Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I'm just going to skip the excuses for not updating sooner and get on with the story already.
Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors.
Yeah, on with the ownage!
Chapter 13: A Plan
It had been a week since Bloodstar had taken over Windclan. The members of ROFL were gathered in the abandoned Shadowclan camp for another meeting. The group still consisted of Spottedleaf, Brambleclaw, Graystripe, Millie, Fluffyrumpus, Poppypaw, Mousewhisker, Hazeltail, Hollykit, Tawnypelt, Blackbeard, Gayfur, and Firefart, but they weren't alone this time. Brambleclaw led into the clearing Weeniestar, Nightcloud, Ashfoot, Breezepaw, Kestrelpaw, and Crowfeather. The new cats gazed around the camp nervously.
"What's going on Brambleclaw?" Breezepaw demanded bad-temperedly.
Brambleclaw ignored the annoying apprentice and nodded to Spottedleaf, the unofficial leader of the group.
"Greetings Windclanners." She greeted in a friendly manner.
"I thought we were part of Bloodclan now." Breezepaw pointed out, scowling up at the beautiful tortoiseshell. Spottedleaf too ignored Breezepaw's comment.
"Why are we here?" Weeniestar asked, frantically looking around the abandoned camp as if he were afraid that Bloodstar would appear out of nowhere. Perhaps it wasn't an irrational fear…
"You are here," Spottedleaf explained, "because we want you to join us."
"We're already a part of Bloodclan." Crowfeather pointed out, looking rather bored.
"Yeah, unfortunately." Kestrelpaw agreed.
Spottedleaf sighed in annoyance. "Yes, we know that."
"Then why are you asking us to join Bloodclan?" Breezepaw demanded.
"Dear, silly, mouse-brained, Breezepaw," Brambleclaw purred, taking over, "who ever said that we were talking about joining Bloodclan?"
"Yeah! Brambleclaw is sooo much smarter than that!" Gayfur purred, edging toward Brambleclaw.
"Quiet you," Brambleclaw hissed. "I'm not afraid to hurt you if I have to!"
"You're all idiots!" Breezepaw hissed spitefully, interrupting them. "What else would you be talking about you-"
Crowfeather cuffed his son roughly to silence him. "Silence tool! This is actually getting mildly interesting." He nodded for Brambleclaw to continue.
"Like I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," Brambleclaw shot Breezepaw a death glare, "we aren't asking you to join Bloodclan obviously, you're already very much a part of it. No, I am proposing that you join our rebellion!"
This news was met by a stunned silence… a silence that was abruptly broken by none other than Breezepaw, of course.
"You're kidding right?" he asked, as if the idea of a Thunderclan cat having the nerve to do something so absurd as to stand up to the awesome might of an evil tyrant who not only had defeated three of the four great clans and Bloodclan but also bore the blessing of the great and powerful Chuck Norris, was absolutely ridiculous and possibly even a little comical… which, in reality, it sort if was!
Brambleclaw met the apprentice's stare evenly and solemnly, and it was plain to see to all cats present that the tom was being dead serious. Breezepaw seemed to realize this almost immediately.
"Great Starclan, you aren't!" He said with an amused sort of awe. "You guys are actually serious about all of this!"
And with that, Breezepaw proceeded to roll on the floor laughing his butt off. Brambleclaw and Spottedleaf simultaneously unsheathed their claws and were trying hard not to rip the annoying whelp limb from limb.
"Stop laughing at Brambleclaw!" Gayfur demanded, bristling slightly. "You're just jealous because he's hotter than you!"
Everyone chose to ignore that comment for decency's sake.
"Breezepaw!" Nightcloud scolded her son, feeling the tension in the air, "you stop this instant! These cats just want to help us!"
"How 'bout you make me!" Breezepaw choked out through fits of laughter.
Nightcloud turned to her mate for support. "Crowfeather, if you know what is good for you, you'll get your son under control this instant!"
Crowfeather simply shrugged, seeming to ignore the death glare that she gave him that promised that the wrath of all of Starclan, the dark forest, the Tribe of Endless Hunting, and all other great forces out there to be reckoned with that she would unleash upon him if he displeased her.
"Nah," the tom said passively, "I'm out." Then, Crowfeather turned and started walking away, past his son who had broken out into fits of hysteria, and toward the forest.
"Wait!" Fluffyrumpus called. "But don't you want to join our rebellion?"
Crowfeather laughed. "Are you kidding? Bloodstar is going to slaughter the lot of you if he ever finds out about this! I for one am not suicidal. Good luck though!"
The ROFL members and the former Windclanners watched as Crowfeather turned once more and walked out of the clearing, leaving his son still lying on the ground shaking with mirth, and his mate staring opened mouth as he disappeared from sight.
"O-kaaay." Graystripe said awkwardly in an attempt to alleviate the tense atmosphere. "So, you guys want to join or what?"
Weeniestar shrugged. "Sure why not? Anything is better than putting up with that tyrant, Bloodstar."
"Yeah," Ashfoot agreed, "what do we have to lose?"
"I think that it's a great idea!" Kestrelpaw said enthusiastically. "I'm in for sure! What about you Breezepaw?"
Breezepaw, who had finally managed to pull himself together, looked at Kestrelpaw as if he were mental.
"Are you all insane? Crowfeather was right; you're all going to get slaughtered! No thanks, I'm out too." And with that, the less than pleasant apprentice ran off after his father.
Nightcloud stood stalk still, staring after where her mate and now her son had disappeared.
Nobody moved for a few moments, and all were fearful of the wrath that the she-cat might unleash if proper precautions weren't taken. However, after several painstaking seconds, Firefart, who was yes, more than just a little ADD, decided that they had waited long enough. In his opinion, any moment spent in this boring meeting was a moment forever lost to him that could have been spent winning over his beloved Spottedleaf using his manly charm and hotness. Therefore, he decided to say what he felt needed to be said.
"Nightcloud," he said sympathetically, "we know that you're suffering right now, and who wouldn't be. I mean, first you're schizophrenic mate just randomly ran off and left you with your beyond annoying pain in the butt kit with no regards to your feelings, and now that same pain in the butt kit left you too, to go look for your schizophrenic mate no doubt, and now you have an empty feeling inside you, like no one loves you or cares about you. Let's face it, your life sucks."
Nightcloud started sniffling and then broke out sobbing heartbrokenly. All cats present stared at Firefart in a mix of horror and disbelief.
"Firefart!" Spottedleaf hissed. "Shut your trap before-"
But Firefart wasn't done saying his peace yet, so he continued, ignoring Spottedleaf.
"Do not be sad though," he continued with an air of importance about him, "crying will get you absolutely nowhere in life except a one-way ticket to depression world, which isn't a very happy place mind you… anyway, the point is, Nightcloud, things could be much, much worse!"
Nightcloud sniffled and looked up at Firefart with a small glimmer of hope in her eyes. "How?"
"Well, it could be me going through all of this heartbreak and angst right now! But fear not, I am happy and content as a kit on sugar rush, so there is no need to fret!"
The hopeful light in Nightcloud's eyes immediately died and was replaced by a gleam so evil that is might have come close to making Bloodstar himself twitch uncomfortably. Then, before anyone could stop her (though that's not to say that anyone would have even if they could) the crazed she-cat leaped at the former Thunderclan leader and stared ripping him limb from limb.
The ROFL members sat back and watched the disturbing scene for a few seconds, their expressions ranging from cringes (Fluffyrumpus) to looks of absolute elation (Spottedleaf).
"Right," Brambleclaw said eventually, turning his back on the pandemonium, and turning back to Weeniestar and his gang, "welcome to ROFL. Now, we're just going to need you guys to sign a few forms for us to, uh, you know, confirm your allegiance to our group."
Hollykit pulled out several massive stacks of paper and stared distributing them among the newbies.
"Hey!" Ashfoot protested, scrutinizing her stack of forms. "Are these liability wavers?!"
"What? N-No, of course not! Why would we need Liability Wavers? Those are just standard membership forms!" Brambleclaw insisted, a bead of sweat trickling down his face.
"Then why is it labeled 'Liability Waver'?" Kestrelpaw demanded. The other new recruits muttered in agreement.
"Alright, fine!" Brambleclaw sighed. "They are Liability Wavers."
"And just why do we need them?" Weeniestar growled, his eyes narrowing dangerously.
"Well, as you can imagine, our current line of work can be a bit…" Firefart let out another yowl of pain as Nightcloud sank her claws into his side, "…hazardous."
"You don't say." Ashfoot mumbled, watching the two battling cats roll across the clearing in a torrent of slashing claws and teeth.
"And why exactly should we sign these?" Weeniestar demanded.
"Because if you don't, then you can't join our cause." Spottedleaf said flatly. "And if you don't join our cause, well, you guys know all of ROFL's secrets, so we can't exactly let any of you go free…" The she-cat unsheathed her claws surreptitiously.
"OK, OK, I'm signing your stupid waver! I'm signing it already! Sheesh!"
For a while after that, there was nothing to be heard in the ROFL base camp except the scratching on pens as the new recruits signed away and Firefart's tortured screams.
Once all of the papers were signed and Firefart and Nightcloud had finally set aside their differences and stopped trying to kill each other, everyone gathered around.
"Alright everybody," Spottedleaf said, "we need to come up with a genius plan that will defeat Bloodstar once and for all!"
"Yeah!" all cats present yowled in agreement.
"So, what should it be? Does anyone have any ideas?"
All fell silent, lost in thought.
"Well, I got nothing!" Blackbeard grumbled.
"Yeah, I have no clue." Millie admitted.
"Idk wat we shuld do." Poppypaw sighed, earning a few odd looks from the former Windclan cats who were at this point unaccustomed to her chat-speak obsession.
"I bet Brambleclaw has a plan! Brambleclaw is awesome!" Gayfur yowled in excitement.
Brambleclaw resisted recurring urge to do something that would more than likely be regretted at a later point in time and instead decided to focus on replying. "Do plans that involve murdering Gayfur count?
"No." Spottedleaf sighed, "Unfortunately."
"You're all so hurtful!" Gayfur sobbed. "Except you Brambleclaw! You could never hurt me. I love you too much!"
A few scattered chuckles could be heard from the ROFL ranks and Brambleclaw felt rage building up inside of him. Coolly he spoke to the gay tom.
"You are going to wake up underwater one of these days. If I were you, I would learn to sleep with your eyes open." He threatened.
"I love you too Bambly!" Gayfur purred.
Brambleclaw was now full out furious. "For the last time, I hate you."
Gayfur winked."That's OK, hate is a passionate emotion!"
"Will you two cut it out?!" Spottedleaf growled. "I can't think with all of your bickering!"
"He started it!" Brambleclaw complained.
"I don't care who started it, I'll finish it!" Spottedleaf's voice had a deadly undertone.
Brambleclaw rolled his eyes. "What are you? My mother?"
"No, I'm your leader."
"What! Says who? We both started this rebellion! Besides, if anyone should be leader, it should be me! I'm more qualified!"
"What! Starting a rebellion was my idea! Besides, I'm an all powerful warrior of Starclan! If anyone is qualified for this, it's me!"
"All powerful! If you're so powerful then why did you even need to form a rebellion? Besides, you are a medicine cat! Not a warrior! That means that you are even less qualified than any of the apprentices!"
"Hey guys!" Hollykit yowled to be heard over Brambleclaw and Spottedleaf's bickering.
"What?!" The ex-deputy and the ex-medicine cat growled.
A sly smile that was all too close to being evil spread its way across Hollykit's face.
"Shut up for a second, will you? I think that I have a plan!"
Dang, I forgot how fun it was writing for this story. Sorry again for disappearing off the face of the earth. Please don't hate me! Cyber cookies go out to whoever can guess Hollykit's plan! R&R people, tell me what you think!