Hey everyone! It seems like life has become too busy now a days ahaha;;; I still really love durarara and this pairing so much lmao (surprisingly?!) and I still want to write for them (also as long as you want to read about them;;;!) please be patient with me urg;; writing things make me feel like I'm just doing things wrong with the story forcing me to re write things lmao;;; I'm still working on WDSTL? Part 2 stuff but it's gonna take a while;;; for now, enjoy these two go in circles and being in denial of their own true feelings ahah;;;
-emilyartstudios
She had a purpose before drinking with him.
She was going to tell him about the most unfair thing she was going to do to him.
She was going to beg for forgiveness.
But if only he wasn't two steps ahead of her...
She stays there for a long moment. She felt her mind drain from her thoughts and she had no idea what to say. He doesn't give her enough to cope with. He aggressively takes his hands away from her and sits back down on his side of the room. He was so far away suddenly.
Rio shakes and tries keeping her head steady. The alcohol is pushing her emotions everywhere around her. What is she so afraid of?
Izaya takes the shot glass and takes a drink as he waits for her excuses.
"How did you find out?" She asks very quietly. She finds it pathetic that it's the only thing she can really say at the moment.
He turns his torso towards the sofa and pulls out her little envelope. He throws it on the table and drinks more from his glass.
She picks up the letter and sees that he broke the seal.
"I didn't read all of it. I only read two lines but that was enough to figure it out with all the other clues you left."
She stares transfixed at it not giving him any room for attention.
"You can't keep things from me. Do you know what could of happened if someone saw you roaming the streets?" When she doesn't answer, he raises his voice, "can you answer me-!?"
"I'm so sorry!"
He jumps a little from her sudden shout and sees her face become wet with tears. She bows her head to try and hide her real crying face. Her real crying face... Was something else...
To Izaya, this meant something. She hasn't cried in front of him at all. Only small tears for things he knew were just tears of frustration and good riddance... Now... They're tears of sorrow. They want forgiveness.
She couldn't take it and she covers her face. The last time she cried this hard was when she lost both her parents. That was a day she vowed to never cry for little things ever again. Rio didn't let anything get to her...
Izaya sees her trying to stifle her cries. He narrows his eyes. This wave of emotion could just be caused by the alcohol... But he can't stop himself to be held responsible. She'd normally just apologies and try to move her way around it... But now.. She shows she still has her vulnerable side still with her.
He sighs and gets up from his spot. She repeats her apology over and over each time becoming more mumbled than the next. He walks around the table and tries reading her atmosphere, tries reading her.
Without thinking, he sits by her and touches her lightly on her shoulder. She looks at him and she becomes insecure of how she made herself look in front of him. He comes closer and embraces her very tightly.
She felt warmer and much calmer when he did that. It's a feeling she thought she knew when she finally got a good night sleep. She now releases that rest and comfort are two very different beautiful things.
She apologizes one more time and lightly wipes away her tears. He tries letting her go slowly and says, "I'm not entirely angry."
She notices that he's trying to keep a mature distance between them after the embrace. She respects his comfort by letting him go and just sits beside him.
"I think that you were scared and... It's something anyone would of done."
She takes her stare back at him and frowns. "Don't think for a second that I hate you, Izaya. Don't think for a second longer that I think you're a monster."
He averts his eyes from her slowly. She feels heavy knowing that he probably thought that. Feelings or not, she doesn't want to do that to him.
"You just... Don't know the whole reason yet... There's just so much you don't know about me..." It was then that she noticed what she just said. He really doesn't know much about her. It's completely vice versa as well. He's too secretive and she can't trust easily.
"It doesn't matter. None of this matters." He says as he gets up.
"What do you mean 'it doesn't matter'?" She says and follows him as he makes his way to the hallway. She grabs his sleeve forcefully and it makes him stop.
"Let me go."
"No. You're going to tell me what's wrong because I want to know. I want to know what's bothering you and what's eating you alive because that's what friends do for each other."
It's not 'who owes who so you need to know your place' anymore. It's about wether or not he too believes that he needs her as much as she needs him.
He stays silent but doesn't make her let go. For some reason it still feels like he's in control.
He looks back at her. "Your ankle is all better, isn't it?"
She keeps a straight face as she looks down at how she's standing. She's putting most of the weight on that ankle and she doesn't feel pain the slightest. Does this mean he'll throw her out now? Did their 'friendship' just end because she got better? Does this all really not matter?
She breaths in air as she finally lets his arm go. She has no reason to stay anymore...
The funny thing is, she can't see a reason why this could benefit her. Or him.
"Rio-"
"Before you say anything..." She interrupts him. "I just want you to know a few things..."
He notices her seriousness and places his hands into his pockets. He waits for her to start.
She was hesitant at first but she made herself heard after another deep breath. "I love... the rain... and I love it when it hits the window because it reminds me of my mother. I love the outside and the smell of burning coal because of my father. I love it when... I love it when- When the sun is outside and you just hear the birds singing. It's not hard to tell anymore, but I'm not a natural blond. I don't like it when I'm left all alone. I dislike talking about the past so much. I just hate how it mocks me. I hate how I can't see them anymore regardless of the many fights we got into. I hate it when you don't like talking about yourself because it gives me more reason to think about how it all really was for nothing and that I didn't mean anything you!"
She doesn't look at him yet. She notices the turn in her speech. The past and now the present here with him. The very unwelcoming stay compared to the betrayed groups she's been with in the past.
She presses her lips together and collects on what she will say next. "I hate how you got to me so easily without even trying." And she does look at him. She doesn't elaborate more than that. She doesn't intend for him to fully understand what she means. She just wanted it out there.
Izaya is too smart for this type of thing though. He knows well enough now on what she means. Before, she decided to go not because she felt like she was a nuisance to him or because it was beneficial to both of them...
She left because she was afraid that she will love someone again.
He steps forward and she feels herself step back just as little. The sudden closeness makes her aware of how tall he is compared to her. How much more dark in nature he is.
His voice comes in stern and quiet almost like he's telling her a secret. "I'm glad you're all better. I just need to let you know about something."
She still doesn't understand but she tries her best to relax her muscles. He's watching her every move after all.
He asks her to come with him and he holds onto her hand. He leads her gently to the hallway. They pass by his bedroom and they stand in front of the door to his office. Not once was she able to get in and not once did he went inside while she rested in the apartment.
"Are... You going to show me what's inside?" She asks very interested in knowing what he's up to. There's always surprises in every corner with him.
He doesn't answer and takes out a small key from his jean's pocket.
Does he carry that around with him all the time?
He opens the door and steps back to let her in first. There was only darkness in the other side. She could not see a thing on what she's in for. For all she knows, it could be a prison and she won't be able to see light ever again.
"Do you trust me?" He says breaking the silence.
Rio hesitates. She notices the way he seems to stare. He has forgiven her. She then nods her head and he signals at her to go inside.
:::::::::::::
He switches on the light and Rio first notices how small it is. To her disbelief, it's got to be the cleanest room out of the whole apartment.
There's no newspapers lying around and it doesn't seem dusty like it should be. There's just cabinets all around the right wall and a small work desk right in the middle of the room. The paintings are all teared up and still hanging from the walls spreading a creepy aura.
"Don't mind them... I was just thinking of how to make this place less cluttered."
"I didn't take you for a surreal artist." She jokes and begins to panel through a stack of old magazines on the work desk.
He comes forward and places his hand over the magazine she's looking at. She freezes and doesn't make eye contact with him. She starts to wonder if she did anything wrong.
"This way, Rio." He says.
She tries to ignore the shiver that went up her spine and follows after him slowly as he goes over to an old worn out cabinet. He slides a drawer open and pulls out a couple of files. Rio tries keeping her attention on the things around them just to try and find something to talk about. She can't stand the seriousness that has stuck to them both.
"Here." He says as he hands over a small file.
"Wh... What's this f-"
"That's the file from day one. Your fake information and all. That will be your new life as you're living here in the Safe Guard Walls."
Rio makes an obvious confused face and then starts to slowly understand what he means. "You... You're not going to throw me back out to the forest?"
He doesn't answer her and places more folders on the desk. "These are all the people who began their new life here in the walls. The same people who I helped out this month."
Rio looks down at the folders. This is the moment she's been aching to know. This is all good news...
But why does she feel off in some way?
"We'll go house hunting tomorrow so that you don't feel odd living here with me." He says.
Rio doesn't say anything as she flips around the folders. She sees Shinra's name in one of them and becomes aware why she's so upset.
"You... Lied to me..." She says.
He takes the folder from her, "I didn't lie to you. I just simply didn't tell you that your future here was already decided. By me."
She smacks her hands harshly on the desk and yells, "you're insane! I can't believe you made me... Ugh!"
She tries walking away but she stops herself. She tries calming down although right now all she really wants to do is be angry. That was all technically a huge secret. It would of saved both of them the trouble if he just told her all of this! What stopped him before?! His pride? The way she knew how stupid she was trying to make a friendship between them both?!
But she won't show him more. She won't leave.
Instead of storming off, she looks away from him.
Izaya stacks the files back neatly and puts them back as he waits for her to say something. He's unfazed by her reaction. He has told every single person that he was going to give them a life there... Everyone except for Rio. Of course it's not fair if you really think about it... But having her live with him longer only because she was hurt this whole time made him want to see how she'd respond to a little dishonesty. She's holding up surprisingly well.
"Listen." Her voice sounds monotone... Almost tired. It takes her a while to really say what's on her mind. "I... Appreciate that you... Stuck by me and all... I'm sorry that I almost pulled that one stunt... But I just want you to know that..." She turns around slowly and finally meets his eyes, "everything I said was true and... I am truly grateful to have met you, even if you were a pain in the ass sometimes."
He doesn't try to hide his shock from her boldness. That was truly something he didn't think she'd say. He couldn't help but smile and hands over her folder. "Starting tomorrow you'll be on your own." He says.
She smiles back and gently shoves the files aside as she approaches him. She embraces him tightly and he awkwardly stares down at her. Rio can feel the awkwardness as much as he can but at this point she opened her eyes to a reality that she will finally be at peace. Even if that very place is as toxic as this city is.