Chapter Fourteen
Inside Of Me
The sun's early, feeble rays offered a strangely warm glow to the figure that lay far beneath it. Vulnerable and barely stirring at the growing light, the Half-demon merely uttered an odd growling sound before turning sulkily to the side and back to sleep, a frown creasing his brow due to the sun beginning to glare in his eyes. So it was strange that when Inuyasha finally let the peaceful slumber slip through his grasp, the sun was dimmed slightly on his closed eyelids – definitely still there but…not as harsh on his closed lids as it should have been. Allowing his eyes to fully open at last, he realised why the sun wasn't exacting its full vengeance upon him – there was something lying over his head. A blanket? He wondered. No, his mind reasoned, it's too soft…
Sitting up slowly, the fabric slid off him smoothly, and staring down at what was lying in his lap and circling him caused a partial frown – partial bewilderment to meet his features. Hugging his body closely and flickering an occasionally stroke across his back was his brother's damn fur, and the fine material in his lap that had been shielding his sleeping face from the morning's sun…was Sesshomaru's hitoe.
Clutching the clothing in his hands he raised his gaze to the movement that teased the corners of his eyes. He tore his golden orbs away immediately however, upon seeing the naked torso of Sesshomaru standing above the water-level, evidently unaware he was awake, as he did not turn or otherwise show any acknowledgment of him – he continued the leisurely washing he'd been so engrossed in previously. Prissy dickhead, the Half-demon thought, moving to get up, though freezing instantly upon realising he was still naked from the 'events' of the previous night.
"I took the liberty of moving your garments over there, Inuyasha," Sesshomaru said suddenly, making Inuyasha jump a little. His gaze wavered over the dazed Half-demon's frame, even as he gestured just a little way from him, where there was a neat, red pile of clothing. "That way you will not have to make the journey back to the castle with creased clothing."
Inuyasha rolled his eyes, holding the blanket he'd been lying on around his middle until he reached his clothes, preserving some modesty at least. He was still a little flushed at the thought of his brother feeling the need to cover his eyes from the sun so he'd be permitted a few extra hours sleep. Being looked after was nice but...it took a few chunks out of his pride.
Clothing his lower half as quickly as possible, Inuyasha grimaced as he felt his stomach muscles clench tightly, and he doubled over slightly at the abdominal cramps. The pain portrayed to the Demon Lord through their mark caused him to turn swiftly to where his mate sat, slightly hunched over, hair casting a white curtain about his face, though still failing to shield the grimace from his vision.
"Inuyasha?" he asked, stepping out of the water and moving to stoop beside him. "Are you alright?" What is the matter?"
Inuyasha shook his head several times, making no coherent noises at all.
"Should I take you back to the castle?" His voice bore slight apprehension – anxiety, but what came through all-too clear to Inuyasha unnerved him the most – sincere worry, tinged with panic. "Takara could have a look at you," Sesshomaru pressed. Inuyasha nodded slowly, though gathered himself to his feet, his slight awkwardness betrayed through their bond.
"Y-Yeah. But…" Inuyasha paused, casting a glance downwards slightly, unintentionally directing Sesshomaru's attention towards the Half-demon's 'morningly' bodily function (or as Inuyasha recalled that perverted monk Miroku calling it – his 'Morning glory'). "I gotta go first." Sesshomaru frowned slightly as he watched his brother depart from his company, amble out of his line of sight and behind the corner slightly.
Relieving his bladder of it's built up tension, Inuyasha felt his body seize up once more nevertheless, that weighted feeling drawing him down to his knees on the ground, where clawed fingers knotted into the grassy banks beneath him in release of his pain. Gods, he thought, eyes clenching shut, I've had worse than a lousy stomach-ache before – I've had my stomach ripped out before! Why am I so bothered by – whatever this is?
"Could you muster the strength to hold onto me?" The voice behind him so suddenly made him jump to his feet, only to be met by Sesshomaru once more, who was offering him the rest of his kimono he'd not finishing dressing in (the Demon Lord himself now fully dressed).
"I – why do you keep – huh?" Watching his brother struggle into the rest of his clothes, Sesshomaru paused for a moment, before answering.
"For the sake of what may be necessary haste, I would transform and permit you to ride on my back – or would that be too-great an insult to your pride?" the Demon asked calmly. Inuyasha glared at him.
"Screw you! I ain't being carried like some weakling! I can walk you know!" he spat indignantly. Sesshomaru refrained from rolling his eyes.
"Indeed," The Demon Lord sighed at last, after what seemed like hours of debating with the stubborn Half-demon on the quickest means back to the castle – when in reality, it had been not a few short moments. "Then this will do-" And with that Sesshomaru turned, continuing round the bend of the river and out of sight. For a moment, Inuyasha was left alone and in pain, a strange, disembodying sort of vulnerability overcoming him to such an extent that a prickle of paranoia shot up his spine, and he stared about him carefully. Beginning to wonder if Sesshomaru had meant him to follow after him, Inuyasha was saved from his confused by the sight of his brother rounding the bend once more, though not alone this time…
"You will not permit your own mate you carry you, although I have witnessed that Demon slayer's feline-pet carrying you on many an occasion, so I assume you would not protest to Ah-Un carrying you alongside me?" When Inuyasha didn't answer he continued. "It will mean a much swifter journey, and since your adolescent body seems temperamental it would perhaps be best to get you to Takara as quickly as possible."
Inuyasha shrugged, though eventually (if only to escape from his brother's scrutinising gaze) he moved over to the two-headed reptilian creature. Clawed hands brushed over the heads' muzzles carefully, as if judging how trustworthy it was, before steadying those hands on its back, and climbing on. He had never wanted to go back to bed as much as he did right then – and 'his' bed in particular seemed to be calling him, as did the promise of any remedy Takara might concoct to rid him of this agony.
The journey however (as predicted) did not help the pain nor growing nausea. The world sped past his eyes, Ah-Un unintentionally jolted with each step. Inuyasha closed his eyes against the rapidly passing world – running at the speeds he was capable of motion sickness wasn't something that affected him, not usually anyway, right now he felt his fingers clench tightly at their place around Ah-Un's neck, swallowing back the bile that was beginning to creep up his throat.
After the forest had fallen back into the distance behind them, the castle continued to grow closer and closer. As Sesshomaru descended, so too did his reptilian companion (still carrying Inuyasha, whose pains seemed to have worsened swiftly) and if Inuyasha had opened his eyes, he would have seen Takara, Nannami and Rin waiting on the steps of the courtyard below.
"Lord Sesshomaru! Lord Inuyasha!" Rin all-but squealed as Sesshomaru touched the ground, assisting a stubbornly unwilling Inuyasha from his place on Ah-Un. The human girl twirled around them happily, though paused as the Demon :ord bid her to be quiet, before turning to Takara.
"How was your 'trip', Sire? Did Lord Inuyasha take kindly to the venue?" Takara asked, brow furrowing at the sight of Inuyasha. Sesshomaru nodded slightly, his gaze flickering to Inuyasha before turning his attention to his servant once more.
"Indeed, all went well. However…" he gestured slightly to his half-brother, who was pushing away from the support he was offering, standing unsteadily on his own feet. "This morning he awoke with stomach pains – perhaps his half-demon stomach is unable to handle raw foods after all, he is experiencing the same sickness as before. Could there be a remedy brewed for him?"
"How did you know I felt sick?" Inuyasha interjected suddenly, wincing as he tried not to show his suffering. "I didn't tell-"
"-I could feel your suffering through the mark, Inuyasha," Sesshomaru interjected briefly, before looking to Takara for his answer. The Demon smiled warmly at his lord.
"A remedy? Certainly, My Lord. If Lord Inuyasha would care to follow me I will give him something immediately." But just as the azure-eyed demon turned, Inuyasha manoeuvring to follow, Takara stopped, meeting his questioning stares once more. "I assume you have had something to eat, My Lord?" he asked Inuyasha, "You are aware that you cannot have anything on an empty stomach." The Half-demon groaned inwardly at the thought of food – never did he think he'd dislike the thought of food so much, but right now, the nausea he'd so far managed to suppress was rising rapidly, causing him to choke slightly as he tried to hold it back.
His insides churned menacingly, tightening into knots until he shoved Takara back roughly turning to the side, his throat retching as he vomited up everything that had (until then) remained in his stomach since the night before. Body still shaking slightly Inuyasha coughed hard, wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his kimono before straightening up slightly.
"Are you alright, Inuyasha?" The Half-demon scoffed at his brother's question.
"Will you just stop asking me if I'm okay? Do I look okay? Just stop pretending you care about me!"
Although his emotionless façade never dropped, a strange, unnameable emotion came clearly from Sesshomaru to his brother, an emotion the Half-demon wasn't at sure he liked invading his already troubled mind.
"We have discussed this," Sesshomaru replied impassively, "Now cease these inane insecure thoughts and go with Takara," The Demon Lord ordered, gesturing for Rin and Nannami to head back inside, beginning to follow them himself, and only pausing to finish his sentence. "I will join you shortly. When you have calmed down somewhat and ridded yourself of this petulant attitude. I have indulged you and even attempted to offer you all the luxuries you have been denied before now. Your fire and obstinacy is attractive but many would not blame me for preferring you to be more docile at times, like last night, for example…" With that he continued his path up the castle steps and through the great doors, leaving Inuyasha and Takara quite alone.
A flush at his older brother's words still refused to leave his complexion be, and it remained even as he followed the Healer into the castle. Attempting in vain to hide his discomfort, Inuyasha made his way with his brother's most trusted servant through the seemingly endless halls and stairs, up to Takara's study. The door closed on the cold halls as they stepped into the warmth of the room. The soft furnishings and the desk and other more 'medical' implements that he recalled from before greeted the Half-demon's eyes as Takara ushered him into the chair before the desk, before busying himself with preparing some form of pain relief for him.
"How can you serve such a damn bastard…?" The question shuddering past Inuyasha's lips, far from enraging Takara, caused a little smile to play across his kind mouth.
"No one would dare challenge the fact that there is no one that knows Lord Sesshomaru better than I," Takara answered and Inuyasha snorted, fingers tightening across his stomach as a feeble throb of pain assaulted his insides.
"'Docile', that's what he said I was last night…" he flushed a little at the memory, but none of the fire of his bitterness subsided. He had faltered – had permitted his brother to dominate and take him unquestioningly and in doing so had forsaken his pride as a man, all for the sake of that comfort he desired so much. And his brother had gloated over it, perhaps unintentionally but nevertheless…it only served to make him regret his brief subservience, when for once, his conscience had left him well alone about it…
"It may not look like it, My Lord," Takara began, sitting on the desk before Inuyasha, a small bowl in his hands. "But Lord Sesshomaru has feelings and worries as everyone else, however, mostly due to his upbringing, and station – even his fears, he is unable to express them the same way you or I might." Inuyasha frowned slightly, taking the bowl offered to him, though not drinking the contents, lost to his thoughtfulness for that brief moment.
"So," he began, curious now, having found someone who had insight into his brother's labyrinth of a mind. "When he starts being a prick it's because I've hurt his feelings, or…or because he doesn't understand me for whatever reason?"
Takara nodded, his smile broadening. "Indeed. You see, you understand him more than you have anticipated," he gestured for the Half-demon to drink the substance in the bowl before continuing, "You will understand how he portrays his feelings soon enough."
Inuyasha swallowed the herbal fluids that promised pain-relief, gulping it down as soon as possible, so that he may continue his questioning, paying no attention to the foul taste.
"But…you taught Sesshomaru? You helped to raise him? So, you understand his feelings without him even telling you them?" At each of the questions Takara nodded in answer, a look crossing his features that told Inuyasha that he knew where this was leading. The Half-demon wet his lips apprehensively. "So…so you can tell me how he feels…what he really thinks of me?"
A long silence fell over the room, blanketing the two of them until Inuyasha felt it was almost stifling him, and it was at this point, that Takara ventured to answer. "I cannot divulge things that are not mine to tell, and I cannot be sure of his feelings and emotions with regard to you, when Lord Sesshomaru does not seem to fully recognise them for what they are himself."
Inuyasha withheld an almost disappointed sigh, though just barely; relaxing back into the chair he had found his way to the edge of, none-the-wiser. "But you have a better idea than he does, don't you?" Inuyasha asked, suspicious yet again. A knowing smile greeted him, and it told him he was correct, though Takara did not voice the affirmative.
"All I will say is, Lord Sesshomaru has never sought out anyone as a mate before. Though there have always been many who have wanted him. He has never pursued anyone, never struggled to seduce or coerce someone into liking him the way he has with you. He has never cared, nor bothered about what another person thinks of him, or shown any regard to another's feelings since your father passed on. So, My Lord, I think you can safely assume, that all things regarding your brother's feelings in this matter, are unpredictable, at least until Lord Sesshomaru himself understands them." The blue-eyed demon allowed a short quiet to befall them, before sighing slightly, and speaking once more. "That remedy I gave you was a softer brew, it will not hurt your empty stomach – however, I would advise you to drink plenty of fluids after vomiting."
Inuyasha nodded, getting to his feet slowly, glad that even now, the pain was ebbing away from his tensed body. "I guess I can't have demon food after all then," Inuyasha said, nearing the door, but paused to look at Takara when he did not answer. "It's weird though, it tastes fine when I eat it, and it's only the morning after that I-"
"-Yes, My Lord, and though that is often the case in food poisoning, I have come across a fair few half-demons in my time, and I have no reason to believe raw meats would not be beneficial to you. I am quite certain there is nothing wrong with you." Inuyasha nodded, moving to open the door, but stopping as Takara spoke once more. "You are merely pregnant, that is all."
Inuyasha froze at those words, everything inside his head screamed, even as the room remained silent, a quaver of anger, fear and despair seized his insides so that they turned themselves into knots. His hand trembled on the door as it fell closed, and it was with this unsteady body that he forced himself to turn to face Takara. Wide, disbelieving golden orbs watched him, the smile faded from the servant's lips, a warm, comforting understanding on his face as he regarded the Half-demon, knowing how hard it was for him to hear this, and knowing too, that his distress was passing to Sesshomaru, who would (as a result) be looking for Inuyasha shortly.
"H-How…" Inuyasha swallowed nervously, trying to find his voice, though when he did find it, it was quite unlike his own, broken, and unsure, "How do you know? How can you be sure?"
Takara smiled almost sadly, gesturing for the small bowl Inuyasha had handed back to him, empty of its contents. "I thought it would be best not to alarm you unless I was sure. But the scent of the pregnancy takes a day or so to be detected, and even then, the scent of Lord Sesshomaru and sex always hung about you so thickly a majority of the time afterwards it was hard to tell, but you always seemed weighed down…out of sorts. And your senses have undoubtedly been playing up?"
Inuyasha nodded, though retreated into the wall as Takara spoke.
"Indeed, it was as I suspected. So I gave you this, which stimulates the scent of the pregnancy after at least a day of the possible conception, so that, if you were expecting, I could smell it. And, it is undeniable, Lord Inuyasha, all the signs, even what I now recognise as the first signs of morning sickness point towards it. And the now detectable change in you proves me correct beyond all reasonable doubt. You may ask any demon you pass if you do not believe me. You are with child, My Lord."
The horrifying truth in those eyes, the truth he already knew was just that – true, it caused inner agony to course through his veins, and he crumbled to the ground, sliding down the wall until his backside met the floor. Detached from the world, he sank into the waves of despair that overcame him, so much so that he did not react, nor even care as the door opened, and Sesshomaru stepped inside. Staring between Takara and himself on the floor beside where he stood, the Demon Lord was evidently confused as to what had happened, until that is, he drew breath, and sensed the change in the one beside him.
"So, it has happened then," it was more of a statement than a question, though Inuyasha still did not react, "You are…expecting?"
Inuyasha flinched, turning away from him at that, staring fixedly at the wall. He didn't want to look at him, didn't want to acknowledge the world still existed. He didn't want to exist anymore. He wasn't a man anymore, he wasn't 'Inuyasha' anymore, he wasn't the person everyone he'd ever loved and lost used to know. He felt dirty, soiled and mutated, like if he should step beyond the room everyone would know just what he had done, what he had become.
What had he done? What had he let his brother do to him? Why had he given in so easily? He had laid back and let it happen – no worse, encouraged it, and worse still enjoyed it, and now he sat there, lost to the consequences of giving into his childish desires for comfort and love he would never really receive. Now he fell prey to that emotion that caused him to wish he could cut himself off – to fall blind, deaf and dumb to the world so he would be able to be in that blissful state of unaware in the dark, and not have to suffer this pain he'd been so acquainted with since the day his mother died and he'd been thrust into the cruel, harsh world.
What would Kagome say if she saw you now? His mortal conscience prodded, what would she think? Your human friends, your mortal mother? You're disgusting… He flinched at those thoughts, yet believed them thoroughly, and the pain he received as a result of the unwavering belief caused him to leap to his feet, facing the two men in the room with bitter tears pricking at the backs of his eyes.
"Stop it," he growled out weakly, "Stop it. Stop looking at me like that!" His mutters carried into shouts. He looked from one of the demons to the other, as if begging to be screamed at or silenced, but he received neither. When they had been staring at him like this for a while, like he was a bomb that may explode at any moment, he snapped. He moved towards the desk so quickly that Takara jumped aside – just in time, as Inuyasha's arm swung across the table, sweeping fragile objects and stacks of papers onto the floor in a flying state. "There you go! You gonna hit me now Sesshomaru? Are you happy now? Now you have what you want despite it making me miserable!"
Sesshomaru remained silent, watching him with that unbearably impassive stare that sent fresh waves of fury crashing down on the Half-demon.
"Don't just stare at me SAY SOMETHING!" As the raspy screams still echoed off the elegantly dressed stone walls, Inuyasha remained panting in attempts to regain his breath, and Sesshomaru's lips parted in speech.
"And what pray tell, would you like me to say, Little Brother?"
Inuyasha winced as if struck. "Don't call me that…it only reminds me what sick things I let you do to me…and what I'm stuck with now…"
Gaze flickering to Takara for a moment, Sesshomaru advanced upon his brother slowly, pausing a scarce few inches from him.
"If this was something you did not want then why did you look so hurt when I suggested that you were sterile?" he asked dangerously. Inuyasha snarled in response, shoving the Demon Lord back from him roughly, though only succeeding in drawing a fierce grow from his mate, who seized his wrist, before pressing himself upon him.
"You threw yourself at me like a whore in a drunken stupor, do you forget so easily?" the Demon spat. When Inuyasha turned his face away from the hot breath beating down on his face Sesshomaru realised his bad choice in words, and grated his teeth together testily, searching for a way to repair the damage he'd done.
Leaning down slightly Sesshomaru seized his brother's chin, ignoring Takara's presence as he tilted the Half-demon's face to the side and pressed his lips carefully over the mating mark at his neck, so that when he next spoke, his mouth caressed it gently. "Do not make me angry and say things I may regret, Inuyasha. And I would ask you not to say or do something you may later regret," as the last words left his lips his clawed fingers caressed Inuyasha's flat stomach slowly, and the Half-demon's body trembled with the effort of trying to break free of his brother.
"Stop it! Don't – DON'T TOUCH ME!" Twisting his head to the side slightly Inuyasha scraped his fangs across his brother's cheek nastily. The Demon Lord releasing him swiftly in response, blood weeping from the shallow wound that had already begun to heal as Inuyasha bolted for the door. He felt Sesshomaru pursue him but when Takara's voiced the commanding request "leave him be, My Lord," he felt his brother stop, and he continued through the door, disappearing from their sight.
All pleasantness in the air around the Demon Lord that had lingered from yesterday had been thoroughly stripped away. And now he stood there, facing the door, unmoving as he awaited Takara's explanation for his request for him to stay while Inuyasha fled.
"Forgive me, Lord Sesshomaru," Takara said softly, "however, Lord Inuyasha is thoroughly confused and hurt, and…desperate currently, as you no doubt can feel."
Sesshomaru nodded slightly, though did not turn to face his servant.
"How do those emotions feel in your head?"
"Disorientating," Sesshomaru answered impassively, "overwhelming."
"Indeed, and my advice if you would desire it, My Lord, is to leave him be for a while, and allow him to gather his thoughts before you burden him with yours."
The Demon Lord nodded once more, understanding the words his advisor offered though not able to move past, or push aside the irritatingly strong anxiety regarding what Inuyasha may do to himself in light of this knowledge. Or what he may even do to the newly conceived pup at his mercy.
"…it don't matter if I'm pregnant or not, 'cause if I am, I'll rip the damn thing outta me if that's what it takes. I'll never be used like that by anybody."
His little brother's words rang all too clear in his mind at that moment, and his own uncharacteristic concern for the truth in that threat was too great for his liking.
"I'm stuck with my fucking brother's kid inside me…I couldn't stand it…my own brother's kid, squirming in me, feeding off me, like some parasite… I'd rather rip it out of me with my own claws than have Sesshomaru's kid…"
Just recalling those words hurt him more than he could stand, and another surge of inner agony from his mate caused his skin to prickle with anger at his helplessness. He hated it. He was Lord Sesshomaru; he wouldn't stand for being this useless. His brother could be pondering the quickest way to tear their pup from his body at this very moment and all he was doing was standing under Takara's watchful gaze like a scolded infant. He had to do something, or else he'd go mad from the silence.
"These emotions…his emotions, in my head they are-" he paused, grinding his teeth against the anger at his atypical confusion, "-Deafening."
"If you are set on chasing after him, My Lord, I would advise that if you feel your emotions overwhelming your ability to not upset Lord Inuyasha further, do not speak at all." Finding the sentence more than just a little patronising, Sesshomaru turned briefly to face Takara, fixing him with what was surely meant to be a glare that threatened death, but in the current state of things (and with Inuyasha's myriad of emotions throbbing in his ears), all that he could manage was a meagre imposing grimace, before he left the room in search of his brother.
All ideals of taking advantage of his momentary solitude in his search for Inuyasha were quashed when cries of "Lord Sesshomaru" reached his ears. He paused to look down at the human girl suddenly beside him. "Lord Sesshomaru?"
"Yes Rin?" he asked, rather impatiently. That trademark smile graced her lips, and were it not for Inuyasha's pain being so very clear in his mind, he was sure that smile would have soothed him slightly.
"Nannami-sensei told me to inform you that Miss Ayane is here with Lord Inuyasha's clothing – and my kimono."
The Demon lord nodded slightly. "Have Nannami prepare the girl something to drink while she waits in the lower drawing room. And you may take your kimono from her also, if you wish to." She beamed up and him in reponse, but he could not force a smile in return. ""I must go find Inuyasha. You are dismissed." With that the child left his side, skipping out of sight, still smiling. Sesshomaru fought to repress a sigh. Between that girl, Inuyasha and this new pup he just might go insane…
Inuyasha didn't know where to go. He didn't know where to go to be alone – away from Sesshomaru, away from everything else. Why did this have to happen? Just when things seemed to be going okay…
His body had paused almost without any permission from his brain in a long hall on one of the upper floors. Resting his arms on the smooth panes of the arched, glassless windows, he leaned out slightly to gaze at the gardens below, the breeze rustling his hair. This particular courtyard looked…forsaken, wild, and neglected unlike the others the castle sported. A little bit like me then, the Half-demon thought.
Fists clenched at the unfairness of it all. No one had asked before they dumped this on him and ruined his life (if it were possible to ruin it anymore). Blood seeped from the vicious wounds in his palms, and he hissed in pain, though he pressed harder all the same. Letting out the anger and feeling physical pain took the edge off the inner agony – which was infinitely worse.
It wasn't as if he hated children in general – Shippo had been important to him, and he'd always felt an odd sort of compassion to the children in the villages he and his friends had passed in his travels, most of them having lost their parents to demon attacks or other horrors the world had to offer. But (being a half-demon) he had never contemplated having pups of his own – ever.
No one would want to mate with a half-demon, and he hadn't known about this apparently predestined fact that he was meant to be the carrier of the pups. That and the fact that he'd never had a real home to offer a vulnerable infant, meant he'd always assumed they were something he'd never get to have, and so trained himself to not want them. He'd dwell on all the reasons not to have them until the instinctual desire faded, and it had worked. And yet here it was, thrust on him and laid on top of all the rest of the burdens he had yet to adjust to. And he couldn't handle it. This was something permanent, something he had a responsibility to. His pup…his…
The warm mid-morning sunlight greeted him as he made his way out into the forgotten garden he'd been surveying a few moments ago. His hands escaped from the safety of his kimono sleeves, following his line of thought and almost unconsciously stroked over the smooth planes of his stomach with slender fingers. Hard to believe there's anything alive in there, he thought. But it was alive, and growing and feeding off of him. His every breath was shared with this defenceless little life, and it was so vulnerable, so easy to destroy. He winced, claws raking gently over his belly through the kimono, not breaking skin, though considering the motion.
Could he really do it? He swallowed hard. Could he kill this unborn life that was totally dependant on him? His pup…? His head swam with confusion. He didn't know what to do. It would be so simple to take the weight off his shoulders, but did he want things to be that simple? After all, this pup did come from his brother, but it was his as well, wasn't it? He considered what such a mix would mean. He had watched Kagome study a lot of times, and one of those few times he had read over her shoulder – something about incestuous relationships with people from the past…Egyptians, he thought she'd said when he had asked her what the word was. And if his pup was going to turn out like that, would it not be kinder to kill it? He wasn't sure. He wasn't sure of anything anymore.
The sun had long since fully risen by the time that Sesshomaru had made his way out into one of the many gardens of the castle, though this being one he had begotten in favour of the others, since this was enclosed in the very centre of the building, and rarely visited by anyone. Regardless, still following the scent and turmoil of his mate, he found himself pondering relentlessly what he could say, or do to make Inuyasha realise things were not quite as bad as he seemed to think they were.
But then again, why should he care about his feelings and peace of mind so much now that he had what he wanted? It was more than simply to cease the raging unstable emotions from passing through to him of that he was sure. Perhaps to just make things run easier in this new strange family he had brought Inuyasha into? He wasn't sure of that either, which only served to frustrate him even more.
Then he realised, as he descended the stairs in the trail of the Half-demon's scent, that the stormy skies of Inuyasha's emotions had…calmed somewhat, and that was certainly not good news. Had he actually been able to do it? He did not share his physical pain so he could not be sure, but what could cease the mental agony over the pup he hated so much but to kill it? Bile crept up his throat at the thought of his mate tearing their pup out of himself.
Mercy was not something Lord Sesshomaru was known for, but when all was said and done, he had never and would never kill a child (or at least he hoped he would not). And he had (if nothing else) been sure that Inuyasha was better than that, but again, he found himself realising just how many times he'd been wrong with regards to his brother. That realisation quickened his step, and as he stepped further into the sun-drenched grounds he began pursuing the invisible tracks once more.
It was not at all surprising that he found himself at the base of one of the oldest trees in the courtyard, and staring up into the branches, a small smirk flittered across his lips upon spying the petulant Half-demon nestled within the greenery, arms folded in the baggy kimono sleeves as he stared pensivelyout at the flawless sky. He wondered whether Inuyasha realised the significance of that tree, or whether it had been a random selection, when he chose to perch his sulky backside up the tree that was planted the year he (Sesshomaru) was born.
Abandoning his previous thoughts, he dwelled on Takara's advice. However before he could consider what to say or how to phrase it, before his mouth had even the opportunity to open, Inuyasha spoke. "I thought my body felt heavier than usual," he muttered almost inaudibly, without tearing his eyes from the cerulean heavens. He was sounding so unlike himself it was almost unnerving – almost. "But I thought it was the mark. Obviously I was wrong – again…"
"Inuyasha," the Demon began finding himself strangely apprehensive of what was to come, "I am sorry that it has happened this way-"
"-No you're not," Inuyasha interrupted, though his voice carrying no malice or particular irritation, just mild exhaustion. "But I suppose I can't ask for you to be upset when you've got exactly what you want."
Sesshomaru stared up at him thoughtfully, willing him to meet his eyes, though he would not. "Inuyasha-"
"Shut up already and let someone besides you speak for a change," The Half-demon cut across him, leaning over to grip the lower branches, and holding them as he dropped the relatively small distance to the ground, landing on his feet. He raised his head slightly to meet his brother's eyes briefly, before tearing his gaze away, evidently finding something terribly interesting to stare at over the Demon Lord's shoulder.
"You were afraid," Inuyasha said suddenly, and Sesshomaru frowned at his brother's words. "I sensed it. You were scared, or at least anxious about something," the younger sibling pressed. The Demon continued to stare at him emotionlessly, secretly irritated he'd been found out, but then again if he could read Inuyasha's emotions, it was only fair Inuyasha could do the same for him.
"I was concerned what you might do in the state of mind you were-"
"-I can deal with it." It was not the first time Inuyasha's lack of elaboration had left him slightly confused, and he had a feeling it would not be the last. "I…It's difficult, but I… I wouldn't kill it if that's what you were so afraid of. This thing may be part of you but it's mine too, and I've seen enough people die because of me – my own kid isn't gonna be one of them."
A small throb of fresh emotion peeked through the din of Inuyasha's feelings, and Sesshomaru could not help but frown slightly. "Nevertheless, you are concerned? What about?" Sesshomaru asked carefully.
The Half-demon wet his dry lips, evidently unsure of how to answer. "If we're brothers," he began carefully, "won't this pup come out…wrong?"
Sesshomaru smirked, amused at his choice of words.
"'Wrong' you say? You mean deformed perhaps in appearance or in mind?"
Inuyasha gnawed his lip, not really wanting to know the answer – ignorance was bliss. But Sesshomaru seemed to be barely restraining a laugh.
"What's so funny?" Inuyasha spat, "I know it's happened! Kagome told me that in the past-"
"-You speak of that human and our pup in the same breath?" The seething anger in the Demon Lord's voice caused Inuyasha to flinch slightly, though Sesshomaru quickly realised his mistake, and moved to amend it. "What was it she told you?" he asked stiffly.
"Nothing much she…she had to study things – like history, and…other stuff I can't remember. But there were some people who thought that having children with your relatives meant it kept the family pure – and strong but it really turned them all-"
"-You have already stated the flaw in that though, Little Brother," the Demon Lord whispered, leaning against his brother a little more. "'Children' – Humans are indeed affected negatively by incest, which is why their society holds it abhorrent. However, it is yet another difference between us and them – they (I must admit) take that belief from us, since it does indeed make pure-blooded and stronger offspring. So if that was all you were concerned about, I hope I have lifted that weight from your mind."
His younger sibling met his eyes at that moment, and it is was so very clear from this alone (without their emotional bond) that there was much more than just that one needless worry.
"You say 'us' as if I was a demon as well," he spoke with a slight smirk twitching at his lips, though it seemed empty and half-hearted, "Have you forgotten that I'm only half demon?" There was one of those dreaded small silences, though upon opening his mouth to speak, Sesshomaru was once again cut off by his brother's odd epiphany.
"You always act so calm, and collected but…I can feel it all. Everything you feel, and I'll admit, most of the time it don't match the mask you wear. You only act like a bastard when I do something that pisses you off, or whatever, right?"
"Indeed. And if Takara were not so valuable I would have him whipped for divulging his traitorous understanding of me," Sesshomaru answered impassively. Inuyasha could not help but smirk at his brother's words, finding the strength to meet his gaze once more, without feeling the need to tear his eyes away.
"Even though you can feel what I feel," Inuyasha began, "you still can't know what it feels like to be a man, and a half-demon, and abandoned at every turn," Inuyasha grit his teeth at his mind berating him for showing such weakness, but nevertheless he continued, it had to be said. "I…I feel changed, violated even. I don't feel like a man anymore and that's…" He trailed off, allowing Sesshomaru a small interval in which to seize his opportunity at speech. And setting a hand on his brother's shoulder he did just that.
"No, you are, admittedly so much closer to perfection than any man," he breathed, nearly choking on the kindness as it left his lips, the hand on his brother's shoulder dropping to press against the small of his back, drawing the Half-demon against him a little more.
"Maybe you cannot see it yet, but I imagine that one day you will come to realise just how uniquely perfect you are."
Inuyasha flushed a little, pulling back from the embrace slightly. "Keh, whatever. You don't have to 'comfort' me ya know. I told you I'm not gonna kill the thing so stop fussing."
Sesshomaru smirked at the emotions betraying Inuyasha's small enjoyment at being the object of positive attention. "So am I to assume that you are now pleased with our pup?"
Inuyasha scowled (though half-heartedly). "I said I wouldn't kill it, it doesn't mean I like it. I'm fine with it, but if the little shit calls me 'Mama' I'll rip your dick off!"
"Eloquently put, Little Brother," Sesshomaru replied, Inuyasha's flush only darkening as the hand on his back snuck round to stroke over his stomach, and he fought to escape the embrace once again. "Hey! So what you have 'touching rights' now?"
"Naturally. Though if you would prefer a more intimate touch I would unquestioningly oblige-"
"-Get off!"
The Demon Lord's brow quirked in hidden amusement as he released his brother though continued to watch him thoughtfully.
After another of those all-too familiar silences had befallen them, Sesshomaru ventured speech once again. "There is the beginnings of a chill on the air; we should head back inside," Sesshomaru stated, stepping aside and gesturing for Inuyasha to move first.
"Why? Afraid you'll get a cold?" At this, the older sibling refrained from smirking.
"That careless attitude will have to alter if you are to carry my heir. Things are going to have to change, Inuyasha."
The Half-demon rolled his eyes before moving towards the castle, his brother following behind him. "You know what this means don't you?" He asked, a strangely amused look to his features as Sesshomaru stepped into stride beside him.
"No."
"You fought me while I was pregnant. What an irresponsible father-"
"-I thought you did not want me to use that word."
When Inuyasha simply frowned he elaborated. "'Pregnant', you disliked it. Whenever it was used you experienced a small flicker of irritation."
Inuyasha shook his head slightly upon remembering that his brother and he could now read each other's feelings, and that (in some cases) seemed to be almost as useful as mind-reading.
"That is gonna start getting annoying real quick. I'm already getting pissed off with it."
"I am aware-"
"-Okay stop it," the Half-demon cut across him, folding his arms inside his sleeves, feigning petulance. "Can't wait 'til you get to share my mood swings…"
TBC