Disclaimer: I do not own True Blood or anything you recognize from it.

The beginning of this chapter will definitely jostle the T-rating boundaries. If there are any of you out there that might object to some heavy kissing and touching, please skip the italic part of this chapter. Thank you.

Please enjoy and Please Review!

Chapter Fourteen

Starting with Us

My eyes fluttered open when I felt a hand caress the curve of my hip and I smiled into the pillow. It wasn't pitch black out yet though the sun was definitely going for its slumber, how else could I explain a vampire not roasting in my room? I felt lightheaded when I glanced over my shoulder again and my eyes sought out the smirking face of Eric as he lay behind me. I felt a spark of unease when his eyes glittered but the lust induced haze quickly made me forget about everything but him and I.

I didn't forget about how much I wanted this moment, how much I ached for him and he knew it also. He moved his hand around to slide his fingers over me and I opened my legs wider for him, pulling his head down to mine with the same hunger I felt rolling off of him. Our tongues met and I sighed, I couldn't think; heck if I even remembered to breathe. He was a total destruction of my senses and though I wanted this from him; I hated him for it. How could one man, be it a dead man; turn me into a puddle of unthinking, oversexed mush?

I gasped into his mouth and bit down his bottom lip loving his guttural, whiskey soaked, deep growl that came from my urgency. I was climbing to the top, he must have felt my frenzy because his fingers speared me and quickened the pace; yet every time I would be a few steps to ascension, to heaven; he would slow down. He was languish in torturing me with his skilled slow movements and while he continued his assault on my lower senses; he began nibbling, kissing and nipping my breasts quickly disengaging any critical thinking I was doing.

I felt my toes begin their curling and my breathing began to hitch even more against his administrations; I would normally fight to dominate the other person in bed and I desperately wanted to touch him. To feel his muscles beneath my hands, to feel his hardness in my grip and hear him moan because of me; to be affected because of me. I gripped the covers in my fists instead, moving restlessly against him, feeling the tendrils of my peak begin to take over just as I felt his tongue flick on my neck and him bit down. I felt white heat unleash through me and I screamed against him in pleasure so strong it was almost agonizingly painful in its beauty.

I shuddered awake, my body convulsion in the midday heat. Sitting up, I shoved my sweat soaked hair from my face and noticed my hands were slightly shaking. My entire body was trembling slightly in the aftershocks of that damn dream and I suddenly couldn't breathe. It was all too much, my body was still aching; more painful that it ever was and I almost doubled over from the loss I suddenly felt. I had wanted it to be real and in the same sense, I still felt the pinpricks of danger too, it was a stark, bitter reminder that I shouldn't yearn for him so. I hated dreaming more than I hated nightmares.

I always woke from a nightmare with the realization that I could survive, that I was strong enough to fight and never to eat spicy foods before bedtime. But with dreaming, it was like the fates were mocking me, dangling something I knew I couldn't or shouldn't want in front of my greedy eyes but the wanting became longing and longing became yearning. My dreams would mock me with things that I wasn't meant to be and that I could never afford to have. And when I awoke? The stinging emptiness and realization that I could never be more than me; I would never change who I was or how I came to be but there were times when the responsibility of my circumstances were almost too heavy to shoulder.

I pushed myself out of bed and on shaky legs I walked outside, letting the summer heat beat away my dreaming woes. I had missed this; the wind wrapping its arms around me, the birds serenading the trees, the green of the grass making me feel more alive than any city skyscraper ever could. To my dismay I realized I was actually starting to like nature and good god that even involved bugs! Maybe that dream really did screw with me more than I had forebodingly thought.

I laid myself down on my porch swing and let the wind push the swing back and forth to rock me; with the sun's heat and the wind's rocking, I could almost have died from the comfort and hedonism of the moment. But rather, I closed my eyes, catching up on lost sleep and trying hard to forget what the dream had affectedly taken away from me and what it had replaced in its absence.

The next conscious thought that woke me was that I was parched, like I had spent the last forty days and nights in the Sahara with nothing but mocking palm trees and waterfalls screaming their exaggerated worth at me. I didn't even bother to open my eyes; I was still too tired to care. After all the lack of sleep and insomnia I had suffered, I would be surprised if I slept for the rest of my days; I couldn't fault that thought either. I gulped down the cold water and groaned against my closed eyelids and felt the spike of power to the damp humid air. I thought nothing of it; it didn't even register what it could potentially mean; how could I when I was giving myself over to the only need I could afford. Water and no Eric; I couldn't afford him even if my bank account was bursting.

I left my glass on the counter and went back outside rubbing away the remnants of sleep when I felt the stronger bite of power to the air. The only power that I didn't dislike, the only one that never hurt me but I relished; it was my haven, my cove and no matter how strong the power was, it never hurt me. Even when the weakest vampire with his weak, unsteady power, I still felt an unpleasant sting. But with this one, I felt myself tingle and warm up, even despite my reticence. I closed my house door behind me, even though I knew he couldn't come it. Mortals are a creature of habit; especially when they're in danger zones.

"I know you're silent because I'm here unexpectedly and not because you are displeased." Again with his silent warning.

"Eric, how lovely to see you this evening." How had I managed to remember that I was still wanted by the fangs even though I got want I had wanted? How could I let myself comfortably sleep outside even when the darkness came? Because deep down I knew Eric wouldn't hurt me, not when I was sleeping. And that thought scared me more, I was at my most vulnerable, did my body trust him more than I did? I suppressed the urge to wipe the starting of a headache away and let my gaze roam taking in the evening sights of my property.

I noticed when I felt his power earlier and now, when I was near him; that something shifted between us. I didn't feel the need to run in the other direction, as I previously had desired to and heck if that didn't scare me. I don't know when I had started to see him for…him; as Eric and not as a fang or a monster. We're all monsters under strenuous circumstances and I had killed and will continue to kill in the future, as he will too. We were no better, him and I; we were both pushed and refused to let people near us. Good god, was I connecting us together? Trying to amalgamate our different means?

"I never understood the novelty of this thing." Eric dryly commented hesitantly swinging the porch swing slowly. I sympathized with him, every time I sat down on that swing, I always felt like I would break it. How could something so fragile and welcoming be so sturdy and make me feel so forlorn? I knew how he felt, even if either of us wouldn't admit it.

Again, I was pushed to the realization that we had shifted. His voice wasn't as dry as I it normally were, he didn't sound like he was trying to command me against my will, though I knew with this new seductive, alluring side of Eric; he could make me do anything. I felt too startled to remain standing so I took a spot besides him, shoved harder against the other side and farther away from him. Trying my best for my intentions to remain hidden, I didn't was to hurt his feelings. I was now worried about his feelings! What was wrong with me?

I dared a side glance at him and felt flustered, not by his usual lust worthy features but he looked…troubled, grumpy even, as if he had noticed this sudden shift between and was not liking it either. Was it that he was different away from Fangtasia with nothing to prove and no need to sheriff any of his minions? What else could it be? If I was the reason then get me a cliff so I could push him off of it.

I saw a frown flash his features before he quickly blanked his face again and I sighed, despite my need to remain watchful and hesitant, I knew I was going to ruin the silence with my mouth. I understood the underline meaning, the warning well. He had meant the swing but also mortals, us humans. He was disgusted with me and the fact that he kept returning to me and I to him. We were tied to one and another, even if it killed us but we couldn't help ourselves. We were linked, somehow, irrevocably we were and irrevocably linked we would have to remain.

I wanted to sink my nails in his flesh and draw blood, make him feel a hint of pain for the drop in my stomach he had caused. This is why I hated caring, because it hurt. I couldn't help it I was mortal and nor would I. It was my last saving grace and though at times I pushed away my humanity, it was all I had left. So what he didn't like it, he could always find someone more willing; someone easier to handle and control.

"Don't get sentimental on me Eric, I don't understand it either nor do I wish to ever really understand it. I won't become a part of the vampire schedule." I commented irritated and vexed. He had become almost maudlin and I knew it would take an insult to snap him out of it; hopefully it didn't cost me my neck either.

He glanced at me for a full minute, eyes unwavering before he threw his head back and laughed. A full-bodied, deep, whiskey smooth sound, which had me clenching my thighs together to ease away the almost painful throbbing. "You could deny it for as long as you like, until your lungs burn from the lack of air, but don't try to lie to me."

I gulped at his deep command, all bets were off and though I knew it; I still couldn't help stealing side-glances whenever I thought he wasn't paying attention. How could I not after I had spent the better part of the day, licking and tasting him and he had done the same with me? Dream or not, I hadn't dreamt up his muscles, in fact the way his leather jacket hugged him; my hormones were raging, maybe he was trying to kill me. I wouldn't put it past him, but dang if I wouldn't die happy.

"I'm dying, Eric." I commented thinking it would ease his disgust and his sudden waspish mood and my hatred towards him peaked at the thought.

I dared another side glance and saw him frowning fiercely into the woods, hands clenching the now groaning wood under his hard hands, "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because it's the truth. Because, maybe you're really a bastard and it will ease your discomfort in feeling anything towards me. I'll be out of your hair in a few years, so just rest assured." I couldn't help the sneer, the snarky anger that maybe I was right in my onion. This would be my downfall, I knew it even before I could slam my mouth shut and bite my tongue.

"You feel it too." He quietly said, though I heard him and the deadly edge to it plainly.

"Feel what?"

"Don't play coy with me, Erin. It is far too late to try that game." Eric warned.

I swallowed and tightened my grip on the wood to keep from rubbing my arms, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't you?" The concluding question hanging in the air.

"I don't care that I'm dying. It's part of what makes us human, what makes me mortal. I wouldn't change that." I swiftly changed the subject, trying to ignore the damage that his question and comment had done to my insides.

"I will not care for you." He quietly admitted. Whom was he trying to convince more?

I sighed and got up; suddenly tired even though I had slept for almost an entire day. I was tired of thinking and critically analyzing his every move; wondering if all his motives were part of little games or a bigger scheme. Or was it that we were both falling and we both didn't know it? Would we know when we would hit rock bottom? Though I preferred the fall rather than hitting the bottom, I still didn't relish the idea.

I was tired of lying and playing into political games; couldn't we just be honest with ourselves enough to know that we would be fine with a minimalist amount of the outside world and be content with silence? Bon Temps was supposed to be a getaway; a safe house, a way to make me feel normal and now, it didn't seem so safe. He had ruined all my chances of a normal life and I had let him; heck I had even helped him. Though I couldn't help but wonder, maybe normal wasn't right for me.

"Sometimes we tell ourselves things just to shy away from the reality of our truths. I won't care for you either." I said not bothering to glance behind my back at his stone stature. He had barely said anything all evening, just sitting there and sharing with me his uncertainty of him and I entwined.

I quietly but firmly shut the door behind me; a part of me didn't want to leave him. I wanted to fling the door open and wrap myself around him, putting all aspects of my happiness in his hands but it was too selfish and irresponsible. So I closed myself away, as I always did and thought better of my moment of weakness. Maybe tonight was different and things would go back to normal. It was a silly thought and I knew there would be no point in trying to hope for that.

We had changed, things had changed between us and we both knew it. The entire time I had knew him, I could have ran and left him reeling behind. I had a chance to save myself and keep me safe away from the monsters lurking in the dark. But little did I know that I was one of them and maybe, sadly I had wanted to belong to someone and someone to me.

I didn't know when we would see each other again and after this night, I definitely needed time to myself to regain some semblance of balance. I did know though that next time, we would try to go back to our petty cat and mouse paring; we needed that. We needed the fallacies to keep our attentions away from our losing game.