I was frozen in fear. I had forgotten, honestly forgotten, how absolutely terrifying Ivan's smiling face could be. It even seemed as he had grown larger and even more terrifying since the last time I saw him. Dealing exclusively with him over the phone may have been a very, very, bad idea for me. I had gotten too comfortable imagining him some place far away to remember that he would actually need to come back and that I would have to deal with him face to face again. Fuck was I screwed this time. I tried to reply him somehow, but couldn't even find my voice to answer him. The way his cold violet eyes were fixed on me prevented any kind of rational thought to go thru my mind.
He kept on smiling. "I missed you Francis." He said in a sweet voice as his hand raised to softly brush some of my hair from my face and I stiffened to his touch, controlling the instinct to jerk back away from him. "I thought of you every day back in Russia." He kept on, leaning over the counter approaching me. I remained where I stood, unable to move away from Ivan's piercing stare. But as he approached me suddenly there was a flicker in his eyes and I trembled to the twitch in his smile.
I somehow found my voice. "Ivan? Is… is everything alright?" The atmosphere around him had intensified into a much darker and terrifying thing.
Ivan had backed up and was now standing at his full height. "Of course Francis." He spoke, using the fucked up twisted tone that I loathed. "Why would anything be wrong?" He smiled and I somehow knew that something was very, very, wrong and I might end up paying up for it.
"It…It's been a while hasn't it?" Merde what was wrong? Why was he here now?
"Oh surely it hasn't been that long has it Frensis?" He said with his smile widened threateningly. Fuck. Why had he called me that way? Never had he called me something other than my name.
"I have good news for you Frensis." He went on. Shivers ran thru my whole body. Good news for the mob was never good news for me. It was terrifying just to think that they could have something such as good news.
"But before we go into that moy dorogoy Frensis. Why don't we go some place where we can talk more privately?" He stretched out his hand again, caressing my cheek. Merde. The glint in his eyes told me that I was into some deep fucked up shit this time.
It was just my luck that precisely at that moment, the kitchen door swung open and Matthew walked out of the kitchen with a hot batch of treats and saw us. Both Ivan and I turned to look at him and I instantly recognized the Arthur's special death glare in my angels face. And he was sending such glare Ivan's way. Fuck. Why was my precious sweet angel only able to make himself noticeable when it is best for him to stay out of sight?
"May we help?" Matthew spoke up loudly as he moved himself between me and the counter before Ivan, the possessive intent of his action obvious to anyone willing to see it. Ivan sent him an even more terrifying death glare. Mon Dieu, my angel was going to get himself killed.
"It's ok chouchou, I can handle this, please go back to the kitchen." I panicked. Sacrebleu why did I always attract the obsessive, possessive types.
Matthew and Ivan didn't budge from their glaring contest. With a quick glance around the shop I realized that Chells and the other costumers had already stopped from whatever they had been previously doing to look at them expectantly. It was going to be a blood bath.
"Ivan, why don't you call me later? Matthew we really need to get back to work." I still panicked. At least this time Ivan looked my way, though I still didn't like how he smiled at me.
"Would you rather I come after closing hour with a gift moy dorogoy Frensis?" He sneered at me and I cursed the bastard because Matthew was already riled up enough as it is and he wouldn't understand the true meaning behind the 'gift' Ivan had offered me.
"He's busy later." Matthew barked up to Ivan before I could do anything about it. "Now are you buying something or not?" He kept on rudely.
"Matthew please, that is no way to speak to a costumer. Let me take care of this and go back to the kitchen." I pleaded.
"Oh, but I bet he would cancel all his plans to meet me in the back at night." Ivan jabbed. Sacrebleu I really wanted to fetch my knives and stab the both of them. Anything to stop this madness.
"Ivan, stop it. Matthew please listen to me." I tried again.
"And what makes you think that?" Matthew growled back. Merde What was I supposed to do?
Instead of giving Matthew an answer, Ivan grinned knowingly. It riled Matthew spot on, it was the last straw for him. Matthew slammed his hands at the counter ready to jump towards Ivan prevented only because I had realized what he intended to do and grabbed his waist pulling him back with me.
"Matthew! Let it go! Ivan! Office! Now!" I yelled angrily at the both of them desperate to prevent a fight to break out. Ivan walked toward the back smiling smugly to Matthew as he struggled in my grip. And only when he disappeared toward the office did I release Matthew from my arms.
"What were you thinking?" I instantly yelled at him.
"He was…" He began yelling back at me.
"We were talking!" I interrupted.
"But…"
"No! No buts, I do not care what you think was happening, nothing was going on and the last thing I needed was for you to barge in like that, building up an unnecessary scene." I yelled at him. Mon Dieu this was a nightmare. Matthew might just have put himself in danger by pulling such an act. I needed to find a way to convince Ivan it was nothing. Lie to him about why Matthew had done that. Mon Dieu if something happens to Matthew I won't be able to live with myself anymore.
"Matthew, please go back to work, we will talk about this later." I pleaded.
Matthew was pissed off, seriously pissed off, more then when we had argued because of Alfred's party. But he walked back inside slamming the kitchen's door as he did. This day could not have started off worst.
"Chells?" I moaned out.
"Oui Francis?" She called back.
I sighed hopelessly. It was time to face my fears. "Please look out for the store. This may take a while." I miserably asked her as I walked past the kitchen door and headed to my office.
I entered the office and turned to lock the door behind me. "Ivan." I spoke up facing the door, still too scared to directly face him.
"You have been a bad man while I was away Francis. A very bad man." Was the sick, twisted reply I got from him.
"I have done nothing wrong." I replied still facing the door.
"You are a lousy liar." He spoke, closer this time. "I can see the truth all over you." I could hear him approaching me. Feel him stand right behind me. I was too terrified to face him. I felt it when his cold hand gently pulled my hair back and I shivered when the tip of his fingers brushed a love bite in my neck.
"Is this your boy's work?" He whispered as my blood instantly turned cold. "Did you let him claim you as his own like this in my absence?"
I struggled to find my voice again, barely being able to make myself heard. "He has nothing to do with this." Mon Dieu please let him believe that.
His miserably cold hand grabbed the back of my neck. "No? Then who is responsible for these marks?" The grip tightened, and I started to fear for my life. "Whose head am I supposed to bash into a bloody pulp?" I trembled. I was going to die. "Answer me Francis!"
I was going to die, I'm going to die, je vais mourir, je vais mourir, je vais mourir, je vais mourir. Je suis mort.
I was suddenly pulled away from the door and thrown into the office. Barely being able to steady myself before both Ivan's hands where around my neck again. I grasped his wrists desperately trying to get him to release me. I could feel the air escaping my lungs and not coming back. "Ivan." I gasped desperately.
"We are monsters Francis. We will forever be monsters." He spoke wickedly soft to me, his sickening smiling face never wavering as he tightened his grip around my neck. "Do you think they would love you if they knew? Do you think they would kiss you now as they did before if they knew? Did you think they would keep on smiling with you when they finally realized the truth? Do you think you could actually keep them safe?"
I was dying. He was going to kill me. It didn't matter that there would be witnesses, he was going to kill me. I was going to die. Who would protect Matthew and Chells after that? Who was going to protect my children after he was thru with me? I couldn't breathe anymore. Yet I couldn't die knowing he would go after them. I couldn't let him go after them. I had to think of something. I had to breathe. Suddenly…
"Yao" I barely screamed, and the grip suddenly released itself from me. I fell in all fours, gasping desperately as the air returned to my burning lungs. Ivan's cold hands were soon patting my back and holding my shoulders up as I recovered my breath.
When I looked up, for the first time ever, I saw Ivan truly demonstrate an emotion. And it was fear. If I had the breath, I would have laughed.
"How do you know that name?" He asked, being very gentle as he helped me rise from the floor and sit down at my desk. So he didn't remember anything from the night that he broke into my apartment.
"You called him Yao-yao wasn't it?" I mentioned. It was terribly satisfying watching Ivan's face fall and his collapse at the chair in front of mine. I might just have saved my life along with the rest of my dear ones.
"So you know then." He mumbled, wide eyed, almost childlike. Never was I going to understand his sudden changes in personalities.
"I even know the day you brought him here for me." If I could keep making him believe that I knew more then I actually did I could manage to get a bargain out of him in my favor.
"Have you won the bet then?" He asked in the most childish of ways. "Have you figured the rest of it out while I was away?" It was so obvious how he was disappointed, like I had just told a child that he would not be getting a present like the rest of his friends because I had caught him in a lie. Yet as much as I wanted to brag and be able to claim my freedom I knew I had nothing. And Ivan instantly picked up on that.
"So there is still hope then?" He cheered up considerably in that moment. "Oh, that's good. I had feared I had wasted my time in Russia."
"What do you mean?" What was he talking about?
"I was only supposed to stay there for a day or two, never more than a week and surely not the entire month I spent there." He happily started explaining as he fished a notebook out of one of his pockets. "But the main headquarters has all the best registers of the family members. Everything from former members to the new recruits." I suddenly terribly regretted my ignorance.
"You mean…" I was too scared to even complete my train of thought.
"Da." He smiled back at me. Opening his little notebook at a page with a single name scribbled on it.
Gilbert Beilschmidt
My heart stopped. I forgot how to breathe. I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes. Je suis mort.
"He is the one you are protecting isn't it? The deal was that as long as you stay with the family, they will not go after him."
The tears fell freely now. There was really no reason to keep them back anymore. I had lost.
"It was a way to force him to come after you. But he never did, did he." I could hear Ivan standing up, walking up to me. I felt his cold hands cupping my face, turning my head so I could face him. Yet I only saw a blurred figure. "He left you here and ran Francis. He abandoned you to save his own skin." He kept saying. I wanted to argue back, to say that he had not abandoned me, that he was soon to be coming after me, but I couldn't know for sure. I didn't know if Gilbert, the man I had once loved with all my heart, the man I had once agreed to spent the rest of my life with, would truly come back. Those things had been so long ago, almost in another life. I just kept on crying.
"Shhhh… It's ok now moy dorogoy Frensis." He whipped away my tears. "You are mine now moy dorogoy. And I promise you, I will take good care of you."
Je suis mort.
"Come moy drogoy stop that crying. It will be nice to be together." He kept on speaking. "Won't it be nice to be with someone you don't have to hide from? Someone that you won't have to lie to? That will love you even when they know you are nothing more than a monster?"
There was a knock at the door. The sound jolted Ivan away from me but I simply couldn't care less. "Francis?" It was Matthew.
"Francis is everything all right?" Chells. She was at the door too.
I felt Ivan's hand comb thru my hair. "Pack up your things moy drogoy. It is time to leave this farce behind." I heard him say. I didn't question it.
I turned to open my vault, picked my knives case and a few documents. The knocking at the door had grown louder, along with Chells and Matthew's cries for me. I stood up, case and documents in hand. There was nothing in that office worth keeping.
Something was placed at my shoulder. "Good, follow me then." Ivan said.
The door was opened, Matthew and Chells were looking worried at me. Matthew tried to reach out for me, but was stopped by Ivan. Ivan led me thru the hall towards the front of the bakery. Chells and Matthew had started yelling things behind us. I couldn't hear what it was. The costumers still at the shop stared at us, stared at the two men leaving while the couple of employees tried to stop them. We walked out the bakery. There was a car, a brunet with shoulder length hair and green eyes dashed in front of the car to open the door for us. The brunet was saying something to Ivan. I couldn't hear it.
I was pushed inside the car. The car's door closed after me. Ivan had remained outside, he had started to speak to Matthew that was screaming something at him. Chells was at the bakery's door, a phone in hand.
Onlookers had started to gather and watch the two men argue. The brunet was at Ivan's side, Matthew was still screaming at them. Ivan suddenly moved, he had just punched Matthew in the face. I watched as he fell on the ground holding up his nose. Chells ran towards him, she started crying. Ivan yelled something and then was making his way around the car. The brunet was at the driver's seat. Ivan sat beside me. And the car started up.
I heard 'You are a lousy liar' being whispered into my ear. It sounded like Ivan.
The car was leaving the scene fast. The scenery at the window blurring rapidly. Nothing was said in the car. I felt something cold on my cheek. The cold felt good against my skin. Ivan's hands where whipping away some tears. I realize now I had not stopped crying.
Je suis mort.