I've always wondered if death hurt.
Not the thing that causes death, I know that hurts like hell, I mean the part where you just slip away.
One of my earliest memories was of me running around in the grazing fields my father worked at, chasing a bright yellow butterfly. I couldn't have been more than six and the long blades of grass tickled my feet as I ran and laughed. It was a late summer evening and my mom and dad were watching from the blanket they spread out a few yards away...happy and laughing. My baby brother wasn't born yet, but my mother, not yet sick, had just found out she was pregnant. We was so happy, I remember.
The butterfly I was chasing stopped to rest after a few minutes and that was when I tentatively reached out to touch it. The moment my tiny childlike fingers made contact with the creature, one of its wings fell off. I cried and cried because I killed the damn butterfly and so my parents tried to explain that these things happen.
And why? Because it's nature and things die so that others can grow.
That's what they told me anyways.
But I didn't really care why, I just cared that I killed the damn butterfly and it was probably in pain, slowly fading out of this world and into the next if there was another world at all.
Except for that animals don't talk, so I never knew if that was true or not.
So one day, maybe someday soon or maybe way in the future, maybe I'll find out if death really hurts. I'm curious to know the truth, but I'd much rather never know. Why? Because what is it that they say? Oh right. What you don't know can't hurt you.
The light crunch of seashells underfoot turns to silence as I step off the sand and into grass. I study the back of Jax's head as we walk; his last comment pretty much a conversation ender. His blonde hair was shorter in the back than the front, where is hung low over his forehead and brushed his startlingly icy blue eyes.
His previous words ring in my head. He wasn't planning on killing me, but wasn't above killing Joey. He was going to fight, just not me. But what about me? Was I willing to kill him for Joey? With a shocking realization I realized that I cared about Jax. Not in the same way I cared for Joey, who I had known since I was a child, but I cared for him and I would fight for his life. I had barely known him three says, but him not existing was simply unacceptable. I wonder if he felt the same about me. He said so, but everyone lied in the area. He could be lying to save himself.
I kept walking.
In theory, walking seems simple. It is a key aspect of every day, and seems like it wouldn't be a hard thing to do. However, walking on sand, over rocks, up hills and across streams...that isn't as simple. My shoes were coated in filth and sweat soaked my socks. Bugs buzzed around my head and the thick, humid air drenched my lungs.
"Would it be completely out of the question to have you carry me?" I question as I jog forward a few steps to match my pace with Jax's annoyingly brisk one.
He clears his throat and flexes his back under his backpack. Sweat glistens across his brow and trails down his neck, dampening the back of his shirt and curled strands of his bronze hair was plastered to his neck. He cracks a smirk and cocks his head to the side as if considering it.
"Let's see...no" he deadpans, glancing over at me out of the corner of his light sea foam eyes.
I roll my own eyes as my legs and feet ache worse than the previous five miles through the fire section. The FIRE SECTION. Of course, we had to trek through the hottest section of the arena. "So what's your story?" I speak up in attempt to initiate a conversation to distract from the pounding heat and the ache of walking.
He continues to look straight ahead, but the corner of his mouth twitches. "My story?" He questions.
"You know, your deal, your family, your friends; your life. If I'm going to fight with you, I'd like to at least know you so I can have a legitimate reason to mourn you" I say honestly, it beginning as a joke but ending awkwardly.
He exhales slowly and I can almost see him debating with himself in his head. "Fine" he decides. He pauses a moment, thinking. A shadow crosses his face. "I lived on the streets, I scavenged, fished, stole what I needed. So I never went into a training camp like most. That's all I got." He stops his story and we continue to walk in silence for a few moments. I could tell he was holding back information, but I let it slide. He glances over at me and I raise my eyebrows-prodding him to continue. He doesn't, but turns the tables on me. "Your turn" he prods.
"My dad's a butcher, my mom...gardens, my little brother, Xander, is eight" I tell him with a shrug like it was no big deal that I may never see my family again.
A thought hits me and I smirk. "And how did I survive?" I say loudly, hoping a camera was picking up my words "I ILLEGALLY raised a herd of cows outside the fences. And why? Because the Capitol forced us to the brink of starvation! Like it does to all the districts. And I may die for saying this, but guess what? I already am going to because I was forced into an arena to fight to the death by the Capitol. And they will never stop unless you do something!" I yell into the sky.
I exhale slowly after my outburst and glance back up at Jax. He shakes his head, frustrated, but the slight mischievous glint is restored to his icy eyes. "Don't act so smug. That was stupid. Anyone within a mile heard that. Keep your eyes open" he snaps glancing behind him. "And they've blurred that part out, you know that" he reminds me in attempt to go back to bring his usual brooding self, but he can't seem to help the upwards twitch to his usually scowling lips.
"I know," I reply softly staring into his eyes, searching for real emotion. "But I said it and if I die then at least I did having told the Capitol to fuck off" I say with a tiny smirk. He gives me a half amused, half annoyed look. "Well I'm already going to hell, I might as well get a first class ticket" I say with a shrug. He snorts and turns back around. I smirk as we pass by the rocky cliff line and continue on through the forest. "When did it rain?" I ask as I leap over a small valley that holds a shallow pool of rain water.
Jax shrugs. "It's the arena. It could've rained twenty feet from our camp and we wouldn't have known" he says merely stepping across the water instead of leaping like I had to. Damn his long legs and my short ones.
I grip one of my axes, I only had three left now, and cut away at a thick bush in front of us. I pushed through the bush and groaned when I saw that there wasn't any water in sight. We had been out for the last three miles and it was hot and dry as hell. So hot that we cooked our remaining fish on a rock before we left. That's what we used to do in district ten over the summer for breakfast; Joey, Xander and I would sneak into the chicken coup and fry them on the stone heaps near the bakery. After that we would spend the day at the town swimming hole and I'd try to sweet talk the bakers son into giving me a tart. We'd leave Xander to gather in the woods and return and have a big diner with both our families then sleep in the woods near the riverbank where we could smell the distant ocean of district four. I missed the summers so badly sometimes. Now was one of those times.
"C'mon, kid, we still got a dozen miles to go if ya wanna find Joan." I roll my eyes and am about to correct Joey's name once again as a cannon shatters the silence. Jax stops dead and whisper passes his lips. "Holy shit. Coral."
She was the incarnation of the beach down to the blonde beach wave hair, sun kissed skin and sea green eyes. Her clothes were tattered and torn, blood seeping through the fabric from hidden wounds. The cut along her hairline was scabbed over and even though fresh blood from her kill-a older boy that looked to be one of the careers that was now reduced to a bloody corpse-covered her hands and was splattered across her face, a wry smile played on her lips.
"Jax," she says simply, her voice sarcastically pleasant, "took you long enough to find me."
There were normal awkward moments, like, I don't know, when you are going to be forced into a cow dress in front of the whole country.
And then there was this.
Jax, the ever fearless, no-bullshit, Jax was shocked. Of course he snapped out of it less than a second later, but anything enough to shock Jax was something important. She didn't seem to be a threat to us, but she definitely was dangerous. I clenched the handle of my weapon a little tighter as I waited for Jax to do something since he obviously knew her and I obviously didn't. She regarded me as if I were a stray bug, unnecessary and annoying.
"Why, Jax, it's almost as if you're not happy to see me" she purred sarcastically as she slowly approached as if she were a predator stalking her prey. She made me, who could wield axes with deadly accuracy, feel like I was nothing more than a child. "Don't be rude, do introduce me to your-" she looked me over, "little friend."
He recovered quickly, clearing his throat with an annoyed cough. They clearly had a lot of history. "Coral, she is my friend and you are not to kill her when I turn my back. Understood?"
She cracked a bitter smirk. "Understood. What use is she to you anyways? I would've thought you'd have killed her by now since were coming upon the end."
"As much as I enjoy being talked about like I'm not here," I said slowly, sarcasm evident in my voice, "I'm Rose."
"Aww," Coral pouted, "she speaks."
Jax raised an eyebrow as he looked the other girl over. "She does," I agree enthusiastically, "she could choose to say some other words if I deem it necessary" I say sharpening my glare.
Jax lip twitched but he slips his arm in front of my waist and pushes me gently back from the other girl, half behind him. I'm not sure if it's to prevent us from fighting for more her sake or mine or for all of us.
"I know that I'm gorgeous but really girls there's no need to get into a fight over me. However if you both simply cannot get over it, I'm willing to participate-"
"Oh shut up, Jax" Coral snapped.
He shrugs, looking indifferent, and maybe a little proud of himself. Arrogant bastard. "If all you wanted was a chat, we'll be on our way then" he says carefully. "However if you'd like to join us, you'll have to be civil. Can you manage to do that, Blondie?"
"What's your plan, exactly?" She questions.
I shove myself away from behind Jax. "We're looking for Joey, my district partner. We got separated" I say semi-civilly.
She spits in the dirt and swings her pack over her shoulder a little tighter. "You're looking for her ally? The team that are fighting to kill you for survival. I didn't know you would get so stupid without me."
"Are you joining us or not?" Jax snaps.
She holds his gaze for a moment before it flicks to me. She cracks a small smirk. "Sure. Although I wasn't aware I'd be traveling with a gangly fifteen year old that can make a halfway decent dent with an axe."
I meet her eyes with my own challenging gaze. "Lucky you."
She cocks her head, seeming almost pleased, and with a smirk, strides ahead of us. "If you slow us down, I'll kill you myself."
She's out of earshot but I whisper anyways. "I believe her."
"Careful, she can sense your fear" Jax whispers back, a smirk playing on his lips. I give him a steely look. He nudges me ahead of him. "C'mon, this'll be fun."
"Yeah," I say brightly before completely dropping the fake cheeriness, "like eating glass."
He rolls his eyes and we continue to walk on after the mysteriously murderous tribute. And at that moment, I partially got my answer about if death would hurt. Because the end that was most probably as of right now, was having my throat slit open in a bright red smile by this bloodthirsty girl. Because if her name were written under my cause of death, she would've definitely made it hurt.
We all know that i haven't updated, and I'm sorry about that and i can't promise anything for the future, but ill try. I'm satan yada yada, trust me, i know. Reviews give this story life! Hopefully ill see you soon;)