Dear Light-Losers,
I am not attending your light bath of a school. Instead I, Harry James Potter, am taking my rightful place at Voldemort's Wonderful School for Little Death Eaters To-Be. Instead of learning stupid things like Charms and Astronomy, we have classes like Dangerous Creatures and How to Ride Them and Strategy: Fact or Fiction. In all, it is a much better curriculum than your stupid school's.
From,
Harry Potter, Death Eater Jr.
Mr. Potter,
We cannot let you send this note. Please re-write this letter, mentioning nothing about your place at VVSLDTB.
Head Death Eater
Dear Miss McGonagall,
I regret to inform you that I cannot attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I have already been selected for a spot at a small, prestigious boarding school. I cannot disclose the location, as I am bound by an oath of secrecy. I can, however, tell you that it is out of reach of all owls. We only get mail once every few months. As that is the case, I will not be able to contact you again.
From,
Harry Potter
Mr. Potter,
This is much better. You may send this.
-Head Death Eater