Naruto-Puberty and Ninja War

A Naruto Fanfic

A humorous version of the future

Involving lots of pubic stuff

By Niko SiMamu

Rated M (ooh)

Chapter 14: WTF? Yuri's being a flirt?

Team Neko were called to Lady Tsunade's office one spring morning to discuss what their team will be doing next. By her side stood a boy of maybe a year older by her. The boy had brown hair with bangs and a ponytail with a cat wrapped around his shoulders, his eyes were amber with a slit pupil.

"When I first put you together one of your members was ill at the time. The one who was supposed to lead the team as he had the most experience. The team named after his surname. Neko. Rival of the Inuzuka's. They specialise in using cats rather than dogs. This boy beside me is Tsume Neko. He is a year older than you and will lead your team. As you go into the Jonin exams" Tsunade told them.

"Wait, so you're saying that one of the strongest teams in the ANBU are a bunch of Chunins?" Yuri asked.

"Well, I suppose, yes" said Tsunade.

"No wonder we got invaded by the sound and sand a few years ago" Yuri muttered.

Yuri then received odd looks and was told why by Leon.

"You're not supposed to know that, remember?"

""Oh s**t!" Yuri cursed before saying to the others: "news travels fast."

And they all accepted this answer.

"So, Team Neko, the exams begin tomorrow. Prepare rationally" Tsunade told them and dismissed them.

As Team Neko came together, surrounded by other Chunins hoping to raise in rank, they looked around the foreign lands of the land of water. Shin felt uncomfortable as, after all, this was his home. He sighed before looking around, taking in how things had changed. For one there was no longer any thick fog carried over the land, so rapists couldn't lurk in the fog anymore. Luckily for Yuri.

"Hey look! That blonde prick is gay!" someone from the land of water shouted, pointing at Shin.

"Let's beat him up. But remember guys, protect your manhood from his gay grip!" another said and they all charged at Shin.

"Oh s**t! Yuri, f**king protect me!" Shin cried as he decided his gay rouse was not worth getting beat up but he didn't need to give it up as Yuri dealt with them like a good daddy should. Oh wait, he's not Shin's daddy. So... a good... friend...should that be...?

Yuri pulled out a sword and pointed at them, making them stop in their tracks. One of them realised that no way would this guy kill them.

That one walked up to him and smirked at him, "Do it" he told Yuri, "if you've got the balls."

"You'll regret that. When you die" Yuri said and kneed the man in the balls, making him wince in pain, "but I don't like to waste my time with losers. Ta ta for now." Yuri said with a wink and looked at the others. "You wanna play tough guy too? Bring it." he told them, "that's what I thought. Bunch of pussy boys" he muttered to himself and walked away.

But one of them lunged at him as they didn't like being called a 'pussy'. Yuri sighed and held out a hand, grabbing him by the scruff of his shirt. He looked deeply into the man's eyes and glared at him as he pulled out a kunai and put it to his throat.

"Now what do we say in order to stay alive?" Yuri mocked.

"You caught me off guard. I can take you, you're just a little boy" the man said, as Team Neko were one of the youngest teams there.

"Oh how wrong you are" Yuri sighed and stabbed the man in a non fatal area. "You were lucky this time. Next time, well hopefully there won't have to be a next time if you're smart. But sadly I doubt your intelligence, know why? Because you attacked like an imbecile. Next time you die."

The man winced in pain as his comrades circled around him, and other ninjas, all giving Yuri odd looks. A hand grabbed his shoulder and he sighed, thinking it were another water ninja, he pulled out a kunai and span around quickly, holding the kunai ready to strike but was surprised to see one of the examiners.

"Why did you stab that boy?" it was a Anko Mitarashi who asked.

Yuri examined her carefully, paying full detail to her fish net top. He smirked and said, expecting her to be like all woman, "I'll take you to dinner and we speak nothing about it, deal?"

She slapped him, hard, much to his surprise. A shocked look overcame his face. As he regained his composure and faced her, rubbing his cheek. "You slapped me? You... you f**king slapped me! You bitch!" he shouted at her.

"You asked for it, now answer my question boy, why did you stab that man?" Anko demanded.

"Him and his friends were going to attack my friend for being," Yuri paused and turned to Shin and sighed before turning back to her, "gay. And I protected him. I stuck my sword out, bluffing, and one of them ready my bluff so I kicked him where the sun don't shine, till you come knocking..." Yuri said flirtatiously. And when he said 'bluffing' he merely said to avoid further precaution but wasn't really bluffing.

"Did you not learn your lesson? You want another slap, boy?" Anko asked like one of those black women on TV.

"No, ma'am. I'm good" he replied sheepishly, holding down his head, shamed. "So he fell to the floor and I turned away. But one of his friends were stupid and attacked me so I stabbed him in self defence. I'm sure you understand, you're a beautiful lady who I'm sure have had to fend of countless rapists in your time..." Yuri said with a light smirk.

"What did I just tell you? What did I just f**king say?" she shouted but softened her tone and said as she walked past him, "your charm might work on girls your own age, and maybe the occasional older woman, but not me. Good luck in your exam. You're gonna need it as I'm going to victimise you, and deduct 15 points from your overall score for violent, and sexual, conduct."
As she walked away Yuri cursed and said "but what a nice ass, and rack too" shaking his head like Quagmire in family guy after saying "Alright, giggity-giggity".

"Have you noticed a change in Yuri?" Leon asked Shin.

"Yeah, normally girls advance on him. Not the other way around, but at least he's not raping them like they did to him" Shin replied.

"You mean he's not always a total flirt?" Tsume Neko asked them.

"Heck no! He's normally a polar opposite. He's f**king acting like me!" Shin cried, but making sure the girls couldn't hear.

"But instead on guys... because you're gay...?" Tsume asked.

"No, girls" Shin replied casually.

"But you're gay...?" Tsume said.

"No I'm not, just acting it as I heard Lea saying she'd always dreamed of having a gay best friend so I did what happened in Kick Ass and am pretending to be gay" Shin told him.

"So it's not okay to make an advance on Lea?" Tsume asked.

"F**k no!" Shin replied.

"Well okay then" Tsume replied.

Yuri waltzed over to them and said "I'm gonna get a bit of that. Could tell from the body language. She's just playing hard to get but don't worry, don't worry, Yuri's gonna get some of that if it's the last thing I do."

"Yeah, I know. You get whatever girl you want, and don't want-you lucky b*****d, and what you don't want. And I repeat, you lucky b*****d" Leon said, "but anyways, why were you acting like Shin used to before he turned 'gay'?"

"Just filling in for him I guess while he's 'gay'. The only difference is that I'll actually get girls" Yuri joked, earning much laughter from the others bar Shin.

"Allow it bruv!" Shin cried in exasperation.

Tsume chuckled lightly to himself before walking off as Yuri turned to the others and revealed the second part of his master sex plan.

"And to help repopulate my clan" Yuri said.

"How many girls is that now, Yuri? How many are gonna have little baby Uch- I mean Ugarte's?"Leon asked.

"Well there's Sofia, Sakura and Maria, plus Anko to be" Yuri replied earning more laughter.

"Oh the joys of being a 'player'" Leon remarked.

"My dream being lived by someone who doesn't really want it" moaned Shin.

The three laughed together before walking back to the rest of the team.

Sakura and Lea settled down on a log outside the Land of Water gates and talked girl talk once more.

"After seeing Yuri like that I don't like him anymore. He showed his true colours there. I always thought he was such a nice guy, guess I was wrong. Not to mention what he said to that examiner" Lea told Sakura.

"Are you kidding me? I just plain found that made him even sexier!" Sakura said, "guess that means more for me!"

"But aren't you bothered by how he talked to Anko?" Lea asked.

"Nah, the way girls are always jumping on him he's probably saying to girls he doesn't want that to make them not want him. So he can be with me!" Sakura replied.

"Whatever you say Sakura, whatever you say" Lea replied and the teams were called to the gates by Anko and other ninjas to be told what they must complete to become Jonin.