"So."

The softly spoken word barely broke Deeks from his egg nog and red velvet cupcake induced daze. Clark Griswold was just beginning his maniacal tirades about the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse, and he was contemplating his own Yuletide exterior illumination options for the next Christmas season. Kind of pointless though, given that he wasn't even sure where he would be living in a year.

"Deeks."

"Hmm?" He turned his attention from the television, blinking as his eyes adjusted back to the dark living room. The poorly lit Charlie Brown Christmas tree twinkled, shining just enough to cast a warm glow over Kensi's face. God, she was hot. He had to remind himself not to stare at her. "The uh, he fixed the newel post."

"I am aware, this is the third time we've watched this. Today."

"It is my favorite." Deeks smiled widely, feeling a bit nervous as he noticed his partner's intense gaze. "What's up?"

She tilted her head. "We should have sex."

Well yeah, they should always be having sex. Except that they never have sex. "Come again?"

"It's Christmas," she said sourly. "I hate Christmas, but somehow spending it with you makes me hate it a little less."

He swallowed, staring at her chest for a second before responding. Egg nog, they drank a lot of egg nog. "So this is…my present?"

Her chest was coming closer and closer to him until it was right in his face and she was straddling his lap. Damn, she smelled like sexy Christmas. "No," she said slowly. "But I have been thinking. You make this unbearable thing bearable. Enjoyable even. And I never thought that could happen." She ran her hands through his hair, cupping the back of his head while he tried to focus on her face instead of his ever hardening dick. "Why are we not together?"

"It's uh." It would have been a lot easier for him to think if she wasn't grinding her hips against him. He didn't want to answer her question, because the answer was that he was a chickenshit. The short version, anyway. He was pretty sure she didn't want the short version of anything. "Bad things will happen."

"Just because before-"

"No," he interrupted. "It's not just before." Where were his hands? Without even noticing, Deeks had shoved his hands down the back of her jeans and was rubbing her ass. He wasn't going to say no, but he should at least try to make his case against this. "You got sent away to Afghanistan and nearly died. Jess got blown up and framed as a dirty cop. Bad things, really bad things happen when I sleep with my partners. And I can't…nothing bad can happen to you. Okay?"

Kensi was not going to back down, not tonight. "I'm so tired of pretending that there isn't more to us. You keep fighting it, and blaming yourself. But none of it is your fault, you've just got to get that through your thick head." Her fingers were still tangling in the the curls on the nape of his neck, adding even more fuel to the fire igniting between them. If only they had some chestnuts. "I'm just…"

He couldn't stop himself from closing the tiny gap between his mouth and the curve of her neck. "Drunk?" He asked in a low voice, nudging her chin with his nose.

Taking the hint, she leaned her head back to give him better access. "Things have never been clearer to me than in this moment, right now."

"I'm not gonna lie," he squeezed her ass and grazed her neck with his teeth, eliciting a gasp and grind from her. "I might be drunk, and it could just be because you're glowing like the most beautiful Christmas tree in the world and I really love Christmas trees, wait that doesn't mean I'm trying to say-"

Whiskey laced lips and tongue quieted his rambling, reminding him of why they didn't ever let them get themselves in these situations. He had been purposely depriving himself of her because if he let her in, even just this little bit, he would never be able to stop. She was everything that was beautiful in this world, and everything he didn't think he deserved. No, no, no, he needed air. "Kens," he moaned, trying to pull away.

"No," she breathed against his lips. "Say it. You want me, you want this."

"Gah, it's never…" He was losing track of his thoughts, so caught up in mixture of eggnog and the taste and feel of her. Her hips were ridiculously distracting and he just kept wondering if he could make Christmas her new favorite holiday. "It's not that I don't…want you," he mumbled, with her teeth nipping at his lips. "I have…always wanted you."

Sitting upright, Kensi pressed his shoulders back against the couch to stare him in the eyes. "So have me."

If only it were that simple. The internal struggle he felt every day was coming to a head, and his head was losing big time.

"Stop thinking, Deeks," she said, stroking his chest. "Don't be afraid to make a choice." Blinking just a few too many times, she swallowed hard and gripped his shirt in her fists. "Bad things don't happen because of you, they just happen. Let yourself be happy."

"You sound like a horny motivational speaker."

"Shut up."

She smiled, and he melted. Because as goofy as she was, she was right. Being with her did make him happy, and he was pretty sure she felt the same way. "We could both be happy."

Kensi sighed happily and tugged at the hem of his shirt. Licking his lips, he ran his hands under her shirt and up her back to the clasp of her bra. The movie was soon long forgotten as her lips fell to his again. The credits rolled in the background, but there was only one Christmas song playing in his head.

Hallelujah.