Chapter 14

He tried his best to work with Antonio and make breakfast without acting completely awkward, but he knew it was obvious.

He just felt so damn weird.

Not necessarily dirty, but not very clean, either. He wanted to lie down and sleep for a while, but he also felt like he needed to take a shower. He didn't want to wash away Antonio…more like he needed to recuperate from the shock. Lovino had never done anything like that before in his life, with anyone… Well, yes, he'd masturbated plenty of times, but having someone else there with him was just odd.

Not that he didn't like it.

He loved it. He wanted more of it, with more skin and romanticism. In a weird sort of way, he wanted to devour every part of Antonio, and he wanted Antonio to do the same. He wanted to be one with the bastard.

He couldn't concentrate on what he was doing. He kept making stupid mistakes because of it. Eventually Antonio had him sit at the kitchen table and wait.

Which was bad, because it gave him even less distraction. He could only think about what they had done, now, and it was tormenting him.

Not in a bad way. Just…it made him confused.

He never imagined his first intimacy with someone to occur in a bathroom. That was a little embarrassing to think about. But…he didn't regret it. If he had the power, he would make it happen again.

And then some.

It worried him, in a way, that Antonio didn't seem affected by what had occurred at all. Had he done this before? A lot of times? Jealousy crept through him at that thought, but he knew it was wrong. Antonio was older than him by quite a bit of time – of course he would have been with someone else, when Lovino was a child or even when he wasn't around.

Still, the thought of Antonio being with someone else and doing intimate things with someone else made Lovino's skin crawl. He wanted Antonio's heart to be his, wholly. He didn't want to accept that someone else had held it.

Assuming that there had been anyone else.

Whistling, Antonio set a place of pasta before him and took a seat. Lovino, still distracted, barely whispered his thanks and began eating. He was starving.

A long moment of silence passed. The longer it held, the tenser Lovino felt himself becoming. He didn't want any awkward moments with Antonio. He hated awkward moments with anyone.

Finally, the silence was broken when Antonio looked to him and said, "Is there anything wrong, Lovino?"

"Just thinking," he murmured as he pushed the pasta around on his plate. He was starving, but everything running through his mind was too much to bear.

Did that whole event make him seem easy? Did Antonio think less of him, now that he had given in without a fight?

Did Antonio enjoy it as much as he did? Did he think it was the best thing to ever happen to him, or was it 'okay'? Was he, right now, comparing what they had done to what he had done with others in the past? Did their actions rank at the top of Antonio's list, or was it closer to the bottom?

How long was Antonio's list?

He couldn't stand it any longer. "Antonio," he said loudly, forcing himself to look into the Spaniard's eyes, "have you ever been with anyone else?"

Antonio looked at him blankly. "What do you mean?"

A blush crept over Lovino's cheeks, and he felt stupid for asking the question aloud. But he had to continue; he had to know. "Like…like…with them. Like…us?" He gestured between them and hoped that Antonio would magically know what he was talking about.

Somehow, the other knew what he was asking. "Oh, sure. I've been with a couple other countries."

The unnecessary jealousy swept over Lovino once more, with a vengeance. He looked to his lap, frowning as he tried to push that jealousy down, and whispered, "Who?"

"Let's see. I was with Prussia, France, and England for a while. That's it."

Instantly, without meaning it, Lovino realized he hated those other countries. They didn't deserve Antonio, and never would. Lovino forced himself to look up into Antonio's eyes and said through gritted teeth, "Did you ever…do things with them?"

"Like, sex and stuff?" Antonio cocked his head to the side.

Lovino's hands, as they rested on his lap, curled themselves into tight fists. "Yes," he managed, trying his hardest to conceal all the negative emotions from Antonio as they bubbled over him.

"I've been intimate with all of them, multiple times."

Antonio's simple, carefree tone of voice brought tears of jealousy to Lovino's eyes. He felt like a stupid brat. Antonio's past shouldn't matter, because he was with Lovino now.

But it did. It was killing Lovino. He looked to his lap, desperate to fight down those stupid emotions and conceal them from Antonio.

It was in vain. Antonio moved closer to him and took his chin in his hand, lifted it up gently. Lovino, ashamed, could do nothing as tears streamed down his cheek. He looked everywhere but into Antonio's eyes. He realized how selfish and childish he was being, but he couldn't help it.

Antonio cooed and wiped away Lovino's tears. "You've always been so jealous," he whispered as he kissed the side of Lovino's mouth. Lovino looked to his lap again, ashamed and hating himself. "Lovino," Antonio whispered, but he didn't answer. "Lovino, look at me. Please?"

He did. It was all he could do.

Antonio kissed him softly, on the lips. "I've been with those people, sure. We've done things. That's what people in relationships do."

"I-I know that," Lovino choked, looking away and feeling stupid all over again.

The Spaniard took Lovino's face in either hand, brushed away stray hairs. "But, Lovino, I've never loved any of them."

This surprised Lovino enough to look the other in the eyes. "What?"

"I didn't love them. I never did. I've only ever loved you. Ever since I met you, I've loved you. And you're the only one I could ever love."

The tears were coming freely now, hot and salty. Lovino forced a hug with the other, buried his face in the elder's chest. For once, Antonio had said everything he needed to hear, and he said it perfectly. Relief washed over Lovino, and he couldn't stop the tears. Part of him didn't want to.

Lovino forced himself to back off Antonio's chest and looked the other in the eye. "I-I love you too, Antonio," he mumbled, barely able to keep the eye contact. But he knew he had to. Antonio probably needed to hear this as much as he had. "I've always loved you, too. I have never, ever loved anyone else, and I don't think I could."

Antonio smiled weakly. "I always make you cry," he whispered as he gently wiped the tears from Lovino's cheeks. "I'm sorry, Lovi." He kissed Lovino's cheek and straightened his hair.

"You're not the one who has to apologize, bastard," Lovino said softly. "I…shouldn't get so jealous…"

"I don't mind," Antonio assured him. "It reminds me that you really do love me."

Lovino's eyes stung, but were no longer complete waterfalls. He wiped the tears away with the backs of his wrists and whispered an apology.

Antonio ruffled his hair. "I think you're overtired."

He nodded numbly. "And I don't mean to be rude, but I really want to take a shower."

The Spaniard laughed. "Completely understandable! I kind of wanted to take one too."

Lovino managed a chuckle. He didn't feel so bad anymore.

His stomach grumbled, rather loudly. "I think I'll eat before I do anything else," he decided as he began work on the pasta.

Antonio smiled and returned to his own plate.

A little while later, Feliciano stumbled into the room. Lovino hastily guided him to a seat at the table and put a plate of pasta in front of him. The younger Italian immediately began work on the food. Silence passed.

Finally, Lovino broke the silence with what had to be said. "Is, um, Ludwig feeling better?"

He saw Feliciano physically wince at the reminder. He put his fork and spoon down, looked to the two of them, and murmured, "Uh, yeah, I think so." He was shaking all over.

"I'll just go see Ludwig and make sure the wound is healing correctly," Antonio murmured as he left the room.

"Hey," Lovino said softly as he took a seat beside his fratellino. "It's alright now. He's feeling better, right? He'll be okay."

Feliciano wrapped his arms around himself and continued to shake. "Fratello…I…I don't want to ever be bombed. A-and…I don't want to fight anymore…" Tears were welling at the corners of his eyes.

"We won't ever be bombed," Lovino assured, though he had no idea if that were true. "But, fratello, we must fight. Until the war is over."

Feliciano buried his hands in his hair, pulled at the roots in distress. "I…I can't handle it, fratello…It's so scary…And seeing Germany like that…"

"He'll be okay," Lovino repeated, more assertive this time. "Everything will work out alright. We just have to see this to the end."

Feliciano nodded numbly, though he didn't seem to believe Lovino's words completely.

"I think you need more food, a shower, and a longer rest," Lovino whispered as he ran his hands through Feliciano's hair.

Feliciano shook his head vigorously. "I want to go to the beach."

"What?" The suggestion caught Lovino so off-guard, he didn't know how else to respond.

"The beach," Feliciano insisted. "I want to go to the beach. I want a day off from all this."

Lovino frowned, thought to himself, Countries can't really take days off from war… But decided it was best not to voice those thoughts. Instead, he said, "Our boss will get pissed."

Feliciano shook his head. "I don't care. I want to go to the beach."

If Feliciano was really good at anything, it was being stubborn when he wanted something. The normally happy, passive country was always very stern and assertive when he wanted something badly enough.

"Okay," Lovino said with a sigh, "we'll go to the beach."

Feliciano sprang upwards, his normal self once again. "Ve! I'm going to go invite some friends!" He ran out of the room.

"Friends?" Lovino repeated softly. Who did he have to invite? Nearly all the countries they knew were fighting against them or busy minding their own business.

Lovino sighed once more. If this did in fact end well, it would most certainly be interesting.

Lovino, annoyed, began packing a bag full of things to bring to the beach. His fratellino could be so eccentric sometimes…

Beside him, Antonio was whistling and packing food. He, like Feliciano, was pretty eccentric in his own right. Going to the beach with the Axis Powers was like a death wish; the Allies, if they found out, could end up thinking Antonio had declared war against them in favor of the Axis. He already had no money because of his civil war – the Allies would ruin him if they thought he was taking a side. Lovino, in worry, had tried to convey this to the elder nation, but to no avail. Antonio wanted to go to the beach just as badly as Feliciano.

Feliciano definitely had the power of persuasion; somehow he had convinced Honda to tag along as well. And Ludwig, even though he was just beginning to recover from the bombing, had no choice but to go along with them. He was walking around now, and Feliciano insisted that he was well enough to go to the beach and enjoy the sun. Ludwig had pinched his nose in annoyance, but did nothing further to stop the younger Italian.

Feliciano ran into the kitchen, where everyone was collected, and shouted, "I just invited a bunch of friends to meet us there!" The fear of getting bombed, the worry for Ludwig, all of it was gone. As was his way.

Lovino turned to his fratellino. "Who did you invite?" His brow rose with suspicion.

"I called Big Brothers America, France, Russia, and China! Won't it be fun, to have us all in one place?"

An audible, collective groan rose from the rest of the countries present.

"Fratello, we're in a war here…" Lovino began.

"You can't just expect all of them to show up and have a good time with us," Ludwig continued, incredulous.

"And how is Spain-san supposed to go without getting into trouble?" Honda interjected.

"What are you guys talking about?" Feliciano asked, oblivious. "It'll be really fun!"

Ludwig, Lovino, and Honda groaned. Antonio just laughed as he continued packing food.

"Don't forget an umbrella," Feliciano said to Lovino.

He rolled his eyes and went off to fetch one.

A/n

I'm trying to lighten the mood of this fic a bit, so they're all going to have fun at the beach o0. I know that's weird...