Cas blinks awake to the burn of sunlight in his eyes. He groans in irritation and drags himself up into a sitting position. This sleeping arrangement was doing horrible things to his vessel. His body. He could feel the tightness in every muscle of his back. He'd spent the last few nights curled up in a ball in the back seat of the little green Mini Cooper. It wasn't spacious by any stretch of the imagination, and it most certainly was NOT comfortable. The center of his lower back was especially tender from the seat belt latches digging in to him all night.
He steps out into the morning light, rubbing grumpily at his eyes, and moves himself to the drivers seat. He has much to do today. His cellular phone's battery had run out of charge the day before and he needed to obtain a charging cord that was adapted for use in a vehicle. He was also starting to run low on funds. He would need to find a town he could settle in for a while so he could procure employment before he spent the last of his cash. It was very fortunate that he had any money to begin with. That was Dean's doing of course. He'd made sure that Cas had access to a few of the boys' emergency stashes - just in case. Each of these reserves had cash and weapons, as well as three small bags (one for each man) that contained a change of clothes and fraudulent identification cards. Cas had only taken half the money, worrying that Dean would need to use that cache and find it depleted. He had also taken his bag with the clothing and I.D. because he would need to provide identification to gain employment. He was unsure why Dean had chosen the name 'Layne Staley'. Once he purchased a charging device, he would use the Google to find out who this person was.
It was late afternoon by the time Castiel managed to charge his phone. The young man at the store, Tristan, had been very helpful in selecting the correct cable. He had been very curious as to how long 'Layne' would be staying in the area. Just as Castiel was about to leave, Tristan had handed him a piece of paper with his phone number scribbled on it. He had also stopped into a few shops after wards to inquire if they were hiring.
Cas plugs his phone in and waits for the battery to charge a bit before powering it on. He's surprised to see that he has several text messages and a voicemail, all from Dean. He decides to read the texts first.
- Hey Cas. I know you're pissed at me. I'm really sorry man. I shoulda listened to you. I'm always fucking everything up. Please just talk to me.-
-You know I'm an idiot. I was being a jackass before. I'm sorry Cas. I can't stand you being gone. I meant it when I told you that you're family. But it's more than that, you're my best friend. Even if it's never anything more than that, I can't lose my best friend. Please come back. You can stay here. At least call me. I need to hear your voice.-
Dean isn't an idiot. A jackass, yes sometimes that was a quite fitting description. He could be quite uncooperative and stubborn. Castiel wants so much to return to the bunker. He also considers Dean his best friend and he's been feeling increasingly distressed the further he drives from the Winchester's base. But he still isn't sure that staying there is a wise decision. He's certain that he can no longer settle for just being friends with Dean. Now that he's felt Dean's lips on his, felt the muscles flexing under Dean's skin as they tangled together in the throes of passion. He'll always want that. It would be torture to be so close to Dean every day but never close enough.
He desires to hear Dean's voice as well. He'll listen to the voice message and then call him back. Their last few interactions have left him feeling guilty for the anger he expressed. He was hurt, but that was no excuse for hurting Dean. The man had endured enough in his life. He sighs and clicks on the icon that will replay the message.
"Hey Feathers, I miss you dude. I'm so so sorry. Please man, you gotta forgive me. I'll get down on my knees and beg if that's what it takes. I'll kneel down and kiss your feet. I'll do anything you want. Please come back. I need you, Cas. Just come home."
It is indeed quite soothing to hear Dean's voice. Apologizing over the phone doesn't seem like enough any more. Castiel starts the car and sets off towards the bunker. He's managed to wander quite far and he'll have to stop for rest at some point, but he's going back. He probably won't stay. He has to see him again, to hear his voice and gaze in to those shimmering emerald eyes. But he won't stay.
After driving for several hours the previous evening, Castiel had stopped at a run down motel and rented a room for the night. The musty room reminded him of his favorite humans. It was like so many other rooms he'd visited. In many of those rooms he'd found one brother or the other broken and bleeding, sometimes on the edge of death. Many times he'd gone just to watch over them. They usually didn't even know he was there, but those were still some of his favorite memories. When the boys managed to slumber with out night mares, it was a glorious thing to behold. Their faces never looked so relaxed and peaceful when they were awake.
Castiel was packing his few meager belongings back in to his duffel bag when he noticed the little green light on his phone blinking. There's a new text message from Dean.
-I'll do anything, I mean it. You remember that kitchen thing I told you about? I'll kick Sammy out for the night. We can even do it the other way around. I'd do anything you want. Just please come home.-
Castiel feels himself flush, and that familiar heat pools in his abdomen. Perhaps there's still hope. If Dean is offering what he thinks he is, then he will certainly accept. There's a nagging voice in the back of his mind that's doubtful. What if this is just to get him there? What if this is just a one time offer? There's no promise for a continued relationship. But if Dean is interested in being intimate again, then surely there's reason to hope.
He throws his duffel in the back seat and practically peels out of the motel parking lot. As he speeds down the highway he can't help but marvel at the fact that Dean has referred to the bunker as Castiel's home twice now. He imagines a life there, with the two men he cares so deeply for. It would be nice to belong somewhere again, to have a home. He'd acknowledged a while back that he would probably never feel more at home than when he visited the Winchesters in the bunker. To imagine actually living there with them had never occurred to him as an angel. Even when he had informed Sam of his current human state, he'd assumed the offer to stay with them had been meant as a temporary solution. But Dean hadn't asked him to come stay with them, he'd begged him to come home.