Holy friggin' crap, sorry it took so long to get this up!
Anyway, yes, I will be boosting the rating :]. Not for this chapter, but for later ones. Also, I'm not entirely sure that I'm happy with most of this chapter. I felt like it jumped around a lot and I didn't properly catch things, but...eh. I think it might just be because I didn't really like the episode "Greeks Bearing Gifts". I also changed the POV for the first part of this chapter, focusing on Tosh for a little bit - not showing her emotions, but telling Jack about what she heard from Ianto.
Next chapter will be much better, and won't have a focus on an episode, just on Jack and Ianto :].
Review replies!
Sushi Chi: Thank you very much :D!
Stossle: First, thank you! And, second, yeahh, I don't feel like I covered the "Greeks Bearing Gifts" episode very well :/. I realized that I didn't make Ianto's reaction and thoughts mix together very well after writing this and rewatching the episode, but I think Mary said that people don't always realize when they're thinking something. So maybe Ianto is generally not happy but convincing himself and others that he is? If that made any sense whatsoever...
gurugirl: Thanks! Yeah, I'm upping the rating, but if I don't feel suitable writing "M" rated stuff, I'll probably rewrite the chapter with "M" material and switch the story back to "T"...
whatawaste: WOO! YAY! Thank you :D. Jack is really hard to write O_O. I'm completely scared that I'm going to utterly screw him up at one point in this story.
TeamBarrowman: Thank you :D!
specialfrancine: Yeah, I do feel bad for Tosh :[. Although she did somewhat bring it on herself. And thank you for reviewing once more :D!
jack4ianto09: Thankee!
deemama66: Yep, that was Ianto's line :]. I didn't really like "Greeks Bearing Gifts", so I don't feel like I did the entire thing properly :/.
Chapter Thirteen
Tosh stared down at the smashed necklace - that cursed, stupid thing that had nearly destroyed them all - barely paying attention as Jack started to walk away. She stood suddenly, biting her lower lip and sweeping her dark hair behind her shoulder. "Jack!" Running slightly, Tosh caught up with him and grabbed the captain's arm, effectively stopping him. "There's something I need to tell you about. It's to do with Ianto."
She saw his face slide into an expression of worry. "What is it?"
"I heard him, when - when I had that thing on. It - He's still miserable over Lisa, Jack." Tosh saw her boss' jaw clench at the name, an irritated flash going through his eyes. That only confirmed her suspicion - Jack and Ianto were seeing each other, then. "The things he was thinking...he sounded so miserable. Like he thought...all I could get off him was a sense of pain. It was, so, I don't even know, but it worried me."
Jack's shoulders stiffened, and he shrugged. "He seems perfectly fine to me."
"I know, I thought so too." Tosh bit her lip again, worrying it between her teeth. "But Mary -" She faltered, closing her eyes for a moment. "Mary told me that people don't always realize what they're thinking. That it's more of an unconscious thing, I suppose. Maybe Ianto's only convincing himself - and us - that he's better when he's really miserable." Her eyes flicked up to Jack's face, watching the irritated look vanish. "You have to talk to him. It seems like you're the only one Ianto honestly listens to."
The captain paused, then released a small sigh. "I'll talk to him, Tosh, don't worry." His hand clapped her on the shoulder, squeezing for a moment before dropping. "Now go home and try to get some rest. I'll see you at the Hub tomorrow." Jack turned and walked quickly away, his coat flying behind him.
* * * *
The coffee cup sat in front of him, steam rising from its depths as Ianto stared down at it. He blinked, feeling a tear start to develop in the corners of his eyes. It was stupid, completely stupid, but Tosh and Mary - if that had even been her name, which he doubted - had brought back how he'd felt about Lisa in an instant. Ianto had seen Tosh's face when Jack had activated the ship, seen the complete devastation that he'd seen in the mirror every time he'd looked into it weeks after Lisa had died.
And then he'd had the damn nerve to just forget about mourning her, all because Jack bloody Harkness had inserted himself more firmly in Ianto's life.
He pushed the coffee cup away, standing quickly and grabbing it again, only to dump the coffee down the sink. Ianto watched the drink swirl down into the drain, his hands gripping the cup even more tightly. A second or two later, a knock on the door startled him to awareness and Ianto set the cup down. He took a deep, steadying breath, and then started toward the door. Ianto opened it, finding himself face-to-face with none other than Jack. A smile was forced, and Ianto let his boss in quickly. He noticed almost instantly that something was wrong - Jack didn't have his usual cocky grin in place. "How's Tosh?" Ianto asked quietly, putting his problems aside like he usually did, preferring to deal with the other teammates issues than his own.
"She'll be fine."
"How is she now, Jack. Not in future tense."
"She could be worse." Jack plopped down, making himself comfortable instantly and tapping the couch cushion beside him, obviously expecting Ianto to sit down beside him. The Welshman stepped forward, seating himself and staring down at his hands. "She told me something interesting while we talked."
Ianto raised an eyebrow, glancing over at the captain. "Something to do with Mary?"
"No. Something to do with you, actually."
"Me?"
"Yeah." Jack leaned forward, almost instantly invading Ianto's personal space. Without any real conscious thought about it, Ianto shuffled back more in his seat. "Tosh told me that you're apparently still mourning Lisa. That you feel...well, she described it like all you could think about was pain. Almost as if that was all you were." The captain leaned even closer until their eyes connected, the older man's narrowing. "Our thoughts don't lie, you know. Not about what we're feeling."
Ianto stared at him for a moment, shaking a little. "Sometimes that's how I feel. I'll go back to thinking about Lisa, and I'll just...I'll feel so alone, and it's all I can do to not think about how painful it is. She understood me, she was always there for me when things got out of hand. Whenever I couldn't handle you lot, I could go down there and she'd listen. And even before all this, she was - she was so wonderful. And I just...I miss her."
"You've got me and the entire team, Ianto." Jack's hand reached out, skimming down Ianto's cheek and moving to cup the side of his face. "We're all here for you - whenever you need to talk." He seemed to debate on saying something else, but stopped. "You aren't alone. You never will be, alright?" He didn't drop his hand from cupping the Welshman's face, who felt himself leaning a little into the touch, trying to force aside the thought that it was wrong - that everything he'd done with Jack since Lisa had been wrong. That he was disrespecting her memory.
Forcing aside the thoughts that he hadn't had in months.
"I'll take your word for it." Ianto forced a smile, taking a deep breath.
"And are you still mourning...Lisa?" It seemed like an effort for Jack to get her name out. "Not just missing the memory of her?"
At that, Ianto shuddered and was horrified to hear a whimper slide passed his lips. "I wasn't. Not properly. But - after seeing Tosh with Mary. Seeing how horrified Tosh looked when you sent Mary away..." A sob choked its way up his throat. "It all came flooding back. I - I never mourned her like I should have. Like I should be mourning. Almost right after - after everything that happened with her - almost right away I was with you. And I just forgot to mourn her, Jack! I just forgot!" He felt Jack's hand tighten around his cheek, and then move down to cup the back of his neck. "God, what the hell is wrong with me?"
A second later, he was pulled forward, his face pressing against Jack's chest. "There's nothing wrong with you." A hand threaded its way through the Welshman's hair, soothing Ianto just the tiniest bit. "Deep down you knew that wasn't your Lisa anymore. You stayed with her because you felt obligated to stay with the thing that looked like your girlfriend. Your mourned her real death a long time ago." Jack's free hand started to rub at Ianto's back, the words being whispered softly into his ear.
They stayed like that for a while, Ianto's face buried against Jack's chest, his body shuddering with sobs. Eventually, he quieted and felt Jack shift, then pick him up easily. They stared at each other as Jack carried Ianto to his bedroom, laying him down and sweeping a hand through his hair. "Get some sleep." He made to leave, but was stopped when Ianto reached out, snagging his shirt sleeve.
"Stay. Please."
Again, the men's eyes connected, and then Jack gave a faint nod. "Alright. I will."
R&R please and thank you :D!