AN: So sorry to cockblock ya'll last chapter but I just have a head cannon that there is no way that metal hand did not make for awkward love-making at some point. I mean c'mon. So i made it up to you.

to abstract0118: hope this chapter is more of what you're looking for.

also please don't be afraid to review. I love reviews. I love all of you who have Favorited and who follow this story

At least we would know that the sparks didn't glow
But we owe it to ourselves to try,
So we aim and ignite!
...

You look for a legend,
I'm looking for common ground.
Your heart isn't breaking,
And mine isn't making a sound.

Light a Roman Candle with me - Fun.

Bucky sat on the bed thinking on what Mila had said. This is what love is about Bucky. It's not always perfect and beautiful. It gets messy and it gets awkward. We laugh things off. Bucky furrowed his brow trying to shift through the mess of his brain to make her words true. He could hear their laughter from years ago and he could see them fighting about stupid stuff. She was right. Not always perfect, but of the few things Bucky was certain of, he knew they were in love so long ago. Bucky fidgeted with his hands getting up he needed to write his thought down and sort them out. He took the journal out of his bag and sat on the edge of the bed to begin figuring things out.

Mila wrapped the towel around herself wanting to hide. Did he maybe not want her anymore? Was she being too pushy? Taking it all too fast? She sighed and brushed her teeth. She knew this would be painful for her to keep looking at him expecting him to just snap back into his old self. She didn't know where that foolish hope had come from, after she was initially freed from Hydra's control she spent months sobbing over everything she had done and trying not to kill herself for those crimes. She got close one day, but Natasha stopped her and made her talk to a guy at the V.A. who helped talk her down. Once she was better that's when Natasha began helping her find Bucky. Now that she had found him she was being greedy. He needed time and space to shift through things. She should just be there to make sure he didn't break. Turning the faucet back off she threw her hair up into a bun and walked out with the just long enough towel wrapped around her frame. If Bucky didn't take her obvious bait then she would give up for a while. She opened the door and walked past Bucky who was writing feverishly in his journal and grabbed her bag. Stealing glance over her shoulder she saw him trying to hide how he was looking at her from the corner of his eyes. She turned to face him smirking with a coyness that would make the devil blush.

"Can I help you?" She offered popping her hip. Bucky leaned back and took in the sight. Women definitely did not walk around with so much skin on display back in his day. Not that he minded. He loved the way the white towel graze the top of her creamy thigh. What would it hurt to try again and do everything right? Surely he could control himself enough if he just gave in a little. "Well?" She offered walking his way. The closer she got the more he was losing his logical thought process. His last bit of logic told him he had been set up.

"You did that on purpose." He whispered dropping the journal to the floor so his hands would be free to make the same moves against her skin as that damn offending towel was.

"Leave all my clothes out here so that I'd have to walk out in my towel?" She said with mock offense holding her mouth open to support her act. Bucky cocked his head raising an eyebrow not buying the act for a moment. "I would never do such a thing." She spoke reaching out to trail a finger along his scruffy jaw line. She had to admit she may have like this look better on him. Bucky gripped his pant legs trying to just think things through and make sure he was in control of himself but she smelled so damn good and her touch was soft.

"Liar." He whispered. She paused and stepped closer to where her hips were nearly at his eye level.

"What did you call me?" She purred. He couldn't resist a moment longer he let his hands slip under the towel gripping her hips and with a swiftness only a trained assassin had he pulled her down to lay on the bed next to where he had sat. She was breathless as he stood at the edge of the bed hovering over her.

"I didn't stutter." He said kneeling down letting his right hand hook behind her knee. "I don't think I've checked up on this wound recently." He observed slowly bringing her leg up and letting his mouth ghost over the flesh of her inner thigh.

"Should probably do that." She whispered anticipating his touch. He kissed the skin trailing up and down her thigh never getting close to her womanhood. He stopped briefly to actually look at the scar she had gotten days ago and once his inspection was done rested the leg over his shoulder grabbing her hip with his left hand he took a deep breath making sure to not hurt her with the metal appendage as he kissed along her thigh trailing up never stopping this time. Mila grabbed the metal hand when his tongue licked up her slit making her breath hitch. It was like riding a bike for Bucky, his muscle memory worked just like it had when they were dancing. He continued to let his tongue work her opening and she began to grip at his metal hand letting whimpers escape. "B-buck." She moaned. Slowly his flesh hand trailed up the outside of her thigh and ghosted its way down to her entrance slipping one finger in she jerked her hips. Bucky let his mouth move to suck her clit moving his tongue in circles while his finger moved in and out of her. "Don't stop." Mila let out letting her fingers get tangled in his long locks. She took in the feeling of his stubble against her thighs, his finger was joined by another stretching her, and his mouth kept pushing her to the edge. He let his grip on her hip tighten hearing her moan was driving him insane. He wanted to take his time and let her unravel beneath him, but the way she reacted he knew he didn't have much time left before she would reach ecstasy. He worked his tongue spelling out his feelings using the Russian alphabet cursing himself for not being a man of words as she arched her back when he spelled the word 'love' with its Cyrillic letters. His fingers started pumping into her deeper and quicker as her grip on the bedsheet beneath her turned her knuckles white. "Bucky, mmmore." She pleaded so close to her release. He almost lost control at her begging but he didn't want to test his limits tonight. So instead he moved the cool metal hand up under the towel and making her hips buck into him at the touch. His metal hand found her breast and massaged it adding to her moans. Her walls tightened around his fingers as he kept up his pace her hips beginning to move with his hand. It was a beautiful sensory overload for Mila as she came over the edge panting out Bucky's name. He slowly slid his fingers out of her and gently kissed up her leg and stood only to use his hands to prop himself up above her tired form while he hovered.

"Want to check my wounds next?" He asked. Mila smiled and let her hand lightly rub his left shoulder.

"Won't be as fun as checking mine." She commented wrapping her tired legs around his waist. He laughed and unhooked her legs standing up.

"I think we should quit while we're ahead." Mila pouted and sat up making her eye level with the tightness of his jeans.

"Is that really what you think?" She asked tugging at his belt. Bucky grabbed her hands and didn't know if he could take much more without throwing her back against the bed.

"Yes." He lied closing his eyes. Mila pursued her lips and used the belt loops on his jeans to latch her fingers in as she stood up making sure her hips butted up against his. She leaned in close to his ear still slightly tugging on those belt loops.

"Liar." She whispered mirroring his earlier comment. She walked away to her bag leaving him standing there catching his breath from trying to compose himself. She had her back to him the towel being held up by her hands as she dug through her backpack getting out what would pass as sleep wear for the night. Her underwear and a loose tank top. Slipping the underwear on Bucky noticed how dangerously high the towel rode up the back of her thighs and he needed to find a distraction. He bent down to put his journal back on the bed but when he stood back up the towel was in a pile around her feet as she pulled the tank top down over her head. He closed his eyes and moved to the bathroom hoping that by not seeing her it would stop him from taking her on every flat surface he could find. He knew what would happen then. He would hurt her. He would hold her hand too tight and break her fingers. He would leave bruises all over her body. He was given this life to destroy empires not worship a woman's body. When he was stripped of all his clothes he looked down at himself. God, he didn't know what she had planned to do with him if he hadn't suggested they quit, but he could only imagine it would be sinful. He sighed contemplating his options, he could fix it himself, go back out there to Mila, or take a cold shower. He crossed the latter option off because after spending too long in cryogenic freeze he hated being reminded of cold. He looked into the mirror his breaths becoming deeper. He couldn't call her back in here, it would be too harmful. He looked at his bandaged shoulder, oh it would be so easy to call her in to check the wound. He groaned. Damn it all to hell was all he could think.

Mila couldn't remove the smile from her face no matter how hard she tried. She was humming any song that came to mind as she moved over to the bed and looked at the page in his journal that was flipped open. She read some of the lines trying to figure out how well he was coming back to being his old self.

Betty and I made love after I proposed and we spent half the night laughing and the other half in bliss. We were in love, truly in love. Betty was right about what love is. Not always perfect but we laugh it off. I know one day if my mind gets better we can get be like that again, but I'm too afraid to hurt her. She is not fragile by any means but I know I can't control myself. I wouldn't be able to live with hurting her after all she has done for me. We just danced to I Can't Believe that You're in Love with me and that's how I feel. How could she still have any affection for me when I am a monster?

Mila closed the pages not wanting to invade anymore on his privacy. At least his hesitance was rational. She crawled on the bed grabbing her Ipod from where she had set it down and started playing some songs from later decades. It was soothing. She laid on the pillow with her back to the bathroom shimmying under the sheets. There was enough room for Bucky and she hoped he noticed or else she would drag his ass to sleep in this bed. When she thought she would drift off she heard a banging against something and quickly jumped to the door.

"Buck you ok?" She asked knocking on the door. Bucky caught his breath looking up at the shower wall he cracked with his metal fist. If there was ever assurance needed to not sleep with Mila this was it. He was midway thought taking care of his own problem and the dent in the wall looked like a black spider web.

"I'm fine." He panted continuing to let the water fall and hit his back .

"You sure?" She inquired from the other side of the door.

"Yeah, you wanna come in and check my shoulder?" He said turning the water off. Mila opened the door as he stepped out in all his muscular glory still sporting his hard on. Mila's breath caught in her throat taking the scene in.

"Just your shoulder huh?" She asked looking at every dip of every muscle letting her eyes linger at his hips. He was still as handsome as she remembered. More so maybe with all the extra training he had been forced to take on over the years. He stepped closer to her tilting his head.

"For a nurse, you sure don't know anatomy well. My shoulder is up here." He commented lightly grabbing her chin.

"I know anatomy very well." She offered grabbing his length making his breath hitch. He placed his left hand on her shoulder.

"Mila." Her eyes snapped open and she seemed disoriented.

"Mila." Bucky's voice came again. She turned over in the bed and found Bucky standing over her dressed in not but boxers. His hair was still wet and his skin seemed to glisten. Mila sat up shaking her head. She just had a very vivid dream about him in the bathroom and now he was here and she could tell she was redder than a damn fire truck. Her dream left her too flustered.

"What Buck?" She asked breathlessly.

"Can you check my shoulder. I got the bandages wet and it started bleeding." Mila snapped her eyes to the shoulder and noticed he held a towel to it. She threw the blankets off and got the first aid kit from her bag instructing him to go to the bathroom. Her focus solely on Bucky's well-being not her naughty dream. He was leaning against the counter when she came in and his shoulder bare. A look of confusion struck her when she saw the shoulder was unbandaged but not bleeding. None of the cuts had opened like he said.

"Buck it's fine." She said setting the first aid kit down on the counter behind him.

"I know." He said full of confidence.

"So what did…. You sly bastard." She said upset playfully smacking him in the chest. He smiled a genuine smile that she remembered him having plastered on his face all the time when they were together. He snaked his arms around her waist and cupped her bottom pulling her close against him.

"I won't deny it."

"I'm curious, once you had me in here what was it you planned on doing?" She asked tracing her fingers along the healing wounds on his shoulder.

"Didn't plan it out that far." He mused watching her. In truth he wanted to apologize for shutting her out so quickly and not just letting himself go. The old Bucky wouldn't have hesitated to have his girl spend the whole night tangled in bedsheets.

"Guess we'll go with the flow." She purred running her finger along his collar bone. It made him shiver a bit but he gently grabbed her hand stopping her.

"Look, I am sorry I am not the guy you used to be in love with. I don't know how painful it is for you to keep looking at me expecting me to just snap into a role I used to play but it kills me knowing how much it must hurt you." Mila gave a half smile and let her head rest on his chest listening to the unevenness of his heartbeat. He was nervous.

"I'm not heartbroken over the fact. I know it will take you time. Most of the time I'm more upset with myself for pushing you to recover so quickly. I mean what you did earlier was a big step and I am glad you took it." She looked up at him to see his smirk. He did enjoy making her moan and move under his touch.

"Pleased to please ya." He winked making her giggle. If only for a brief while they could forget about Hydra hunting them and their names plastered around the world as dangerous criminals, they would soak it up.

"It looks like it's healing well." Mila commented looking back to his shoulder. Brushing her finger tips against the red edges.

"Well I have this great nurse who takes care of me." He said playing with her hair with his flesh hand learning his mistake from earlier.

"You know I haven't been a real nurse in like 60 years right?"

"I couldn't piece that together by you working in a museum." He joked chuckling. She glared briefly at him and flicked him in the nose.

"You punk."

"Tell me something I don't know."

After a brief argument Bucky and Mila found themselves both asleep in the bed. Mila stated how dumb it was that he wouldn't sleep with her after what he did do. When he couldn't play the gentleman card either he gave in and laid in the bed giving her ample space. Mila only cuddled closer to him draping an arm over his chest absently trailing her finger on the scars Hydra had left on his shoulder years ago.

"We'll have to leave tomorrow evening." Bucky observed staring at the ceiling. Mila hummed an acknowledgement. "We can't stay long anywhere, you know that."

"I know. It just sucks." She stated. Bucky let out a deep breath.

"Yeah. One day. When my brain is fixed, we can go hide away on a deserted island."

"Sounds like a plan." She murmered drifting in and out. "I'll go get breakfast in the morning. You can get supplies….. rendezvous here at 09:00 hours." She barely got the words out before she fell asleep. Bucky could feel her breathing even out and he traced circles on her back taking in how relaxed he was. There was no comparing this moment. He had his girl in his arms, she felt safe. The only thing to make it perfect was being on that deserted island safe from Hydra. He closed his eyes hoping he wouldn't have night terror like he had the night before. It had been a good night and he wanted to keep it that way.

Mila stood in a floor length black gown with cut outs at the sides to show off her curves. Her face stoic as a pair of hands appeared on her shoulders in the mirror.

"What do you think?" Came a voice she knew belonged to a hydra man.

"I suppose it will work." She said.

"You don't like it? I saw it and all I could think was how well those curves would look in it." Those hands moved down her shoulders to her hips and one smacked her ass making her perk up a little. "I'm so damn jealous of Pierce. He gets to have you on his arm all night and I'll be on the sidelines thinking about our training." Rumlow moved to stand in front of her he cupped her face and kissed her on the lips. She returned it only because that's what she was supposed to do. Not that she had a say in what she wanted, not the way they molded her. He pulled back and rested his hands on her hips. "It's a shame they wasted all this talent on him. I could find so many more uses for you than a retriever." He mused rubbing the flesh that laid bare due to the dresses design. "You look fucking ravishing." He whispered pulling her hips against his.

"Thank you." She whispered. His intentions were clear, he wanted her. She couldn't even think to be repulsed by him. Every strand of free will was pulled from her, she was a machine in a woman's body. She only complied.

"I suppose you better hang that back on the rack kitten. Don't want to get it wrinkled before the mission." He reached his hand to unzip the dress and slowly slipped it off of her letting it pool at her feet. Her underwear was the only thing giving her modesty. "Maybe I should test your skills one more time and make sure you're ready for this mission." He began kissing her neck and her only response was hitched breath. If she could scream she would have. She would have fought him, it would have been too easy to win against him. Yet all she could do was allow him to continue kissing her.

"Don't leave marks. Pierce will be upset." She stated. He chuckled darkly against her skin making her shiver.

"Right." He stopped and grabbed the waist band of her underwear giving it a snap before walking out of the walk-in closet at Pierce's home slamming the door behind him.

Mila woke up startled and looked down at the arm around her. She stayed still trying to piece together where she was. It was Bucky close to her not Rumlow. She sighed and slipped out of his hold she heard him mumble. She sat at the edge of the bed and tried to block all the images of Rumlow doing the same things Bucky had and getting the same reactions. She clamped her hands around the nape of her neck and focused on not crying. Hydra without doubt won when it came to controlling her. She had the Red Room to thank for the programmable technology still in her skull. She spent months trying to sort through her thoughts, she had never said no, her body welcomed it so was it assault? If she didn't have technology hooked and prodded into every lobe of her brain she would have fought back. She felt a hand rubbing her back and stiffened.

"You alright?" Bucky whispered. Mila shook her head. She walked around the room trying to find her bag in the dark.

"I'm going out." She stated flatly.

"I'll go with you." Bucky said getting up. She turned around and glared at him, realizing he probably couldn't see the threating stance she took.

"No. I need to be alone. I don't want you near me. I have to clear my head." She started rambling putting on her shorts and rain jacket. Bucky got up and walked over to her silently.

"Mila it's not safe." She jumped upon hearing him and noting how close he was. She could tell he was hurt by her sudden shut out.

"Well I need this right now. I can just feel everything closing in on my right now. There is all this tension in my back and I swear this room is shrinking. Just let me go for an hour or two please. If you shadow me it won't help." She said walking towards the door. Bucky grabbed her shoulder to try and reason with her but she just pushed him back into the wall momentarily forgetting this was not Rumlow. "Don't touch me!" She yelled walking out. Bucky stayed against the wall he was pushed into breathing heavy. What the hell had happened to her? He wanted to chase after her but she made it very clear she wanted him as far from her as possible. He said to give her an hour or two. He flipped on the lights trying to find the clock in the room. If she wasn't back by four he would burst out of the room and hunt her down regardless of what she wanted. Bucky put his clothes on and sat on the edge of the bed waiting for his possible mission.

….

Mila kept flashing back to Rumlow and the training he provided her. It was disgusting what men would do. She had heard that he was a double agent and worked within SHIELD. She wondered if he ever got to work with her friend Captain America. She wondered if he tried to befriend him and listened to Steve tell stories about her during the war while Rumlow would think about all the things he did with Steve's war buddy. It angered her that he got away with what he did. She stopped walking around the city and punched one of the old city walls. It hurt her but it took her mind off of her thoughts as she took in the damage to the wall. The Red Room's work hadn't worn off over the years, she was still too strong for her own good. She was supposed to be a killer. She didn't want that, she didn't want anything that had come into her life after 1946. She kept walking trying to out run her pity party. She began crying and hated herself more. Why did it have to be her? Why couldn't she have just lived out her day like Rebecca had? Maybe she would have joined Peggy and worked for the S.S.R. but no she made one dumb mistake and her life changed for the worse. She cried more thinking about her worst crime they forced her to do. Their test. She let a sob escape and clutched her arms digging her nails into her skin. God she hated herself. She heard a noise ahead and snapped her head up. She saw a cat was just jumping onto a trashcan. The animal let out a meow making Mila even more angry. Didn't that cat know how dangerous she was? She knew she had to get back to Bucky, he would be worried and she didn't want to hate herself for making him worry any more than he was. She flipped the cat off just to make herself feel a little better and turned right into the hulking form of a man.

"I don't think Mittens deserved that." He said raising a gun and shot her before she could move. She fell backwards and hit her head making the effects of the icer gun that much worse for later. The man hauled her over his shoulder and walked down to his vehicle tying her up in the back with every piece of equipment that could be used for the task. He buckled her in and had a thought. He should let Rumlow know he had her, maybe he would pay to have a meeting with her. Hydra could wait a day or two to have her. He took a picture and sent a message to Rumlow and started his engine ready to take her back to his rendezvous point.

…

Bucky only gave it an hour before he began his search. He could deal with her being pissed. He couldn't deal with her being gone. What if she took off because he wasn't her Bucky and she realized in her dream that he could never be that guy. That had to be why she didn't want him around. If she wouldn't tell him goodbye face to face he wasn't going to prolong it. He walked out of the room with one of the pistols they stole tucked into his waistband. He made sur to load it and put the safety on before leaving.

The town was eerily quiet, maybe the occasional dog would bark but it was nothing. Then he heard crying down the street. A loud sob that he knew was Mila's. He would just shadow her until she went back to the hotel or left him. He walked around the building but found he couldn't get to the street he needed because of a wall. He saw a cat walking back and forth along the wall and he glared at it in the moon light. It was taunting him. The cat jumped off the wall and onto something metal. He silently walked around the buildings to make it back to a place where he could see Mila and then he heard a shot, not a loud one but it was unmistakably a gun firing. Bucky sprinted off finding the wall continued for two blocks. By the time he rounded the corner there was no one in the street. He ran down finding the alleys empty and no lead of where the noise came from.

"C'mon Mila." He muttered stopping for a moment to look for any sign of direction. He heard a car starting and rushed in the direction of it. It was a small black car. He tore the driver door off and the innocent citizen started rambling in Italian about all the possessions they had in the house, just please leave the children alone they were going on vacation. Bucky looked in the back seat and saw there were two children with a suitcase crammed between them asleep and their mother looking panicked in the passenger seat. Bucky set the door down and backed away he was a damn monster. He bolted down another alley where a black SUV nearly hit him as he emerged from the alley. Looking at it, the windows were tinted and the license plate read a certain code. It followed the same pattern Hydra issued vehicles normally did. Two letters, two numbers, and ended in a JS. Bucky knew he couldn't catch the vehicle but he had to try. He ran after the SUV as it went downhill trying to get back to the main road. If he made it there, he wouldn't be able to catch Mila. Bucky pulled the pistol out and took the safety off aiming for the tires knowing there was no pointing in wasting bullets on the windows. Return fire met him as he was shot in the side. He stopped running and aimed again trying to pull the trigger but the vehicle was making its way to the road. He groaned grabbing at his side but when he tried to step forward the pain hit him and he collapsed. Looking up the car drove away and he whispered her name thinking it would make the car turn around and deliver her. His heart stopped. He had to get out of here and back to the car to at least try and follow them. With his side bleeding he would need to stop it before he passed out of blood loss, he would be no use if he was dead. He got to his feet and ignored the pain enough long enough to make it back to the hotel to get the rest of his weapons and attempt to patch himself up. He opened the kit in the bathroom and lifted his shirt hissing. The bullet went right through his side missing anything vital and his ribs. At least he had that going for him. He looked around the kit and got the supplies to do a quick enough job to gather his shit and go. He knew Mila would have done a better job. She would have taken her time and done everything right. But she wasn't here and it wasn't the first time he had to patch himself up in the field. He stopped briefly to think about his next actions.

Was he really going to go back into Hydra's grasp to save her? He was free now and if they had wanted him they would have chased after him too, but they just took her. He could be truly free if he left now before reinforcements came. He could start his new life be a new man, but what kind of man leaves a lady behind like that? It was suicide to go back to a Hydra compound but he couldn't let her be captured even if it was a trap. He made it into the bedroom and saw her bag sitting on the floor her damp towel next to it and blue journal sticking out of the bag. No, if she was going to leave him she would have taken the bag. He squared his shoulders and grabbed both bags zipping hers as he took the stairs two at a time to make it back to their car. He knew there was a Hydra base about thirty miles out and he had to beat them to it.

AN: Well a lot of shit just went down (including Bucky. haha jokes) but let me know how that left you feeling in a review. Reviews fuel me.