncharacteristic shyness in her voice. She had watched the two converse and felt a tightening in her chest when she watched Shinji help Hikari to her feet, she didn't know it was jealousy she just knew she didn't like it.

On hearing Rei speak, Hikari took an unconscious step away from Shinji, to not give the wrong impression. "Ayanami how are you doing today, and did I hear you correctly is Shinji going to help you with something?" an unmistakable tinge of regret in her voice. It was to be expected that Shinji would be with somebody. He was caring, polite, and attractive. So Hikari hadn't been to hurt to see the near possessive look on Rei's face as the blue haired girl stepped closer to the boy.

Rubbing the back of his neck nervously, Shinji smiled, "I said I'd help Rei to clean up her apartment. She's not had any real practice at it so I thought I'd help her." The air between the girls was heavy. Rei had just started to learn to appreciate the emotions that Shinji created in her and she wasn't ready to be freed of them, Hikari seeking compassion and sympathy to move past her pain. Both girls were pushing the other to make the next move.

Not willing to take a chance yet at losing her sole source of happiness in the bleak world she lived, Rei stepped forward. Sliding her hand in the slim space between Shinji arm and chest she wrapped her arm around his. "That is correct, Shinji and I must be leaving to attend such matters. Class representative Hokari it was…" Rei stopped and looked into Shinji's face. "Pleasant speaking with you, good day." With that she started walking, Shinji's arm in tow, leading the boy off of school grounds and towards her apartment. Her reward for her attempt at normal social interaction was a smile from Shinji which sparked a fire in her stomach.

Hikari stood watching the two walk off and sighed. I guess I had my chance before but wasted it because of Touji. Craning her head back and popping her neck back into place she let out a rueful laugh. "Never know what you have till its gone I guess." She'd seen the loneliness in his eyes long ago at the movie theatre where Nozomi took her liking to him. But she wanted Touji, the Touji in her mind anyway, and now that she had him she knew the error of her choices. Hoping for something that doesn't exist when one could get something that already exists is foolish. She stood watching the horizon the pair had disappeared over for twenty minute before saying, "Take care of him or I'll steal him from you."

"Already looking for the next notch on your belt girl?" Asuka asked happy to surprise her friend. And from the sudden jump and yelp from Hikari, Asuka was plenty sure she'd surprised the girl. Lacing her fingers together, Asuka stretched her arms above her head, "So what did you do that kept you from coming back to class?"

Relaxing as she caught her breath, Hikari shrugged her shoulders. "I fell asleep right here, thanks for checking on me Asuka." The words were harsh and her eyes narrowed angrily. Asuka was supposed to be her friend right? But lately the girl hadn't been acting the part very well.

"Look I'm sorry about that and how I've been lately just you have to admit I did warn you about Touji. And about the whole pregnancy thing I just wanted you to accept reality that it could be true," Asuka extended her hand warmly. "Friends again?"

Taking Asuka's hand in hers, again reminded of the strength the German had as she squeezed, Hikari smiled. "Friends." With one big shake the two let go and turned for the school gates. "Did you want to do something today, hear about the 'good' parts of the class trip?"

Giving Hikari a sidelong glance, "Will you tell me who you plan on stealing if I go with you?" She needed a place to sleep tonight and Hikari just offered, whether she knew it or not. After hearing Kaji all but admit to sleeping with Misato the other day, Asuka wasn't really wanting to stay in the same building as the whore. Only until I can show him how a real woman is.

She is a good person when she wants to be. Hikari grinned, believing Asuka was truly trying to be her friend. "You'll have to wait and see I guess." Seeing how Asuka treated Shinji though, Hikari was reluctant to even hint at liking him even a little. As Hikari saw it Asuka either liked Shinji herself or hated the boy completely. Either way she didn't want to get into another argument over a boy with her. "Now let's go hit the shopping arcade."

Hikari would tell her if she knew what was good for her. Asuka had to be sure that what was hers stayed hers. She didn't know if she was being paranoid but she remembered clearly the hazy eyes Hikari had when she spoke of some movie even with Shinji. She can't steal him though as he loves me. And she'd use that love to get more pleasure and power. When she was done with him and Kaji was hers, well then Hikari could have him then, she'd have no need for him. But best to be sure first, Hikari was a friend after all. "Now you're talking, let's go."

X-X

"So she's chosen to betray me," Gendo said in a matter of fact voice one might use when commenting on the weather. Sitting at his desk, fingers crossed, he didn't seem to be shocked by the section 2 report of Shinji just being spotted walking into Rei's apartment laden with cleaning supplies. "We've given her to much room for free thought, I believe we either reel her in or replace her. Opinion?"

While Kozo wondered if what he said mattered, he formulated his view as best he could. Clearing his throat, "I think we should allow this to continue." Gendo's eyebrow raising was the only sign the man heard him. Continuing, "If we allow the two of them to from a bond we could use that to our benefit. The Third Child," Kozo knew better than to say 'your son', "could be kept in the city and insure cooperation by using Rei as bait. Rei would be more stable and it could keep her score from dropping. Anyway we already know that from the Dead Sea scrolls 'one must fall' to defeat the 15th, if its to be Rei anyway what difference does it make?"

His smile was hidden by his hands Gendo had anticipated this move from this sub-commander. Kozo had grown old and to soft for what must be done. "Tools that don't work in the manner they were intended aren't needed and should be disposed of. But there are ways to force a tool to work even against nature. The problem with Rei now is she is finding a reason to live, a want to live. That might cause problems for us when she needs to die. We must break that will, make her wish for death."

"But she's only a child, how can you say such things about a child?" Kozo was appalled by the lack of care in Gendo's voice. All could see the favoritism he had for Rei, he himself saw the glint in the man's eye on occasion when Gendo thought nobody was looking. Kozo knew that Gendo would mistake Rei for Yui at rare times. That frightened him, how easy he could see what happened to Gendo's son happen to Rei. Gendo taking her to his office or even visiting the girl's apartment and taking that wish for life with his hands. If he ordered her to she'd do it to.

Waving his hand in a dismissing gesture, Gendo cared little for Kozo's concerns. "If she wants an Ikari it can be arranged into my schedule. As for her childhood, I have no time for it." Picking up a report from Seele, he thumbed through it, "Seems those old fools might have found the lance we'll need to leave soon to reclaim it. Until then we'll see how this plays out. Maybe the Third is so inept in life that we won't need to worry any further."

"Sir," Kozo said as he turned and left Gendo's office for his own. The ease at which the man had suggested raping a teenage that idolized him was sickening. It wasn't needed, had no purpose and that's what scared the older man the most. It was like Gendo wanted to just to do it. To have Yui again in some twisted way. But what would his wife say if she knew of this, would she forgive or hate? As long as he had his way though, that child would get to live and live however she wanted, the problem was how long would he be allowed to protect her.

X-X

Sneaking into the apartment, Shinji felt a mixture of joy and shame. The cleaning turning into another small petting session with Rei the initiator again, but it felt good, clean. Rei was a little more intense this time, rubbing the length of his arm with her palms as if trying to feel the whole of his arm at once, her kisses were far from experienced but the attempt was all Shinji cared for. It felt nice, but part of Shinji wondered how long it would last. The shame, well that was obvious to him, he was betraying Misato by staying out past curfew and not making her supper.

"I'm home," he call out weakly assuming that Misato would be sleeping off a hard days work. Sliding his shoes next to hers, Shinji hummed a little song to himself as he walked to the kitchen thinking that maybe a midnight snack would make things up between Misato and him. Her lips were so soft…Shinji's mind trailed in cycles the events at Rei's. The cleaning demonstration, her eyes locked on his afterward, and her leading him back to her bed. The sitting quietly for awhile, then holding hands, and the rest.

It was what he wanted, he hoped, a relationship not one sided, not sex based, but emotional. Flipping the light switch on Shinji came to a sudden halt. Laying strewn upon the table was a snoring Misato. A larger number of cans were laying around her body as she scratched her exposed midriff in her sleep. Suppressing the laugh that was fighting for freedom, Shinji shook his guardian's shoulder. "Misato-san, Misato-san you should sleep in your room and not here."

What Shinji had mistaken was Misato's intentions for that hands destination. Her hand had been stopped by the itch on her chest where it was the one between her legs she was wanting scratched. Her alcohol induced dreams screamed out for release of pent up emotions and feelings. Fears of what Mizuho said, of her growing fondness of her ward, and her knowledge of him all collided at once. While she sat at home drowning her fears with cheap booze she'd realized a few things. Kaji didn't love her, she didn't love Kaji, and all they shared was his bed.

Opening her eyes slowly, her vision blurred from drink and fatigue, Misato saw a blurry body and heard an echoed version of Shinji's voice. "Oh Shin-chan you're a naughty boy a-a-aren't ya. Coming in all late. Mommy Misato's going to have to punish such a naughty boy." Misato's slurred voice bathed Shinji's face in a drunken stench.

Misato's grip latched onto Shinji's shoulders and he froze unable to move. His eyes began to water as he saw an all too familiar look in her eyes, hunger. "Misato-san, I'm sorry for being late…I was visiting Rei." He couldn't lie to her, owed her to much, and if she wanted this, wanted him to appease her he would.

Licking her lips, Misato moved off the table, still fully convinced she was dreaming or too drunk to try and think of it as reality. "Oh-ho visiting Rei were you…is my lil Shin-chan cheating on me?" Her fingers bit deeper into Shinji's shoulders, would have drawn blood if not for his shirt. Stumbling on her feet she fell forward and pressed him against the wall absorbing much of the impact for her. "Did you have a good time, inexperienced as she is…bet you had to teach her how."

"M-Misato-san you're drunk, maybe you should lie down?" Shinji blushing tried to pry her hands off of him. She was talking so frankly about Rei and him it was scary. And the truth of how it had been at first, Shinji teaching Rei a little on how to kiss so they didn't just mash lips together painfully. "How about I turn down your futon for you?" Fear was wracking his body, he trembled and shook wanting Misato to agree with him.

Misato released her left hand and placed its index finger to Shinji's lips. "No, No Shin-chan. You see…see…I love ya. Ran to fuck Kaji to keep me from fucking you…don't know…when…why…how it happened but…I want you now…fuck Kaji…" Misato's eyes closed as she wobbled on her feat and pressed herself fully against Shinji to steady herself. She felt his manhood react to her presence against him, and while it was involuntary it sealed there fate. The heat against her thigh caused her eyes to open from the near slumber state she was in. "My-my what do we have here?"

Cursing his body for reacting as it was trained to, Shinji tried again to convince his drunken guardian to sleep. "Come on Misato-san, how about we talk about this in the morning…ok?" But didn't she just say she loved him? But she was drunk she didn't mean what she said, couldn't mean it. He was just a soiled and dirty boy.

A slow forming grin spread on Misato's face. "How about we…" sinking to her knees as the room started spinning Misato felt a momentary lurch in her stomach as her body fought to keep from retching on Shinji's pants. Part of her mind started to clear up from the abuse she'd ran it through but it was too late. She'd already unfastened his belt and had his jeans in her hand. Shinji's mind fogged over as years of training took over. Internally Misato's last bastion of conscious screamed at her to stop, but her unbidden feelings for the man before her were unshackled again by her other crutch, alcohol.

All during the night of love making, if one would call it that, Misato stressed again in a drunken soothing voice that she loved Shinji, cooed it into his ear as she straddled him. She believed it, and only when stripped of her forebrain could she see it, accept it, stop hiding from it.

However when she woke the next morning, his naked body still pressed against hers, with him still inside her, she wasn't as sure of herself. Looking at her body, his, covered in a mixture of fluids she noticed the red tint of blood, his. Claw marks from her nails riddled his body. "Oh God what did I do…what did I do to him!"

Mizuho's words and face flashed before her as she cradled Shinji's sleeping body to her chest trying to sooth him of whatever nightmares he was having. I bet the only reason you know about what happened between us is that you've used him to. Silent tears streaked her cheeks as she knew things couldn't go back to what they had been before. She'd soiled that, him, with her drunken stupidity. She'd have to make it up to him or she'd never be able to live with herself or him anymore. Looking down at him as his nightmare seemed to pass and his body relaxed, she kissed his forehead, "I do love you, but its not something that's a good thing."

X-X

Author notes

Well…what can I say even if she does love him its not socially acceptable now is it? She knows it too. But things can be done in different ways I guess. And as I am writing this and I haven't cemented my idea for an ending it might not end poorly for them. I hope I conveyed that Misato didn't just fuck him to do it, but that she genuinely cared for him and couldn't accept it on a higher level, that only when drunk could she see herself for what she was. A woman who fell in love with her ward after seeing all the pain he'd endured and wanting to help.

Hope I didn't offend anybody and I hope you liked this chapter. Later!

Oh and thanks again Zen-chan for pre-reading even if you kept saying to take the last scene out.