"Because my darling, you were not eighteen yet, remember."
"Yes, I remember. That doesn't mean you didn't torture me every damn day by denying it for all those months."
"I know baby and I'm so sorry. If I could change the past I still wouldn't act on it, until I did. But I would have, at the very least, told you how I felt and why I wasn't acting on it."
I leaned my head on his shoulder, "It's ok. I loved you more than anything I had ever known, even then, even through all that torturous agony and I still do. It almost killed me on more than one occasion, in the beginning, I was so afraid that you really didn't love me."
"Roza, I have been in love with you from the very first second I laid my eyes on you. There has never been one single solitary second since I saw you, that I haven't loved you, even when I was acting like an ass."
"Me too Comrade, me too. So how long did it take you to figure out that was a lame attempt at back handed flirting?"
"Oh honey, I ran that entire day over and over in my head all night, hell for days, weeks actually. After I went back to my room, I thought about what you said that's when it hit me. And I couldn't get you out of my mind." He quietly mumbled, "I still haven't been able to do that." Causing everyone to laugh at him.
"Yeah, well I know how that feels too. I haven't been able to get you out of my mind since I saw you standing by that light pole."
"If you hadn't captivated me so much, you never would have seen me. I just got so caught up in watching you, I couldn't move, I quite literally froze. You are the most beautiful woman that God will ever put on this earth Roza. And I love you with everything I have and everything I am, everything I ever will be." He looked into my eyes as he said this, letting me see that was truly how he felt. As he gently caressed my cheek.
"Awww, you guys are just so freaking cute." Mia squealed.
"Yeah, they are so cute I think I'm going to be sick." Chris said.
I leaned up onto the table and popped Chris in the side of the head, not painfully though. I thought about saying something about him just being jealous, but then I remembered how much he had loved and still missed Lissa a little, and I thought better of it. I didn't want to cause him in undue pain after all.
"You guys realize we need to sing 'Dust in the Wind' tomorrow night right?" I asked, knowing most of them would know what I meant.
It was Eddie that answered me, "Yeah we know what you mean, we just weren't going to bring it up. We thought that after what happened in the caves the other day, it might be best if you didn't realize what tomorrow is."
Jill innocently asked, "what is tomorrow?"
I felt myself stiffen at that question and Dimitri pulled me further into his arms. He kissed the crown of my head and rested his chin on the top of my head. But I answered her anyway, "it's the anniversary of Mason's murder." I told her stiffly.
"Oh Roe, I'm so sorry, I should have minded my own business."
I gave her a half smile before saying, "it's ok Jilly, it was an understandable question."
Everyone thankfully decided to drop the subject for now.
"So Ivan, tell me a little about yourself." Jill asked him. He turned and looked at me, and I nodded to him, letting him know that it was ok to tell her.
"Well as I said, Dimka is my best friend, has been since we were little kids. A few years ago I was attacked by strigoi and turned..." That's when I heard her sharp inhale.
"But you are not a strigoi now, did Queen Vasilissa return you too?" I groaned when I heard that, and my head fell onto Dimitri's shoulder again, causing him to laugh at me.
"Would someone please please, tell me why everybody thinks that their precious queen, is the one responsible for turning Dimitri back?"
Chris spoke up, "because that's what she tells everyone, and with her being who she is, or who they think she is, they all believe her."
"I'm sorry guys, but I'm a little confused. Did the queen not change guardian Belikov back?" Poor Jill asked confused.
"Jill, firstly please call me Dimitri, especially since I'm not officially a guardian anymore. Secondly, Vasilissa staked me with a stake charmed with spirit, that's all she did. But the only reason she knew to do that, is because of my Roza. Roza went through and did things most people couldn't even begin to fathom, to change me back. The last piece of the puzzle was needing a spirit user to stake me with the spirit charmed stake. If it weren't for my amazingly beautiful, smart as a whip, death defying and heart breakingly sexy fiancée." He said as he nuzzled my nose with his. Then turned back to Jill before saying, "Vasilissa never would have even tried to change me back, much less succeeding."
"Wow, ok. Then why does everyone think that it was all the queen's doing, if Roe did everything but stake you?"
"It's like what Chris said, who, in her world, is going to believe a damphire over a precious princess?" I answered her, question myself. My own voice more than a little sarcastic and dripping heavily with venom.
Turning back to Ivan she said, "Ok, so if she didn't restore you then who did?"
"Roe did." Ivan told her, pointing at me.
"But Roe is a damphire, damphires don't have magic." Poor confused Jill said.
"You know Roe, that is a good question, how did you do that?" Yuri asked me.
"I don't really know. One night we were on patrol in a little podunk town in Iowa. One minute we are in the fight of our lives, it was Eddie, Chris, Mia, Al, baba and I against twenty-eight strigoi. Only every time I staked one there was an explosion of light. After it was all over there were ten restored damphire and seven restored moroi. I have been killing strigoi since I was seventeen, and I had never restored one. So I still to this day don't know how I do it. I do know that after I do it I have to drink blood."
"But you don't have fangs. How do you drink blood?" Jill asked. I opened my mouth and my fangs slid from my gums.
"Umm ok. I have never seen a damphire, that could not only use magic, but also had fangs and drank blood. Why are you the only one like that?"
"We think it's because I'm shadow-kissed."
"What's shadow-kissed?"
This time it was Dimitri who answered, "Do you remember the car accident that killed the Dragomir's?" Yuri, Celeste, Jill and Ivan all nodded. "Roza was also killed in that crash, but Vasilissa used her magic to bring Roza back to life, henceforth shadow-kissing her. That is how their bond was formed. Before Roza died the last time, she would get pulled into Vasilissa's head at times of high emotion. Or she could go in of own free will, in order to make sure Vasilissa was ok. She could also feel her emotions, read her thoughts and see what she saw. That's how Roza always knew when Vasilissa needed her. One of the side effects of being shadow kissed, is taking the darkness from Lissa, another is her strigoi censor and yet another is being able to see, talk to and control ghosts. That's how we knew about the caves, after the attack. Mason showed Roza on a map where the captives were being held."
"Wow, that is awesome. But what do you mean take Vasilissa's darkness?" Ivan asked.
"When Lissa uses her magic it causes what we call darkness, which is all of the bad emotions you can feel such as anger, hatred, pain, depression, jealousy, envy etcetera. Roza pulls all of those bad emotions out of Lissa and into herself. Leaving Lissa with only the good things. The more Lissa used her magic the closer she drove Roza to insanity. But she continued to use it as if there were no consequences, because for her there weren't. I don't know if she didn't notice what it does to Roza, or if she just didn't care. But she never let up on the magic, she even practiced so she could do more things. And as everyone but Jill saw in the caves, there are consequences for Roza. Roza thinks that if this darkness takes a hold of her for good she'll end up like St. Vladimir's guardian shadow-kissed Anna. Who killed herself because of the darkness. Roza has promised me not to take anymore of Lissa's darkness, unless she absolutely needs it, so maybe that will help some."
Everyone just sat around looking at me, with stunned expressions on their faces. I had never explained it all to anyone but Dimitri, so the others were pretty much in shock.
"Little girl I don't want you pulling anymore darkness unless you absolutely have to, do you understand me?" I heard the scared voice of my father say.
"Yes baba. I already promised Dimitri I wouldn't, unless I need it, and I don't intend to. From now on I'm letting her deal with her own shit. If she wants to continue using her magic, then she is going to have to deal with the consequences. It is the only way she will ever learn, that for every good thing there is unfortunately a bad side."
Baba nodded at me and smiled, "Thank you kiz." I just returned his smile and nodded my head.
After we finished another hand of spades, I came up with another game. "Oh, oh, oh why don't we play poker?"
"Do you mean strip poker or regular poker?" Chris asked, doing his best to be funny, while still mulling over the new information about the darkness he'd heard. Although all it did was make Dimitri, Eddie, Yuri, baba and Ivan growl at him. Poor Chris he was the only one without a woman.
"What are you, Adrian Ivashkov the pervert?"
"Ewww. Who the hell would want to be anything like that pervert?!" He sounded truly disgusted.
"Well you suggested strip poker."
"I wasn't serious Roe; what kind of guy wants to see his sisters and mother figure naked?" He shuddered.
"Good. Plus, I have never played strip poker and I don't intend to, unless Dimitri and I are alone." Everyone laughed. "Baba where are the poker chips?"
"They are in the cabinet above the fridge."
"But I can't reach that." I pouted.
"I know that, which is why that's also where I hide my booze little girl."
"Now that, is so not fair." I said sticking my tongue out at him, making him and everyone else laugh.
He got up to get the chips and while he was there he asked, "anyone want a drink while I'm here?"
"What ya got old man?"
"Well there is Bourbon, Tequila, and Russian Vodka."
"Russian Vodka?! Oh hell no, I've had enough of that shit to last me a fucking lifetime." Everyone laughed at my outrage.
"When did you have Russian Vodka Roza?" When he asked me that I just looked at my father, knowing he remembered.
"Umm wh…when I was in Russia of course." I said trying to laugh it off, but it didn't work because he knows me all too well.
Dimitri looked at me questioningly and I looked back at Abe and I saw the sadness in his eyes. Dimitri being the too smart man he is, noticed the exchange.
"You might as well tell him Rose, he's not stupid he will figure it out."
"Roza, when did you drink Russian Vodka?"