Okay i am really sorry about how long it has been since my last update but i just lost motivation and had to think about where i wanted this story to go. i hope you enjoy this chapter and please don't forget to review! Thank you xxx

I got out of the car and headed towards the table outside the clubhouse that Jax was sitting on.

"Char!"

I spun around at the sound of my name and saw Kozik jogging over from the garage.

"What brings you here princess?"

I glanced over my shoulder and saw that Jax was now staring at me, Koz followed my gaze

"oh…..you sure you're ready for that Char?".

Was he kidding?

"Koz you are the one that told me I had to do this, you told me I was ready!"

I saw the smirk creep up on his face,

"yeah I did, but when was the last time you actually listened to me?"

He had a point, I usually went out of my way to do the exact opposite of what he told me to do.

"Well I figured I might give it a try for once".

I snuck another glance over and Jax and nervously looked back at Kozik.

"hey, its gonna be alright. I will be in the clubhouse if you need me alright."

He pulled me into his side and started walking us towards Jax, when we got closer he kissed the side of my head and went into the clubhouse, leaving me all alone to face Jax.

"Hey Charli…..Charlotte"

He never called me Charlotte but after our last encounter I wasn't surprised.

"Hey, uhh do you have time to talk?"

He looked at me, his face covered in confusion.

"Sure thing, have a seat"

He gestured towards the space on the table next to him. I sat down and we fell into an awkward silence. He pulled a packet of smokes out of his kutte and lit one. As he blew the smoke out he broke the silence.

"What's going on Charlotte? I mean its not that I don't enjoy your visits but our last talk didn't exactly go well. I didn't think I would be seeing you anytime soon."

I had no idea how I was meant to start this conversation. I picked up the beer that was sitting next to Jax and took a long sip, before I knew it the bottle was empty. I put the bottle down and glanced and Jax, he was just smirking at me, shaking his head. I took a deep breath,

"I need us to talk about that night Jax"

As soon as the words left my mouth i watched the smirk disappear of Jax's face. He wanted to have this conversation about as much as I did. He looked a little pissed off as he answered me.

"Why? Why after all these years?"

"Because i need to know what happened, I need to let out my feelings before they explode!"

He just continued to look at the ground in front of him, his jaw hard and ridged.

I let out a sigh.

"Please Jax, I know its hard and I know you don't wanna talk about it and neither do I but I need this. I need you to tell me why you were so angry that night, why things went down the way they did."

He threw his cigarette on the ground, we both just sat there staring at in, in silence again.

"You remember when I went to Belfast? To go visit the Belfast charter."

I did remember, it was a few weeks before the accident. He had acted really strange when he got back but I just brushed it off as his usually bad attitude that he had since he found the manuscript. He turned his head to look at me and I just nodded, not trusting my voice at the moment. He looked back and the ground and continued.

"A couple of weeks after I got back I found a bunch of letters in my bag, letters from my dad to Maureen."

Maureen was the women his dad had been having an affair with in Ireland, Jax didn't know about her until he got to Belfast and found out he had a younger sister. What I didn't understand was the fact that Jax knew for weeks that his Father had been having an affair and he didn't seem angry at all until that night, that night he seemed angry at everyone in the club so it cant have been about that.

"Jax, what was in those letters?" I asked him quietly.

I could see he was getting upset but I didn't stop him, I needed to know why all of this happened.

"The letters were proof of something that I had been suspecting for years, that Clay killed JT."

"But you already thought he did, you said that when he died he apologized for what he had done to your family?"

"Yes he did but I thought he worked alone, that no one knew what happened and that Gemma was heartbroken over his death. In actual fact Gemma helped him kill JT, she had been cheating on JT with Clay for years and convinced him that he needed to get rid of JT."

I couldn't believe what he was telling me. Gemma, the woman who constantly lectured me about being a faithful old lady was actually the biggest hypocrite I knew.

"Oh Jax I'm so sorry"

I went to hug him but hesitated and decided to just place my hand on his knee, baby steps.

"Oh it gets worse, when I took the letters to the club as proof, no one seemed surprised. When I questioned them Bobby finally told me that Clay had admitted to killing JT a few years before he died. The entire club knew, everyone but me."

Jax stood up and started pacing infront of the table. I was still in shock.

"that's why you were so angry that night" I thought out loud " why you wanted to get away from the club."

Jax stopped pacing and looked at me, I could see the unshed tears in his eyes.

"that night….the night of the accident, that was the day I confronted the club about it. After I found out the truth I just lost it. I got drunk and then when you showed up I got so scared. The fear of them hurting you or the bab.."

He couldn't finish the sentence, he couldn't say the word baby because he knew the pain that was associated with that word for the both of us.

"I was so scared of losing you that I just wanted to get as far away from this place as fast as possible."

The tears were falling now, both his and my own. This was the first time we had ever spoken about that night. After I woke up in the hospital I refused to see him and the one time he did come into my room I completely lost it at him, yelled at him, threw things at his head. I said some really awful shit to him but at the time I was so wrapped up in my own grief that I couldn't control myself. We stood there staring at each other for a few moments before I spoke again.

"Why did you stay?"

"What?"

"After the accident why did you come back here? Why didn't you leave? Why become president?"

He sat back down next to me and lit another cigarette.

"After the accident I was really fucked up. Drunk and high all the time, I wasn't eating or sleeping. The guys helped me through it and even though most of them hated me for what happened to you they were there for me. Chibs explained to me how it really went down with Clay. He was threatening to rat them out for a RICO case if they told me. He forced them to swing their vote and do whatever he wanted for years. After he died they wanted to tell me but knew how much it would kill me. I wanted to leave but I couldn't bring myself to leave the club my dad built, so I stepped up."

The tears were still falling down both of our faces and I grabbed his hand, pulling it into my lap.

"Jax, I had no idea, I wish i….i wish you didn't go through that alone."

Just as he was about to say something else the clubhouse door opened and Bobby stuck his head out.

"Hey brother, we need you in here"

Jax looked over to me and I could see he felt bad about having to leave.

"Can I come over tonight so we can finish talking?" He asked "There are still things we need to talk about" "Yeah sure, uhh come over at like 7?"

"Yeah okay, see you then"

He pulled me to his chest with one arm and placed a kiss on the crown of my head. It felt nice to be in his arms again, well sort of in his arms, but I could feel myself feeling trapped and I needed to get out of here. Just before I pushed him off he moved his arm, wiped the tears of his face and stood up to walk inside with Chibs. Chibs nodded at me just before he went back inside to make sure I was alright. I probably looked a mess with my mascara running down my cheeks. I gave him a small smile and watched as both he and Jax walked back inside. I stayed sitting on the table for a little while longer. Thinking about everything Jax had just told me. I stood up, "man this life is more fucked up then I thought" I said to myself as I headed back to my car.