"We are going Pinkie! We'll be home soon as possible!" said Mrs. Cake, looking at the pink mare.
"Indeedy! Don't worry mrs. Cake. It's not the first time I foal-sit the babies anyway." Exclaimed the mare happily. The older mare smiled at her.
"I know Pinkie, we trust you. Just finish the baking now, send Noxfero to deliver the sweets, and keep an eye on the foals."
"Yes ma'am!" exclaimed Pinkie, sitting up straight and giving a military salute to the mare.
"You have to keep an eye on the two pests?" asked the devil while dangling upside down from the ceiling, as a group of crafted shadows were managing to mix the wet flowr on the work bench. The pink mare jumped inside, smiling.
"Indeedy. But they are not pests, they are really smart, and they don't make things hard for me." Replied the mare, looking up at the demon. "Do you want to stay and help me with them?"
"Hell no!" exclaimed the devil, losing his grasp and falling on the ground. "It's hard enough keeping an eye on Jaco."
"I'm in a oven!" exclaimed happily the addressed minion, smiling wildly as the temperature of the oven was rose. Pinkie looked at him with a confused expression for a second, before turning her eyes to Noxfero again.
"Oh, come on Noxy, it'll be fun!" she added, nuzzling against the demon's chest.
"Don't even think about that. And don't try to use your puppy-eyes-and-trembling-mouth tecnique. I hate babies, of every race. There is no way in heaven or hell!"
-oOo-
"Well… fuck!" stated the devil, rocking gently the baby Cakes on his lap, while Pinkie entered with a bottle of milk in her mouth.
"Come on Noxy, they are so cute! Junior was kind a jerk at this age." Said Jaco, taking the bottle and jumping over the devil. Noxfero grabbed the bottle, and smashed it on his minion's head.
"Oh that's true, you got a son!" exclaimed Pinkie. "You must know how to deal with kids."
"No I don't!" blurted the devil again, glaring as Pound Cake let out a loud belch, immediately imitated by Jaco, just to be supportive.
"He was independant the moment he got out of his egg."
"You devil creatures make eggs?" asked the mare, raising an eyebrow.
"Well no… but his mother is not a devil, she is a creature of chaos and such… and yada yada yada, she gives birth in a different way every time." Said the devil.
"Oh… I get it." Nodded Pinkie, with an expression that suggested she didn't get it at all. "Come on, give them to me, I'll feed them. You think of something to do with them. Some games maybe." The devil grunted something while handing the foals to the pink mare, then walking out of the room.
"Uh uh uh! We can play hide and seek! Or catch!" shouted Jaco, jumping happily around the devil's feet.
"Or follow the flaming minion who didn't know when to shut his trap." Growled the devil, stomping on the little devil's head. "I'm not going to play some silly games with a crazy pony, an idiot and a couple of whining foals!"
"Party pooper!" grumbled the little devil, inflating his splatted head. Then he jumped in one of the devil's pockets. "Maybe in here there is something to play with."
"Yeah sure…" grumbled the devil, gulping an entire cake, before returning to the other room, where Pinkie was entertaining the foals. The devil didn't say anything, sitting on a stool, watching as the pink mare began bouncing around with the foals on her head, giggling.
"Hey! This is something good for kids!" exclaimed Jaco, jumping out from the raincoat's pocket and jumping towards Pinkie with something in his grasp. Noxfero yawned, bored.
"What's that?" asked Pinkie, landing just in front of Jaco, while the foals looked at the little demon curiously.
"A fairy tale book! Nothing is better than a story after eating, yes?" asked the demon. Noxfero's ears perked up. Fairy tale book? He turned and opened the bottomless pocket where Jaco had been searching around.
"Yeah, why not? Do you want to listen to a story?" asked the mare, sitting on the ground and looking at the two foals, who nodded enthusiastically. She looked at the book: a simple scarlet leather cover, with some words carved in it in golden letters, in a language that the mare didn't recognized. She put a hoof on it and opened it, revealing… a series of blank pages.
"What's this?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. The devil's eyes widened.
"Everyone, get away from that book!" he screeched, jumping to his feet. The mare raised her eyes towards the devil.
"Lights!" Pumpkin Cake said happily.
"Parkles!" added Pound Cake, pointing at the book with his tiny hooves.
"Shiny!" added Jaco with a stupid expression on his face, just to follow the foal's words.
The mare lowered her gaze again, and saw some azure sparkles rising from the blank pages, popping into the air.
"Ooh, fancy!" she chirped, trying to touch one of them with a hoof. The book roared suddenly, and a blast of azure ethereal mist exploded out from the flipping pages and began to swirl through the room.
"O fuckity fuck!" screamed Nox, dropping on all fours and trying to run towards the exit. A tentacle of mist grabbed him around his wrist, dragging him towards the book. Another misty tentacle grabbed Jaco and a third one Pinkie, who dropped the two foals on the ground. With another roar, the mist reentered in the pages, dragging with it the three creatures. There was a last flash of azure light, then nothing.
"Pinkie…?" asked Pound Cake, looking around, searching for the familiar pink mare.
Pumpkin Cake stumbled towards the book and let out a surprised squeak, getting her brother's attention: the pages of the book had disappeared, revealing something like a forest, contained inside the book. Pound Cake reached his hoof forwards, trying to touch the tip of the small trees, but a little azure spark hit his hoof, making him retreat his hoof with a low whimper. The twins looked at the trees, noticing a couple of small figures moving. The raised their ears, as the figure's voices became audible.
-oOo-
"Well, fuck!" stated Noxfero, moving away a branch.
"Hey Noxy, little help here?" called Jaco's voice from above him. Noxfero raised his eyes, and found himself looking at a donkey. A fat donkey stuck between a couple of branches.
"No! You idiot, it's your fault in the first place that we are here!" growled the demon.
"It's not my fault that I'm stupid!" whined the donkey, dislodging himself from the branches and falling loudly to the ground. "Why am I a donkey?"he asked, looking at his hoof.
"Because, my dear idiot, this is the book that Pumpkinhead crafted for Junior, before we discovered that he was more mature than us! This thing is supposed to absorb any adult in the area and use them as characters for a casual fairy tale registed in the book's memory."
"And you think I'd remember something like that?" asked the Jaco-donkey, looking around. "And where are the kids?"
"Outside the book, enjoying the fairy tale." Growled Noxfero.
"And why are you green?" asked his former minion, pointing a hoof at Noxfero. The devil was going to reply, when he noticed that his skin was indeed a dull shade of green. The scream of terror of the devil sounded clearly even through in the bakery.
-oOo-
"Ok… ok… calm down…" grumbled Noxfero, massaging his head. "I just have to figure out what kind of fairy tale this one is, with a green man and a talking donkey, end it, and I'll be back again."
"You know, I think I know where we are." said calmly Jaco, swirling his hooves in the air while laying on the ground.
"Where?"
"Well… for me, you are like an ogre, I'm a talking donkey…I think we are in a Sh-"
"That's not a fairy tale! It's one of the most stupidly amazing movies of our time!"growled Noxfero, pointing a finger at the donkey.
"Well, it's fairy tale based. Maybe Pumpkinhead inserted that into the book too."
"Well... it seems like the most logical solution, anyway. Where in the story are we, do you think?" asked the demon, scratching his chin, noticing that his raincoat had been substituted by a leather vest.
"Well, we are near a path, a little far away from the trees, and I'm sure I can hear the 'I'm on my way' soundtrack. So I assume we are going to the castle? By the way… how do we get out of here?"
"Completing the story, of course." Grunted the demon. "Let's get this over with."
"Hey, and Pinkie?"
"She'll be the lord of the castle, probably. She is crazy enough to be."
"Then who'll be the princess?"
"Heck if I know." Grumbled the demon.
"And where are we walking? We have no idea where to go!"
"That's the book's problem, not mine. But I suppose it doesn't matter, since the story will go on by itself." Answered again the devil, just a second before the grassy ground was substituted by charred volcanic terrain, and as the sky was covered in smoke and ashes, the ground in front of them cracked before, with a sproinging noise, a castle jumped out from a pool of lava.
"See? As expected. I say thanks to the book for letting the story start in the middle."
"Or maybe the first part was narrated to the faols by an external narrator." Exclaimed Jaco-Donkey, beginning to jump happily on the mismatched and half shattered bridge that connected the castle to the ground.
The devil gulped, and began to walk slowly on the rotten planks, without looking down. He might have been immortal, but a bath in the lava, in his current conditions, wouldn't be the best idea.
"Now, there's supposed to be a dragon here, isn't it?" asked the donkey, sniffing around.
"Yeah… it's supposed to be here somewhere…"
An enormous scarlet dragon ran past them, opening his wings and darting into the sky, roaring and disappearing over the horizon. Noxfero blinked. "Well, that was interesting…"
"He was shouting something like 'shut her up, oh dear god, shut her up.'" said the donkeyentering the castle. The devil sighed, and followed him in.
"Don't know why, but I suppose I know who's going to be the princess…" he growled.
"Noxy!"
The high pitched "shout dug into his ears a second before a blurry pink and green bolt hit his chest, sending him to the hard floor of the castle. He opened his eyes, facing a smiling Pinkie Pie in a green dress. She wasn't transformed in any way to adapt to the needs of the story. Probably because the book wasn't crafted for creatures like her.
"I was so worried for you two! I tried to get out of here, but the dragon said that I couldn't leave. So I tried to talk to him, but I think he left the water running at his place, because he flew away in a hurry, and I thought I was alone and-"
"Yeah, ok Pinkie, I know. We are here. Now, "if you would be so kind as to get off me, we'll try to get out of here."
"Oki Dokie Loki!" said the mare, smiling and stepping away from the green devil. He hissed in annoyance, raising to his feet.
"Very well then, let's move out of here. And hope that the book will speed towards the finale." He grunted, turning and walking back to the exit, the pink mare happily jumping at his side.
In the exact moment Noxfero's feet passed over the bridge, the ground was covered in an instant with grass, as the castle disappeared behind them and the sky cleared, revealing a downhill slope with a, with a windmill in the distance.
"Well… at least everything's going smoothly." Said the green devil. And in that moment, a group of armored men sprung out from the ground, all of them with their swords pointed at him, a great D embossed on their chestplates. And in front of them, a small man on a horse walked slowly towards the group. Pinkie peeked out from behind the devil, while Jaco rolled on his flank at his side.
"Princess, stay away from that ogre! We are here to save you!" roared the man, pointing a finger toward the devil. Noxfero raised an eyebrow.
"Err… didn't you send me here to catch her?" he asked, confused.
"What are you talking about, fiend?!"
"I think the book messed up things a little!" stated Jaco.
"Ah! A talking donkey! Witchcraft!" exclaimed the man, backing away a little.
"Wait, why is a talking donkey strange?" asked Pinkie.
"My fair maiden, it's a witchcraft!"
"And you are not surprised by a talking pony?" asked the demon, raising an eyebrow.
"Told you that was a pony, my lord." Murmured one of the armored men. The short man on the horse blinked, before shrugging.
"She's a princess anyway! Kill the ogre!" he ordered, pointing at Noxfero. The men shouted and charged, weaving their weapons. Noxfero sighed, grabbing Jaco's neck, and waving him in the air.
"I'm a donkey axe!" he shouted happily.
-oOo-
"A valiant fight, ogre!" stated the little man, as the last of his men was knocked down by a donkey to the head. The devil huffed.
"Fair maiden, run away from that foul beast, as I distract him!" shouted the man, jumping off the horse and extracting a sword. Pinkie blinked, while walking towards Noxfero.
"Uh… why?" she asked. "That's Noxy. I don't even know you. And you are being nasty and calling Noxy names!"
The men blinked, opened his mouth and closed it again. "But… we are saving you… He's an orc… i mean… come on he's green and…stuff and…" he grumbled something. "Well fine! Come on guys, let's go to find that Snow White princess… maybe she has a better taste." He blurted, trying to get on his horse again. One of the armored soldiers picked him up and placed him on the saddle.
"I don't get it, princess…"
"Pony. Pink pony."
"I don't get it, pink pony princess. Why do you prefer him to a fascinating prince charmin such as myself?"
Pinkie tapped her chin. "Well… he's funny, nice, gentle when he wants to be. You just arrived here and ordered them to hurt him!" she pointed out. The men shrugged, and galloped away, followed by his men, who were suddenly healthy again, and they disappeared into thin air after a few seconds.
"That's not exactly how the story went." Grunted Noxfero, looking where the men had vanished.
"I told you, the book got a little dizzy. I think because Pinkie is a different creature and messed it up." Said Jaco, while pulling out a piece of helmet stuck in his flank.
"Ok then, the story has ended. Why aren't we getting out!?" cried the devil, waving his fist to the sky. "What else do you want, you damned book!?"
"Maybe the kiss." Stated bluntly Jaco. The devil turned his head so fast that his neck cracked. "You know, for the happily ever after finale. I suppose it's obbligatory."
The devil turned towards Pinkie, who wasn't paying any attention to the dialogue and was instead looking curiously to some pieces of armor left by the men.
"She's a horse."
"Well yeah. But she is cuter than a horse from our world. And, let's face it. You kissed worse things. You kissed a corpse."
"Sasha is not a corpse!"
"She is a vampire! Come on, she actually is a corpse!" replied Jaco. Without knowing what to say, Noxfero just punched his donkey face, before turning towards Pinkie, sighing.
"You are going to make me do it, aren't you?" he asked, looking at the empty sky. He sighed and walked towards the mare. He grasped her by the shoulders and raised her into the air, facing her surprised muzzle.
"Noxy? What are you doing?" she asked, confused, moving a little her hindlegs.
"Getting us out of here. Nothing more." He growled, breathing heavily. His heart was racing, and it was making him angry. "What am I, some pathetic kid having his first kiss? I'm pathetic!" he thought, while looking at Pinkie. He bit his tongue, trying to calm himself. "I'm pathetic… like the first time…" he thought again, repressing a snarl. "Better get over with it quickly. No tongue, I could mess things up… in the sense, ugh, she is a HORSE!" He closed his eyes and leaned forwards, placing a quick kiss on the mare's lips: they had a faint taste of candies and sweets
When he opened his eyes again, he recognized the interior of the bakery. Pinkie was still held in his grasp, and Jaco was a little distance away, again in his normal form, chewing on some grass. On the ground, the book closed, emitting a few sparks, while the two foals clapped their hooves happily. The devil blinked, let Pinkie fell to the floor, turned and darted towards the door, smashing through it and leaving a Noxfero-shaped hole.
"I KISSED A HORSE! SOMEONE BURN MY MOUTH! I NEED SOME ACID TO WASH IT!" arrived his voice from outside.
"Why is he…?"
"Meh, he pretends to have standards. I actually think he enjoyed it, since he lowered himself to kiss half dragon-human-things hybrid before." Stated Jaco, gulping the grass and grabbing the book. "Oh, and don't think too badly of, it was the only way to get out of the book." He said, patting the mare's leg. "I'd better go stop him, before he breaks into Twilight's home searching for some acid."
The sound of broken wood and of a magical blast echoed through the night.
"Oops, better move. See you Pinkie!" exclaimed the little devil, before darting out of the door.
Pinkie blinked, for once really confused (and not the confuser), and watched as the little demon disappeared in the darkness, while a violet blast shone near Twilight's home.
"Enjoyed…?"