A/N: This chapter was rewritten like four times. T.T I'm still not sure I like it like this and so soon, but I'm going to just go with it. I apologize if I ruined it. DX

Disclaimer: I do not own GX.

Chapter 14: Confession

Haou had noticed that Johan seemed more bitter than he ever had. He did know what the problem was, but he did not very well care to fix it. Johan never did anything to display his displeasure with Haou—though a few glances were thrown in his direction, but these were seldom. And Juudai seemed to grow closer to Haou with each passing day, making things all the more tense between the two and Johan. Of course, the European was just as friendly as ever. Though it was with an underlying amount of discomfort which seemed to grow with each passing day.

Through it all, Haou continued to wonder how his strange connection with Juudai and his world could become any stronger. He already knew why he had a connection to Juudai. He just was not sure why he kept imagining that they had talked at some other time somewhere. Was that not impossible, improbable? And yet, he could not shake the feeling. Every time he thought he had things figured out, something else would surface from the depths of his mind to throw him off track.

And that was rather the case for the moment. Since he and Juudai had been closer, these 'memories' had been surfacing a lot more frequently. He was not sure how much was accurate—or whether or not they were true for that matter.

At the moment, he was lying under a tree near the cliff that Juudai liked to sit by. He had his eyes closed tightly, as he was being bombarded with loose, fragmented memories. Some of them seemed ethereal. Others seemed as though they were happening at the moment. And some seemed to not be memories at all, but rather visions and trepidations of the future. He rolled over on his side and opened his eyes halfway, gazing at a dandelion that blew ever so gently in the caressing wind. He focused on it, trying to get his mind off the inner torment. But it would not go away…

"You should not associate with him."

"But, Haou, he's my friend!" A young Juudai protested, swinging his legs with pent-up energy and excitement, "How can I not duel him?"

Haou felt a twinge of jealousy. He wanted Juudai's company to himself. Although he had never cared for it before, he did like Juudai and was worried about him. He wanted to keep him close, safe. He was rather possessive, actually, and he hated it whenever the brunet invited another child to come over and duel with him. Why, he was the only one who could be Juudai's trusted companion! And he was suspicious of everyone and everything that entered into the house.

"I really don't think it's safe." Haou blinked, his icy tone cutting.

"You worry too much. I'm sure that even if something bad happened, my cards would protect me. Especially Yubel!" Juudai held up the prized card, beaming and pressing it against his cheek.

"Yubel…"

Haou's eyes snapped wide open, and he shot up to a sitting position, breathing heavily. He wiped some of the cold sweat from his forehead, and shivered. Yubel…How could he possibly have forgotten…? And more importantly, how was he able to remember? What had happened to her? An aching sensation settled deep within him, from the core. What…was this?

He stared down at his shaking hand. There seemed to be something awry…something beyond the naked eye that was triggering these subconscious memories.

Feeling a presence darker than his own looming beneath the surface, he shook himself of the memory. The hair on the back of his neck stood up slightly, pricking his skin, at the sensation of the darkness rising within him, gnawing at him, demanding exit. At this point, he was not so sure he wanted the memories anymore. Something deep inside was using them to weaken him. Besides, he was uneasy to think what else had been done and lost to the sifting sands of time itself…So he had to focus his attention back to the present.

Quiet reigned but Haou could not find any peace or relaxation in the rare moment. Instead he was too busy wondering what had happened in the gap between the memory and the present. And why did he get the aching feeling deep inside, pulling at his throat? Why did he feel strangely…sentimental about the spot he was lying in presently? It made little sense and at first he wondered if it was another one of his delusions. Sighing heavily, he sat up and ran a hand through his messy hair. Well, if it was, then it would have to go away on its own, just like the others.

Presently, he became aware of a familiar presence drawing closer. He wanted to look up desperately but instead kept staring out over the horizon. It was as though his eyes were locked on that space far away, past space and time, intangible and gone forever. The person drew closer then sat down next to him, and he did not have to look to realize it was none other than Juudai. Well, it was about that time of day when they did sit there like that…it was a habit they had soon grown accustomed to. He should have been anticipating it, but he had been so wrapped up in his thoughts that he had not noticed. He was rather glad that Juudai was there, though. Oddly, he felt a bit safer with the other half of his soul nearby.

Juudai was silent for a moment as he observed Haou, trying to read him. Finally, he gently bumped his fist to the king's shoulder, grinning wryly from ear to ear. "Hey."

Haou's glazed-over golden gaze shifted in his direction. He was not really sure how to address Juudai, for once, and it felt strange to have to think of something that should be so unconscious and mundane. He did not feel like being formal but…it was not in his nature to be casual. So he opted to just nod curtly in the brunet's direction. Juudai's presence was all he wanted, all he needed. Conversation…just did not come naturally to him.

Juudai hugged his knees to his chest, then dropped his head on Haou's shoulder and sighed heavily. "You all right? You seem kinda…off…" He spoke quietly, almost in a whisper.

It took a moment for Haou to comprehend the question. Finally, it registered, and he answered. "I'm fine. Just…" He cut himself off. There was no need to supply Juudai with anymore information. He didn't want to get into a discussion about it. For some reason, the memories caused a previously filled void inside him to ache coldly. He felt it grasp at him sharply.

Juudai shifted so he was snuggled closer against Haou's side. The warmth of the other's body spread slowly over him, seeping past the physical. He shuddered slightly in discomfort; he was unaccustomed to this. "You seem…lonely…"

It was true. Haou was lonely. He had been for years. He'd had to get used to it before. He had coped with it by hurting others, true. But even though he regretted nothing he had done, even though he would do it all over again, he did regret not having anyone by his side to call an ally, a friend. And he wanted desperately to convey his gratitude to Juudai for being that friend to him, for showing kindness. And yet he had neither the social skills nor the humility to let it surface. He let his head drop a little, staring down at the grass, feeling melancholy. He had let every person that had ever been close to him either die or slip through his fingers. Truth be told, he was worried that the same would be true of Juudai. He did not want to lose him. But he knew that if he let the Osiris student too close, then something would happen to him. It was all clear to him, especially at these memories. Somewhere along the way, he had lost the one closest to him. And somewhere along the way…he had lost Juudai before, too. He just couldn't put his finger on what time it was, or how. He just knew he didn't want it to happen again.

"Haou…"

The whisper of his title brought him back to the present. Yes, his title…that was all…He had long ago traded his name for a title; humanity for power.

"What's up?" Juudai tilted his head a bit to one side, so that his head was leaned back on Haou's shoulder, his dark brown eyes staring worriedly up. "Seriously, are you Ok?"

"I…don't know," Haou finally admitted, averting his gaze.

"Maybe I can help." Juudai offered him a friendly smile, which was not returned. It was never returned.

"You couldn't help me. No one can help me but me." It was the truth. He had chosen to be this way…and he was finding it more difficult than he had bargained to work his way through this mess. But there was not a thing Juudai could do for him.

He hunched over, his eyes narrowing as he rested his chin on his knees. He encircled his arms tightly around his legs, holding on with all his might. As much as he tried, he could not shake how horribly perturbed he felt. Something inside him felt as though it had snapped, shattered miserably. And the trigger had been those flashbacks…

Was he truly incapable of mending the mistakes of past days?

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. It was coming in shuddering waves over him then. What was happening to him? Why was this deep piercing agony erupting from the depths of his soul? He did not understand it. It was so foreign to him. And yet…it was as though it had been there all along, numbed, dormant.

He felt sudden warmth brush against his hand, then wrap around his cold, elegant fingers firmly and securely. The gentle fingers slipped between his, lacing, entwining their hands. He found himself gripping back, his hand shaking. Such a display of weakness embarrassed him. But what could he do? Ignore it? No, it was far too potent for him to brush away like he always had.

"You don't have to do this alone," Juudai told him, resolution burning in his eyes, "Even if it's a problem only you can fix, it doesn't mean you can't have support. Come on. Talk to me. I want to help. I won't take no for an answer."

Haou turned his head to face him, his mouth turned sharply downwards, his eyes flashing. "I don't know what to say!" He finally snapped, gripping Juudai's hand with more pressure.

Juudai did not answer right away. He seemed to be thinking about how to respond. A sigh. "I can't tell you how to say it. Just…whatever comes to your mind…"

Haou opened his mouth to retort, to put him in his place, then closed it. What good would it do to linger in old habits? Sullen, he tried to force it out. "Things…I haven't thought of…in years have been plaguing me." He said it in a low, growling tone, as though to assure himself and Juudai of his strength.

"Like what?" Juudai pressed, leaning closer. "Come on. You're doing good."

"Things that I wish I could change," Haou grumbled. That was all Juudai was getting. If he wanted more information, he was going to have to work for it.

"You shouldn't focus on things you can't change," Juudai pointed out, "Just let it go…"

"I can't."

"You can."

"I can't because I don't want to." Haou finally admitted, frowning, "I…need to be angry…at something."

"Because…?" Juudai frowned a little himself, trying to understand the logic behind this.

"It's the only thing…" Haou stopped.

"It's the only thing you'll let yourself feel?" Juudai asked, looking a little sad, "That's not a good way to live. Why would you want to be unhappy all the time like that? Why can't you be happy?"

Haou set his jaw firmly. He had to stop and think about this one. Even though he had sacrificed his humanity slowly over time, he really was not sure what the answer was. He did not really know the true reason for it, just that it had to be done. Finally, he shook his head. "I don't know. I just don't know anything, anymore, Juudai. When I came to this world…my perspective was just turned upside-down. Especially once I really…"

"Really…what?" Juudai prodded, looking curious.

Sighing heavily, Haou shifted and looked around uneasily. "Once I really got to…know you…"

Juudai smiled. "You have seemed a lot less, er, angry."

Haou did not reply. He did not have anything more to say, really. It was too exhausting to think of ways to put what he was experiencing into words. Besides, just being with Juudai was enough to relieve some of the pain. It was probably because they were so close, despite it not seeming to be the case on the surface.

The king stared down at their hands lying in the cool grass, still clasped tightly together. When he looked at them, he got this peculiar sensation rising in his chest, and he felt his heart leap. Swallowing it back, he quickly turned his attention back towards the sky. Those things…were not to happen.

"Haou…"

He turned his attention back to his counterpart. "What?"

Juudai hesitated, looking as though he wanted to say something. "Well…do you think of me as a friend?"

Haou blinked. He found the question rather odd. "I…suppose…Why do you ask?"

"Because I just felt like I wasn't to you…I just felt like you wanted to be friends but you were pushing me away." Juudai fell silent again, dropping his head back on Haou's shoulder.

"Juudai…" Haou paused, staring down at the other boy momentarily. "It's just my nature. It doesn't mean I don't like you. If I didn't like you, you would know it. And if I wanted you to go away, you would know that too."

"Well, if you say so…" Though, Juudai sounded uncertain. However, he did not move. He kept leaning against Haou's side.

Despite his best efforts to suppress it, another pleasant shiver ran along the king's side against which Juudai lay. The brunet lifted his dark eyes to gaze up at Haou, having felt the involuntary movement. A ghost of a smile lingered on his lips, his eyes shining slightly. Haou was rather embarrassed and tried to look away, but Juudai's eyes would not let his wander. What was it about him that was so intriguing? So captivating? So…fascinating? He found that the longer he stared the harder it was to look away. And the harder it was to look away, the more he drowned in Juudai's eyes…

Juudai shifted slightly and sighed. "Haou…"

"Hm?" Haou continued to stare into those eyes, feeling strangely warm inside. He shivered again at the sensation of Juudai's gentle breaths on his neck.

"Do you know how to dance?" The brunet smirked slightly, tightening his clasp on Haou's hand.

The king arched an eyebrow, puzzled. "Well, of course…Why do you ask?"

Shrugging, Juudai casually replied, "I don't know. I guess…I just wanted to know how…Or maybe I just wanted to dance with you."

Despite himself, Haou felt his face heating up at the odd, and rather random, request. "Well," He licked his lips slightly, feeling anxious, "I'm not sure where that came from or why you'd want to know such a thing. But if you really would like to know…"

"Yeah, just…in case…I have to sometime," Juudai shrugged, "I mean…I have danced before just…Not slow dances. And I don't really know how."

"Why not?" Haou tilted his head a little to one side, a characteristic that he had picked up from Juudai.

"I don't know," the Osiris student glanced down at the grass and began to twirl a few blades between his fingers as he spoke. "I guess I just never had any interest in those things. But now I'm wondering what it's like…"

"It's so random…" Haou finally remarked, unsure of what else to say.

"Maybe to you it is, but I have my reasons for thinking the way I do." Juudai smiled warmly at him.

Haou felt his heart jump a little at this. "What was that supposed to mean?" He wondered. But he didn't say anything. Instead, he stood, pulling the brunet up with him.

"So…are you going to teach me?" Juudai asked, his grin widening.

"Well…I…" Haou's face reddened despite himself, and he finally tore his gaze away, looking a little miffed. When he finished his sentence, his voice was a lot quieter than it had been. "…I suppose…But my style is a bit…outdated, you might say."

Outdated? That was an understatement, he thought. He knew that Juudai's world was far more advanced than his, and he only knew such things from his day and age. And those dances were reserved for social gatherings for etiquette reasons. Anything outside of that, he was not aware of. Because it was not necessary and he had better things to do with his time, like learning new war techniques. He had never been embarrassed about it before, but he was currently rethinking his training.

"That's Ok," Juudai told him, breaking him of his thoughts, "As long as I know how to do something. So what do you do first?"

"There are several different ones I know," Haou admitted, "And I don't really know if they would work for you. Some of them are really complicated so I think we should start with the simplest one."

He gently took Juudai's hand and bowed gracefully, as it was habit. Then, he pulled the brunet closer, loosely grasping his hand and placing his other hand on Juudai's lower back. Well, at least this one was a bit newer than some of the others he knew. Maybe Juudai wouldn't look so strange if he used this one.

Slowly, he began to move, gently guiding Juudai as he did so. At first, the other boy's movements were very clumsy; he almost tripped over Haou's feet several times. But gradually, with Haou's guidance, he began to get the hang of it, though he was anything but graceful. It took all his concentration just to keep up with him. He was a little bit embarrassed since it seemed so easy for Haou. His movements were fluid and natural. The dance, however, was far more complicated than Juudai had anticipated. It was more than a simple waltz. And this was because it was older and came from Haou's world.

"This feels really weird," Juudai remarked, grinning weakly, "But I kind of like it."

Haou did not reply to this; he only kept staring into Juudai's eyes, trying to give him visual cues for the parts of the dance that he didn't have any physical contact with him. Juudai could only mirror his movements, falling silent again. He was not very good at this, Haou thought. But he was enjoying himself despite the fact that Juudai was not very coordinated when it came to this. Perhaps it was just being able to share this moment with him.

"You're too good at this," Juudai finally pointed out, looking a little overwhelmed. He laughed good-naturedly. "I really don't think I'm cut out for this."

"You will get better at it with practice," Haou assured him, raising his hand and placing the palm flat against Juudai's as they went around again. "I had lessons starting when I was young and it wasn't easy for me then."

"Well, it's not an easy dance," Juudai said, laughing weakly. "Are you sure this is the easiest one?"

Haou merely nodded, pulling Juudai close again. The brunet stared up at him, a light blush gracing his cheeks. Seeing this and feeling the other in his arms, so close to him, Haou felt his own face heat up slightly. He tried to suppress it, and failed miserably. He knew what was going on, and he really didn't like it.

"Um…" Juudai continued to stare up at him, having paused entirely. They just stood there, looking at each other. It really looked like Juudai had something he wanted to say but wasn't sure how. And Haou felt the anticipation rising. He had a feeling he knew what the other wanted to say. "Haou, I've known you for awhile now and…" He hesitated, leaning unconsciously closer, "well…to be honest, I just get this feeling that I—"

"Juudai, there you are!" Johan came seemingly out of nowhere, just at the wrong moment. His atrocious timing made Haou wonder if he had been watching. A glare was sent in his direction, but he chose to ignore it. Nervously playing with his hands and looking anxious, he asked, "Can we talk for a few minutes?"

"Well, uh…" The brunet looked uncertainly up at Haou, then slowly released him, grinning weakly. "Sure."

Haou frowned. He was a little peeved at Juudai for being so rude and dropping him like that. But there wasn't much he could do about it other than give the brunet a disapproving look. Not to mention he knew this was done entirely on purpose on Johan's behalf, by the way he kept looking so upset and apprehensive. He knew what was going on better than Juudai did, apparently. Irked, Haou stepped back.

"I'm sorry," Juudai apologized, turning back to face Haou, "We can finish this some other time, I guess."

Haou grumbled something under his breath that he hoped the Osiris wouldn't hear. And he supposed he didn't since he didn't receive any sort of negative reaction. Johan, on the other hand, caught it and frowned at him. Haou only returned the look ten times as harsh.

"Um…" Johan grabbed Juudai's hand and tugged on it slightly. "Can we please go somewhere sort of private? I don't want everyone hearing what I have to say to you."

Juudai only nodded, and said a quick goodbye to Haou. The king didn't say anything in response. Mostly because it was not goodbye to him. No, he would not let Johan come between them. It didn't matter what the teal-haired duelist's true intentions were. He was still going to spy. So, he waited for them to go a ways before following them silently. And they didn't notice his presence at all.

"Juudai…I don't mean to sound like I'm starting any drama," Johan began, sighing heavily, "I just really want to know why you chose him over me."

"Wh-what?!" Juudai started, his eyes widening in surprise. "I never said—"

"It's obvious," Johan pointed out dryly, looking dejected, "You really like him a lot. No…it might even be more. Or, at least, you're beginning to fall in love with him, aren't you?"

"No…" Juudai's face burned.

This lie earned him a scowl from Johan. But…he just kept going despite the other boy's unwillingness to be honest with him. "Don't you think that's a little strange? He could be your twin for all we know…"

"He looks different," Juudai argued, his face turning even pinker, "And he's not my twin because I'm an only child."

The transfer student opened his mouth to argue, but Juudai shook his head. He hesitated, then sighed. "Well…if you're so sure of it…"

"I am," The brunet said quietly, "Please don't tell me you think I'd do something like that."

"Well, I…I…" It was Johan's turn to blush. "I don't know what you'd do anymore, to be honest. Especially since you're not being honest with me."

"I am telling the truth when I say that Haou and I are just friends. It's just always going to be that way." Juudai insisted, frowning slightly in embarrassment.

Haou couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment at this. He really tried not to but…he couldn't help it. Because he was beginning to wonder if he felt the same way. Maybe it was time to stop fighting it. After all, it sounded as though Juudai had been very close to a confession earlier.

"You're not just friends and you know it," Johan told him, almost even in a scolding tone, "Why can't you just tell me the truth? We're best friends, aren't we?"

"Yeah, but well…I don't want to hurt you!" As soon as he'd said it, he regretted it. It had just blurted out of his mouth. Quickly, he slapped his hands over his gaping mouth, ashamed. "I…I'm sorry. That came out wrong. I meant—"

"Don't." Johan put a finger to Juudai's lips, hushing him. "Just tell me the truth. Look me in the eyes and tell me the truth. I promise you I'm not going to get angry." His sea green eyes softened, and his smile grew more sorrowful.

"I…" A beat. Juudai gently pushed his hand away, staring at the ground as he thought. It was only a big deal because he didn't want to crush Johan any more than he had already. He felt responsible for his change in feelings and was blaming himself for the other's heartbreak. How could he do that again to his friend?

And yet…maybe it was best to be honest. Maybe it was time to come to terms with his own rapidly changing feelings. He was aware of them, after all. He knew what they were only because it was something that one just knew unconsciously. Maybe it was time he had to tell him. Even if he didn't like it.

He sighed. "All right, all right." Briefly, he paused and crossed his arms over his chest, as though hugging himself to assure himself that it would be all right. "I…I guess I didn't really think about it that much before but…I…I am falling in love with him."

Even though Haou had known this deep down, it still caused his heart to leap and catch in his throat. He swallowed hard, feeling a little weak. It was always something to imagine what this moment might be like but…having it actually happen was a totally different story. He couldn't understand how he could feel so ecstatic and awkward at the same time. It was even almost a feeling of utmost dread.

Johan, as well, reacted with great surprise to the confession. His eyebrows raised and his eyes widened, his lips parted slightly though not a sound escaped them. True, he had known as well but…hearing it only confirmed his suspicions and made him feel even worse about himself, even though he tried very hard not to feel that way. Desperately, he tried to gather his wits about himself and regain his composure. It was difficult, though, when he was staring into his beloved Juudai's eyes as he confessed he had fallen in love with another. Possibly at the expense of loving Johan.

"I'm sorry," Juudai finally apologized, glancing down at the grass. He hated to see that look on Johan's face. To stare into his eyes and watch his heart break from the inside…it nearly killed him. He had never wanted to hurt anyone. He had never wanted to feel this way. "I…I don't have to do anything about it. I won't do anything about it. I don't want to anyway."

Unable to help himself, Haou felt disappointed. Why would Juudai not want to? Why would he try to hold back? Was it simply because he feared hurting Johan? A pang tore through him momentarily, before he smothered it in his typical indifference. No. He did not care. If this was the way it was going to be, he could spare himself the agony by numbing the humanity that was returning, that he had allowed to grow within him. No longer would he nourish it. It had been nice while it had lasted, but it was time to revert. He did not want to be that type of person. He had sacrificed it all to become what he had been. And then he had given that up for what he did not want to be. He was not meant to be a sentimental person, nor a sympathetic one. It was time for him to push his feelings aside, and go on with his life. It wasn't like he was meant to reside in this world anyway. None of this was meant to occur.

There was a moment of awkward silence. Johan tilted his head to one side, narrowing his eyes slightly, though it was not in anger. Rather, he was studying Juudai, as though trying to understand. Finally, he shook his head. "Juudai," He breathed, his voice regaining that silky, effeminate quality as he reached up and gingerly stroked the brunet's cheek, "Don't hold yourself back because of me. Don't hold back because you're afraid of hurting me. Please. I want you to be happy. It's more important than anything, even my happiness. I'll be just fine. Ok?" He dropped his hand on Juudai's shoulder, smiling reassuringly, though his eyes still overflowed with hurt.

"Ah…" Juudai's eyes darted around nervously. He was taken aback by this, and a little confused. He wasn't sure exactly how he should respond. But, he supposed that he had shown Johan he still cared, and he shouldn't keep something from himself just because he didn't want to hurt anyone. After all, if that were the norm, then nothing would ever be accomplished in the world. And so he reluctantly agreed. "Ok…" A weak smile was returned.

"Promise me you won't hurt yourself for my sake," Johan commanded, his voice laced with the highest concern as he clapped his other hand on Juudai's other shoulder, gripping them tightly and pulling him closer.

"I promise," Juudai's grin grew a little, and he relaxed.

"Good." Johan smiled warmly then released him. "In that case…Why don't you tell him how you feel?"

"Uhh…" Juudai scratched his head, looking a little lost. "I would but I'm not really sure how."

"Well, just go with it. Just say whatever your gut tells you." Johan advised. Then, pouting slightly, he chided, "You'd better do something about it before someone else gets to him first. Like what happened to me."

Juudai cringed. "You're right! But…can it wait 'til tomorrow? I'm not sure I have my speech all ready."

Sighing, Johan rolled his eyes. "You don't need to have pre-written a monologue. It's not supposed to be perfect like in the movies."
"But he's so serious," Juudai insisted, "And I don't want to mess things up by not saying it right. I think I should practice at least."

Johan sent him a sideways look. "Have you ever rehearsed anything before? You don't even really study for your tests. So why should you worry about it now?" Shaking his head, he sighed. "Oh, Juudai, you never cared so much before."
The Osiris student had the grace to blush. "Y-You're right. I guess I will tell him…tomorrow…"

"Tomorrow? Why don't you tell him now?" Johan raised an eyebrow, and gave Juudai a little push. "Go on! Get it over with! You'll only make it worse by waiting."

"But I don't want to tell him now—"

"Tsk, Juudai, you were about to tell him before I came along, weren't you?" Another pointed look.

"Well…uh…" The brunet's face burned. "Maybe. But I don't understand why you're trying to help me when before you were mad!"

"Does it matter?" The European asked, grinning weakly, "I was just upset and wanted answers. I…will admit I saw the whole thing and I was going to let it go on but…I just got too upset and needed to talk it over with you and make sure you knew what you were doing. But…Oh, forget why. Just go do it, please."

"But I—"

"No." Johan gave Juudai another shove.

The brunet dug his feet into the ground, trying to resist it but instead lost his balance momentarily. And crashed into whom else but Haou. Haou didn't say anything; he was too shocked. And he didn't very well care whether or not they knew he had been eavesdropping. Though, judging by the expression on Johan's face, he cared. Slowly, Juudai lifted his head to meet Haou's eyes, and a pink streak proclaimed his embarrassment.

"Oh, Haou! …How long have you been standing there?" Juudai's grin wavered.

At first, Haou did not respond. Then, he sighed and shook his head, opting to lie just because he wanted to hear Juudai say it directly to his face. "Not long."

Both Juudai and Johan looked relieved.

"Anyway," Johan coughed, "I think maybe now is a good time…" He nudged Juudai a little.

The brunet looked slightly dumfounded for a moment, then quickly pulled himself from his stupor. "Oh, uh…right…" He glanced over at Johan, silently telling him to leave, which Johan did without another word. It was obvious he didn't want to leave, and it was obvious that he wasn't all that happy with the situation, but he wanted to try to help Juudai even if it pained him. So he walked away… And Juudai…found himself speechless for several long, awkward moments.

Haou didn't make it any better. He kept staring with that piercing amber gaze of his, his eyes seemingly boring into Juudai's soul. The brunet laughed nervously, and shifted from one foot to the other, grinning like an idiot.

"Well?" Haou asked, growing impatient. He crossed his arms, frowning a bit. He certainly didn't know how to handle this at all.

"I wanted to tell you," Juudai began, uncharacteristically uncertain, "that...I really like you."

Was that it? Was that all he was getting? Well, maybe Juudai would surprise him… "Really."

"Yeah," Juudai ran a hand through his choppy brown hair, his grin widening, looking almost even embarrassed. "I mean…I really like you. A lot." His brown eyes lifted to meet Haou's, hope shining in them. It was as though he expected an answer of some sort.

Quickly, Haou fumbled for an appropriate response. What could he say? In these cases, it was demanded that one either confirm or deny mutual attraction. But he really wasn't that good at these types of things. Part of him wanted to admit that he liked Juudai, as well, but another part of him was commanding him to keep it deep inside and crush it. Well…he had kind of tried that before with no results. It had only worsened. So what was he supposed to do? He felt a little trapped.

Even worse as far as pressure was concerned, Juudai kept staring him straight in the eyes. His smile was beginning to waver, and he looked like he felt more awkward than ever. Well it was no wonder he did. Haou had been standing there staring at him dumbly for about five minutes. Actually, it was more like he had been standing there staring at Juudai as though he were dumb for the past five minutes. He hadn't meant to but…He didn't really notice because he was getting so lost in the brunet's eyes again.

"If you feel stupid about this just say so," Juudai finally huffed, looking embarrassed and annoyed, "And we don't ever have to mention this again."

Another pause. More staring. Haou felt tongue-tied.

Juudai frowned a bit. "Ok, I see how it is. Sorry I said that. Just…forget it." He forced a smile, though his eyes were more than a little hurt. However, he was determined to move on.

This made Haou feel worse. It was aching to get out. But…could he force himself to do this much? How could he say something that he had kept a carefully guarded secret for who knew how long? Not only was it humiliating but he had told himself it was repulsive, sick, wrong.

He must've looked a little upset, though, because Juudai tilted his head to one side and regarded him curiously. Then, blinking innocently, he decided to make a move that would force Haou to confess either his mutual affection or his disgust. Before Haou could so much as think about what was happening, Juudai had placed his hands on either one of his shoulders and leaned up. Deep inside, Haou knew what was about to happen, but he had frozen up. He just couldn't bring himself to pull away. He told himself to but…all to no avail. Because he wanted this so very badly.

Juudai tilted his head a little more, though he still narrowly avoided crashing their noses together most uncomfortably. If Haou hadn't yielded and tilted his head as well, they would have. It was a near disaster avoided. All the same, it did not mean he was quite receptive of it. At any rate, it wasn't stopped, and the next thing he knew, he felt Juudai's warmth breath on his face, followed by the gentle sensation of their lips brushing.

For a moment, that was all there was. Haou could have sworn he had even stopped breathing for the awkwardness of the moment. But, soon after he felt himself reciprocating the slight pressure, Juudai pulled away, his face red and his eyes wide. He wanted to look away but found that they couldn't stop staring at each other.

Feeling even more uncomfortable, and the impulsive need to get this off his chest so that he might tear their gazes apart, Haou began, "Juudai, I—" He stopped. Could he say it? He looked at Juudai for a long time, then shook his head. Maybe he didn't have to. He had accepted the kiss, after all, and Juudai didn't seem upset anymore.

A long pause. Nothing was said, and nothing was done, save for the staring. Juudai finally jammed his hands in his pockets and grinned cheekily. "Well…I guess I'll see ya."

Haou opened his mouth and managed a terse goodbye. He watched Juudai walk away, letting the wind whip his hair in his face. What…had just happened? He felt more confused and stuck than he had in a long time. What was he supposed to do? Had he done the wrong thing? Well, no matter what he did it was wrong. It just depended on the viewpoint.

Sighing raggedly, he stuffed his hands in his own pockets and headed in the opposite direction, towards the cold, lonely winds that whistled on endlessly. It didn't matter what he did then. He just needed a long walk to think things through. By the end of it, he should have come to a conclusion. But no matter what, one thing remained always and forever: he was a loner. There was no other way that he could be. There was no other way he knew how. And that might be what prevented him from achieving true satisfaction. Maybe that was what held him back.

A/N: Can you believe that took me two months to write? Bwahaha! Amirite? It's awful. XD I'm sorry it's so bad I just…ugh. Ugh ughgughhdgadu. Well uhhh, hm…sorry about that…moving things so randomly and fast…plz just forgive me already. XD I was stuck at what to do with this story. Oh but next chapter we get back to the action. Hopefully. Haha.