Gilbert paced in his office, stopping to look out the window or flip through one of the books on his shelf almost absentmindedly. He found it hard to wrap his mind around what he had just heard. It struck him straight home. He had boys himself, he couldn't stop picturing either of them in Niko's place. He couldn't stop thinking of them doing what his patient had to. This one, this patient he had, he was almost unsure if he could continue working with him, but thoughts of his own boys in that man's place decided for him. Because he felt a need to do everything he could. He had to, just thinking about it kept playing their conversation back in his head over and over again.
"So tell me what happened in Sarajevo?" Gilbert asked leaning in to look at his patient. Niko on the other hand was not eager to start but reluctantly went on with it. "The siege of Sarajevo was one of the worst battles of the war... the city was divided Serbs and Bosniaks mainly a few Roma and Croatians but not many, but this is what caused all the fighting. Snipers were everywhere shooting every day, from churches and mosques you couldn't go out in the street but we always would..." Niko was starting to look very uncomfortable but Gilbert noticed this with a little coaxing he got the Serb to continue.
"We were set up in an abandoned hotel, half of it was destroyed because of bombing and artillery strikes on the city. Our mission was to kill any armed rebels but that really just meant to shoot the Bosnakis... We were across from this grocery store one of the only ones that was still open, I remember sitting there when I saw someone come out of it he had an AK one of ours, but he wasn't wearing our uniforms and he didn't have a cross on. He wasn't us or a Serb and when he looked up I pulled the trigger like was told to... I can remember him just staring at me as he fell down in his own blood... I felt horrible but the others just congratulated me and praised me... after awhile I got used to it and even later I was proud of it... then I started to enjoy it..."
The Serbian man was shaking now his hands, legs, his whole body. He couldn't stop and he didn't even try to talk anymore in his head the screams had returned and all he wanted was silence.
Gilbert sighed as he leaned on the desk. There must be something that relieves the Serb's mind, something that makes him forget, even for a bit. Something that could distract him from the past. There's always something that unclouded the mind of anyone. Even just once. Again he sighed, brushing his hair back with his hand. He didn't know what to do. And as for Valentin...
Gilbert and Valentin continued for another few months with little success. Valentin refused to speak to much about Adria for fear of angering him. So instead, they spoke about anything other than the monster inside Valentin's mind. Because of this, Valentin fell hard and fast for Gilbert Beilschmidt. It was because Gilbert was willing to talk to him, he was there to comfort him during the sessions, Gilbert made it seem like he cared, like he felt the way Valentin did. But each time Vali's heart welled with the tingly fuzzy happy feeling, it was quickly shot down when he would see the doctors wedding ring. Gilbert never talked about his wife, said things were complicated. It made Valentin uncomfortable and only angered Adria.
"Valentin?", Gilbert asked, the Romanian insisted on a first name basis, "Do you think we can talk about Adria today?" Valentin stared into his lap before he looked up at the doctor, "I told what would happen if I did..." He said. Gilbert sighed, "Valentin...if you don't ever tell me about him, I won't be able to help you. You have to tell me..." Valentin looked away again. "Fine. On one condition." Gilbert's face lit up but quickly faded, "Und, was ist dass? (And what is that?)" he asked in an almost irritated tone. "Tell me about your wife." Gilbert swallowed. He hated just thinking about her, let alone talking about her. "Fine. It's a deal." He agreed knowing that Valentin felt the same way about Adria as he did about his wife.
Feeling relieved, though only slightly, Valentin took a breath before he began, "Adria...is a monster. But you know that. He's almost bi-polar. It's almost like an abusive relationship that we have if we were in one...and to him...we are. According to Adria...he owns me. I'm not allowed to do anything without his permission or go anywhere without him. I'm only allowed a certain amount of time with Aleksander even..." Gilbert nodded as he listened intently. This had been one of his most interesting cases he's had in a long time so he focused every ounce of his attention in turn. "Adria, is he physically real to you,Valentin?" The addressed nodded, "I can see him, hear him, feel him, like I can you or anyone else. He is the one that beats me up, it isn't myself, like you say, it's really Adria. I can see and feel him do those things to me. Adria is terrifying and I know that when I get back to my room, I'm really gonna get it for telling you all this..."
Valentin curled up on the sofa in Gilbert's office. He held his knees to his chest and hid his face. Gilbert sighed. "Valentin...I see that to you truly see Adria as a physical entity and that is apart of your illness. Have you ever tried standing up to him?" The doctor fiddled with his wedding ring. Valentin looked up, still holding his knees taught to his chest, his white scrubs making him look like a white paint spill on the dark leather couch. "You have to tell me about your wife now." He stated, watching Gilbert twist and turn his wedding ring. "My wife...we were together for three years...I loved her very much. We had two boys together, as you know, but unfortunately, we didn't last long." Gil didn't make eye contact with his patient.
He never spoke about himself to his patients, but none of them ever asked. Not like Valentin. As for the blonde, he seemed nearly heartbroken as he listened. "Did she die?" He asked quietly from his knees. "Nein, we are divorced. We have been for two years...her brother hates me and finally convinced her to leave me." He combed his hand through his silver hair, "We've been at each other's throats ever since..." Valentin felt sympathy for the doctor. He could always see something behind his eyes, and now he knew what it was. Sadness, loneliness, disappointment. It hurt the Romanian to see someone he'd come to care for in that state. "Do you still love her?" He asked hoping the answer to be no. "It's your turn." Gilbert said more firmly than he intended. "Valentin looked down at his knees. "I don't want to talk anymore..." He said quietly, not making eye contact. "When can I see Niko?"
"The thing about Niko is...he tends to become unstable very easily. He's been through a lot and-"
"He's my family. You have to let me see him. Please." Gilbert sighed. He knew how much they wanted to see each other and that Niko had been doing better than he had in a long time. He didn't know if it was safe just yet. "I heard he was out in common population...I'll tell you more if you let me see him..." Valentin tried bribing. Gilbert gave in, "Alright. I'll allow it. But you must be careful, Valentin. Understand?" Valentin nodded, "Thank you..." Gilbert just sighed and nodded back, again twisting and turning his wedding ring.
Gilbert arrived at his brothers house late. He had asked him to watch the boys since he had to stay late at work. He thumped up the steps and opened the door, inviting himself in like he had so many times before. "Bruder!" He called as he wandered into the living room where Ludwig sat on the couch with his face buried in a couch pillow. "What's with you?" Asked the older of the two, walking to the fridge in the open kitchen to grab a beer before planting himself with a groan next to his younger brother. "Feliciano keeps giving them cake, that's what's with me." Ludwig said, lifting head to look at his brother who snickered. "Ja, that'll about set you out for the week." He laughed, taking a sip of his beer. "Why'd you have to stay so late?" Ludwig asked. Gilbert rubbed an eye with the heel of his palm and said, "I work with people, Lud. And they wear on you. "
"Seems like they're wearing on you a little more than usual, bruder." Ludwig observed with a concerned tone. "Lud...there haven't been many people who cared. Who gave two shits about me aside from you and Feli. I thought that Madeline was going to be one of you guys. I thought I was finally going to settle down with a woman I loved. But I was wrong and she turned out to be like everyone else. Just corrupted by her brother. Lud... I found another person. Some one who asks me how I am, who wants to listen to me talk about nothing."
"You sound like a woman, but go on." Ludwig said in a teasing manner. Gilbert shoved his little brother and smirked, "Shut up. But you get what I'm saying don't you?" The younger nodded. "So what's the problem?" He asked. Gilbert stared down at his half empty (or full) beer bottle. "It's one of my patients." Ludwig sighed, knowing well enough that his brother couldn't become involved with his patients. "Are you saying you're in love with your patient?" Gilbert groaned and got up from the couch, "I don't know! I'm not supposed to be but he-"
"He? I thought you were only interested in women..."
"I know. So did I. But then he came into my life and started to care! I don't know what to do...and what about the boys? I mean I know they don't care about homosexuality, but...what do you think they would do? Especially if it's with a patient of mine? I mean...you know the people I work with. They don't understand yet, not even Markus. They just know that they're sick." Gilbert covered his face with his hands and sighed. "You need to relax bruder. You still have yet to get over your divorce. I mean, you still wear your wedding ring. It's been two years, bruder. Don't keep fighting for her, Gil."
"I know, I know..." He checked his watch "I should be getting them home... Where are they?"
"With Feliciano."
"Markus! Fritz! Time to go home!" Gilbert called to his boys who came running, grasping onto his legs. Gil smiled and held his boys. He scooped them up in his arms, "Danke bruder for watching them, and danke to you too Feli." Feliciano smiled and nodded. "No problem Gil!" He practically sang in a strong Italian accent. Ludwig got up and walked his brother to the door. "Relax, bruder. Don't focus too much on Madeline or your feelings for your patient." Gil nodded and smiled his usual smile that hid away what he felt, "Ja, I'll try bruder." And he carried his children to the car, buckling them both in.
As he was buckled in Markus looked up at the man who was his older self completely in appearance. Ruby eyes looked worried as his father buckled him in the small boy hugged him. "Vati are you okay? You looked like you needed a hug..." Gilbert wat startled at first but softened and hugged his son back. "Danke, little one" he said softly. "I wanna hug Vati too!" Fritz nearly whined in his booster seat. Gilbert laughed, "Okay okay." He smiled, closing the door and going around the the car to hug his youngest son. "Yay! Now I want to hug you Mark!" The blonde child squealed, reaching his tiny arms towards his brother, not being able to reach. Markus in response leaned over a bit to allow his brother to reach him before smiling softly. He was rather mature for his age it was odd at times but most of the time quite admirable.
"Yay!" Fritz cried, hugging his brother tightly. Gilbert smiled and got into the car himself and pulled out of the driveway before heading home.
Once home, Gilbert bathed and dressed his boys, putting them both in their beds of the room the siblings shared. "Ok, do you boys want a story before bed?" He asked, standing up from tucking in Markus. He looked between the two, Fritz having already fallen asleep. Gilbert smiled, "Well, what about you? Do you want a story tonight, Markus?" Markus looked at his dad then back at his brother before looking back at Gilbert once more. "Aren't you tired Vati?" Gilbert stifled a yawn. He was tired, but, "I don't mind reading you something if you want me to." He smiled "You're my boy." he justified. Markus thought about it for a minute before nodding his head and scooting over to the other side of the bed to make room for his father. Gilbert grabbed a book of European fairy tales, flipping to a random one, and sat next to his son, reading him a Romanian fairy tale that didn't quite help his predicament.
Once the story was over and Markus was asleep, Gilbert set aside the book, re-tucked in his sleeping eldest son and left to his room, making sure the nightlights were still on before closing the door.
The German closed the door to his room and ran a hand through silver tresses. He sat on the edge of his bed, twisting and turning his wedding ring. Looking down at the golden band, it was then he made his decision. The golden band came off and became lost in a box of forgotten things, shoved to the dissolving darkness of a neat closet.
The next day Gilbert spun himself in his chair, feeling lighter than he had in years. Maybe it was the fact that he had finally given up on his ex wife, or that he had the best pancakes he ever made for breakfast, or the fact that his boys had both given him hastily drawn "feel better Vati" pictures that morning that now hung in his office for everyone to see. Whatever it was, Gilbert felt great. He looked at the schedule his secretary had sent him via e-mail and smirked feeling it would be an easy day when in fact it was one of his busiest. He hopped up from his seat and strolled down the hall to Valentin's room and knocked. "Da?" Valentin asked quietly when he answered the door, half of it hiding his face. "Vali!" Gilbert shouted happily, throwing up his arms. Valentin blushed lightly at the informality, "I've spoken to Niko, he'd like to see you today, so if you're willing-"
"Da!" Valentin shouted and threw the door open, revealing a fresh black eye."What happened, Valentin?!" Gilbert cried, cupping the smaller male's face in his 's face went a shade darker as he melted into the touch and noticed and dropped his hands almost reluctantly. Vali blushed, embarrassed this time and looked away. "It was just Adria. I told you what would happen if I talked too deeply about him. But it's okay!" the little blonde reassured with an eager smile. "It gives me more chances to talk to you anyways!" Gilbert rubbed his neck nervously, wanting to be uncomfortable with the complement but couldn't. "Ja, well, right, anyways, Niko is waiting in a visiting room if you'd like to see him." Valentin nodded and Gilbert turned to lead the Romanin to said room.
Niko sat in the visiting room toying with an Orthodox cross necklace that his brothers had left him. Two of his brothers had visited him a few weeks ago after hearing of his progress it had been the first time he had seen either of them in maybe 6 months or so. It was an awkward visit but the two were reassured that this was helping their elder brother and that made them happy. The necklace had been Nikos when he was a child a gift that his father had given him. It had been so long since he saw and held it,he wasn't sure how he felt about seeing it now. It used to give him comfort as a child, to know God was watching over him. Nowadays though he didn't even know if there was a God after all he had seen. Valentin walked into the room almost sheepishly at first. Niko hadn't looked up yet, "N-Niko..?" Vali ventured.
Slowly the Serb looked up and he then dropped the cross as he stood when he saw the Romanian. "Vali..." he tried to say more but he couldn't. He knew that Gilbert had talked about seeing the Romanian soon but he didn't know it would happen today, he had expected another of his siblings not...not Vali. Valentin couldn't hold it in any longer and instantly latched himself onto the Serb, just like he used to when they were young. He hugged him tighter than he ever had before and held in his tears. "I missed you!" he squealed in a high-pitched, tear-filled voice.
Niko was taken aback for a moment silent and lost he needed a moment to gather himself but slowly and shakily he wrapped his arms around the shorter man and buried his head in the others shoulder. Him shaking as the other sobbed. "Vali.. Vali." he repeated monotonously a couple of times still a bit of disbelief of actually holding the other once more. Valentin smiled into the other's chest, happy to once again see the friend who was more of a brother to him than his true siblings. He missed Niko so much, he thought he was gone. Gone forever. It was a long time before the two pulled apart and Valentin looked up at his essential brother, "You did come back..." he said quietly, "It's really you...I thought you were gone forever, you stopped writing to Aleks...why..? What happened to you Niko?" Vali asked quietly, touching the other's face, just to be sure this was real.
At this Niko couldn't look Vali in the eyes. He was ashamed of what he had done, what he had become. In the Serb's mind he was a murderer and a monster unfit to ever be let out of this place. He had killed innocent people who had done him nothing wrong. Of course he had been told to do it 'it was war' but at the same time it wasn't. In Bosnia they hadn't been fighting military vs military it was neighbors vs neighbors, friends vs friends. It was a bloodbath and he had bathed and reveled in it. How could he tell little Vali any of that? Vali waited for an answer. " told me you've been through a lot...he didn't say what though. He said he wasn't allowed. But whatever it is, you don't have to be sad about it." he offered a smile, "we can be family again. You, me, and Aleks...don't you think? Aleks has really missed you too. He reads your letter all the time, sometimes he even reads em to me when Adria isn't acting up. I think you'll be able to see Aleks soon, I mean, if you can see me then you can see him too!" He smiled even wider, the child in him emerging. It was almost as if they were kids again and they hadn't been separated. "I hope you can, he really misses you Niko..." he murmured.
"Da..." Niko murmured out as he squeezed Vali close to him for a moment before noticing his eye. Rubbing his fingers over it softly he looked at Vali with a look of puzzlement though a hint of anger and tension could be felt in the room as it had appeared to get a lot colder all of a sudden. "Who?" was all that Niko asked . Valentin looked down, as if he were ashamed. "Adria...but I wouldn't worry about it too much...he's done worse.." Niko was silent now he understood what the German doctor had said and why he had asked him. Quietly he just held Vali closer wishing that this had never happened to the smaller man. "I know..." Niko answered back quietly as he once more laid his head on Vali's shoulders. Valentin nodded and hugged Niko like a scared child would their parent. He was afraid to say anything else about Adria for fear of Niko getting angry or Adria getting angry. "I'm scared Niko..." was all he said as tears welled in his voice, and as a response Vali felt water on his shoulder and could hear strained breathing as the larger man started to shake again. He wasn't sure who the scared one was again.
Author's Note: I'd just like to mention (cause I can! [read: cause no one ever wants to]) I do have an rp facebook if anyone is interested~ :3 https: .com .3762584?ref=tn_tnmn (take out the spaces) I rp Valentin and Gilbert ^^