The past three weeks were hell. I hadn't seen Tess in that long, and the times I talked to her on the phone, I could tell by her voice that something was wrong.

"Hey Doll." I said. "I'm off for a few days. I was thinking maybe I'd come and get you and we'd sneak away for a few days."

"I was thinking that maybe we should talk." Tess said.
Just the words I didn't want to hear.
"Can you meet me for dinner?" She asked.

"I'll be there in about 45 minutes." I answered.

"Ok. I'll be waiting." She hung up.

"You did have to pick the spot that had the most people, didn't you?" I smirked at her from across the table, still not able to read her face and tell what she was thinking. She smiled weakly at me. She was very quiet throughout dinner.

"I can't read your mind, Tess. You have to tell me what your thinking." I tried as I got in the car.
"Has something happened I need to know about? Something with your divorce?"

"The divorce is going smoothly. He agreed to everything that I had asked. Now it's just waiting for it to get finalized."

"Ok. So?" I asked.

"So?" She snapped.
"I'm honestly tired of everyone tip-toeing around me, not wanting to say the wrong thing."

"Whoa. Where is this coming from? I don't think I have treated you any different than I had before."

"You wouldn't." She said under her breath.
That was enough to make me stop the car.

"Tess, what's going on with you?" I asked after I pulled over.

"I can't do this anymore." She cried.

"Do what?"

"All of this. I'm so tired of everything, of everyone." She yelled, placing her head in her hands.
"I hate how Dad is treating me. I hate how my brothers call me everyday. I hate how I feel." She turned and looked at me.
"But most of all, I hate how you keep going, how you keep loving me."

"What are you talking about?"

"How is it so easy for you to love me after everything that has happened?"

"Tess." I placed my hand under her chin. "What else would I do?"

"You should hate me."

"Why should I hate you?" I asked.

"It's my fault that the baby is gone. I didn't listen to you. If I just would have listened..."
She pulled away from my hands.
"I think with everything that has happened, it would be best for us to go our separate ways."

"Are you leaving me?" I asked, she refused to look at me.
"Do I have a choice in this?"

"No." She said softly, opening the door and stepping out.
"Take care of yourself Phil." I sat there, and watched her walk away. Wishing I could find the words to make her stay.

"Hey Punk." Colt's voice sounded in my ear.

"What the fuck do you want?" I asked, pissed that he had called and woke me up.

"A few of us were going out tonight, I thought I'd ask you to come along."

"No."

"Shit, man. It's been three months since Tess left you." He tried.

"Your point?" I asked, dragging myself out of bed.

"My point is, you need to get out and find a rebound fuck."

"Don't call me back until you have something of relevance to say." I hung up.
The fact was, he was right, not about finding someone else, but I knew what he meant. I had poured myself into work, and training, but when I was home, all I did was mop around. She refused my calls, never answered my texts or emails.
I found myself slipping into a depression. I couldn't help but picture Tess with a slightly swollen midsection. As much as I had been surprised by the pregnancy, now it seemed that was all I wanted. A baby. Not just any baby, a baby with Tess. I missed her touch, her taste. I needed her back, but what could I do, when she wanted nothing to do with me anymore?
I knew there was no getting back to sleep, so I did the next best thing. I walked down stairs, and flipped the switch on the radio. It was still cranked up from my last work out. I was able to loss track of things down there. No time, no problems, no Tess.
After showering, I went to find my phone. The little blue light flashing, letting me know that I had some kind of notifcation. If Colt had called back I was seriously going to kill him. I pushed the button, bringing the screen to life, my heart pounded as I saw who the voicemail was from, she had called from her hotel apartment, she was only a few blocks from me.

"Hey Phil, I guess I can't blame you for not taking my call." Her voice was soft, she sounded tired, and drained of all emotion.
"I just wanted to let you know, before it's too late, that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything, how things turned out. How I pushed you away." She took a ragged breath.
"I just wanted to let you know that I love you, don't ever question that. But I was too broken. This wasn't how I wanted things to be, but I can't see any other way. I'm sorry." The phone clicked off. I had to listen to the voicemail again before what she was saying became clear to me. She was saying goodbye, not only to me, but to the world. My hands scrambled on the top of the dresser. I knew it was still here, I had just seen it last week. Finally my fingers found it. Her key she had left last time she was here. I ran out the front door, calling her cell number. Straight to voicemail. I dogged traffic, as I ran towards the hotel. The elevator seemed to take forever to get to her floor. I pulled the key and ran to her door, turning the knob, finding it unlocked, I walked in.
Her eyes snapped up. She was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table. She looked like she hadn't slept in weeks, and had been crying longer than that. Her eyes snapped back to the table. I followed them, seeing everything that was lined up in front of her. A variety of pills, half a dozen liquor bottles, and a few razor blades.

"Tess?" I said softly, as she looked back at me, tears escaping her eyes.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"You can't do this. What about your dad? Your family?" I asked.
"What about me?"

"No one understands. Dad thinks I should be over it all by now, he doesn't get why I still cry. My brothers can't take me anymore. Everyone will be better off without me here. I won't have to hurt anymore. To feel."
Her words made me angry.

"No!" I screamed. I walked over and flipped the table, sending it's contents across the floor.
"Why do you get to take the easy way out? You think that's fair to everyone else?" I continued my rant.
"You get to leave, and I'm stuck here picking up the broken pieces of my life. You don't get to decide that for me. I let you leave before, more than once. I let you have your time to try to heal on your own, but you choose to use your time alone as a pity party. I get that. I get that you feel bad for yourself. You have that right, but not for this long. There comes a time when you have to get up and carry on."

"Yeah, that's so easy to do." She said.

"I've told you before, life isn't easy. But that's what we have to do."

"You wouldn't understand." She said softly. I grabbed her by the arms and jerked her up off the floor.

"Understand what Tess?" I asked.
"You weren't the only one who lost the baby that night. I did too. You seem to forget that. You think I wasn't hurt by that?" I yelled.
"You think I wasn't hurt by you leaving? But never once would I be so selfish as to remove myself from the pain. The pain I feel reminds me of the things I lost, and I think that baby, our baby, deserves to be remembered. It didn't have a choice, but you do, and your choosing wrong, Tess." I took a deep breath.
"Look around you and see what you have. Your family loves you. They just got you back. Aren't they worth the pain?" She turned her head, but I wasn't stopping. I forced her to look at me.
"What about me, huh, Tess? Aren't I worth it?" I asked. "You know I'm not good at all of this emotional shit, but, fuck, Tess. I love you. I hate going through life without you, but at least I knew you were somewhere. If you do this, you won't be. And I don't know how you feel about me, but I know that I love you enough to deal with that pain." Her eyes were locked on mine. It had been nearly four months since I had felt her touch, and body couldn't resist any longer. I pulled her into me, kissing her.