Note: I am still keeping it in canon, but I think this will be satisfying anyway. Let me know if you want the offer Eric makes be written...but the catch is, you have to give me some suggestions.
Hey Jodie, angsty enough?
Opening Up
(Broken Home)
Eric lounged on the blanket and watched Calleigh watch the sunset, a far away look in her eyes. Although she smiled and laughed through dinner there was this thing that seemed to weigh on her, hold her down. The longer Eric watched her and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that that weight had been there since he and Horatio had gotten back from Rio, possibly from even before that. He might just have not noticed because he had been dealing with his own issues.
He shifted as the last rays of the sun honey colored the strip of beach before disappearing over the tops of the Miami skyline behind them. It was high time they started talking. "Querida, talk to me. I know something has been bothering you for a while now. It started long before my mistake today. Tell me what's weighing you down."
How she wished she could confide in him! She felt like she had aged ten years in the last twelve months. "Eric, you have enough issues of your own right now. I can't burden you."
Eric reached over and took both of her hands in his. "Yes, you can. I want you to. You've been carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders and I want to help ease that burden. I'm strong enough. I can take it."
Calleigh swallowed hard. She pulled her hands from Eric's and ran them through her hair. "I don't know where to start."
"Start wherever you want," Eric said soothingly. She had been his rock for so long; first with Speed's murder and then with Marisol's death, he was sure although he couldn't remember much except brief flashes, and then with his own shooting. She was his invincible Calleigh; superwoman. It never occurred to him how much she could possibly be hurting inside. It must be pretty bad because she had certainly been more openly emotional with him since he'd been shot. "I'm listening."
Calleigh took a deep breath and looked out at the darkening ocean. "I wasn't ready; nowhere near ready and yet it all landed on me. It was so gradual at first; refereeing the arguments between you and Ryan. No one but me intervened. Horatio should have, but he didn't. I don't know where he's been for the last two years, but it certainly wasn't with the team. I have to take some of the blame, you know. I could have spoken up, but I didn't. I thought I could tough it out and things would eventually get back to normal. It hasn't. It's kept getting worse. I didn't mind you and Ryan sniping at each other. It was growing pains and I knew it. Then Ryan took the nail in the eye and it all stopped. But the pressure continued; I kept shouldering more and more responsibilities. Then Marisol was killed and you were in indescribable pain and Horatio withdrew completely and I was left standing alone, running the entire Lab without the two people I had come to count on. I could understand, I really could, but I needed someone there and there wasn't anyone. Ryan was still too new and Natalia...I wasn't too certain how much I could trust her anymore. Then the two of you went to Rio and Horatio handed the entire Lab to me on a silver platter. Do you know what he said to me? 'Calleigh, if I don't come back, it's all yours. Your promotion papers are already with the Chief.' He didn't think he was coming back in anything other then a body bag and I...I couldn't say anything to him. I couldn't tell him that I was terrified to be the new Lt.. I didn't want it; I still don't. I was relieved beyond relief when the both of you walked out of that elevator. You were back, but he wasn't. Yes, you were still hurting and in mourning, but you were here. Horatio is still gone. Despite him being around the Lab and talking to suspects, I had to run the investigation into my own attempted murder. Do you have any idea how that felt; how agonizing it was? Why the hell do you think I broke down like I did? Jake coming back into my life didn't help, either. He's an enormous complication that I just don't need right now. When you were shot, Horatio went chasing Clavo Cruz, who ordered the hit, but it was left to me and Ryan to track down the actual person that pulled the trigger. And, while that was a kind of therapy in itself, it's not what my heart said I needed to be doing."
Calleigh stopped and wiped at tearing eyes, fighting to hold her voice steady. Wrapping her arms around her knees she rocked slightly, attempting to calm herself. "Ryan and I, we got him and Horatio killed Clavo right in front of CSI. You would have thought that was going to help, but it didn't. Even after that, Horatio is still gone in the most basic sense. Today I had to run the entire investigation plus integrate you back into it. It's not your fault. This has been going on for a while now. It just came to a head in the locker room. I'm sorry that I snapped like I did. You didn't deserve that. You're scared and uncertain of your skills right now. I wanted to be more sensitive and reassuring, but all I could feel was impatience and anger. I'm sorry."
Eric's heart broke and he went to her, wrapping his arms around her. She buried her face in his chest. "I didn't know. All this time, I didn't know. I wish I would have. I wish you would have told me. Maybe there was something that I could have done to ease your burden. Querida, you need to talk with H. This kind of stress isn't good for you and you know that."
"I would if he and I could ever manage to be in the same place at the same time. I get emails and notes in my inbox on my desk. I don't think he wants contact because he knows I'll snap and read him the riot act and he's not ready for that right now," Calleigh said in an understanding tone.
"So you're just going to bend and bend and bend under the pressure until it breaks you?" Eric asked incredulously.
"What else can I do? I don't want to tear the team apart and having the Lt. and his second at each other's throats is going to do just that," Calleigh said, her voice breaking, letting out an involuntary sob.
Eric pulled her closer, rocking her, uncertain what he could do to help. He'd tell her to take a vacation if she would accept that. "You have to talk to H, Cal. Corner him if you have to; set up an appointment. Because if you don't I will and I'll let him know what he's been doing to you."
She pulled back and looked at him with bleary eyes. "Please don't; it's not like he's doing it on purpose. He's hurting still and can't deal right now."
"So you hurting is better?" Eric asked.
"Listen one day, and it's inevitable, I'll be promoted to Lieutenant and I'll head up my own team. I have to be able to take the pressure. I have to learn how to handle it. I have to be tough enough to take it."
Eric pulled her head back down to his chest. "But you're not right now and he needs to know that. You need to make it obvious to him that he needs to pick up the leadership again; that it's his job and not yours. Calleigh, I can't stand seeing you like this. I bet you're getting no more than a few hours of sleep a night and really haven't been eating well."
"That's not-"
"Yes, it is," he said emphatically. "You've taken such good care of me since I've been shot. I know that you came to the hospital straight from the Lab and I've asked; you stayed overnight more times than you went home. Calleigh, you're exhausted and under too much strain right now. We are going back to your place and then you are going to crawl into bed and let me take care of you. I owe you at least one night. I owe you a lot more than that, but we can start with one night."
"Eric, I don't need-"
Eric rolled his eyes at her stubbornness. "Yes you do. Calleigh, you've already had one meltdown. When is the next one and where is it going to be? Let's try to diffuse that now. You have off tomorrow and H told me to come in only part-time right now. I'm taking tomorrow off. I'm not taking no for an answer, Querida."
A small smile played across her lips. "You called me 'my beloved' more times in the last ten minutes than you have in the last ten months; I must really have you worried." She sighed heavily, unconsciously snuggling up to him. It felt good to have comforting arms around her, holding her. It had been far too long since she'd felt that. "You're right, you know. I am exhausted. Alright, let's go back to my place and I'll let you take care of me; but it's only for tonight. Maybe all I really need is a recharge."
"What you need is to be second in command again and not the acting Lt.," Eric said quietly. Reluctantly, he let go of her and got up, gathering the blanket and refuse from their picnic dinner.
Calleigh rose. "Let me help you with that."
"Nope. I want you to get in your car and drive home. I'll be right behind you in a few minutes. There's a stop I want to make first," Eric said cryptically. "I'll let myself in."