AN: Hello! Yes, I am still alive. And yes, this story is still getting written because I want to see through it until the end. This is too lovely of a story for me to not see it through. So I hope you like the new chapter! Again unedited so you might catch errors and changes every so often as I keep re-reading the chapter.
I played the Valentine's and April Fools After Endings after I posted the last chapter (I posted it Feb 1) and was surprised that (SPOILER, STOP NOW IF YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED ZEN'S AND JUMIN'S VALENTINE'S AFTER ENDINGS) a) Zen used balloons and flowers like how I made him do it in the previous chapter and b) Jumin just came from a business trip. He went home early. He said home wasn't complete without the both of them together. In the context of this fic, this is so heart breaking. Gah.
I'm glad I'm being consistent with what's still coming out from Cheritz. I do adore these little add ons and I keep spending money on the game to encourage them to release more. V route and Unknown next please? And maybe a Rika one?
-.-.-.-
Chapter 14: Choices
"Oh, hey Jaehee. To what do I owe this visit?" Zen just finished taping a segment for a talk show and is surprised at how he found Jaehee waiting in his dressing room.
She looked a little troubled, the crease on her forehead deep. "I couldn't concentrate." She muttered, as if that explained it all. She then heaves a heavy breath as if steeling herself for something before saying, "There are rumors."
He leans back, half sitting on the make-up table, crossing one long leg over the other outstretched one. That wasn't anything new. Zen's career is flourishing and rumors about everything and anything surround him. He's long ago tuned it out, mature enough now to accept that he cannot please everyone even if it still hurts every time someone says something bad about him.
"What about?" He still can't wrap his head at how someone as successful as Jaehee, now a Marketing Director in the biggest company in the country, is his fan. But he can't not appreciate the support she gives him.
"It's about you and MC. People are getting suspicious of your closeness. Apparently a few fans saw you enter the penthouse building and not leave until the next day." Her lips are in a thin line showing her displeasure. She has contemplated telling MC about this as it is her home, but the new mother already has too much on her plate. Jaehee would save her the stress any way she could.
Zen sighs and combs his fingers through his bangs making them stick out. "One of my co-stars mentioned it too. Maybe I should have been more careful and used face masks and hoodies. Or at least, entered the back door." He hates hiding. He's never wanted to be the guy that snuck around despite how famous he's now become. He never believes there's any reason to deprive the world of his beauty even for a second.
Both of them weigh the situation heavily for a moment.
It was Zen who breaks it. He heaves a heavy sigh, contemplating something. Deciding to bite the bullet, and knowing Jaehee would understand, he adds, "I love her."
Jaehee has long realized that Zen is a beautiful man but what makes him truly extra ordinary is his earnestness. This is part of why she is such a big fan of his. "I know." Her smile is a little bit impish. She doesn't have much of a chance to tease the other members, especially Zen.
Zen's mouth drops open. Whatever worries he has about these rumors instantly flying out the window. "Wha-how did you.."
Jaehee laughs. "I've known for years. You look at her the same way Mr. Han looked at her: like she's the entire world." Talking about feelings isn't Jaehee's expertise. The only person she can actually share her real thoughts and emotions with is MC herself. Though she considers herself to be good friends with all of the RFA members, her and MC have a deeper kind of friendship. Jaehee would hazard to call it being best friends, even. "We are all a little in awe of her, I think. But the two of you watch her with so much wonder and care and love."
Maybe he wasn't as good as concealing his feelings as he initially thought. But then again, when you love someone and go out of your way to look out for them your feelings were bound to show. Easily, he dismisses the concern with a wave of a hand. "Okay, that's true. So…how are we going to fix this?"
Jaehee sighs. All careers, she thinks, boils down to finding a problem and solving it. Working under Jumin has made her an expert at finding solutions and this is one that she's wanted to bring up to Zen and MC for a while now. She just hates being the bearer of bad news.
-.-.-.-
You hear Haneul's cry of glee from the general area of the living room as you step out of the shower. You follow the sound after you're in casual house clothes. Ruffling a towel through your hair as you walk, you catch Zen and your baby playing. Haneul has her legs outstretched and Zen is holding her underneath her arm pits so he could bounce her over his knee as if she's jumping. When he stops, he makes a funny sound with his lips which makes her laugh again. She reaches for him with a saliva coated fist, patting him on the cheek.
"Looks like you won another girl with your charms." You say with a fond smile as you sit down on the love seat beside the couch absently reaching out with your towel to rub the saliva off Zen's cheek and then Haneul's fist. Haneul gurgles at you briefly but turns her rapt attention back to Zen as if you, her mother, only merit a fraction of her attention.
"At least I know she doesn't like me just for my looks. Instead, it's my ability to make multiple funny sounds and how willing I am to sing to her." Haneul tries to bounce on her own but doesn't gain much traction without Zen's support. So he resumes the motion and is rewarded with another gurgle of glee.
"I never thought you'd be this good with kids."
Zen looks at you, "She's your baby. I'd make every effort to get along with her." You blush and look away, still not used to how intense and upfront Zen is with his feelings.
Haneul makes a little fuss, not wanting Zen's attention to be anywhere else but on her which makes you laugh. "She gets that possessiveness from her Father." Jumin is gone and he's going to miss so much of his child's life and that still brings a pang of pain in your heart.
You see Zen looking at you again, this time as if gauging your tendency to cry at the moment.
"I have plans." You suddenly say. "I want us to move into the house Jumin prepared. He had that especially built because he wanted a back yard for our kids to play in. I think it's only right that Haneul would get to enjoy it growing up." He nods, sensing that talking like this is therapeutic for you. "I'll also probably take an online assistant job, the kind that won't require me to leave the house. Jumin left us more money than I could possibly spend but I want to save as much of it for Haneul's future. I'm good at organizing things and convincing people with much practice from doing the RFA parties anyway."
You release a heavy breath. Zen stills Haneul and instead cradles her in his arms, attention fully on you.
"It's going to be hard, isn't it? To find my footing again. But Jumin is gone and I have to accept that this wish for him to be here won't come true. That holding on to this hope that one day he'll just walk through those doors, scraggly and unkempt but alive. Apologizing for his lateness. Telling him he's finally home. Those are just dreams. And the last thing he would want is for me to wallow in dreams and not be happy in reality." This wasn't an easy realization to come to. A part of you still wishes that this is all just a bad nightmare but you're done turning your back from reality. It's time to face the future without him by your side.
You steel yourself up, back straight and with a smile on your face. "I think the reason why losing Jumin hurts so much is because I was loved by him so deeply. And I can't be miserable about that forever. The only way to thank him for the love he's given me is to live a happy life and to love Haneul just as much as he loved me."
From somewhere in your heart you think Jumin is giving you his most brilliant smile.
-.-.-.-
You and Zen were sharing a cup of tea late into the night shortly after Haneul has settled down. These days she's a little bit more restless brought about by the onset of her teething period. Motherhood has been nothing but one weary, tiring, restless stage after another but you wouldn't trade such joy of caring and loving your baby for anything.
Zen puts his cup down and clears his throat. "MC?"
You raise an eyebrow, your own cup against your lips, "Mmmm?"
"I'm moving out in the morning. Heading back to my old apartment." He looks a little afraid, thinking you'll take this as his abandonment.
You frown. "Did I do something wrong? Is…being here with me too hard for you?"
He shakes his head vehemently and reaches out to take your free hand which forces you to put your cup back on the table. His own hand is warm and rough and you wonder when it became so comforting.
"People have been talking. And you know I don't normally care about scandals but…they involve you. I just don't want to drag you and Haneul into this." He and Jaehee had a long talk on how to approach this. In the end, Zen wanted to be completely honest. He is famouse and so are you and people were bound to talk. So no matter how unpleasant this is, living in separte houses is inevitable.
Besides, some of the words some people have said about you made his blood boil. He doesn't ever want you to face that knowing how unfair and far from the truth they were. So he would shield you as much as he can from the pain.
Despite his best efforts and vague words, you ask about it anyway. "And what are they saying?"
Zen squeezes your hand. "Just…things. Unfair words meant to hurt. None of which is any part of you."
There's an awkward pause as your mind goes through what those things could possibly be.
Seeing your troubled face, Zen shifts gears, "I love you. Even when you weren't looking my way. I love you even when you feel you're unlovable. And this is how I know I will love no one else but you. I loved you when you were just a name in the messenger. I loved you when I first laid eyes on you. I loved you when you belonged to someone else. I loved you as a wife, even if you weren't mine. I love you as a mother. I love you as a widow. I love you for who you are and I will love you for who you become. I love you enough to let you go once because my love wants nothing more than to see you happy. And I will love you to wait until you're ready."
You blush at the sudden and unexpected declaration. "Zen, what-"
He raises his free hand to stop you. "Nothing they say will change what I feel about you. I just don't want to ruin your reputation or have them think that you're jumping from one RFA member to another without any discretion. You don't deserve being dragged through the mud like that."
He runs his hand thumb lightly over your knuckles before releasing your hand. There's a pit in your stomach forming both at the sudden loss of his warmth and the idea that the two of you won't be having moments like these starting tomorrow. But you can't depend on Zen to be with you forever. He deserves to live his own life as the single man he rightfully is.
"Besides," his tone is suddenly much lighter. He plants his elbow on the table and props his head on his hand. "I kind of want to do this with you traditionally. I want to pick you up at your door step with flowers. To share our first kiss at your front door step. I want to miss you when I get home and text you saying so. I want to long for the days when we're able to sleep under the same roof, in the same bed knowing we're choosing to spend the rest of our lives together." He winks. He's cheeky and confident and honestly incredibly charming.
You decide to surprise him by leaning forward across the table to plant a quick kiss on his cheek. "I want that too. For us. Someday."
It effectively erased his smug expression. Instead, he's opening and closing his mouth like a fish, eyes wide and cheeks stained pink. You laugh at the sight. You know that when you're ready to be in love again, it was going to be with this sweet, honest, caring, devoted, protective man right in front of you.
-.-.-.-
AN: Oh Zen. You adorable sweetheart you. I think I swooned writing this because Zen, you are just such a cutie.
As usual, reviews make me bright and happy and keep me writing so do drop me a comment! Also pardon the inconsistent tenses. I'm combing through it to make it more consistent!