a/n: when i felt shitty, i write ridiculous jade/beck. have some more all-dialogue. they're at their most amusing then, i think. :P sami knows where this one's from, hokay. xD i couldn't help but write it, darling. and, again, i'm so glad you guys are still enjoying this, like, a dozen chapters later. :) hopefully this one lives up to expectations, bahaha.

"Jade."

"May I help you?"

"What is this?"

"Oh. That."

"Yeah. This."

"…Hey babe?"

"What?"

"I really fucking love you."

"No. No, just shut up right now."

"I can't contain my love. It's like a bomb. It's going to explode. And shower everything with love."

"You'd think someone who reads as much as you do would have better analogies."

"Let's have sex."

"Explain this first!"

"Get in me first."

"You're so crude."

"I taught you that word."

"Yeah, what of it?"

"Huh. Usually you're more patient with me."

"Usually you don't do stuff like this."

"Babe. Babe. It's no big deal."

"How can you screw up a simple essay so much? !"

"I didn't screw anything up!"

"Miss Turco wants a conference with your parents!"

"Then it sucks to be her."

"I thought we talked about things like this."

"I don't know what you're referring to."

"Do you honestly not see the problem? Jade! —No, leave your shirt on, we are not doing this again!"

"I'm not a fan of clothing."

"You're not a fan of clothing when you don't want to deal with whatever I'm saying."

"Wise words, Gandhi."

"Is that supposed to be some kind of comment on my ethnicity or— hey! Pants stay on too!"

"Oh, look, too late."

"We are dealing with this right now, nakedness notwithstanding."

"I'm not naked. …Yet."

"Why would you write something like this for English class?"

"I was implying with that 'yet' that if you drop this, my being naked becomes a much more significant probability."

"Quit trying to turn me on with your impressive vocabulary. This isn't cool!"

"My twat? No, it's not. It's pretty hot, actually."

"That's not what I meant!"

"If we can just forget about this, I will deeply consider becoming a nudist."

"You practically are already."

"Like it bothers you."

"Don't take your underwear off!"

"Are you suddenly gay or something?"

"We are discussing this chiz now!"

"I really don't think we are."

"Miss Turco wants you to start seeing Lane on a regular basis."

"What? Why? !"

"Did you read the note she attached to your paper at all?"

"Uh, no. What have you been smoking? And I don't need the freaking guidance counselor! Miss Turco just needs to chill out and go get laid."

"Jade!"

"It's true!"

"I think I agree with her. We're talking to Lane tomorrow."

"You can't force me into counseling over this! It was an essay about my goals in life. That's really forward-thinking and ambitious!"

"Not when you write about how you want to be a pornstar!"

"…I figured you wouldn't be able to handle the truth."

"Jade! Really."

"It's a legitimate career goal!"

"So far from."

"And who said I needed you permission? Maybe I'm already a pornstar."

"You are not!"

"Hey, maybe me and Andre make awesome interracial porn in our off time."

"Sometimes you make me want to weep."

"We're famous in Germany."

"Buckets of tears."

"Cat joins us on occasion."

"And then drown in them."

"Mmm, Cat's twat. In my mouth."

"We're going to Miss Turco's conference next week."

"Wait, what?"

"You can't write stuff like that and not apologize!"

"You're always whining at me about being honest. So what, now I have to be sorry for a virtue you instilled in me? Fuck that chiz!"

"Are you seriously twisting this into it being my fault?"

"Well, it is."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"I wouldn't have to think about being a pornstar if someone agreed to put his webcam to good use."

"I don't want to see what we look like when we do it! Gross!"

"Oh, well, gee, thanks. My twat's gross. That's fucking lovely."

"I didn't say that, and— wait, hey, why do you call it a twat, anyway?"

"That's not the point! You called me ugly. Get away."

"I didn't call— when did I even say that?"

"It's okay, Beck. Just keep on setting fire to my hopes and dreams. Whatever."

"You can't be a pornstar!"

"You wanna make a bet?

"No!"

"By senior year."

"We aren't doing this."

"I'm a kind soul, you can join me."

"Wow. Thanks."

"Our first feature film would be Aladdin and Jasmine: Wedding Night."

"I feel like I say this a lot, but there's something wrong with you."

"I can get some veils, it'll be fun."

"Of course the only thing you describe as 'fun' is porn."

"Maybe not the tiger."

"I figured that went without saying."

"Or I don't know, maybe we can hit on a new demographic there."

"Please stop talking."

"…"

"And quit looking at me like that."

"I really, really love you."

"We aren't making a porno!"

"Typical."