ok, so now is the chapter when i beg everyone to just go with me... i took some poetic license with this one....
Disclaimer: mostly belongs to Fox and others
The lights were dim. Shadows all around, but it was soothing for the headache he was sure she had. The bed was empty. Concerned, he started looking in the shadows for her. Found his terrified partner on the floor between some of the monitoring equipment. She was pressing herself against the wall. She was clutching her knees, hugging them close. Making herself seem even smaller. That, in contrast to her huge eyes, made Booth want a moment alone with Agent Sullivan. To hurt him as much as she was hurting.
"Bones? Bones, it's me, Seeley. He's not here anymore. He's not coming here again." His voice was low, compelling. He was trying to coax her back. He slowly made his way closer to her. Tried very hard to ignore the look of fear shooting through her eyes.
"Bones, I'm gonna move this, ok? It's on wheels, it won't make noise."
He pushed the equipment stands further down the wall. Slid down the wall to sit beside her. Reflexively, started to put his arm around her to pull her closer and comfort her.
"You... You left me. Nev... never came back l...last n...night." Her words sank in. He paused. They hit him in the gut like a fist. He pulled his arm back to himself.
"Oh, Bones, I'm sorry about that. I thought you would want to talk to him alone. To see if there were any feelings left for him." He was staring at his hands.
~God, she's right. If I had stayed, he never would have been able to do this. She's right to blame me... I can't believe I left her alone. She'll never trust me again... should she? I left her to face her fears, her nightmares, and Sully. What kind of person does that to someone he loves? ~
Tears were coming very close to the surface, for both of them. He pulled her very tense form into his lap. Gently rocked them both side to side, gathering his thoughts.
He started whispering, hoped she was hearing him.
"I am SO sorry, Temperance. You're right. I told you I would never leave you. And look at what happened. I left you alone all night. You're scared. I can see that. I can feel it. I can only imagine the horrors you're working through, Bones. They are not your fault. I want to help you. I want to be here for you. I know I blew it, and have no right to ask, but please; give me another chance. Please let me help you."
She did not answer, but she gripped his arms like they were a life line.
They sat there for awhile on the floor. She was not as tense, but she was not completely herself either. She was still clutching his arms, keeping the two of them linked in an embrace.
He began to notice how hard the floor was. He set her beside him, untangled her arms from his.
"Hey, Bones. I'm not leaving. But I think it's time to get you back in the bed. No, you stay right there, I'll carry you."
He scooped her up. She immediately had her arms around his neck. Buried her head in his chest. He was kissing her hair. "I've gotcha Bones."
He gently set her down on the bed. Got her tucked in, went to sit in "his" chair.
She looked tired and lost. "Sit with me? I feel better when you're holding me."
He smiled that gorgeous, I-love-you-so-much smile.
"All you need to do is ask."
His arms were around her, she could feel his heartbeat. Could feel his breathing. Steady, hypnotizingly rhythmic. She was comfortable. She was safe. This man wasn't going to hurt her. He was truly sorry for what had happened. Her trust, her faith, her love for this man made her open her bruised heart to him. He made her safe; she could rely on him like no one else. It felt good knowing there was at least one person she could face her fears with. There was a person she could just sit with, where words were not needed.
She was dozing. Memories, long ago endured, started coming back to her.
"You would never hurt me, Booth. I know that. I feel complete trust in your sense of honor. In your sense of justice. It's scary, you know? Wait, you probably don't. Being hurt for so long, having no one to turn to. Terrified that everyone is out to get you, even when you should be safe.
"I've never had anyone like you in my life. During school, Russ was there to check on me. Then he left. The orphanage was hard. The kids were mean. Everyone wanted a forever home. The goal was to make the others look bad, in order to make yourself look better. I just kept to myself. In there, was the first time I was... beaten. The first night, I was so alone, so scared. All of the girls ganged up on me. I spent two nights in the infirmary. I couldn't sleep. They placed me right after that. With a family that collected kids. They worked them in some sweat shop. My social worker pulled me after a week. The next home was ok. They were a nice, older couple. But the woman got very sick, and they had to send me back. My third home seemed like a perfect forever home. Loving couple, good neighbors. They lived in a good neighborhood, couldn't have kids of their own. They said they wanted to give a teenager a chance."
She paused. He thought she had fallen asleep. This was the most open she had ever been. Even just to that point of her life, she had been through so much. He heard her sniffling. He felt something inside her break down.
"I've been through stuff like this before Booth. I've been put through similar torment, pain, and confusion... That third couple... They wanted a baby. Wanted one so bad, they were willing to do anything. Anything broiled down to fostering a quiet, emotionally unbalanced teenage girl... to use as a surrogate.
"They tried so hard for the first few weeks. Gave me everything. We went shopping, to the movies, out to dinner. They told me they loved me. One night, he came to my room. Said it was time to show them how much I appreciated them. All they wanted was a baby. Not that much. They had picked me out of all the other girls, to give them that gift.
"After a couple weeks, I just... gave up. I stopped eating, stopped talking altogether. I lost all interest in school, in life. My social worker got curious; they never brought me to our family meetings with her. They always cancelled my state required therapy appointments. The case worker finally got me to a doctor, and had me removed after the first test results came in. Pregnancy tests are rarely wrong, especially when run more than one."
Booth was shocked. His arms had tensed around her. He allowed his brain a few moments to sort out what he just heard. Then, he couldn't help himself. "You were pregnant Bones? They got away with hurting you?"
She shook the sleepy haze from her thoughts. Realized what he just heard. What she had let slip.
"I never meant to tell anyone that. Ever. No one needed to know that about me... Please don't say anything, Booth. No one knows. People already think I'm screwed up, I don't want to add to it."
"Bones, I would never do that. Did they get arrested? How could someone do that to a child?"
"I've blocked most of it out, Booth. All I remember was being told that they would not be able to hurt me anymore. Or anyone else ever again for that matter. The state arranged for an abortion. It was the only rational, logical choice. While I was recovering, my grandfather got me out."
"Does your father know about any of this Bones?"
"No... No he doesn't. I don't want him to know. He'll blame himself, and then Russ... for leaving me. I... I really thought I was over it. But with everything else that's happened... Apparently I didn't bury it deep enough."
He didn't know what to say. She was dozing again, giving him time to think. He thought he had her all figured out, had a handle on all she'd been through in her life. To hear what happened to an innocent child... no wonder she was ready to go the distance for every foster kid. Now he understood why she fought for those forever homes. Places like that must seem impossible to come by.
She was on the verge of sleeping. Murmuring in her dreams. "Booth, I love the fact that I'm safe right here. That I can trust you. It's nice to have someone... But I understand if you feel different now. Now that you know one of my worst secrets. I understand..."
~Of course this doesn't change anything. You're still my partn... How could anyone take advantage of a kid...? Don't tell your father? He has a right to know his little girl was violat... but he won't hesitate to take action, even from behind bars. This explains so much... her trust issues, relationship issues. The fact that she says she likes being alone... what am I going to do when she's released and goes home? I am NOT leaving her... ~
He was still holding her. Thoughts racing, nothing resolving. She needed to talk to someone. Someone she could trust to make sense. Booth got an idea of just the right person.