Ash sat up, aching. Today, he had been hugged by an enormous dragon so hard his eyes nearly shot out of his head, was tag-teamed by a plant lizard and a 10,000 volt mouse all while being doused by a blue turtle with a Napoleon complex and fists to back it up, had been slammed into the dirt by said turtle as a sign of friendship, and had been mind-violated by a spoon-wielding psychic to the point of gaining super-powers. Despite a creeping knowledge of how painful tomorrow morning was going to be, Ash came to the conclusion that this was one of the best days of his entire life.
"You look like crap." Pikachu said, bluntly. He had proven today that he could read Ash's mind almost as well as Ash could read his.
"Ha ha ha. You're hilarious."
"Hey," Pikachu said, his cheeks sparking again, "I still say you're overdue for a good shock."
"Do it, and I'll stuff you in a Pokeball myself." said Ash who groaned as he stood, back cracking loudly.
"DON'T joke about that!" Pikachu shouted, angrily. "I'll let that one slide for now, but in the future, DO NOT JOKE ABOUT THAT KIND OF SHIT."
"He's right, for once." Squirtle said. "I made a joke about it one time. I....I never did again after that."
"What did he do?" Ash asked. Squirtle looked over his left shoulder, turned his back to Ash and pointed to a chipped spot in the middle of his shell, as if a chunk had been torn out.
"That." Squirtle said.
"Wow, what's the deal with that, Pikachu? What's your thing with Pok-" Pikachu's cheeks sparked and he took a step forward. "With...those things?"
"That, Ash, is a story for another day." Pikachu said, turning away.
"Aww...I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, Pikachu." Ash said, squatting. "I didn't realize how many nuances there were to your extremely complex character."
"What can I say? I'm a complex kind of Pokemon. I've got deep-seated guilt and hangups and all that noise."
Ash laughed and touseled the hair on Pikachu's head, then stood up. His Pokemon turned around and stared incredulously at the hand he used to pet him with. Pikachu pointed at it.
"I...I wouldn't touch anything with that hand for a while if I were you." He said nervously.
"...Why?"
"Well, with a combination of my adrenaline being spiked off the damn charts from that hilarious little threat you made about the Pokeball and you rubbing my fur in the way you did, I'd estimate that you're carrying about 5,000 volts of electricity in your right hand." Pikachu said, nonchalantly.
"Wh-SERIOUSLY?" Ash stared at his hand and realized that it was tingling.
"Yep. Watch this." Pikachu went over to Ash's left, near the hanging zipper of his jacket. He rubbed his tiny hands on his chest, then touched the zipper. A flash of light blinded every living thing within ten feet and was followed by a deafening crack of sparking electricity.
"Wh-What do I do!?" Ash panicked.
"I'll douse it for you." Squirtle said.
"NO!" Ash and Pikachu shouted in unison.
"Jeeze...It was a joke!" Squirtle defended.
"Here. Take my hand." Pikachu held out his paw.
"No way! You're just gonna shock me!"
"You're gonna get shocked if you don't. Now grab my damn hand." Pikachu said, firmly. Ash hesitated, then clutched his hand. All the hair on Pikachu's body suddenly stood on end, then fell back to normal.
"There." he said, letting go of Ash's hand. "Now the circuit," he tapped his foot on the ground "has been grounded."
"Wow...that was close. Sorry, I guess I must be more socially awkward than I thought." Ash said, embarrassed.
"You're not awkward, just stupid." Squirtle said. "There's no social cage you can trap yourself in that couldn't have been avoided by some common sense."
"OH yes," Bulbasaur piped up, words dripping in sarcasm, "let's all listen while Squirtle tells us about common sense. Tell me, do you lose your temper and go into a blind, violent rage before, or after you've decided that they have too many teeth in someone's head?" Ash, Charizard, and Pikachu laughed.
"I never go into a blind rage! Maybe I go into an ass-kicking frenzy of overblown proportions, but it's never blind."
"Besides, isn't the violent stuff more my MO?" Charizard said.
"I always thought that yours was getting your head kicked in by a girl." Pikachu mocked.
"Say what you want, but I'm not ashamed to admit that Charla could tear me in half any time she wanted."
"I heard that she nearly did the first time you met." Bulbasaur said.
"YEAH! That was hilarious!" Pikachu said, bursting into laughter. "You should have seen it! It w-was right after he tried a sneak attack on one of the Charizards there and he-he-" Pikachu was doubled over with laughter. "It kicked him in the stomach and knocked him flat on his tail!" Pikachu fell over in giggles while everyone else laughed.
"Okay...You can cut that out now..." Charizard said timidly.
"And-And right after that, he wanted to fight Charla. So she grabbed him by the arm and threw him down a flight of steps and into the ocean!" Pikachu managed to say through his choking laughter. Ash, Squirtle, and Bulbasaur were clutching their sides as well. Charizard was the only one not chuckling and looked visibly irritated.
"Look, that was my first time there and I didn't know what to expect! That was a rough patch in my life I'd like for you guys to not trivialize!" he roared, angrily. Pikachu, not the least bit intimidated by the display, walked up to Charizard and patted him on the leg.
"It's okay...we understand...we already knew you were completely whipped. It's nothing to be ashamed of..."
"I'm not whipped!" Charizard shouted. "In fact, I'm Charla's bodyguard now!"
"Bodyguard or boy-toy?" Squirtle said through his own set of chuckles.
"SHUT UP!" Charizard screamed. A jet of flame rocketed from his mouth and slammed into the ground in the middle of the group. They dropped immediately into shocked silence while Charizard literally fumed. This silence was broken by Pikachu who restarted his hysterics.
"Man, you are such a prick." Squirtle said to Pikachu, only half-serious. Pikachu stood, gasping for air and wiping his eyes of tears.
"S-Sorry guys...In all seriousness, Charizard, it wasn't funny at the time. I felt for you, then. But now that you live up there and are kicking tails and taking names all the live-long day, I felt the need to knock a few levels off any pedestals you built for yourself." Pikachu said. "Plus, even you have to admit that it was really funny afterwords."
"...Yeah..." Charizard said, chuckling softly.
"I disagree." Squirtle said. "Domestic abuse is never a funny topic. Charizard, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always a phone call away. Just...show me where she touched you." This started up the tumult of laughter again. Charizard slumped down, his wings drooping.
"You guys suck..." he said in an exhausted tone.
"WAAAIT!" Pikachu suddenly shouted. "THOUGHT!" Ash and his Pokemon groaned in unison.
"Again? Isn't this getting kind of old?" Squirtle complained.
"Squirtle, I thought you told me he grew out of this." Charizard said.
"I guess it's all the excitement from today. The whole mind-reading development."
"That's not exciting, that's weird." Charizard turned to Ash. "No offense. Weird in a...cool way?"
"He's not buying it." Squirtle said. He turned to Ash. "What he meant to say, is that you're not very interesting. Like, at all."
"That's not true! I've just been listening all day to you guys all day! At least I'm not as screwed in the head as every single one of you!" He shouted.
"Excuse me?" Bulbasaur said, raising one eyebrow.
"Sorry. Almost every single one of you."
"Hey, that kind of insubordination gets you shanked in my gang." Squirtle said. "Do you want to get shanked, new meat?"
"GUYS!" Pikachu said. He pointed to his head. "THOUGHT!"
"What is it now?" Squirtle sighed.
"We should have nicknames!" Pikachu said excitedly.
"What happened to that diatribe about how Pokemon are above the need for names?" Bulbasaur asked.
"I didn't say that nicknames were necessary! I just think that we should have them!" Pikachu was, yet again, twitching in excitement.
"Nicknames we'll likely forget in twenty minutes?" Charizard said, jaded.
"Yeah!" said Pikachu. He paused. "Wait-No! You may forget them in twenty minutes, but I won't! I remember everything." He turned to Squirtle and gave him a crazy look. "Everything..."
"Fine..." Squirtle sighed, rubbing his temples. "What are our nickn-"
"Okay! Squirtle, you can be Shellshock! Bulbasaur, you can be...Blackops! Charizard, you're...Fireball!"
"Are you serious?" Charizard said. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
"Mine doesn't even make sense." Bulbasaur said.
"But it's so COOL!" Pikachu shouted.
"Actually...I like Shellshock." Squirtle admitted. "I guess you had at least one good idea in you, sparky."
Throughout the Pokemon's argument, Ash had remained silent, finally alone with his thoughts. As soon as the "screwed in the head" comment had left his mouth, a thought had planted itself into the outermost level of his mind and had started to grow. An idea that, for safety's sake, he should probably cut down before it's too late.
"Guys?" he said, not even realizing that he had spoken. He snapped out of it and looked at his bickering Pokemon.
"GUYS!" he screamed. They all stopped, and looked at him with surprising obedience. "Be serious for a minute....Will you help me out with something?"
"Of course, Ash." Squirtle said.
"You don't even need to ask that question." Pikachu said. "You already know the answer."
"Thanks." Ash flashed a nervous smile, one which he quickly dropped. "There's....just one more Pokemon I want to speak with today..."
"Who?" Charizard asked. Squirtle and Bulbasaur were looking at Ash, waiting for the answer. Pikachu, by look on his friend's face, already knew the answer.
"NO." He said, more sober and serious than he had been all day. "I'll help you with whatever you want, Ash, but this is a BAD idea. You know it is."
"I know what I'm doing, Pikachu. I'll make sure no one gets seriously hurt."
"I'm not worried about the Pokemon. We'll be fine. I'm talking about you. Have you thought of protecting yourself in this master plan for attempting the stupidest project of your entire Pokemon Trainer career?"
"I'm not worried about what'll happen to me."
"But I AM. You know what happened last time!"
"Which is why I'm more prepared now." Ash said. "If there's one thing I'm good at, it's strategy. You know that."
"Bu...But..." Pikachu stuttered, trying to think of a rebuttle. "But WHY!?" he finally spat out.
"I have to know." Ash said.
"Either of you conspirators want to fill us in on the details of your plan?" Squirtle asked.
Ash nodded his head toward Professor Oak's lab.
"Follow me. I'll explain on the way."