I think this my longest chapter yet...and it sure felt like it.

Hope you enjoy the read!

The high school looked foreign- as if Elizabeth was a transfer student instead of the most popular girl in the class. The sight of the dark brick building made her regret every word she had spoken about her desire to come today. In truth, she never wanted to walk through those doors again. There were people she didn't have the guts to face and tests- in both track and her classes- that made her want to run the other way. She would have too as she did earlier that week if she any hope that said other direction held some release. This despair drove her today. There was no correct action. Nothing Elizabeth could do would make anything right. She was caught somewhere between a rock and a hard place- only that somewhere was a void. It was best not to think at this point. Advice wasn't something Elizabeth usually sought and when it was offered she rarely followed it, but Coach Marie had a point. The chaos of other's would keep her mind at bay. If anything could help, busyness would; in fact, this was nothing new to Elizabeth.

Anyway, further fleeing would serve only to deepen her betrayal. The crime she had committed was beyond comprehension. What conclusion could one reach from pondering cowardice? Where was one to go when the distance of two day's silence surrounded them as if it was bubble-wrap and they were a fragile package? For Elizabeth the only fathomable answer was continuing on- going about as if nothing occurred: another lie- an additional shovel of dirt on her already heaping mound of atrocious acts. Regardless, Elizabeth was a runner and no matter how far she ran, it was her duty to make all haste back. By smiling and reassuring Sara she would all right going about her day, she was doing just that. Any possible redemption lied in facing the coming storm head-on.

The halls were crowded but the only acknowledge Elizabeth received was the usual mumbled good mornings from classmates. She flashed a few smiles and waved half-heartily in response. Her pace was slow and senses alert as if she was waiting for something to happen. But no people jumped out in front of her, no hands reached for her and she met no people who she considered worth words so by the time Elizabeth reached the locker room she was downright lonely.

The metal door was colder than Elizabeth remembered- so cold in fact, that for a second she feared her hand had frozen to it. Cautiously she proceeded into the locker room. The shorts and t-shirt she was wearing were not appropriate for school no matter the circumstances and Elizabeth was relatively certain she had a pair of jeans and a hoodie in her locker. Despite the morning practice, the place was deserted. Maybe it was later than she thought…but she didn't recall hearing any bells or dodging the usual last minute stampedes.

It was as if the knowledge of her combination had been wiped from her mind in two days she had not opened it. Elizabeth frowned at the lock, tugged it every which way and even turned it in search for the clicking noise thieve associate with the right number. When her failure seemed complete, Elizabeth left out a hefty sigh. This was certainly new…

The lock slipped from Elizabeth's now limp hand. She was panting as if she had failed to run up a hill instead of forgetting a few numbers. The teasing would soon begin; Lindsay would definitely have something to say about Elizabeth's minor mental lapse. On top of the jeers, Elizabeth would have to deal with the usual banging- another reminder- as Lindsay pounded on her own locker and chucked the items which always attempted to escape back onto the pile of junk. Then there'd be the cursing…At least Elizabeth had those seconds to struggle without Lindsay's words to make her feel foolish. That is until the final jamming and the sigh of relief; at that point, Lindsay would be free to hover around Elizabeth to her heart's content.

"Lindsay, I don't want to hear it. Okay? So I forgot my combination…I was up most of the night working on various stuff I missed, which is more than you can say and at least I can open my locker without a half ton of moldy towels and water bottles knocking me on the head. Hell, you'd think you'd learn…" Elizabeth snapped- releasing the anger that had been building due to her folly. She braced herself for the coming battle really wishing now her locker had just opened. Her throat could only hold up for so many high-strung conversations.

The room was silent, not even an echo argued back. Elizabeth shaded her eyes with hand…she was back at square one and had only more raw wounds to show for the morning. There was proof now. It was like dreaming a lion had pounced on her and just as its razor-like claws were mere centimeters from her jugular, she woke, but she wasn't perfectly safe in bed…

Once again, the question of what to do faced her. If she lied still, Elizabeth would be safer since there would be no sudden movements to startle her lion, but she ran the risk of drowning in her idleness. Elizabeth was already knee deep and the liquid trapping her seemed to be thickening with every passing second, which stood to make her needed progress all the more difficult. Eventually she just walked away. Concerns for her clothing were on the backburner as she hustled up the stairs to her chemistry class.

The door was shut and through the glass slit, Elizabeth could tell everyone was seated. Today's lesson had already begun; she would be intruding…

"Oh my god! It's Elizabeth!" Someone yelped no sooner then the doorknob clicked and Elizabeth appeared behind it. Most of the other heads in the class turned her way, but Elizabeth just walked to her seat staring ahead.

"Elizabeth?" Will gave her a whole second before issuing his greeting.

"Yes Will?" Sitting up straight in her chair, Elizabeth looked him in the eyes coldly.

"Uh…uhhhh…I was just going to ask what was up…" Will shuddered as if the ice cubes in Elizabeth's eyes were suddenly crushing him.

"Miss Swann? You are a good fifteen minutes late." The teacher stood in front of her.

"I was with Miss Marie…She'll vouch for me."

"I'll email her later then. There shouldn't be a problem since you've never been late before. Glad you could join us."

"I was absent two days…" Elizabeth muttered as he walked away to carry on class where he left off upon her arrival.

"As I'm sure you all remembered and have been working most diligently on, your projects are due today…stop scribbling back there…Untidiness will only be further looked down upon."

The packet of papers thudded hollowly as Will dropped it between them. Elizabeth couldn't help but blink.

"Hey, I said I did the project to YOUR standards, didn't I. Took me a while too." Will's grin was as wide as a river in the peak of flood season.

"Ummm yeah…you did…I don't have any of my books."

"Did you leave them somewhere? Do you feel alright…?"

Elizabeth quickly shook the thoughts that were threatening to crawl back into her mind away. Yes, she forgot her bag at home since she was in such a hurry to get to track…what a ridiculous thing for her to do. She'd have to make a mental note to triple check everything before she left home in the future.

"Elizabeth, you don't have to take the quiz today if you don't feel like you're ready…" The teacher was talking to her again…

"What?!"

"Were you not listening to me only a second ago? There is a pop quiz right now, but since you weren't here most of the week, you can take it at a later date."

"What are we learning again?"

The teacher sighed. "Don't worry about it…look over the notes Will should have given you and I'm sure it'll come back."

"He did…and I did. I know I remember something recent about chemistry…Will, why didn't you tell me there was a quiz?"e H

"I'm officially convinced you randomly pick your mood from a hat everyday…" Will shook his head as he reached for a pencil in his bag.

Once the class began the quiz, Elizabeth stole a glance at Will's in hopes that would jog her memory. She could do nothing but frown. At that moment, she really felt like she knew nothing and that was not even considering the forgetting of her bag and locker combination. It was it turning into a rather bad day for her…

After first period ended, Elizabeth wandered out into the hall. She had walked away from Will who had not pursued her as he normally did. The hall was buzzing and Elizabeth felt as if she was floating through a bee farm- far enough to be safe but close enough to understand where the drone originated. Some voices might have been calling her name- that is assuming there were individual voices in the first place- or it could have been her mind searching for any pattern and recognizing her name since it was the only thing she seemed to know anymore.

Elizabeth was standing in a stairway and she wanted to scream. If her voice rang so loud the whole school heard, somebody would have to come. She opened her mouth, but stopped before any sound came. The whole school coming wouldn't give her even the slightest comfort. That would only make it louder…Her face and hands were freezing. The same person who turned up AC in the locker room must have been here. Elizabeth's whole body quivered. She should have screamed; then at least someone could hold her down before her brain further turned into mush. But all she could do was lean against the wall and even that could simply have been an instinct- a response conditioned by frequent yet distant happenings. There was never any worry when he drew her into his grasp- no yearning that could never be exactly identified, no need to act, no rejection. He always took the lead and did as he pleased. His mere presence made her happy- his actions sealed the deal. What more could she ever ask for? If James was so satisfied with her, Elizabeth had to be doing something right…

Her tears were hot; the stream slowly thawed her frozen face. Elizabeth's whole face would wash away if she didn't stop soon, but even knowing this she couldn't. The tears were an involuntary reflex and an all-consuming one at that; she couldn't move another muscle. Aside from the hard step beneath her, Elizabeth felt nothing…the water was everywhere now and it had her utterly trapped.

"Elizabeth. Elizabeth, can you hear me? Lizzy dear, please…" Coach Marie stood over her. Her voice was soft but in the empty stairwell, it was the only audible sound.

"Elizabeth?" The woman reached to touch Elizabeth's shoulder. Even upon contact, Elizabeth didn't stir. "I'm sorry…Elizabeth…I'm sorry for letting you come here…please." Sighing, she kneeled next to Elizabeth.

"I want to be alone."

"Elizabeth…I can imagine you do, but didn't the conditions of you coming to school include being with other people?"

"You have a second period class. You'll get in trouble…"

"I didn't just walk off…it was actually more of a jog…but the point is I told my department head. Everyone understands-"

"I don't want people to understand. I don't want people to know. I hate when people think about me or look at me or talk….so stop. I'll be fine."

"No, you are about as fine as a stormy day. I'm sorry if my concern is causing you any more grief. It is definitely not meant that way-"

"Oh now you are going to tell me you only want to help me and how you thought we were friends…or whatever."

"So you do listen."

"I don't want anymore friends. Look what happened to all mine. And that's why I say I'm fine. There is no one left to hurt me…"

"Except that attitude."

"People are talking, right?"

"That's what we do…I strictly enforced silence in class today. I have a short fuse as it is. I didn't want to hear it…"

"The sharks come running at the smell of blood…people are the same with juicy gossip."

"Regardless of whom it hurts."

"Let them say whatever they want. I don't care; it doesn't hurt me. It's none of their business though." Elizabeth got to her feet. "I wonder how many people passed me- more dragging of personal issues into the public…"

"There is nothing wrong with hurting. It's natural. Tell that to anyone who has something to say about you."

"I…should go back to class…"

"If you want…I have third hour off…so you could come help me."

"I didn't bring my books anyway. But I don't want to bother you. You are being far too kind as it is."

"Tragedy isn't consolidated to one person. It touches us all, but is how we handle it which really affects us."

"Tragedy…" Elizabeth's tongue stung as if she bit it instead of speaking that simple word…She didn't have the right to lay claim to it. Miss Marie was right; tragedy was wide spread. It was stupid for her even to feel sad. What a waste the morning had been. Elizabeth was just getting further behind in school and pulling her mind away from her goal. She would have to pay for this diversion. The world didn't care what she felt. There was no one who could change what she was up against because she lost a few days due to woe. The tears hurt her goal and thus were pointless.

Elizabeth clenched her fists. She was a fool. Only fools gave in- and to a little pain, at that- when their goals were in sight. Doing nothing was almost as bad as betrayal and yet here she stood after she understood she killed her friends. Elizabeth deserved to drown. The water and rocks should crush her. Maybe pain would set her in motion again. Too bad, she felt no such pain. She needed to move quickly and fast. The track meet was less than a week away. Elizabeth would go on and win as she had promised. One broken promise was more than she could bear. Now she had a chance to redeem herself. The cowardice would end.

Elizabeth had nothing more to say to Miss Marie and the coach didn't dare force anything else out of her. As they walked, Elizabeth feared the bell would ring and she'd be washed away in the stream of thoughtless students. She repeatedly checked the clock. There were a good ten minutes left in the period, but one could never be too safe.

"They'll be in my classroom to the end of this hour. I forgot…oh and remind me to e-mail your teachers. Since you're here, I'm sure you can get into heaps of trouble for not actually being there." Miss Marie winked.

"Yeah…I'm going to go to the bathroom…"

"Come to my room when you are ready…Let's hope my class didn't eat their sub."

Elizabeth turned the cold knob. The water whooshed into the basin. She cupped her hands and splashed some of the icy liquid on her face. The tears had felt better but had been acts of weakness. Now she had to freeze.

The mirror was a horrifying sight. Elizabeth would sooner step into the crowded hallways than see her reflection. From the unavoidable glance, she could tell her eyes were pink marshmallows puffing from a very raw face and that birds might as well have done her hair. Had she just have gotten out of practice, Elizabeth would have considered her appearance a success, but for school she a downright fashion atrocity.

Elizabeth slipped out of the bathroom and sidled to Miss Marie's room. The teacher smiled upon her arrival, which made Elizabeth very uncomfortable. Marie's eyes were on her; they could see everything. If she could have, Elizabeth would have hid under the desk. How she ever envied chameleons…

"Do you need anything, Elizabeth? You haven't eaten anything today have you?"

"I'm not hungry…in the least…"

"Then help me grade these. The answer key is on top, but I'm sure you know these answers as well as I do."

"No…how could I? I don't know anything…" The memories of that morning's chemistry class flooded her mind. Still, it seemed distant like a dream during a deep slumber. What was happening? Science had always been her best class…As she sat checking Miss Marie's tests, Elizabeth could recall nothing she learned. A long time ago, she had taken this test and she could almost guarantee her score had been better than most of these. Yet what sat in front of her meant nothing. The passages were words on a page and the questions random selections from the above arrangement. There could never be meaning in this chaos…

"I'm going to be reading essays for weeks….those teachers who can give all multiple choice tests don't know how lucky they are…"

Elizabeth grunted. Just because they were alone, Marie did not need to find it necessary to fill the silence. She rather liked quiet company. There were all the benefits of not being alone with none of the annoyance of small talk.

The comfort soon ended with third period. Elizabeth didn't much mind going to class. When she thought about it, she was just grateful to have missed PE. "I'll see you late, Coach, thanks for letting me stay with you."

"Of course, sweetie, please take care of yourself. If things get too rough again, you know where to find me or just leave. Goodness knows, school is the last place you should be…"

Elizabeth shuffled to class. She was a stray: belonging nowhere, but having to go somewhere. The floor tiles were all she saw on walk. By looking up, she ran the risk of catching the eye of someone she knew and that would be like having a tooth pulled with nothing to numb the pain.

The few students went mute when Elizabeth entered. Even the teacher eyed her as she sat down. Sitting through class would be like swimming in lava.

"What's up?" The boy who sat in front of Elizabeth turned around and asked. She wanted to reply like you don't know, but instead spoke the common response- nothing. After a few minutes, he gave up on starting a conversation and no one else tried. Elizabeth crossed her arms on the table and as the class progressed; her head slipped closer and closer to them until she was in a perfect position for a slight nap.

A sharp pain shot up Elizabeth's side. Only when the light flashed before her eyes, did she realize she had been sleeping. No one around her was staring; they were either very used to her naps or there was a test coming soon. What class was this? Even that knowledge was fading…She was sitting in a chair in a classroom and that was the whole universe.

A bell rang and everyone got up. Leave at the bell; she'd have to remember that one. Elizabeth followed the crowd into the hall. Her side felt as if white-hot daggers were jamming themselves in. Maybe she was hungry. Her lunch was next- it couldn't hurt- anymore than it did now- to try.

Elizabeth shouldered her way to the end of the lunch line. People were chattering all around her. She clutched her arms against her chest. Someone cut close behind Elizabeth and his or her laughter was agonizing. Elizabeth would have rather bathed in acid than stand there any longer. She pulled out of line and pushed against the current to break free from the hungry students. Once liberated, Elizabeth stood alone for the entire world to see.

And then she was jogging toward the bathroom. The jabbing pain evolved into a dizzying nausea. This subsided though as soon as she was in the closed stall. Kneeling over, she rested her palms on her thighs and waited for her breath to return. What came instead of relief was a rush of memories: first, a younger version of her was sitting rejected at the end of a long table- a loser, a disgrace, even knowing she was her, Elizabeth wouldn't speak to her. Then Lindsay was softly joking with her; Elizabeth strained her ears to understand the words, but all she heard was disparagement. Elizabeth eat your lunch. You'll never have the strength to run. You are too skinny. James pinched her leg and sparks flew up her spine.

Elizabeth choked- certain this time she would lose at least one internal organ. Her body had nothing to expel except the sweat that poured down her neck. So close was she to crawling into a ball on the cool tile and crying, she could picture it in her mind. But it was another fantasy; Elizabeth could never do anything that degrading.

After splashing a few handfuls of water onto her face and smoothing her hair, Elizabeth departed. The trend was broken; her walk out of the bathroom was completely uneventful. Where could she go now? She had no lunch table to retreat to and joining anyone else was way out of the question. It was best she stayed out of sight since people would be curious and insensitive enough to ask as many questions as their voices could belt out. In the end, standing right where she was and avoiding the eyes of anyone who walked by was the best option.

During physics, this boy kept trying to talk to her. He stepped in front of her when Elizabeth tried to sidestep him to get to her seat and grasped her wrist as she tugged away. Elizabeth's head was down the whole time; silence was the safest way to handle this almost pathetic stranger.

By the end of the day, there was a sudden surge of concern for her well-being. Elizabeth answered most of the "how are you holding up?"-s and "are you okay?"-s with a confused "fine" and a smile. A few girls came up and hugged her, offering their sincerest apologies. Through all of them, Elizabeth held her course. It was time for track practice. She couldn't let even a fading memory interfere with that. There was no need to go to her locker since she was already dressed for running so Elizabeth headed straight to the track. She'd have a few extra minutes to practice…

Coach Marie sat alone on the bench by the entrance. As Elizabeth approached, she looked up and smiled slightly. "I figured you'd be the first one here."

"I must start running…"

"Elizabeth?"

"There's not much time. I need to practice."

"Elizabeth, dear."

"I have to win."

The coach took Elizabeth by the shoulder and guided her to the bench. "Sit down and rest for awhile. You've been doing a wonderful job."

"I'm letting everyone down."

"No, we are just worried about you. We'd rather see you well than-"

"I won't fail again."

"Elizabeth, honey, you've never failed anything. You are so talented. You don't need to do this to yourself.

Elizabeth traced a circle with the tip of her shoe. Any minute now, she would start running…

"Coach Marie!!" Sara and a few younger girls approached.

"How are you, Sara?"

"Exhausted. I've been walking on eggshells and dodging bullets all day. I managed to quiet many a rumor today. Those bastards wouldn't be jabbering if it were their friend. Everyone was dead silent in the locker room. I'm not going to lie, it is bad."

"Of course it's bad!" Elizabeth stomped her foot in the center of her circle.

"We are not going to practice today. We'll have a meeting and then go from there."

"Are you going to talk or…?"

"I'll start, but this may be better coming from a peer. If you guys aren't up to it I'll-"

"Didn't I say I'd do it?"

"Elizabeth, if you don't cool it, you won't be doing anything. I understand you are experiencing dozens of conflicting emotions including being nearly overcome with grief, but if you cannot control yourself than perhaps this is not where you should be right now."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Yeah, Liz, I don't mean to force any more pressure on you, but since you are the captain…the girls will be looking to you. You know what I mean, right?"

Elizabeth nodded. If they wanted cool and composed she could do that. She bit her tongue until she could think only of the stinging.

The rest of team filed in slowly. There was no giggling or running. Everyone just sat down on the track in front of the bench. For the first time that day, Elizabeth looked into the eyes of those around her. They stared intently, blinking mush less than she would have thought normal.

"Girls," the coach began after it was assumed everyone who was coming was there, "I'm very sorry we have to meet like this. And I…I want you all to keep mind that we- myself included- are here for you. We'll just talk for today…since it is the only thing I can imagine doing…which bring me to…Elizabeth has something she needs to share with you all…"

Elizabeth stood up. The entire team was holding their breath anticipating the explanation they sought all day. Since becoming captain, Elizabeth had grown accustomed to speaking in front of the group, but this was in a whole other issue…

"I don't know what any of you heard. I hope you didn't believe any of the rumors out there…But as I'm sure you've all realized two of us are missing…I suppose I should start at that beginning…my boyfriend James Norrington had a party last night for his birthday. They were drinking and for whatever reason…they drove- they being James, Claire, Lindsay and her boyfriend. And…and…their car crashed….James…he died…instantly…Lindsay and Claire…they are alive…but in a coma…And to clarify, no I was not there. I've been sick these last two days. And I haven't seen anything. Their families have asked to be left alone. I'm very sorry…" Elizabeth's voice trailed off. The eyes still stared. She broke contact with them to glance up at Marie who had a firm grip on her shoulder. Elizabeth sat back down so she wouldn't have to worry about her wobbly knees giving out.

No one spoke. Elizabeth chewed on her thumbnail. Had she said enough? She knew she hadn't been the most supportive, but that was nothing new. This was all her fault. It was a failure to lead. Once the investigation got further, her betrayal would come into the light. Everyone would blame her- hate her. And how sweet it would be to finally be punished for her crimes.

"They'll get better!" One of the girls shouted. Others nodded and mumbled now that the spell had been broken.

"That's what we have to pray for." Sara said.

"That's right. We must have hope. It's important we are all strong for each other. We have some tough times ahead…I want you to all stay close to friends and family and to listen to your hearts. If you feel like crying, there is no shame in it. Acting emotionless will only make it hurt tenfold later. We'll get through this, girls." The coach gave a reassuring smile. Sara was crying and about three fourths of the team looked like they were about to join her. Elizabeth just bit her lip. While she couldn't take back all the hurtful things she did, she could control her emotions here. She didn't deserve to cry. After all, she was the one who caused all these tears.

"I'm so sorry, Elizabeth. I can't imagine what you are going through…But thank you for sharing…"

"Yeah, Liz, I feel so bad for your loss."

"Way to be strong."

"We're all here for you. Don't forget that."

"Ahhhh…thanks, but I'm not worthy…I'm in shock…I'm…..anything but strong…" Elizabeth moaned to the ground.

"Nonsense, Elizabeth, you are a good friend and we all care about you." Sara took her hand.

"Yeah…" Elizabeth pulled her knees to her chest.

The team continued to chatter as Elizabeth huddled on the bench. Her head was spinning and she was starting to picture herself collapsing into bed. But she couldn't leave since she didn't have her car…

"Elizabeth! Elizabeth!" A hand was shaking her. The calling wasn't enough to justify the torture opening one eye would be.

"I'll drive her home. You are all free to go. Just take care of yourselves. We'll meet tomorrow afternoon to discuss future plans. I'll see you all then."

The team dispersed. Sara lingered since she was practically holding Elizabeth up. "Are you sure you want to drive her, Coach?" I can have my mom do it. She won't mind…"

"Thanks, but I say to hell with school rules….in this case anyway. I'd feel a lot better seeing her home safely."

"I….don't…need..."

"Shut it, Liz. Not another word."

"Take care of yourself, Sara." Marie hugged her. Elizabeth stumbled to her feet.

Elizabeth followed behind Marie. She was walking slowly and no matter how the coach tried, it was hard to keep pace. When they got to her car, Marie unlocked the door, opened the passenger side door and threw some bags that were on the seat into the back.

"Sorry for the mess…I was going to go to the Laundromat after school, but…"

Elizabeth got in as soon as Marie signaled her to.

"I'm going to need detailed instructions on how to find your home. I'm not exactly from around her so I don't know every street."

"Sure. It's easy…if you go on the main road…that passes the ocean."

"If? Is there another way?"

"I take side streets, but don't worry about it."

"You sure?"

"You are already going out of your way for me."

"It's the least I can do for you."

"Thank you."

It was rush hour so traffic was slow. Elizabeth fidgeted in her seat the whole time they were in eyeshot of the ocean.

"Turn left at the next light. Then right at the second stop sign."

The coach obeyed and they entered a residential are. The slow speed made Elizabeth want to jump out and run the rest of the way…

"Keep on this road 'til you get to a T- sign. Then left…"

"It's a bit of a maze in here."

Elizabeth shrugged. "Right at that yield sign…then I'm the second house…"

"Yip! It's a maze, but a nice place."

"….thank you…" Elizabeth searched for the handle to open the door.

"Elizabeth, before you run off, I want you to listen to a little more of my rambling. I know you are hurting…now is not the time to over-exert yourself. Rest, relax and let your mind process this information overload. Is there someone home?"

Elizabeth shrugged again. "I'm just going to go to sleep…"

"Good for now. If you start feeling bad-"

"Company can be soothing. I heard you the first three times."

"Then goodnight, honey. I'll see you tomorrow? I'll be where I always am if you need anything. Don't be a stranger."

"Thanks again." Elizabeth slipped out of the car and waved as she walked up her driveway. Her house key was still in her pocket, which made letting herself in a mindless task and thus possible.

The room was actually the same as when she darted out that morning. Her schoolbooks littered the table and floor and the sofa was unmade. It was a good thing no one came home…

Elizabeth flopped on the sofa- kicking her shoes off after she was lying down. Finally, the whole of her consciousness could fade in peace…

So? Please review and share your thoughts?