-Gerald: "HELLO, DICKWADS! Donovan is out with the flu and rather than taking care of 'em, I'm taking over the show for this episode! So I'm Gerald and my peeps here are JAY!"
(Computer screen shows Jay, who throws up the devil horns.)
-Gerald: "There's RICARDO!"
(Computer screen shows Ricardo, who plays the maracas.)
-Gerald: "And then there's that bitch Tom who keeps coming back to our show.)
(Computer screen shows Tom.)
-Tom: "Screw. You."
-Gerald: "And we're here with our guest, wrestler, businessman, angel, possible satanist, lil' bitch, sophisticated snobby asshat. Kenneth. Freakin'. Angel. Hello!
(Computer screen shows Kenneth Angel sitting in a chair, wearing a black suit with a red dress shirt.)
-Kenneth: Charming. I can guarantee that I am not a satanist. How are you gentlemen doing today?
-Ricardo: "We're doing swell, gracias for asking."
-Gerald: "Silence, por favor! We are officially stalking you on your Wikipedia page and we're about to read off some shit that's stated about you, and it's YOUR job to determine if it's true, false, in-between, or utter bullshit altogether. Is that cool? We don't care, because if you don't, you don't get paid!"
-Kenneth: Knocking the air out of my bellows? Sounds good to me.
-Gerald: "ALRIGHT! Are we READY!"
(Gerald yells to the point he accidentally sits up from his chair.)
-Gerald: "Got out of my sit there. Now LET'S. GET IT!"
-Tom: "Could you stop yelling? You're hurting my ears."
-Gerald: "FUCK OFF!"
-Jay: "Alright. Since I won the dice toss, I'm going first with Mr. Angel's name - Kenneth Thomas Angel, born in New York City, New York, on April 20th, 1996."
-Kenneth: Absolutely correct.
-Tom: "Okay, next it says your parents are William Thomas Angel and Susan Maria Angel, your father was the owner of a pharmaceutical company while your mama was a stay at home wife."
-Kenneth: Correct. My father was a stern and strict man while my mother was incredibly caring. My father gave me the cutthroat business mindset I have now.
-Ricardo: "Next, it says you were apparently too fragile for the school system, so your parents babyed you into homeschooling!"
-Kenneth: Well, aren't you a gentleman of four outs?
-Gerald: "We're all gents here, except Tom, he should be doing his chores right now!"
-Kenneth: I had a private teacher so that I could learn things I couldn't learn in public schools or even private ones.
-Jay: "Like what? 3+3?"
-Ricardo: "No wait, he learned how to light up his own farts!"
(All the hosts laugh, except Kenneth.)
-Kenneth: More like how business works, how to properly invest money, how to make important business partners, and how to buy out companies in a way where I would make a profit.
-Gerald: "So an entire semester of business school all into a lifetime?"
-Kenneth: Well, I still had mathematics, sciences, language arts, foreign languages, et cetera. I mostly had homeschooling so that I could accompany my father on business trips. That is actually how I met my wife, but that's a tale for later.
-Jay: "Then how did a polite and sophisticated lad like yourself discover the bloodsport that is professional wrestling?"
-Kenneth: That would be my lovely mother. She was quite a fan of it and, when my father was away, she would let me watch it.
-Tom: "Any favorite wrestlers?"
-Kenneth: Ricky Steamboat. Very talented man with very good matches.
-Gerald: "Did your pops ever find out?"
-Kenneth: Only after my first match. He was unamused.
-Jay: "Ah, Papa Angel was not impressed."
-Kenneth: Definitely not. It was always hard to impress my father.
-Ricardo: "Did you ever impress him?"
-Kenneth: After I made my first million with my business.
-Gerald: "Speaking of which! It says after you finished your schooling and all that educational bullfuckery, you opened your first tux shop!"
-Kenneth: Correct. At first, I made the suits by hand using the finest materials I could.
-Tom: "What a way to become a millionaire, selling tuxedos and dresses for job interviews and proms!"
-Everyone (except Kenneth): "SHUT UP, TOM!"
-Ricardo: "YOU FILTHY PERRO!"
-Kenneth: Don't tempt me to give you an anointing.
-Tom: "I didn't even say anything bad, calm down!"
-Jay: "And he's STILL talking!"
-Kenneth: I'm wearing a suit right now. Do I look like I'm about to go to a high school dance or try to get a job in the fast food industry?
-Tom: "I could go for some food right now…"
-Gerald: "And that's why you don't have a girlfriend, Tom!"
-Tom: "I hate all of you."
-Kenneth: I would say the same, but you are insignificant to me, Todd.
-Tom: "My name is 'Tom,' it's a shortened version of your middle name!"
-Gerald: "And something else of your's a shortened version of everyone's."
(Everyone, except Kenneth, laughs once more.)
-Tom: "Pour yourselves a warm mug of 'go fuck yourselves.'"
-Gerald: "Moving on, after sometime running your tux shop, you must've grown incredibly bored and decided to start wrestling! Because THAT's what cool bosses do!"
-Kenneth: Never bored, just wanted to fill up free time. Free time is boring and counterproductive for me.
-Ricardo: First things first, you entered the indie scenes, and grew popular for your unique and elegant style.
-Kenneth: Correct. I have a strong technical style.
-Jay: "Eventually you got signed to Ring of Honor. How did you get signed exactly?"
-Kenneth: Mr. Zango personally scouted me when he was their talent agent. He was impressed by my technical prowess.
-Ricardo: "Next, it says after a while in ROH, you won your first title in the form of the ROH Television Championship."
-Kenneth: Correct. I pinned Mr. Rivers after hitting Give Them Blood.
-Gerald: "And after two months as champ, you dropped the belt Felix Sammet."
-Kenneth: I don't need a reminder.
-Jay: "I remember that match! That sadistic Swedish bastard twisted you up like a pretzel!"
-Kenneth: If I was a pretzel, he was a knot.
-Gerald: "Well, Jay's not wrong about you being a pretzel, because you sure are salty."
-Tom: "Haha! Puns!"
-Kenneth: A pun? Really? How immature.
-Ricardo: "But to more happier things, you did eventually move up the card and won the ROH World Championship!"
-Gerald: "Oh he did? This causes for a fiesta! Ricardo, play me something!"
(Ricardo starts playing with his maracas.)
-Kenneth: Please. Stop. Anyways, I did become ROH World Champion after submitting Alan Riddle with a guillotine.
-Gerald: "I wish it was a real guillotine cause I can't stand the stupid look on his dumb, fat face."
-Jay: "His face IS fat. I'm wondering when he'll stop storing his nuts for winter!"
-Kenneth: I thought this Wikipedia was about me?
-Gerald: "You're right! We can save all these insults for when Riddle eventually comes on here, though I doubt so considering all the shit we talk about him. Moving on, you had a pretty lengthy title run, wouldn't you say so?"
-Kenneth: I would. It lasted almost a year before I lost it.
-Ricardo: "To a certain King Cobra!"
-Kenneth: I ask that we move on.
-Gerald: "It's obviously a bad memory for you so… let's talk about it! He almost KILLED YOU with that Package Piledriver!"
-Kenneth: I can easily leave the leisure of my manor and bust your teeth, but that would be improper of me.
-Tom: "Calm down."
-Kenneth: Quiet, Trey.
-Tom: It's Tom- oh, nevermind.
-Jay: "Now, after you lost your title, you managed to spread your name into other territories like PWG and New Japan."
-Kenneth: Correct. I won belts in both promotions.
-Tom: "You did win the PWG World Championship, but mind elaborating?"
-Gerald: "That's Tom code for, "I'm too lazy to read off the computer screen, do it for me pwease.""
-Tom: "Calm down, Gerry."
-Kenneth: I won the PWG World Championship and the IWGP Junior Heavyweight Championship. You should try to pay more attention, Terry.
-Ricardo: "You did win both titles from Angelo Santos and Matt Lopez respectively."
-Kenneth: Correct, but neither reign lasted too long."
-Gerald: "And that just about wraps your relatively short career thus far, but we still got your personal life to expose!"
-Kenneth: Joy.
-Ricardo: "First it says you married your longtime senorita friend Rosaline Camille Labelle relatively recently!"
-Kenneth: Correct. Just last week, in fact.
-Jay: "Anything notable you'd like to share about the wedding?"
-Kenneth: Several high ranking WFA Officials came, including Mr. Constantine and Mr. Neal. Mr. Ryder planned on coming, but was unable to due to business arrangements.
-Tom: "I figured since you're in the doghouse at the moment with management, they wouldn't show up. Or better yet, I'm surprised that Danny Sharp guy didn't come in and ruin the whole thing like he did with Civil War."
-Ricardo: "Tom, shut up."
-Kenneth: The separation between business and friendship, Tyler. You wouldn't know anything about either.
-Gerald: "He's got a wet sponge for a brain, forgive his insolence. Aside from that, any stories about your love life you'd like to share?"
-Kenneth: Outside of how we met? Not really.
-Ricardo: "Now that you mentioned it, how did you two turtledoves meet?"
-Kenneth: Are you sure you don't want to save that for last?
-Gerald: "If it's that much of a treat, then we'll save it for last. Next!"
-Ricardo: "It says that your net worth is estimated at 300 Million dollars."
-Kenneth: Correct. However, most of it is from my family fortune.
-Tom: "Next it says you are a 'monotheistic humanist.' Like me!"
-Kenneth: I don't share anything with you, you pest. I am an Atheist.
-Gerald: "Of course Tom gets the fact that's wrong!"
-Tom: "SCREW! OFF!"
-Jay: "It also states that while you drink, you don't smoke any tobacco products."
-Kenneth: Correct. I don't enjoy the feel of smoking, nor the smell.
-Ricardo: "Oddly enough, it says you occasionally practice martial arts, and even have your own gym in your home."
-Kenneth: I am an occasional practitioner of MMA. My personal gym keeps me focused and in shape. I can spend hours in there some days.
-Gerald: "And lastly it says on there that you are a fan of opera and theatre."
-Kenneth: Very much so. I go to either whenever I have a chance.
-Gerald: "And that just about wraps things up, but before we let you go, you a.) have to tell us how you and your wife met because that sounds like a fun time, and b.) IT'S TIME FOR THE RAPID ROUND, BAY BAY!"
(Gerald blows a party favor and throws up streamers.)
-Kenneth: Which would you like to do first?
-Gerald: "Both are different ball games, but I pitch towards the double R trival game of exposing secrets your Wikipedia page doesn't list but we're going to learn about 'em anyways! HA HA! Are you ready to start?"
-Kenneth: Of course. *Calls over a servant* Go grab Rosaline, would you? *Servant walks away* While we wait for her, we can do your little game.
-Gerald: "Alright, starting in 3… 2… 1!"
-Ricardo: "Name one country you want to rid of from the world."
-Kenneth: Greenland. I hate how much of a lie the name is.
-Tom: "What would your perfect Saturday be like?"
-Kenneth: My perfect Saturday would see a significant increase in profit from my company, an opera near my manor, and a new and important business partner.
-Jay: "What personality trait has gotten you in the most trouble?"
-Kenneth: My professionalism. It's never easy to form a friendship with someone like me.
-Gerald: "Your dream pet."
-Kenneth: A dragon. They are pretty cool.
-Ricardo: "What's the best piece of advice you've ever received?"
-Kenneth: Keep your friends close and enemies closer.
-Tom: "What's the first thing you do when you get home from a business trip?"
-Kenneth: Well, I am usually greeted by Rose and/or her dog. Depending on which will depend on what I do. If it is Rose, I discuss her day with her while I change into my home suit. If it is her dog, I take him outside and play fetch with him.
-Jay: "Your ideal face tat."
-Kenneth: Tattoos are unprofessional. Even if I got one, it wouldn't be in an exposed place like my face.
-Gerald: "If your life was a movie, what would be on the soundtrack?"
-Kenneth: Carmina Burana, simply because it screams with excellence.
-Ricardo: "What game are you usually good at?"
-Kenneth: Checkers, Chess, Tetris, et cetera.
-Tom: "What's a TV show you hate that everyone else loves?"
-Kenneth: The only time I watch television is when I am either watching wrestling or spending time with my wife. I don't get invested.
-Jay: "If you could switch places with one WFA wrestler, who would it be and why?"
-Kenneth: I am not quite sure. Maybe Sebastian Flair? He has an interesting lineage.
-Gerald: "And finally, what's your philosophy for a happy life?"
-Kenneth: Be successful. A failing life is no life at all.
-Gerald: "And that ends our game, now where's your wife?"
(Almost by coincidence, a woman sits next to Kenneth. She has long brown hair in a ponytail and light brown eyes. Her skin is fair and she is wearing a long, blue dress.)
-Kenneth: Speaking of her…
-Rosaline: Oh...uh...hello.
-Jay: "How does she treat your trousers, Kenny?"
-Kenneth: First, it is Kenneth. Second, that is private information and completely unprofessional.
-Gerald: "Now, Rosey. Apparently how you and Kenneth met is a fun story. So fun, it's the grand finale of this episode of Wikipedia: Fact Or Fiction. So, would you and Kenneth be so kind and reveal how this magical relationship spawned?"
(Rose looks over at Kenneth, who leans forward towards the camera.)
-Kenneth: It all began when I was fifteen. My father brought me on my first business trip. We flew to Lyon, France so that my father could discuss business with one of his partners. At that time, I wasn't as polite and patient as I am now, so while he was talking to his partner, I wandered around this city where I knew nothing of what the people were saying.
-Gerald: "Wandering around a place where they speak a whole different language WITHOUT supervision AND it smells like piss there? Even I know that's downright stupid."
-Jay: "Hehehehehe, DUMBASS!"
-Kenneth: Seconded. Anyways, I end up finding my way into a candy store. I pick up one candy bar and this fourteen year old girl approaches me and says something that I couldn't understand. *looks at Rose*
-Rose: C'est mon bonbon préféré! Ça te plaît? Basically...I asked if..favorite candy.
-Kenneth: My stupid kid self was just standing there in shock and confusion as she kept asking me stuff in French. Next thing I knew, my father was pulling me out of the store by the arm, scolding me for wandering off.
-Tom: "DUMMY!"
-Gerald: "Even if Tom identifies something as dumb… it's fookin' DUMB!"
-Kenneth: Anyways...To make a long story short, I was immediately intrigued by this short French girl. My father noticed this and had his partner translate what she was saying. We would become pen-pals before later moving to talking on the phone.
-Rose: It was...hard first. I barely...understood what he was...saying. I had to learn English to...better speak to him.
-Jay: I expected for Kenneth to learn French so he can communicate with you better, cause he would seem whipped like that.
-Kenneth: I learned a bit of French too. We wouldn't see each other till I was eighteen. I traveled to Lyon to meet my father's former business partner to make a deal with him.
-Rose: Kenny...asked me to come...to America with him. I...was happy!
-Kenneth: After that, I personally taught her English and helped her understand the culture of America. That's how we met.
-Ricardo: "How do you feel about your lover's wrestling career?"
-Rose: I get...worried. I don't want him hurt.
-Tom: "What would you say is your favorite match of his?"
-Rose: ...I liked the one where...he got knocked out...by Danny.
-Kenneth: Thanks. I appreciate it. *Rose smiles and kisses his cheek, bringing a blush to Kenneth's pale face*
-Gerald: "And THAT's how we end a Wikipedia: Fact Or Fiction! That was "the Black Winged Angel" Kenneth Angel and his wife Rose, thank you two for joining us assholes here!"
-Kenneth: Ahem… Quite. Thank you for having me.
-Rose: Au revoir!
-Gerald: "Those were Ricardo, Jay, and Tom, and I'm your host with the most Gerald, wishing you goof mental heath and good times ahead, peace!
(Kenneth and Rose leaves the call.)
-Gerald: "I think that was a home run!"
(ONE DAY LATER)
(Donovan rewatches the whole call. He is seen with a tissue on his hand, a robe on, and a cringing look on his face.)
-Donovan: "...What the f-"