The Runaway

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious, or FOP

A/N:

Chapter 14 (Long Awaited Talk)

A couple hours passed before Trina decided to go to Sinjin's hotel room, she felt she needed to apologize for before. She knew she came off too strong, and it was more of a matter of whether or not she could swallow her pride. Never before had she thought running away from her problems was best, but at the time, she thought it was best. Now, it wasn't a matter of thinking running away was the best option, it was a matter of fear. Fear of the unknown, uncertainty, not knowing how well received she'd be whenever she got to LA. Just like Vicky wouldn't want to go there after thirteen years of being away. Too much time had gone by, too many things had changed. Granted, ten months wasn't a lot of time compared to ten years or so, but it didn't make a difference in her heart. It may as well be a thousand years!

Upon opening the door Sinjin was bent over, holding his hand in front of a small Yellow Labrador puppy. Trina was in awe of the dog, she knelt down and instantly began receiving licks from the young animal. "This is Ginger? She's so adorable!" Sinjin smiled briskly and motioned for her to enter at her whim.

"I don't want her running off. She knows to stay close, but as always, we are in a new place." How often did he travel? She had to know. She entered the room and smiled at the full sized bed in the corner. Ginger ran up to the bed and hopped on top, panting happily. "This seems to be the only hotel in this town that allows pets. I always have to make sure that I can work the details out wherever I'm at."

"That makes sense, you can't just leave the puppy unattended." Trina sat down and put her arm around the dog's neck. The bed was beside the wall that was between the main area and the bathroom. In front of the bed was a small television, it was turned onto the local news. There wasn't anything interesting happening in the town, so they weren't reporting anything of urgent matters.

On the wall with the door, before the window on the right was a table and a round wicker chair beside it. Sinjin took a seat in the chair and ran his fingers through his wonderfully crafted hair. She was beyond impressed with how it looked now, she always said he looked better with it down than up in the afro. "I got her about six months ago while going through New Mexico."

"You really went everywhere, didn't you?"

"Yep." Looking for her, no doubt. She dipped her eyes downward as a flash of guilt stung her. She hated being the reason for anyone's anxiety, which was probably another reason she didn't want to go back to LA. She didn't want to have to face the music.

"Sinjin, I'm really sorry…" She lifted her gaze back up to him and moved her free hand to her chest. "I wasn't thinking about anyone. I just…I didn't mean to snap at you or anything back there. I know I never called you or anything, and I should have. I…I just-I don't know what I was thinking."

"You've always known you could come to me if you ever needed anything. Anything at all, I would try to be there for you." With a deep breath, he lifted his hand up and counted his fingers. "Searching for you, I've been through New Mexico, Arizona, Texas. I've been into Washington, Oregon, Colorado and Idaho. Utah was a little crazy. Let me say also, Nevada is a boring as hell place if you're not 21 yet."

"I'm guessing that means you went through Las Vegas."

"Hell yes, and the panhandle of Oklahoma." He'd been through all these states in just ten months? Then again, it sounded like a few of them were just states he drove through, for instance, Oklahoma. "I'm not upset that you don't want to go back to LA, I get it. I understand that. I believe you when you say you're too hurt to do it right now." She felt the dog licking her hand and put on a sad smile, as though it were the only thing she could really muster in the moment. "I'm not hurt that you ran away. I'm not going to tell you running away isn't the answer, I'm going to say it maybe doesn't solve all your problems, but Trina…You know what hurts me?" She turned her gaze to his. It was painful to make eye contact with him, to see the pain in his eyes. He still spoke in a calm voice, when he could and should be yelling at her.

"What?" Her voice shook with fear and confusion, she couldn't understand why he wouldn't yell at her. "You're mad at me?"

"No. No I'm not mad at you, Trina. We were friends, I thought we were great friends. I was there for you that night because of that, because of our friendship. I care about you, Trina. So what hurts isn't all that mentioned above, what hurts is that you had the audacity to not come to me! You didn't call me, you didn't respond to me, you changed your phone number so no one includingme could reach you. I had to find out you actually did run away from Tori, who had a note that looked like a suicide note!"

"Ouch…"

"Yeah. I mean if you really wanted to leave, Trina, you didn't have to run away. I might have been able to help you. I would have tried to talk to you, but if you were set on leaving your family, I would have helped without you having to go through all the hell that you went through and without them going through their own hell." Sinjin rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes, breathing out a quiet breath of air. "Honestly Trina, I know what you've been through. I knew these people too, I was ridiculed by the same people over and over."

"You didn't run away, I guess."

"No. You know what? I got through that mess because I knew running away wasn't going to solve anything. I had to put my foot down and not even care what others thing about me. Look at me now. I got better, I dealt with whatever issues I had to deal with. You could have too, Trina. You could have made it."

He pushed himself from the chair and walked over, reaching down to pet his dog's head with gentle and slow strokes. Trina looked up at him, he was like a tower to her now. He gazed into her eyes and knelt down beside her, resting his hand on her shoulder. "I know what those guys did to you was horrible. I know it made everything else just snowball out of control. Those men can't possibly hurt you anymore, Trina."

"You don't know that…" She moved her hand over to her arm where they stuck her with that needle. The pain of the needle prick may have long healed, but the emotional pain of that drug remained. Sinjin looked to where her finger was rubbing and raised his eyebrows. "I think I told you they drugged me…they put a syringe in my arm and put whatever drug that was in me into me…Then they threw bottles at me, leaving me physically scarred. Sinjin, they're still in LA…"

"LA is a pretty big town, Trina." He moved his hand to her arm, curling his fingers around it and rubbing the pricked site with the tip of his thumb. She closed her eyes and drew in a shaky breath. "There's nothing here. Any physical scars are meaningless. What matters is who you are inside. You don't need to build walls, you don't need to hide yourself, or slip back into the past in order to prevent dealing with your issues…you're headstrong Trina, you always have been. You can face anything and do anything you want."

"And that's what I did…I left LA."

"But for all the wrong reasons, Trina. Don't you see?" He moved his hand away and sat down beside her. His words crashed into her like a hurricane, forcing her to question what she so previously believed of her situation. "There's a difference, Trina, between running away and choosing to face your problems while also moving into a healthier lifestyle. Can you tell me if this has been a healthier lifestyle for you?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I do not know."

No matter how hard she thought about it, no matter what anyone said, she just couldn't figure anything out. Her demons still haunted her, she still had nightmares, and for the most part, she was still anxious. "What is there to not know, Trina? Tell me."

"Everything!" She rose quickly, spreading her hands out and groaning lightly as she spun around and put her hands to her hips. "I don't know what anyone's going to say, I don't know how I'm going to feel. I still suffer from nightmares on occasion, and last night was the one time I didn't wake up in a cold sweat."

"Why? What changed? What was different? In fact…" He smirked with confidence and stood up, holding his hands together behind his back. She could feel his eyes searching her, his breath sent shivers down her spine. She wished for his confidence, that she wouldn't have to be so afraid. "I remember you telling me about Vicky, and it sounded like she would probably not want anything to do with you. What happened?"

"Well I…uh…" She bowed her head for a split second and shifted her gaze off to the right. She changed something, that's what happened. "I talked to her. We're working through our differences and we've reached an understanding."

"Exactly. That is my point right there." Her heart skipped a beat and she quickly looked up at him. He seemed so sure of himself, so knowledgeable too. "You stood up and you decided not to let problems get in the way. You talked to your sister. The Trina Vega I used to know would have done that exact thing, not the Trina who gave up."

"I didn't give up."

"You didn't face your problems, Trina. You ran from them. Another thing. A question, if you will." He walked around her, but she kept her gaze on him without moving her body. "You were dating someone, you said. You broke up with him? Why?"

"Because I had to do some thinking. I still don't know what I want in life…"

"All right, so you handled that situation." He turned back around and gazed into her eyes. "So you can be strong, you can be confident, and you can make your own decisions. Every time Tori's friends got the better of you in the past, do you know what you would do?"

"What…"

"You'd come over, you'd have your little cry, then you'd move on. You let it roll off your shoulders. Maybe it still hurt, but you weren't going to let the sting last." Yes, this was very true, she would often find something to do to keep herself going. She never liked staying in one painful situation for long. So what changed? What did the damage that put a mental block in the one place she needed longest?

"So…what changed?"

"That's what I had to figure out while looking through half the country for you. What changed is what those bastards did to you." A soft gasp left her lips and her eyelids closed over as Seth's face came to her mind like lightning. She hated him, that man and his friends, she wanted to tear them apart. For the most part, she wanted to know why they did what they did. "They took everything Tori's friends ever said to you and they threw it at you. They tore you apart. Trina…" She whimpered, her body shaking very slightly as Sinjin stepped before her. He put his hand on the side of her right shoulder and she slowly opened her eyes, gazing into his strong, sincere gaze. "They don't deserve to be a part of your life. They hurt you, but the longer you let the memory fester and the longer you simply try to hide without facing what they did to you…the longer you allow them to be a part of you."

"They're not. I mean, not that I, you know…I blacked them out of my memory."

"That's not good, because you know what happens to trauma when you just ignore it? Something can happen to trigger the entire event out of the blue years down the line. Handle it. Little by little you need to sort out your emotions."

"I don't think I can, Sinjin."

"Yes you can. Look, someone once told me a long time ago, and I think she was quoting a favorite phrase; 'You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.' Don't think you're weak, Trina. You're not weak in any way. You may be frightened, you may be wounded, but you're still as strong as you've always been. You just have to find it in yourself to stand up against those fears."

"Well…what if I'm incapable?"

"Then give it time. You're not incapable of anything. You're only incapable of what you have predetermined yourself to be incapable of." She raised an eyebrow and folded her arms across her chest. "When you predetermine something, you set a notion of an outcome that can't possibly be predicted yet. You began repairing your relationship with Vicky, that should say something right there. You did so, why?"

"Because I wanted to…"

"Did you think it to be impossible?"

"Not really, I just kind of did it. I mean I was afraid it wouldn't work out, but I went for it."

"And that's the same thing you used to do years ago. I'm not saying take that catalyst event and say it wasn't important. It was, it damaged you severely and hurt you, but what is important is that you know you can rise above it." She opened her mouth, but stopped when Sinjin raised a finger, interrupting her. "'Can't ' is a word implying predetermination and giving up. Trina Vega does not give up. At least not the Vega I know and remember, and that's the point I'm trying to make…Vicky didn't defeat you, this bitch Trixie girl hasn't gotten the best of you, you never let Tori's friends get the better of you until those assholes did what they did…you're strong, Trina. You're strong enough to rise above. What you're doing by running away, by hiding now, you're letting them win. You're letting them get the better of you."

"I know…" She didn't want to talk about this any longer, but she was slowly becoming aware that Sinjin was right. She may need to face her problems rather than run, because running was exactly what she was doing. "Just…let me work through that. I'm scared, Sinjin, I'm afraid of how receptive anyone's going to be towards me. To that respect just, please have patience with me."

"I know, and I will. It's going to take time, but you'll be okay."

"I think…I'm going to need your moral support again."

"Well, I'm happy to give it." He smiled at her and rubbed her shoulder, earning a smile back as she lifted her hand over his. Her hand hovered for a second before she set it down on his. After a few seconds, he pulled his hand away and walked over to a coffee maker on the table. "So Trina, you should tell me about some of the people in this town. I'm sticking around here for a few weeks, so-"

"Would you stay longer?" She said her question without any initial thought, but she wanted to know how long he'd be willing to stay. She needed help through all of this. He turned around to her as she anxiously tapped her fingertips together. "I uh, I mean, I could use someone to fall back on."

"Now Trina." He smirked playfully at her and crossed his arms. "You know I won't have you turning me into a shoulder friend."

"Oh that again? Well fine, I'll just find someone else willing to listen to all my problems."

"And who would be willing to do that?"

"Not many people. I'm not known for not being a drama queen." He laughed heartily and she moved back for the dog. As she sat down, she ran her hand through the puppy's smooth fur, smiling as it reached up to lick her face. The wet tongue tickled her cheek, causing her to laugh out and fall towards the side, where the pup proceeded to attack her with a fury of licks. She let out a shriek between her laughter and ran her hands through the puppy's fur. "Okay, okay, I can't take it!"

Sinjin laughed and grabbed the pot of coffee from the machine. "Trina, I'll stick around as long as you need me to. Like I said before, you know where to find me."

Your thoughts my friends?