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XIV. Ooohh Ta-wist!

Thanos was sick of them. The Avengers, to be exact. Everyone looked up to them and no on likes him. To be honest, he had never had a Christmas present in his entire life. Actually he never celebrated any holidays.

Now don't feel too bad for Thanos. He's evil, he destroys planets, and he likes stealing. But really it was all for love and that was always Thanos' argument. Plus he was the good guy, ridding the world of resisters and creating an empire of only the useful planets. Earth was in the way.

Thanos didn't understand why Santa visited the Avengers. They were evil! They were resisting his power! They stole an infinity stone from him! So why did they get the attention?!

He needed a plan. Something to make sure he got his way. Maybe even have Santa deliver a present to the love of his life, Lady Death. Now what exactly did she like besides corpses?

"I can't stand it anymore!" Thanos roared, smashing his fist into the arm rest on his chair. "With the December stuff going on not one single Avenger is angry except for occasionally the Hulk and Vision and Ultron. Even that secondary super soldier guy is happy from two day's ago event.

"I need some way to bring down their spirits. And since my superior hunting skills has found the soul stone and the time stone, I will use them to bring the Avengers to their knees! And also find the power stone."

He stood up and paced around on his asteroid. "How am I going to make everyone unhappy during the holidays?" He sat down back in his chair and pulled up a computer. Then he searched up 'How to make everyone unhappy during the holidays.' Useless information popped up on the screen. Stupid Google. Stupid Internet. Stupid cable. Stupid universe!

Thanos shut the computer and threw it aside. A cat did the cat Wilhelm scream. "Maybe this will work. Time stone! Bring me my servants!"

The time stone glowed and suddenly Ronan and Loki popped out of thin air. "Thanos!" Roared Ronan. "I was just in the middle of something important! And you call for me now?"

"Yep," said Thanos.

"You disgust me, meeviling quim," scowled Loki. "The last time you summoned me you failed to give me a reasonable army! They all went down like battle droids when Stark destroyed the control center!"

"Well then maybe I shouldn't have hired such a terrible leader who got beat up by the Hulk," said Thanos coldly. "And sorry for interrupting you, Ronan." He sent Ronan away.

Loki glared. "What do you want?"

"To take the Avengers' happiness away."

"And how do you expect for me to do that?"

"By possessing the one they call Santa and make him rampage around the city."

"And that will do..?"

"Stop asking questions!"

Loki shrugged. "It's a stupid plan. Why not just take every one of their vital resources away? Oil, coal, milk, cocoa beans, the sun, you name it. Then the Avengers and people of Midgard will be in their knees begging for their resource back and you will have no problem taking over."

Thanos considered the idea. "It's pretty good."

"It's not original. I got it from something I read."

"Oh." Thanos growled.

Loki sighed. "What you are doing, Thanos is useless. If you or I posses the mortal called Santa than the Avengers will take over the job and-"

"SILENCE!" Thanos's screamed. He shot some power out of the soul stone and hit Loki. Loki began to act like a zombie. "Now you will be under my control," sneered the purple Warlord. "And you will obey every little bit I have to command."

"Yes, my lord," Loki said in a dazed voice. Thanos began to laugh and slowly increased the volume until the empty space around him was ringing with his cruel sound.

Wanda stormed through the building. No one knew what was wrong with her but they all knew to stay out of her way. Otherwise serious consequences could happen.

She bashed through Tony's lab door. "TONY IF YOU DON'T TEACH YOUR KID SOME MANNERS I WILL PERSONALLY HEX YOU TO DO THE CHICKEN DANCE FOR ETERNITY!"

"What did Vision or Ultron do now?" Tony drawled. He had heard enough complaints about his kids for one year. And they hadn't been with each other for over a month yet.

"Vision didn't keep his promise and Ultron destroyed my muffins! I'm going for a little walk! Get them under control before I return!"

Tony sighed as Wanda thundered out the tower. "Jarvis, call Vision and Ultron in my lab. Tell them they have to come in quietly or they get no presents this year from any of the Avengers."

Two minutes later Vision and Ultron came in. They both looked like they had just been beating each other up but they entered the lab quietly and carefully. Which Tony found unusual. Ultron and Vision were big fans of making their presence in a room noticed, just like Thor.

"Boys," scolded Tony. "I just heard from Wanda. One of you made her scarlet rocket go off. What did you do?"

Ultron piped up eagerly. "Vision promised Wanda out on a date this week but he didn't do it!"

"Ultron!" Wailed Vision.

Tony grinned. "A boy right after my own heart. Now you'll have to win her back. Want some tips?"

Ultron whined. "I thought for sure Vision was gonna be in trouble!"

"Not the way he's trying to pick up girls," Tony said happily. "You see, Ultron, to be a good chick catcher you need to act like you don't really care about them. Then, when they are about to give up on you, you turn around and give them something way beyond what they thought they'd ever receive. They'll be so happy they won't refuse you. Thus, you have a girl."

Vision and Ultron stared. "Come again?" Said Vision.

Tony grumbled. He reexplained how to get girls and Vision started understanding. Ultron was still missing it. "You're gonna be a helpless romantic when you get older," Vision snickered.

Ultron wound up his fist. "Ahn Ahn Ahn!" Tony shouted, leaping between the robots. "No destroying Bruce and my work! Go destroy your own if you want!" Ultron put down his fist. "Thank you. You guys can stay or go." The two left.

Two minutes later Vision burst back into the lab. "Daaaaddd!" He wailed.

"Whaaatt!" Tony drawled back.

"Ultron said I was adopted!" Vision whimpered.

Tony had no idea what to say to that.